Thursday, July 31, 2014

I need to stop before it gets worse

I ate nothing but absolute shit today.
4... yes FOUR packs of cheap ramen noodles and then I made some oh so healthy oatmeal cookies.
I wasn't even craving cookies but I HAD to make them. The ramen.. also wasn't really craving but nothing else sounded good when I was hungry so I raided our emergency stash of food and dug some out.
Not sure what to do. What healthy quick cooking food can I eat that won't totally make me gain 100lbs this pregnancy?
It's kind of frustrating b/c while I'm not really having any aversions yet, nothing sounds good either except for something quick.

Maybe I'll stock up on some organic nitrite? or is is nitrate? free hot dogs and just pop a couple of those in the microwave whenever I get hungry. I dunno..... will find something, but I'm pissed at myself for eating so horrible today.

Today has been mostly ok. One of those fewer symptoms days that freaks you out. My boobs do still hurt when jabbed or elbowed by a toddler.. and I'm peeing every 10mins.... and still tired as all get out, but not a lot of morning sickness. Had like 1 or 2 instances of really light gagging but that was it.

Hope everything is ok. Another woman is going through a loss in my due date group. She saw a heartbeat and everything but her baby stopped growing :( It's scary as hell and heartbreaking to think about.
You see a heartbeat and think everything is fine and turns out..... no. I never want to go through that.

Booo

I was looking back at past posts from when pregnant with Zoe to see if I mentioned anything about her heartrate.
I remembered that they didn't measure it that first time though, just saw it was there and whatnot.
But... I totally didn't post it! Didn't post that first ultrasound photo or anything. DOH!
Oh well...
Really curious what her heart rate was that first time we saw it though... just to compare. Yes, I've been reading about heartrates determining if it's a girl or boy lol. I know you can't go by that but it's something for me to obsess about :P

All the Chinese predictor charts says girl. I would not mind another cute little girl. A little sister for Zoe. Would make having to buy anything a lot easier since we have multiple bins full of girl clothes lol. But I would definitely love to have a boy since I don't know if this is going to be our last.. whether if by choice or nature. Just have to wait and see :)
Healthy is the most important thing though... of course. I just want a healthy little baby.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

So tired

No nice long nap today. Had the opportunity for one but had to stay awake b/c I was baking some turkey wings. Damn turkey wings!!!

My right hip is starting to bother me. Can't lay on that side for too long or it starts to ache.
Also had incidents of gagging this morning b/c of smells. My sense of smell isn't stronger, but smelling the banana chips I gave DD had me gagging.

Oh and my next appointment isn't until Sept 9th! *cry* So far away. I shouldn't complain since there are some places that have the FIRST appointment at 12w. At least I got to see our peanut for reassurance.

Wonder if DH will want to do any of the elective ultrasounds. Like the 4D one or the early gender scan. Not sure how much that is though. From what I remember it was kind of expensive. I wouldn't mind the early gender scan (at 16w) :P

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Awesome :D

So today got even better.
Oh it started off pretty crappy. Other than having to get up and pee 4 or 5 times last night. I woke up at 3 and could not get back to sleep. That is I couldn't get back to sleep until around 5:40 and of course Zoe woke up at 6am. UGH lol

After the appointment, let Z stay up for a while until around noon and put her down for a nap. I also went down for a nap. About an hour later, OF COURSE we get someone ringing the GD doorbell and the dogs start going crazy.

After I answer it and shut the dogs up. Zoe starts crying, but thankfully only for a minute before she goes back to sleep. WOOT!
I lay back down and promptly go back to sleep and we both slept in until 2:30!!!
WHAAA????
I'm lucky if Z sleeps for more than 30minutes!!!
OMG I so needed that. Best nap ever... even w/ it being interrupted and almost ruined.

Anywho... I'm so excited to tell everyone. Few days before the appointment, I asked DH when he wanted to tell everyone if things looked ok and he said.. "Uhm... that Friday?" o_O lol
But yeah, we're just waiting until Z's party.
I think they suspect something though b/c they keep being nosy about my appointment, asking DH how much time he took off etc etc. They know we're not telling them the truth but don't want to actually say it.
I just know when we tell they're going to be like "I knew it!" Oh well.

I think it's good that we'll be telling them then though. I'll be 8w then, or well according to the OB office, I'll be 9w then and I think I'm going to be bigger by then. I can already tell that the bloat is starting to settle in for the long haul until it's replaced by baby.
They could just think I'm getting fatter which I guess would technically be true? :P lol But I definitely think I'll be looking mighty huge in not that long.

There's a baby!!! :D






^_^
SO flipping relieved and so happy right now.
Baby is measuring right on with when I ovulated at 6w4d, but since it's not more than 7 days from what my LMP says I should be at, they're still saying I'm 7w3d so my due date to them will be March 14th.
I'm still going to go by when I ovulated though since I'm sure baby will measure more closely to then instead of LMP.
Also got to see the new little heart just a pumping at 144bpm :)
So surreal.
She also looked and saw the nice gigantic corpus luteam cyst on my right ovary.
And see that black almost outline at the top of the sac in the photo? There's a little bit of blood there from when it implanted. She said I'll either reabsorb it or could spot some so don't freak out if I do.

So incredibly happy and just felt a weight come off. Oh I'm still going to be freaking out though lol.

Before the appointment was terrible. I was SO nervous that I was giving myself morning sickness. Thankfully just gagging but it was still bad.

My next appointment will be on Sept 8th I think (DH took the schedule sheet so he could get the time off to go to the u/s appointments). It's my 12w scan (I'll be 13w according to them though) and will be getting another u/s then to check everything out.

They also told me all of the regular stuff. I asked about the GD screening and they said I would be taking it when I normally would at 28? weeks. That kind of surprised me but oh well.
Had blood drawn for prenatal stuff. No idea WTH they test for though. I guess STDs and uhm..... *shrugs*

Sunday, July 27, 2014

This weekend has taught me...

... that I have almost no patience for other people's children.

For the most part my nephew has been good, but I can not take his crying at all. I have no sympathy for it, it just annoys me.
I feel awful saying that since he's only 8m old and crying is his only way of getting attention but... it's getting on my last nerve that he doesn't want to take a GD nap when he's tired. Instead he just wants to scream and cry and carry on b/c he's not being held 24/7. Sorry kid, I have to pee too damn much to hold you all the damn time.
So how about shutting up and going to sleep because we all know you're tired.

I have new respect for anyone with a daycare or teachers. Just anyone that deals with other people's children all the time. I would be bald by the first week from ripping all of my hair out from the frustration.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Sex & spotting

So DH bugged me for sex and I finally gave in today.
Lol, I make it sound so awful. I'm just so damn tired that sex is the last thing on my mind.
Anyway, we DTD in the afternoon (Z is spending the night w/ MiL and nephew was happily drinking his bottle down in the living room)...
After we were done, I got up to change nephew's diaper. While changing him, I felt 2 very quick small gushes.
Now.. I thought maybe it was just 'leftovers' from sex, but it still had me paranoid so after I was done, I went to the bathroom and sure enough, there were 2 spots on the panty liner.
They looked very very watered down though and brown.
When I wiped, there was also a very very very light pinkish/peach tinge. I honestly probably wouldn't have even noticed it if I hadn't saw the spots on the liner.

Anyway... I freaked out a little, but that was all that I spotted so I'm positive it was just from DTD and nothing more than that.
Funny how that didn't freak me out nearly as bad as my boobs not hurting when I took my bra off did :\

I did have an attack of morning sickness. I went to the funeral and afterwards, there was a famnily get together w/ some food. We decided not to eat but did get some cake to munch on.
I was feeling totally fine.
When we were slowly leaving, I was holding nephew and he was kind of resting on my stomach and holy moly the nausea wave hit me.
I had to hand him to DH or else I would've probably puked.
The nausea did get a little worse, but w/ some deep breathing I managed not to do more than gag a couple of times. Thankfully no one noticed. If it had happened earlier... I think our secret would've been blown.

Change!

Ok so if all goes to plan.. we will be telling everyone on the 9th when we're having Zoe's birthday get together.
But instead of putting her in the shirt, we're going to give it as a gift and when she opens it, everyone will see what it says :D

That's if things go well though. Still so much could happen which.... blows.

I think people suspect something though. MiL asked me what my appointment was for. Apparently she didn't know I had hypothyroidism though so it looked like she bought my excuse that I just needed to get it checked :P
At the viewing (which was more just a get together of family since the deceased was cremated)... everyone kept telling us how we needed another. And how we needed to have a boy, or twin boys o_O
Not sure how twins even came up but...it did.

I just want ONE healthy little baby in there. Obviously we'd make it work if there were 2, but man.... I can't imagine how difficult it would be. Hell, I'm having trouble imagining how difficult things will be with 1 more added to the mix lol.

Thankfully Zoe has been pretty good. She has shown some jealousy, but overall she's been a really good older cousin.
She does NOT like it when he cries though and yells at him rofl. She yells at him "What's wrong??!!!" or "Stop crying!!!!" rofl which only makes him cry more.
Man.... my nephew is certainly a crier though. I know I've said it before but you can definitely tell that he gets his way EVERY SINGLE TIME he cries and gets SO upset when I don't immediately respond. Poor lil guy misses his mommy's attention.

Good god he's heavy though. Holy hell. I swear he's gained an extra 10lbs since he's been here LOL. I'm already a giant weakling so add in a 20something pound baby lump.... UUUUGH my poor back!

Anyway... I'm pretty sure SiL and my brother brought over fleas with them. So tired of this shit. We only have to put Advantage on our dogs maybe 2-4x a year and we're totally flea free.
I was getting bitten up last night and got bitten twice today.
Just pisses me off to no end. You want pets? Fine... you better have the money to F-ing take care of them then.

Friday, July 25, 2014

And another...

Someone from Zoe's DD group just found out that the baby stopped growing a couple of weeks ago and had no heartbeat. :(
I hate this. I don't understand why good women have to go through this while crackheads and losers can pop out babies at the drop of a hat.


Bleh

So I gave nephew a bath w/ Zoe. Apparently they both really needed it.
Anyway, I was drying him off and then combed his hair and turns out those dark spots that SiL said was a birth mark? WRONG.... nothing but cradle cap.
Just large gooey chunks of dander started to come off in his hair as I was combing it. So gross. I got almost all of it off though. Need to lotion his head a little more. Wish we had some baby oil. Would rather put that on him for it.

Still though... how the hell did they not know it was cradle cap? That's what I had thought it was when I first saw it but took their word that it was a birth mark. I mean damn... it's their baby, they're the ones bathing him. They should've saw the large dandruff flakes in his hair and put 2 and 2 together.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Ouch!

Holy moly my nephew is a chunk monster!!
I don't think he weighs more than Zoe, but it's pretty close. I'm pulling something in my uterus every time I pick him up. Need to be careful about that. I pick Zoe up all the time so I wasn't expecting to have any problems.

Thankfully he didn't seem to mind going to sleep somewhere different. Rolled the pack n play in to our room w/ him in it lol.
Didn't get to change him though before he fell asleep. Wasn't expecting it and don't want to wake him.

Anyway, it's going to be a long weekend but thankfully this is going to be a distraction so I won't focus on my upcoming appointment ALL the time.

I'm so nervous about it though. Another woman from march DD group found out that it wasn't a viable pregnancy at her first appointment today :(

And then I keep reading post after post from women who say they m/c at 8, 10, 12 etc weeks. It's awful. There's just no stop to the worry. Not until the baby is in your arms.. and then that just brings up a whole new set of concerns.

Anway, didn't mean to get all debbie downer.

Oh wait.... there's a funeral on Saturday. I'm not going since I have to watch nephew and Zoe. Think the viewing is tomorrow night. Not sure I'll be going to that either.
Lung cancer man.... a death sentence as soon as you're diagnosed with it pretty much. F cancer...

Well anywho... think I'm going to go to bed early early early tonight! I have some long days ahead of me.

Well that gave me some comfort

Paranoid still, I know, it gets tiring to read about, but that's what first trimester is, especially this early. Nothing but worry on top of more worry.

Anyway... I have some symptoms still. Like peeing all the time, boobs still hurt and fatigue (that I think is more just waking up early w/ Zoe).

But I just ate some breakfast (leftovers). Couldn't finish it all, so put up the rest. I take my prenatal and fish oil after I eat so I go to do that can barely get the pills down. That's not normal for me at all.
I gagged trying to swallow them. They did eventually go down, but even right now, thinking about it is making me gag and nauseous. UGH I hope I don't puke. I need to think of something else quick! lol

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

It was difficult....

.... but I didn't tell my mom. Hell, even my DH asked if I told her and he was like "Yeah, but you wanted to didn't you!" lol
I did, but I held it in. It's still too early and I can keep it a secret for a little longer.
Need to stop going over there and eating though.
She fixed the same thing I had for dinner.
I only ate a little bit of it but I'm still packed w/ what I had eaten the night before lol.
I feel so bloated in my lower abdomen. All of those bloated rice cakes are probably blocking everything :P lol

My brother came over to my mom's as well and brought my nephew with him.
Holy smokes that boy is HUGE!!!! He's only 8m old and he's seriously as big as Zoe. His head is HUGE and he is a chubby chunktastic fluffy butt baby. Good lord I don't think I've ever seen a baby so fat! lol
I don't know what they are feeding him but they must be feeding him GOOD lol ;)

It's going to be something watching him. Zoe seemed to really take a liking to him.
She was hesitant at first (it takes her a minute or so to warm up to a situation), but then she started 'talking' to him, trying to play w/ him, hugging him. It was so darn cute. I think she wanted him to play back but he wasn't really having any of it. He was kind of happy just staring at her while he chewed on some strap on brother's keychain lol.
Well, at least she liked him though. Not sure how she's going to act w/ a sibling.
He seems very spoiled and needy though. I mean 8m is still pretty young, but he's always been very needy and I think SiL holds and picks him up whenever he even hints at whining.
I mean nothing really wrong with that, but just going to be difficult w/ Zoe wanting some attention too lol. I'll manage. It's only for a few days.

All but 2

Just threw away all but 2 of the HPTs.
Kept the very first FRER 9dpo, and kept the 20dpo one. The rest are now in the garbage. Need to hide these 2 and any evidence of me being pregnant before brother & sil come over tomorrow to drop of my nephew.

It's going to be an interesting few days. Not sure what we're going to do about water babies. We'd have to take 2 cars. Might just stay home and let DH take Zoe.

Also, one of DH's great aunts just passed away (from lung cancer), so I'm sure her funeral will be this weekend. I probably won't go. Not sure I'd want Zoe there. Wouldn't want her to disturb the service by acting up and I don't know how my nephew will act either so will probably just stay him with them. Sad for the family though. She was such a nice person. Think she was a smoker since her teens so.. not too surprising for the lung cancer diagnosis. Still sucks though.
Anyway, we'll see what happens.

____

I tried letting Zoe cry this morning and could only manage about 30min. I'm such a wimp. I do think she would've gone back to sleep but... meh. I'll just have to suffer and wake up super early with her until she starts sleeping in later again lol. Hopefully before baby gets here if everything goes well.
 

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Oh dear gawd! I ate too much!!

So my appetite definitely came back today once I finally thought of something that sounded good.
But good frackin god I just ate way too much and I'm going to puke if it doesn't start moving through my system.
I knew I shouldn't have eaten it all but I just kept shoveling it in until I'm bursting at the seams full.
Holy hell this was a mistake!!! rofl
____

In more serious news... just saw 2 posts from ladies in my March DD group leave b/c they had miscarriages :(
Feel so bad for them and it scares me to death.
Everything is so uncertain right now and it's maddening that we have to wait so long to be seen by a doctor.
Anyway... I hope those 2 couples get their take home babies soon and that the group doesn't lose anyone else.
____

THIS makes me feel a lot better....
Just took it b/c those 2 losses freaked me out. But come on.. anyone that reads this blog knew I was going to use it :P lol
I'm still not using the FRER though.

Anywho... was so scared that it was going to go back to 1-2w. Just glad to see things are moving in the right direction.

Now to try to drink some water without exploding.

5w4d

Man, these days are going by SLOOOOOOOOOW.

I'm still full of worry as usual, but think I've started to develop a new symptom. Bloating!
I can tell that I've lost weight in my face. Actually have some jawline now :P lol
But my stomach looks like I'm sporting a 6m pregnant belly. Holy moly the bloating is so bad.

Also last night, whenever I woke up, my breasts were KILLING me. They feel fine now (about what they've been feeling), but just every time I moved last night, they hurt like crazy.

Diarrhea is somewhat better but I still get it every day. Now it's just usually in the morning. My body purges everything from the night before :\ So lovely.
It still makes me paranoid though that I'll wipe away blood afterwards.

Energy level seem to be a bit better today. Still not great though, but it's better. DD still waking up at buttcrack of dawn still. Poor thing was still so tired this morning. Put her down for a nap at 7:30. She wanted to be picked up and actually laid her head on my shoulder. She's NEVER done that before. Poor baby. I think I may let her CIO one of these times. Try to get her to start sleeping in longer or something. Just have to make sure DH stays quiet in the morning.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Heifers, please...

So I've been posting in different places I normally don't b/c I have to spread the crazy around somehow lol.
One place that I post, a woman admitted to being creeped out by the idea of breastfeeding. And if she was a bad mom for not wanting to BF.

MOST of the responses are positive and supportive.
But of course here come the BF-fanatics to make her feel like total shit with back handed comments or hell, right to her face calling her immature and selfish.
Bitches, shut up.

I absolutely LOATHE the "Breast is best" phrase. It might have some benefits over formula, but it's not a fucking magically elixir that cures every damn thing. It's a phrase that just makes some women feel like shit if they don't BF and makes other women think they're superior b/c they do. Not ALL women of course, but you know the type that thinks every thing they do is the BEST and they have to compete with everyone. And BFing certainly isn't something that every woman needs to do or hell, even try if she doesn't want to.
Formula is perfectly fine. You don't see a bunch of grown adults running around super unhealthy ONLY b/c they were formula fed. They're not moping around throwing their fists in to the air and cursing their mothers for not breastfeeding them.
It's frickin ridiculous. The whole Mommy Wars thing needs to just die already... but I know it won't b/c people frickin THRIVE to feel like they're superior over others.

Loss of appetite

And of course... queue the worry!!! SIGH! It would be nice if the worry would just stop. It's.... tiring :(
My breasts are still tender if smooshed, I'm peeing like crazy today, tired as usual (did get a nap in though, WOO!)...... but b/c I seem to have lost my appetite w/ no nausea or anything..... it's time to start freaking out! /facepalm

I really thought I wouldn't be this bad w/ a 2nd pregnancy but turns out... NOPE... I'm just as freaked out and scared as I was the first time.

I just want that confidence some women have. I'm pregnant and know I'll be having a baby in 9 months so lets go announce the news to everyone before the test is even dry!

Oh nooooooooooo...

So I've been strolling down memory lane here. Reading my posts from when I was pregnant with Zoe.

Looks like my breasts were acting the same way they are now. Just sore when smooshed and then got better at around 7w.
6 or 7w seems to be when the gagging morning sickness started on a more regular basis.

Also, that my doc office does the first u/s and then doesn't do another until 12w!!! UUUUUUUUUUUUUGH
That was the info I was hoping to come by.
With Zoe, I was so spoiled b/c I had so many u/s in the beginning since I was still seeing the RE. Didn't go to my OB until 11w, so 12w was ya know.. the very next week.
Good lordy that is going to be a shitty wait. Not that this one is a walk in the park.

Also saw that I freaked out just as much as I am now ROFL. I guess that happens though, especially if you've had losses before.

Paranoia strikes again

And this time it invaded my dreams.
I'm still freaking out over here. I haven't had any bleeding or cramps, but just the lack of symptoms yesterday (other than the fatigue) worried me.
And then the digi I took the other day that still read 2-3 on it worried me since women who are the same or earlier weeks than I am are getting 3+ on it.
Etc etc.... I'm just a huge worrywart that won't be able to calm down some until.. HOPEFULLY after my first appointment.
I know I know symptoms can come and go. It freaked me the F out with Zoe when it happened and it's doing the same now even though I experienced it before.

B/c I didn't want to use the FRER or digi, I took an OPK to help ease my worries some. It looks the same as it has been which I'm fine with and was glad to see.
Next Tuesday can't get here soon enough.

Oh and DH and I DTD last night and it felt very strange.
It wasn't painful, but there was this intense uncomfortable feeling. It was almost like my cervix was right at the vaginal opening and DH was ramming in to it full force lol. Sorry for the visual, just trying to explain the sensation. It was weird. We've been having regular sex and this is the first time it has felt different.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Raisins

Welp, we just had our first and I'm sure not last incident with a foreign object up the nose... a nice large raisin. I never really monitored her w/ her food before but looks like I'm going to have to start.
She shoved it WAY up there too, probably trying to dig it out. Thankfully w/ great care we were able to get it out w/ tweezers.
Crazy girl.

Even though her grumpy rebellious moments are becoming more frequent, her laughter and silliness are really starting to bloom too. She's so cute and so loving when she's in the mood for it lol.
And the girl absolutely LOVES to sing. Still can't understand her all that well, but every once in a while she'll sing out "Let it go!" or "Mommy! Daddy!" lol, it's really cute.

Love her little butt so much.
____

Felt ok today. Got in a 30min nap which was very much needed.
DH had to lie to his mom about what my appointment was for lol.
His words...
"Makin me lie to my mom..... IN CHURCH!" lol He was just pickin but I know he doesn't like lying to her.
I told him he didn't have to but I think he's a lot more cautious than I am about all of this. Can't say I blame him. I think maybe we could tell everyone on Zoe's birthday though. Least I really hope so. Not sure when my next appointment will be after my first.

Speaking of my appointment... I had myself convinced that it was on Monday, but nope, it's on Tuesday. Glad DH brought that up b/c next Monday would've rolled around and I would've been wondering why DH had gone to work and left me to go to my appointment w/ Zoe by myself :P lol

So excited for it though. Just a little over a week to see if everything is there and where it should be. Really hope so.

Gonna go lay down

Zoe SO needs to stop waking up early. Girl woke up at 5:15. I turned off the baby monitor and she did go back to sleep... until 5:40. Turned it off again and she finally woke at 6:20 probably b/c she had pooped.
I don't know why she wakes up so early b/c she's SO obviously still tired.

In other news... I'm 5w2d? I think.. something like that. Ate some raisins before bed last night and they gave me heartburn w/ a little bit of nausea thrown in for the hell of it. It wasn't too terrible.
Still have diarrhea though. That always worries me but I know it's normal for some women to get instead of the constipation. I remember having diarrhea w/ Zoe. Can't remember how long it lasted before it did eventually turn in to constipation.

My meat aversion isn't that strong yet thankfully. It is creeping up on me, but I'm not totally shunning all meat right now.
And I am definitely getting my sweet tooth back. I'm still not really craving anything sweet, but when we were grocery shopping, some glazed donuts were looking mighty delicious lol.
Bought some honey roasted peanuts for the sweetness that I kind of want sometimes and still have raisins to munch on if I want them. Just won't eat as many as I did last night :P

Oh I took another digital yesterday. Wanted to see if I would get the 3+ on it. NOPE! Still 2-3. Oh well.
I'm definitely not using the last 2 tests.

As for Zoe's birthday gift. DH cut some wood yesterday for it. Not much else really. I kind of don't like how he's doing it, but hopefully it will still look ok. It just worries me some that it's going to be this giant ugly thing w/ what he's shown me so far. I don't think I see his vision but I know he's going to do his best and Zoe will love it even if it does look wonky :D hehe

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Woooow...

... that was a lot of money spent on Zoe's birthday present materials lol. And we have to buy more. We have the majority of everything but we still need paint and details. It's $200 worth of stuff that we bought today. I guess that's not THAT bad. Just hope DH can make it look good.
His coworker who actually does work w/ wood quite often wanted to see the plans for the project and thought it was neat... and may steal the idea to make for his baby girl hehe.
Yep, I'm still being vague on what it is. Just trust me.... it's super nerdy and super AWESOME :D
Zoe's going to frickin love it. Not the nerdy aspect but the rest of it she'll love :)

We've agreed that this is going to be a partial Xmas present too lol. She'll get plenty from family so we only need to get her a couple of things anyway :P

Ugh man... her attitude is getting SO bad. It's usually only when she's tired which she definitely is today.
In Home Depot she whined and cried and kept being very bratty. It was draining.
She's also gotten in to the selfish phase. Everything is "NO, MINE!" If she sees you holding something of hers and she wasn't the one to give it to you, that's her new phrase.
I think we're going to have to start implementing time-outs for her outbursts and whatnot.

She's so cute in water babies. Only 3 more weeks of that left. She's kind of starting to understand the kicking part and she likes climbing out and 'jumping' back in. She really can't jump yet so it's more of a fall forward 'jump' lol.
We were supposed to practice floating on backs today and she was NOT having any of it. She did not like the feeling of the water getting in to her ears and her little legs kept shooting out of the water straight up in the air b/c she didn't like being on her back. All of the younger kids were like that though. Even DH's friend's child who absolutely LOVES the water hated floating on his back. She'll get it eventually, we just have to keep it up with her :)
____

Yeah, I'm definitely developing a meat aversion. And I think my sweet tooth is coming back a little bit. Not much. I'm not craving any sweets, but the thought of a milkshake or something like that sounds really good lol.
Think I'm going to increase my nuts and beans intake. Finally make some hummus and eat that w/ stuff. Like w/ carrots. Man that sound good. I'm just hungry right now lol.

Friday, July 18, 2014

21dpo

Yeah, these wondfos will give you a damn heart attack.

Here's the first one I did
Dark but much lighter than the previous days and yes it did freak me out.

Few hours later, I took my last 2 wondfos. One was just w/ straight urine (top one), the other was w/ diluted w/ water urine. About half water half urine (bottom).
Not much difference except that the pure urine was the test line is as dark as the control, while the diluted is just slightly slightly lighter.

So yeah.... let this be a lesson for everyone.... wondfos do NOT give reliable progression at all.

Victory!!!!

It was a late victory but I got in a nap!!! A 30min one! WOOO!
I tried putting DD down earlier but she wasn't having any of it. Thought she was going to put up a fight for this one, and she did a little bit, but she ended up quieting down, playing some and I'm guessing falling asleep.
That is until she woke up 30min later w/ poop but whatever... 30mins feels like hours to me right now rofl.
Never thought I'd be so happy to get just 30 minutes!

Could use a lot longer but then it would screw up my night time sleep.
 ____

Poor Zoe is so clumsy and constantly falls and of course her head stops her falls. She was running out of the bathroom and slipped and just totally bonked the heck out of her head on the wall. She even left a little dent in the dry wall. She's ok obviously., but I expect to have to deal w/ a lot of hospital trips with her when she's a lot more active and actually wants to go out and do stuff.

Sleep child!!!!

She woke up before 5am today! UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.
Girl needs to stop waking up so dang early :( Momma needs sleep!
She did go back to sleep, but only until 5:30 :\
No wonder why I'm so dang tired.

No idea why she started waking up this early. DH is getting up with her tomorrow. I need sleep sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Think I'll go put on some Lilo & Stitch and see if I can get at least a 10min nap in while she watches it lol.
 I did that yesterday w/ Nightmare Before Christmas. Think I managed a 5min nap after she was done climbing all over me. Whatever, it helped.

I am definitely becoming hungry more often. Got hungry a couple hours after dinner. Thought it may have been thirst but no, it was hunger.
Had 2 slices of cheese and got nauseous about 5mins after. Thankfully it was mild and didn't last for long though.

OO if I can get Zoe down for a nap in an hour or so, I could nap too! Heaven..... 

Thursday, July 17, 2014

One more

I took one more wondfo this afternoon. The line is meh... a little better. These tests are going to give me a dang heart attack.





Get as dark as that control line dangit!!!
____

Thankfully I only had that one episode of morning sickness today. Just thinking about eating that polska again turns my stomach though. Sucks b/c it's delicious. Oh well... won't hurt anything to give it up for the sake of my stomach.
____

Man oh man... Zoe has her good moments and boy does she have some bad ones.
Thankfully she's not a hitter, but when she gets upset she does throw sometimes. Thankfully again, she can't throw very well :P lol
And her go to attack to resist us is definitely the ragdoll flop to the ground. I still find it EXTREMELY hilarious. I try not to laugh but I can never hold it in. It's too funny.

She's my sweet girl though. Loves giving kisses and sometimes hugs heh. She absolutely adores the dogs and cat (even if the cat doesn't love her back).
Oh and she's getting a little closer to starting potty training. Twice today she came to me and said "diaper" while pointing and walking to her room b/c she had pooped. And it was fresh poop too b/c it hadn't smooshed all up in her diaper yet lol.
While she does squirm a lot sometimes during changes... she doesn't mind them thankfully. Whenever I tell her "Lets go change your diaper!" she runs to her room (where the changing pad is).
She has her annoying moments but she's a good girl overall I think :)

OOO boy

Ate some polska today for breakfast/lunch. Holy moly it is making me SICK.
Guess this is morning sickness. Man oh man I am not feeling well after eating it. Even the thought of it makes me want to hurl.

Oh and I've taken a couple of those gender predictor things.
Chinese gender chart says girl.
Another site said boy...

And I did the baking soda test yesterday. You put baking soda in a cup then add the pee. If it fizzes a lot then boy, if not then girl.
I remember doing it with Zoe and it barely fizzed (like a flat soda).
This time was WAY different and it fizzled quite a bit like a newly opened soda.

So yeah, we'll see :) I have no feelings one way or another though. Was clueless with Zoe and I'm sure that will be the same for this one lol.

Anywho... MAN, I hope the morning sickness doesn't get worse than this. I got off very lucky w/ Zoe and was hoping it would be the same now lol.

20dpo

Tested a little earlier b/c I couldn't wait.
These tests are driving me crazy. The wondfos are not  calming my paranoia at all. They're actually making it worse.
I took a FRER today too. It looks the same as 18dpo as I thought it probably would. I am NOT using the last one unless something happens that I feel like I should use it.
Test pics





It's really starting to freak me out. The wondfo is definitely lighter. Again, I know that doesn't mean a lot when it comes to these tests but it's still making me super worried :(
Really trying not to have a total panic attack here. I know I know that the lines are still nice and dark... I just can't help but worry.
____

EDIT:
Looking back at Zoe's tests is making me feel better.
Here are the 20dpo tests w/ her
And looking at all of the wondfo pics w/ her... I can see that the progression is ALL over the place.
I'm sure I was freaking out just as much then as I am now though lol.


EDIT #2:
And looking at the pee sticks w/ betas thread has calmed my nerves some. Looks like a lot of women's FRERs stop progressing at a certain point. And one woman had a beta of over 38k and her wondfo line still wasn't as dark as the control. She was probably experiencing that one thing though where the lines start getting lighter b/c hcg is so high. Can't remember the term for it.
Anyway, still makes me feel better.

I know my constant freaking out is tiresome.

Oh and I also told myself that I was going to try my hardest to not complain as much this pregnancy... especially near the end.
This could be the last time I'm ever pregnant and I want to cherish every moment of it... uncomfortable, tired, sick, whatever.

Holy crap child!!

Zoe needs to stop waking up at 5:30 am damnit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

19dpo

These dang wondfos....
I was hoping for a darker line today. Oh, it's dark, don't get me wrong, but... it's still not as dark as the control.
 Damn tests!
I'm not totally freaking out b/c at least it's not that faint mess that it was yesterday. And looking back.. it looks about the same as the 17dpo test. Grrr...
I know they're cheap tests but damn.. a little quality control please?
It is darker than the tests I used w/ Zoe, but still... it's kind of crazy that they're not darker by now. I know I'm nitpicking and worrying probably over nothing but... oh well.

I am probably going to end up using another FRER tomorrow or Friday if the wondfos don't get darker than this.


As for symptoms.

Insomnia still. Not as bad last night. Did manage to get back to sleep quickly if I woke but I still woke up quite a bit.

Fatigue.... I'm just SO worn out during the day it's ridiculous.

Hungrier. I'm not wanting to eat everything in site, but it does feel like I'm getting hungry more often.

Keep getting right ovary area pains. Also if I move a certain way or even sneeze/cough sometimes, that area will get a sharp pain. Sometimes it's a sharp pulling pain, sometimes just a pain.
It had me concerned today. Coming home from the vet (just a check up on dog's ear)... I starting having pains in that area and of course ECTOPIC screamed in my head :\
____

Oh god... now this is going to be nasty so prepare yourselves...
I have all of my peesticks on my desk. I need to throw them away (keep one for memento).
Zoe likes sneaking in here and getting on my chair and messing w/ the items on my desk. She knows she isn't supposed to mess w/ the pee sticks b/c she's gotten a hand swatting for not putting them down when asked.
Anyway, I go to use the bathroom, I know she's in my chair. I come in here and she has the peed on end of the digital in her mouth.... without the cover on. *BARF*

It's my own fault for not closing the door to make sure she couldn't get in here, but still... EW EW EW.

I'm so mean

And judgy. I know everyone wants to claim how they don't judge and blahblahblah. It's such bullshit.
We all do it, just some are better at hiding it than others.

One place I've been posting, someone came on w/ the title of
"I didn't want this"
talking about finding out that she's pregnant w/ #2.
While most of the comments are supportive, mine along w/ a few others were not. Not in a mean way, but just not giving this woman sympathy.
I have NO sympathy for a couple that knowingly has sex unprotected and then complains about getting pregnant from it. And I think it's absolutely shitty to post how you don't want another baby on a board filled with women scared to death of miscarrying or women hoping to get their BFPs.
Not saying they don't deserve some support, but there are other places they can go to get it from people that are going through something similar.
I usually don't even comment on things like that, but the title of the post of "I didn't want this..." and then her post saying how they only wanted one blahblah just rubbed me totally wrong.

It's like I'm not going to go to a PCOS TTC board and start complaining about being pregnant.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

18dpo, darn wondfos!

I know wondfo HPTs aren't always reliable in their lines. They're not consistant.
Didn't stop me from freaking the F out today when the test line came up lighter than it has been.
The OPK still looks good (and it's the last one I'm taking)... but that line on the hpt just made my stomach drop.

So I quickly took a shower w/ Zoe. Got us dried off and dressed and headed to Target. We needed to buy her lotion anyway.... that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it damnit! lol

Anyway, I ended up buying a box of clearblue digis b/c I wanted to see the number under the word and another box of 3 frer.
Came home and immediately took them.

Yep, looks right (2-3 for those that don't know ((like me)) means 4-5w pregnant)

And the FRER
That is the test line on the left and I'm pretty sure it took dye from the control.

Makes me feel better. BUt damn those wondfo tests for freaking me out. I shouldn't be this paranoid but I am. I can't help it.

Anyway, I won't be using the other 2 digis. Really wish they sold boxes of just one :\
May send them to SiL w/ the femara and opks if she wants them.
I will be using the other 2 FRER these next couple of days though.


Actually no I changed my mind. I don't think I will use the FRER. Just use up the wondfos and that's it unless I get another that freaks me out. Send the FRER to SiL too whenever. At this point I don't think the FRERs would get any darker which could cause some avoidable stress and worry.

I'm being unreasonable

So, DH told me yesterday that his guy's night is moving to Tuesday. Whatever, that's fine... and that he's going to start going to night service on Wednesdays.

That news just made me extremely upset.
He's religious, I'm not. I don't have any problems with him going to church on Sunday w/ Zoe. Have no problem that his guy's nights is more like bible study.
He finds comfort in it and that's what matters.
But the thought of him going another night out just.... upsets me like crazy.
I think it's more of just going out AGAIN while I'll be stuck at home. I know he'll say that I could go out whenever I wanted, but really?? I have no friends that I hang out with like that and he knows it.
Also, the religious part is bothering me too. Again I have no problem with him being religious but it almost feels like he's getting too in to it. I know that sounds bad.. I just can't think of another way to put it.
And I fear that he's going to start pressuring me to become more religious as well. Thankfully he hasn't done that so far, but... this just feels.... wrong.
Struggling to find the right words to describe all of this.

*shrugs* I dunno... I'm probably just being hormonal and irrational w/ my worries and fears.

Monday, July 14, 2014

17dpo

Alrighty, I think I'm going to stop taking the OPKs. They're not getting any darker.
The HPTs are though :)
It's almost the same color as the control line. Maybe another day or 2 and it will be :D

Down for a nap

Thank goodness Zoe went down for her nap today with minimal whining.
She whined while I was changing her diaper and while I went and fetched her plushies that she likes sleeping with, but once the door was closed, not a peep.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Think I'm having some pregnancy insomnia. It's not super bad, but I've been waking up A LOT these last few days. Just tossing and turning and can't get comfy.

Momma needs a small break baby girl.

It's going to be rough going w/ 2 LO's but I'm so ready for it :D
Really curious to see how Zoe is going to take it all. I'm not really sure. She doesn't really display a lot of jealousy right now but I'm sure that could all change in the blink of an eye. Having to share mommy and daddy may not fly with her once baby is here lol.

UGH! Had a frickin roofing nail stuck in one of my brand new tires. SOB! DH and FiL think they sealed it but... we'll see.

Just 2 more weeks until my appointment! I'm so excited and nervous.
I keep feeling wet down there and I'm so afraid I'll see blood whenever I go to the bathroom.
Overall though, I'm not feeling as neurotic as I was. Oh it's still there, but just not as bad. It helps that I still have wondfos left. Need to figure out what I'm going to do w/ the remaining OPKs.
Already told DH that I wouldn't mind sending SiL the femara if everything is ok. I guess I could give her the OPKs too if she wanted them. But her husband is going to be gone for 6m and I think he's leaving in just a couple of weeks so... yeah. Not sure if she would want any of it.
We'll see.

Still haven't found that one crochet pattern to make to keep myself busy. Lots of cute stuff but nothing stands out as something I MUST make RIGHT NOW lol.
Frustrating when you want to do something but nothing appeals to you.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

16dpo

What is this... 4w2d?
Feeling.... tired. Very very tired. *YAWN*
I had a 10min nap earlier before Zoe woke up which helped but I'm feeling it again. I just want to snuggle up in bed and sleep.

Appetite is about the same. Still not craving sweets.
When I get hungry, I feel hungrier. Not sure if that's psychological though.
I know I'm losing some weight. The diarrhea certainly 'helps' in that matter.
I would not be surprised if I was at or below 200 by my appointment at this rate. I am not complaining about it AT ALL lol.

Here are today's tests
The HPT is def darker, but I'm not sure if the opk is going to get much darker than it was yesterday and today. Still interesting to see though.
____

OOOOO I'm so excited for Zoe's birthday present DH is going to start on. We haven't bought the materials for it yet. The plans for it have changed.
We were going to do a tall tardis w/ shelves on the top and an open space on the bottom for Zoe to play in.
B/c of the size of the wood DH wants to get, it's going to be much smaller. More kid size and well.. I don't want to give anything away. It's just going to be awesome :D I'll of course post lots of photos.
It took A LOT of brain storming to get to something that would work and look right but we finally figured it out. DH is just trying to figure out the details so he knows how much of everything to get.
Zoe better appreciate this when she's older b/c I dunno if she's gonna get a present like this again rofl.
____

UUUUUGH... SiL wants me to paint some kind of pirate theme thing on my nieces bed along w/ some thing on the wall too. She did offer to pay me but I don't want money b/c I don't want to do it :\
It would mean going over there to work on it and... BLEH! I want to stay home damnit.
She better come up with some good examples of exactly what she wants. I've never even tried to do anything resembling a pirate ship before. Nevermind that my painting skills aren't exactly awesome.
People always think that just b/c you can draw that you must know how to do every single other artistic thing, sculpt, paint, etc... NOPE.
I like doing those things but I am WAY WAY far from good at them. I can fake it better than most but that's about it :\

Mmmm pepperoni

Went grocery shopping today and went to grab a pack of pepperoni. Just one of those small packs.
Saw this HUGE pack of old fashioned pepperoni for 5.99 (originally $15). I snatched that crap up faster than light.
It's so damn good and I'll be shocked if it lasts for more than a few days.
There's a ton of it but OMG YUM.
Yes, I am eating the hell out of it and I don't care. I know it's the best food I could eat, but it's also not like I'm going to go out and buy more either.
Need to wash some dishes so I can fix myself a proper lunch. Ugh... dishes.
____

Man, SiL gets on my damn nerves sometimes. She's one of those types that doesn't want her daughter to be super girly. Why? I have no idea.
SiL isn't super girly by any means so I guess she's hoping her DD turns out the same way. So she always sticks her nose up at Disney movies, doesn't want her DD to like any of the Disney princesses etc etc.
I can understand maybe limiting it some, but acting like it's below her just gets on my damn nerves.
Her daughter liking that stuff isn't going to do any damn harm.


Saturday, July 12, 2014

15dpo

Almost forgot to take a test. Never thought I'd say that :P lol
Didn't take these until 9pm.

They're looking nice though. The HPT needs to just hurry up and get super dark already *glare*




This was taken after the time limit though.
I had taken some photos before the time limit, but I had 14dpo test pics on the camera still. I usually delete them after I pull the pics off, but forgot to. Mistook the 14dpo tests for todays and deleted all of the pics.. /facepalm
Hope that made sense.
So yeah, once I realized what I had done, I went and took this pic. The hpt is a little darker than it was but the opk looks about the same.

Anywho, I have 8 more hpts left. Didn't realize I had that many, but WOOT :D

Everything is ok. Having some weird ass dreams already.
Last night was filled w/ zombies. In one of them a zombie bear was on the loose. DH's aunt and mom were trying to get away and when they did, their shirts were off and they were flashing boob o_O
____

Zoe has been SOOOOOOO bratty today. Not listening and just being a little turd nugget. It's b/c she doesn't nap long enough so she gets grumpy as hell.
And she fights sleep! That's what kills me. She's so obviously tired but screams and cries and does the hilarious passive aggressive flop to the floor.

Thankfully DH's aunt called and invited us to go swimming at her husband's mother's pool. That distracted Zoe from being a giant grouch lol.

UGH, she pooped in her swim diapers and of course being the momma, I was the one to clean them. It was disgusting. She started oozing. I don't even want to imagine how long everyone was swimming around while her juicified poop was oozing out of her diaper. BLEH! Pink eye anyone?

Friday, July 11, 2014

I should just retitle this blog....

.... to Obsessing & Bitching about everything lol

I looked up some nursery wall decals. Found some ADORABLE ones that someone is selling on etsy. PFFFT... overpriced shit. No way I'm paying that, I'll just "borrow" their design and paint it my damn self *nodnod*

I am not doing some huge thing like I did in Zoe's room. It's going to be a bit more stylistic looking and should be a lot easier to do. And it will be just straight up paint instead of using ConTact paper.

I just hope we get to the point of needing to do that stuff.

Looking at my pregnancy calender thing... I'm going to be 20w exactly on Halloween.
Wow, that just feels like ages away.
Again, just hope we make it to that point (and beyond).
I've been googling up pregnancy stuff so of course the worst case scenario posts show up. Makes me so nervous just knowing that there are still so many things that could go wrong.

I guess I can't really change anything though so I'm going to enjoy this while I can and look up all the baby crap :D

Going to find some baby related crochet patterns to do... look up cute nursery stuff and just enjoy the hell out of this while things are still looking good :)

Oh did I mention this site before?
http://www.pregnology.com/faralong.php?month=3&day=20&year=2015

Think it's showing my due date...
Anyway, you put in your due date and it lists every single day of your pregnancy and how far along you are. I've been to that page more times than I can count lol.

And cue the freaking out again... lol

Ok so I know I'm being irrational right now but it's kinda freaking me out.

So on the TWW forum, there's a thread where women can post their peesticks along w/ the beta #.
Love that thread and posted there w/ Zoe.
Well looking at it, I'm noticing that my 14dpo tests look a lot like women who were pregnant with twins.
Yeah... like I said, I'm freaking myself out. rofl.
I know it's probably just a singleton, but still... just the idea of having 2 sends me in to panic mode.
I know a lot of people kind of romanticize the idea of having twins, but just after having one... I can not imagine having 2 at the same time, nevermind w/ a toddler as well O_O
We would get by of course if it's our reality.. but it's still freaking me out lol.

Test didn't freak me out so lets go find something that will.....
/facepalm

I know I shouldn't compare my test with others since their urine may hold more or less hcg than my own. I just think it's interesting to see and think "Ok so their test looks to be about the same as mine and their beta was this, so mine could be that too". It's just a way to pass the time. *shrugs*

14dpo

My final FRER





I think the test line was either as dark or just a smidgen darker than the control within the time limit. After the time limit it got darker and is now darker than the control.
Feeling good though. I didn't freak out this morning which was a nice change lol.


Looking back on Zoe's tests.... this one looks much darker than her 14dpo tests

The 15dpo test looks about the same though so not a huge difference in days or anything




14dpo with her my beta was 113. So maybe w/ this one it's a little higher at this point.

It's so exciting and I'm so incredibly happy and feel so lucky.
So yeah, no more expensive tests :D I do have wondfos left and will be using those up. 
____

In other news, DH wants to start on the tardis this weekend :D
Not sure exactly how much is going to get done, but it's exciting. I can't wait to see how it turns out. Would love to help out, but he gets pretty anal and becomes a perfectionist when he takes on projects so I'll just admire from afar :P lol

I've been trying to find some new crochet patterns to do. WAS doing a Stitch but realized that I don't have the colors I need. Doh.
Time to find something else.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Looking good

Quick post.
Here is 13dpo wondfo tests late this afternoon. Think I took them around 6pm.
OPK test line is now darker than control and finally starting to get a good line on the hpt :)

Felt a lot of aches coming from left side today. Not intense or anything, very mild and off and on.
Haven't really felt much though other than the diarrhea and not being able to fart without fear of shatting myself :P
Lovely I know.

Few minutes

MAN! I am having some terrible diarrhea. Moreso than usual.
I have stomach problem already so diarrhea isn't uncommon, but EVERYTHING is setting it off. Things that normally wouldn't.
I am chugging down water like there is no tomorrow trying to stay hydrated. Just hope my body is getting SOME nutrients from the things I've eaten.
Think I had this w/ Zoe too, but can't really remember.

Speaking of Zoe, she's watching Lilo & Stitch again so I have at least a few minutes to screw around. MUAHAHAH hehe

Oh! I found the cutest little drawstring bag like I talked about in my last post.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EZ4ZZUW/ref=pe_385040_30332200_TE_item
It is so darn adorable. I just hope it's large enough for my phone too. It should hold my fuzzy elephant coin purse and keys just fine though :D
With the estimated delivery dates though, it's probably coming from China. That's fine.. don't need it any time soon I guess.

Alrighty, I think that's it for now. Trying to find some more crochet projects to keep me busy.

Sooo.. when is that exactly?

I asked DH straight up last night when he wanted to start telling people.
His response was "When we're sure, so... 8months?" lol
Then he said something like 3months...

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH... while I know terrible things could happen before then... I am just itching to tell SOMEONE!!
Think I may tell my cousin. I know she wouldn't tell anyone.

I have no idea why I want to tell so bad. Maybe to make it more real? *shrugs*

Really going to have to distract myself these next few weeks. I'm not sure when they schedule the 2nd appointment for so maybe after that one if it's before the 2nd tri we could tell. We'll see!
____

And after thinking about it some more.... I think I am just going to go with a tote bag or the hobo type bag I have. Cheap and easy. Will buy a smaller draw string type of bag for my phone, coin purse and keys to put in to it so it's not lost in the baby junk. I don't carry around a lot in my purse... usually don't even bother with a purse and just put those 3 things in my pockets.
While I do love the petunia picklebottom bags, they are just too darn expensive. Can't justify spending that kind of money when we're going to need to get so much actual necessary items.

13dpo

Freaked out this morning too.
I'll explain after the photos




I'm ok now but again, I freaked out b/c I didn't think the today's test was darker. It looked the same as 12dpo IRL so it freaked me out.
BUT looking at the photos and seeing them now (even if it's after the time limit), there is a difference in the right direction.
Don't think I'll be beating the control line tomorrow though w/ my last test. Oh well. So long as it's darker, that's all I care about.

I am freaking out still though. Lots of women still m/c after getting great progression or even after seeing the hb and it seems to have happened to a couple of women recently on a few boards I go to.
Just freaks me the hell out b/c nothing is ever guaranteed.... not until that baby is born.

I really really hate this early stage. The happiness is awesome, but the fear just drains you.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

12dpo wondfos

I only took 2 today. Just kept forgetting to take one earlier but I finally remembered to at around 5:30...

Looks pretty good I think.
Well, I wish the hpt would just hurry and get dark, but the OPK is looking good.

____

And the vet visit went about how I expected. Such a PITA and I have to do it again next week. UGH. At least then I don't have to worry about rush hour since it will be at 10 in the morning.

I want to obsess

But have nothing to obsess about. BLEH. It's just a waiting game and it SUCKS!

Don't want all my sucky talk to come off like I'm not happy. I am THRILLED... it's just, I'm still scared still.
I just keep remembering SiL and DH's friend's wife and their losses.
Both of them had 6w appointments. Both of them thought everything was ok... then... everything wasn't.
SiL started spotting, I'm not sure when.. and they found the baby didn't have a hb any longer.
The friend's wife went in for a 8 or 9w scan and they found that the baby hadn't grown past 6-7w.

Having another chemical and the possibility of going what they went through, nevermind later miscarriages still just scares the crap out of me and I wish there was more I could do to make this bean stick.

I'm in obsess mode right now and have been looking at everything baby related.
Just looked at diaper bags... I definitely want a girly one this time. One that will double as a purse.
I REALLY like the petunia picklebottom bags but good googly moogly are they expensive.
I do have this hobo? type of bag SiL gave me that I could always use or I could just buy a cute tote bag. Doesn't have to be anything fancy I guess... and a tote bag would hold a lot.... hmmm, I'll have to look in to that more heh.

I know I keep looking at all of this stuff when anything could happen. It helps though. It helps to keep me optimistic and allows me to daydream about having another LO.

So curious to find out how Zoe is going to be. She's kind of stand off-ish with her cousin when he was a lot smaller. She might be better with him now that he's sitting up. Don't know what she'll do when she's not getting ALL of the attention.
She's pretty good with sharing so far, but I can see that turning the other way when she has to share with a sibling.
____

In other news.. I'm going to kill DH.
Need to take our dog to the vet, so what does DH do? He sets up an appointment for today at 4pm. Mind you he doesn't get off until 4 and it takes him about 20-30min to get home (would be same amount of time to the vet office).
So not only am I going to have to take our dog to the vet by myself, I have to try to control Zoe too. AND I'm going to have to drive home in fucking rush hour traffic.
Thanks a whole F-ing lot DH... -_-

Crampy McCramppants

Ok, I hesitate to call what I'm feeling cramps but saying "aches" all the time is tiring lol.
Been feeling a good bit this morning. Lots coming from right O area. Feels very localized there, and in uterus it's more of an everywhere feeling.
Hope it's just Bean getting comfortable.
Looking up info, it could be round ligament pain. I can't remember what it felt like with Zoe. I do remember just having aching on my right O since that's where the corpus luteum cyst was, but that's all I remember.

Also wonder when I'm going to start showing. I have a lot more belly fat this time around. Thinking I'm just going to look even fatter for quite a while. UGH.
Looking at someone in my DD group who is 12w... she's already showing BIG TIME. Am I going to be like that by then? If so... there is no way we're going to be able to wait until then to tell.
____

According to a website, I will be 8w exactly on Zoe's birthday.... maybe if everything goes well I can convince DH to tell everyone then... or well, on the 9th when we have her party :)

Speaking of which, we already put in the order for her birthday cake. It's going to have Stitch on it along w/ some hibiscus flowers. I had wanted them to do it by hand but that would've cost an extra 50frickin dollars! WHA????? There aint no way in hell...
So we just got sugar paper w/ the design I made... which kind of sucks since I only made it out quickly.
Oh well.

We still have no idea exactly what we'll be getting her. DH still thinks he'll have the tardis done by then. Uhm.. no. He hasn't even gotten the material yet.
I'm still leaning towards a doll house or a play kitchen. Or both if we can find them for cheap :D

12dpo

Cue the total freak out this morning.
I'm still temping.. just until 14dpo when I use my last test...
Well today's temp dropped some. It's still a post-O temp but dropping temps scare me.
This happened with Zoe too but that didn't comfort me at all.
THEN I took the FRER and couldn't tell if it was darker, the same, lighter.
Cue even more freaking out.

I'm ok now though. It is definitely darker. WHEW!


Comparing 11 to 12. I was going to do 10 and 12, but since there is an obvious progression between 11-12 I did it this way




And finally all the tests so far




Can I just say.... while I'm happy about all of this.... early pregnancy BLOWS. The uncertainty. The total freak outs. Just waiting to see if everything is ok... it sucks balls! BIG BALLS.
Wish I could speed things up to 2nd tri already.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

It's a miracle!!

No no, not talking about the pregnancy... I'm talking about Zoe sleeping! WOO!
I put her in my lap and she leaned back and I started feeling that head loll and the limbs twitch heh. I had to pee like crazy though so carried her to the loveseat. She kind of woke up but was asleep when I got back.
WOOOOOOOOO!!!!
She is not a happy child when she is tired.
Whiny, crying at everything and just... yeah not a fun baby girl lol.
So glad she finally went to sleep though even though I can't nap. Just need to get the dogs outside before DH gets home b/c their barks will wake her and that shit is not happening!

Speaking of peeing... I've been needing to go a lot lately. Helps that I've been trying to stay hydrated. My urine these last few days has been pretty yellow so I needed to drink more anyway. I have a tiny bladder or something b/c I can not hold it in for anything.

Is it sad that I already looked at cribs... :P lol Not in depth or anything. Just glanced at them at the babiesrus website. There was one that I really liked though.
Hopefully we'll have reason to buy it :)

Oh no.... this means we'll have to get another car sooner rather than later.
While I wouldn't mind keeping Zoe rear facing longer, we could always front face her and should be able to fit a carrier in my car. It would be tight though and probably wouldn't be in the middle where it's safest.
We do not have the money for all of this stuff right now.
We just gave DH's parents some money b/c the IRS is screwing them over (seriously...) and we have to pay 1000 out of pocket for the roof to be fixed. Our savings has dwindled down considerably :(
AND we haven't been putting as much money in to savings so it's going to take us longer to build back up what we've used.
Yikes......

While I don't mind helping family, I'm kind of pissed that we're the go to people when anyone is in financial trouble. They didn't ask us to give them money or anything but it was implied by DH's sisters that we were going to be the ones to give them the money. We are not frickin rich. We do not have an endless well of money. We are right smack dab in middle class hell. We get by and are lucky enough to have a little extra we can put away in to our savings account or spend some on a FEW things we want (and not super expensive things at that). I don't understand why they always think we're super wealthy and can afford to just throw money around all willy nilly.

Anyway, I guess if this pregnancy sticks, no more handouts as far as I'm concerned. We need to save OUR money for OUR growing family.

Phew! Didn't mean to go off on a rant there.

Ramblings

So Zoe didn't want to nap and I didn't want to listen to her screaming anymore so eventually got her up.
I'm so frickin tired it's not even funny. Think I'm going to make myself some green tea. See if some caffeine will help.

Feeling twinges down below all day long but nothing major.

And yeah, just sitting here wanting to obsess about every little thing like crazy but I can't b/c there's really not that much to obsess about lol.

I know it's still WAY early, but all of this has made me start wondering about the birth.
Would I pick c-sec again or would I go for a VBAC??
Honestly, they both have their appeal.
I had a very rough recovery after my c-sec and while I know it wouldn't be as bad if I went in for a repeat right off the bat, the thought of getting cut open again isn't very appealing... especially if our crazy butts decide we want another baby, which would be a bit risky w/ another c-sec.
BUT knowing almost exactly when baby would be born is nice.

VBAC... recovery may be easier depending on if I tear or whatever. If we did want to have another, the risk wouldn't be as great as if I had a c-sec. Pushing a baby out of my junk could cause some incontinence though... nm the possibility of tearing.

Hmm, I dunno.. it's a long way off so I'm sure I won't be any closer to what I would want to do any time soon heh.

Oh another con for a c-sec. I wouldn't be able to pick Zoe up... or let her climb on me for a while after. That would be difficult b/c she wouldn't really understand why.
____

Ok not too much rambling. My tired brain is shutting down slowly and I can't think quite so well right now.

11dpo wondfos





The OPK is looking fantastic :D
Don't think they got this dark with Zoe this soon.

Speaking of Zoe.. girl needs to take a nap or mommy is going to go insane.

Anyway...
I AM TIRED. I slept pretty well last night and woke up feeling fine, but good lord.. I'm feeling so worn out right now it's not even funny. Maybe it's pregnancy symptom? If so... is it normal to start so soon?

Anyway, going to go lock myself in my room, turn off the baby monitor and probably play on my kindle until the toddler goes to sleep and then try to nap myself.

A bath soon followed

So here's what Zoe looked like....




Yeah... and that's AFTER the dog got to her and licked some of the yogurt off lol.
Crazy child!
____

Oh and as for symptoms... same old stuff.
When I wake at night, I do feel more twinges and whatnot coming from my ovary and uterus. Last night it was mostly my right O. It was quick sharp pains.

11dpo






Comparing all of them




And 9 and 11 only





*happy dance*

This morning's test.... MAN it was so nice to see. Knew it was going to be darker since the line started to come up quicker. And comparing all of the tests... it definitely is.
I'm so excited and a little less scared.

I know something wrong could still happen though... It's a debbie downer moment but this is real life...
With SiL's m/c and one of DH's friend's wife having something very similar happen to her as well... something wrong happening is a very real possibility.
____

Oh and in other news... holy hell Zoe is going through some kind of cry/whine ALL the time phase. I think she's getting frustrated b/c she still can't talk that well and wants to tell us what she wants and we can't understand her.

And she just came in here with orange yogurt ALL over her. Time for a bath.....
HAHA, gave her a wash cloth to wipe herself off, she wipes, looks at it and says "EWWWW" lol silly girl.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Last ones for 10dpo

I couldn't resist and decided to take 2 more wondfos before bed.

They're making me feel better.

The OPK is nice and dark still and the HPT is darker than the previous one. Still not as dark as that first one but it's there.




Seeing the opks get so dark is really helping even if the hpts can kiss my ass.

Will be back tomorrow morning with hopefully a nice darker FRER to share.

Wondfos

Since I don't want to blow through my FRERs in just a couple of days.. I'm using my wondfos to satisfy my needs to POAS :)

I have a lot of OPKs but only about 15 or so HPTs.

Anywho, took a HPT and an OPK
OPK should give me a better visual on increasing HCG since that's what those tests aren't meant for... or well.. for LH but since they pick up hcg too it should be all good. You know what I mean...

Top is not tweaked, bottom is tweaked.



About 15min after taking the test, so not that long after the time limit, the line on the hpt got even darker. It's very visible and not hard to see at all. BIG change from the 8dpo tests.

Really relieved and this has calmed some of my fears.

July 29th

That's my first prenatal appointment O_O
The lady I talked to said that they first see patients 7-9w so... yeah. Sucks that I have to wait that long and it sucks b/c I'm not going to be 7w along by then.
When she asked for the day of my period, I told her I didn't ovulate until later, but she wasn't hearing any of it. I think I'm only going to be 6w by then... or just over 6w. Hopefully will be able to see the start of a HB anyway.
I'll have to bring it up again at the appointment.

Kind of wish they had wanted me in to get betas done, but honestly, I'm also not THAT worried about it. While I love getting as much information as possible and would love to know what my numbers are... I'm actually kind of ok with just waiting to see.
Hopefully this bean sticks around.

Going to an RE with Zoe totally spoiled me with the betas done and then the weekly ultrasounds lol.

10dpo FMU





And all 3 tests I've taken so far together



I know in the photos 10dpo looks darker. During the time limit, the 10dpo looked lighter to me. It looks about the same as the others now (9dpo afternoon is still a smidge darker).
Freaking the hell out but trying not to.
I did this with Zoe and my brain knows that day to day won't have much difference in them.. at least not right now while things are so early and probably still really really low hcg.
Still though... I can't help but worry :( That's what 4 early losses will do to you. Wish I could be like any fertile woman out there. See a line and announce it to the world ASAP b/c you just know you'll be having a baby in 9 months.

Anyway... going to try to remain optimistic. A line showed up which means I'm still pregnant.

As for symptoms....
Still the same aching type of feeling in uterus and in right O area. It's not constant and it doesn't hurt too bad. Just a dull aching for the most part.

Breasts are still tender too.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

9dpo afternoon test

Yeah I couldn't resist. Headed to Target and picked up 2 packs of 3c FRER. I had to use one of them just to see the line come up again.
It did the same thing as this morning.
Comparing the 2 right now, they look about the same. Not surprised by that or anything since it hasn't even been 24hrs yet :P

Just wanted to make sure that it was real and not some horribly faulty something that's just playing with my emotions.

Here's the test... photo taken at the 5min mark and is not tweaked.


DH went to church w/ Zoe. Also went to Chinese for lunch with his family afterwards. They usually go to the same place since it's just right down the road.
Guess someone bought fortune cookies and the one Zoe picked.. well... just read it for yourself
When DH handed it to me and I read it... I almost burst in to tears.
How awesome and coincidental is that? Hopefully it comes true.


Oh and I am definitely getting my hopes WAAAAAAAAAY up. B/c we also went to Kohls. Why?
Bc I wanted to buy this shirt...
I got it in 4t so even if gawd forbid this one doesn't stick, she'll hopefully be able to wear it when we do get our sticky bean :)

Quick post

About to go lay down and try to get in a quick nap before DH gets home...

Been feeling pretty frequent aches coming from down below.

During a few of my period, I'll get this horrible aching feeling that goes from uterus all the way to my lower back. I wouldn't call it cramps, it's just a really sucky ache.

Anyway, that's what I'm feeling right now except not as bad. It's the same type of sensation just not as intense.


I just want to tell everyone RIGHT NOWS! lol
We won't though, but I don't know if I can wait until 12w again.
If everything goes ok, maybe we'll announce it on Zoe's birthday. Her birthday shirt will be the "Big Sister" shirt I've been wanting to get her for the announcement :)

Unbelievable...

I'm not physically shaking but I still feel shaky whenever I look at those 2 tests.

Here's another photo of the FRER just to show how dark the test line got. It is WAY after the time limit, but after about 10mins it stopped getting darker so this is what it looked like then.





And for comparison sake.. here is 9dpo 3mu pregnant with Zoe


When DH finally got up and after his shower. I told him he could have the rest of the sodas (diet Dr Pepper). When he asked why, I whipped out the HPT and gave it to him.
He smiled and then said "I don't see it." lol.... butthead :P
We hugged and got teary eyed. That was it but it was still sweet.

B/c the test line is so dark, I'm becoming a lot more optimistic that this is going to be a sticky bean. Especially after looking at Zoe's tests.
Heck, I even looked up what my due date would be... March 20th :D

Just so excited and happy right now, but I'm also REALLY nervous and scared. Just hoping everything is ok and stays that way.
Debating on when to call this in. Think I may wait until 12dpo which will be Wednesday. That way they can't try to bitch at me too much for testing early. Already going to be a PITA trying to explain to them that I ovulated late when they ask me when my last period was.

This has my brain spinning though. I'm already in plan mode.
Good thing we were going strict b/c I'm definitely going to be now.
Since I had GD with Zoe, I want to make sure I eat as healthy as I can right from the start. 
____

In other news.... planning out Zoe's birthday cake. Want to go to the bakery tomorrow to give them the design idea and to get a price for it.
B/c Zoe loves her Stitch pillow pet so much, I want to get a stitch picture on the cake along w/ Hawaiian flowers on the top (2D and 3D) and an edible leis bordering the bottom.
Really colorful and bright. I'll only be able to eat a bite of it but oh well. Everyone else will be able to enjoy it. I'll just squirrel me a piece away and take a bite from it once a day ROFL.
____

OH! I also forgot to mention that Zoe bonked the hell out of her head yesterday at breakfast. We were finished and waiting for everyone to get out of the bathroom. Zoe was playing around and tripped on her shoe and went headfirst right in to the bench. I've never seen a bump develop that quickly.
MiL FREAKED the hell out and kept asking me if her pupils were dilating.
When I told her I couldn't tell.... she then started to tell me what pupils were..... *facepalm
Woman... I know what pupils are! :\
Zoe's fine though. She cried obviously but other than a nasty looking bump on her head, she was ok.
No bump and barely a discoloration/bruise there today.
My poor baby though.

Holy frackin crap

I'll save my ramblings for after....







HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was NOT expecting to see this this morning. Holy shit holy shit holy shit!!!!
FRER line started to show about 20-30sec. I thought it was going to be like last cycle. Faulty crap test, but it just kept getting darker and pinker. The FRER photo was taken at the 3min mark. It got a little darker still after that and it is def a nice beautiful pink line.
I wanted to be sure though so used the target brand test too. Again, within 20-30sec... a faint line started to show that only got more visible. Photo was taken at 1min mark.

Started shaking and crying. Crying mostly b/c I don't want to lose this one and praying to whatever is out there listening to let this stick.
DH isn't even awake yet. I couldn't sleep last night AT ALL and our dog kept shaking its head (need to take to vet) so I got up to let them out and feed them so DH could sleep in.
Going to be a nice surprise when he does wake :D

Pls pls pls let this be a sticky bean!!

Will be buying more tests to keep an eye on things.

Oh and I've been feeling some minor aches coming from the uterus area. Didn't mention yesterday but when we were all laying on the bed, she pressed in to my uterus area and it hurt like hell. Actually made me catch my breath. It ached for a few mins after and then that was it. Tossing and turning last night, whenever I laid on my back, I could feel some minor aches coming from there. Thought maybe intestinal since we did pig out on some Chinese buffet before we go strict again.
And this morning, having the same feeling. So thinking it's the bean getting comfy. At least I hope so.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

8dpo today.. maybe

So today was filled with... stuff and nothing.

SiL & her hubs went back to Cali. Had breakfast with them.
They had brought with them a pillow pet Stitch (from Lilo & Stitch... a movie Zoe LOVES).
Zoe frickin LOOOOOOOOVES that thing. She carries it around everywhere with her. And it's just as big as she is so it's totally adorable :) Will have to get photos before she moves on to something else. She carries it around along w/ a Santa hat wearing Yoda plush lol. That's my girl ;)

Oh and last night, we didn't get to bed until after midnight. Didn't actually get home until 11:30. Zoe was wrecked so went right to sleep in the car and right to sleep after we got her ready for bed.
She still woke up at 7 though.. grrr.
I guess that was ok though b/c today was her first class of Water Babies! YAY! :D
She had fun for the most part and we learned some stuff we can practice with her at the neighborhood pool.
Water babies was held at the local YMCA. That place was NICE. Helps to be smack in the middle of million dollar home neighborhoods I guess lol. (the ymca, not us ;) )
Zoe doesn't really seem to get the concept of kicking or a scooping motion with her arms and legs yet. Guess she will when she gets older :)

We came home, went to breakfast like I mentioned. Went to Petsmart.... then came back home and rested.
DH let Zoe up on to our bed to play w/ the kindle some. I went in there, and DH and I both snuck in some quick naps LOL. I kept waking up b/c the fan was turned on and blowing right on me making me cold. And Zoe would say something which always wakes me. That was nice though. Just a relaxing family moment where us parents can get some more rest hehe

Anywho... My temp hasn't been the best. It's dropped some and I really wasn't going to test.
But I caved anyway and used a wondfo this afternoon. It was a pretty good hold and... a shadow line appeared.
Damn wondfos and their shadows!

Just one of those things. Could be something or it could just be typical bad batch of wondfo tests.

Here are 2 pics. It's the same test, 2 different photos and of course tweaked w/ contrast and brightness b/c our camera sucks at picking up faint lines.
I know it's still hard to see even when tweaked.
The line came up within 30seconds and while it was faint, it wasn't THAT hard to see either (at least for a POASaholic/ line eyer)

Took another one a couple hours ago and the same thing happened. Faint shadowy line within 30seconds.

Wish I could say that I wasn't getting my hopes up b/c I know how these tests can be, but... yeah, I'm getting my hopes up. Wish I wasn't but I am.

Already told DH that if I get more shadow lines tomorrow that I'm using my last FRER ;) heh
He's fine with that.
When I told him that I got a shadowy line, but it could just be bad tests, he said "Well, lets hope it isn't." Awwww, love hearing that so much.
Just love that he wants another baby as much as I do. Even though Zoe is becoming quite the handful... we're so ready for more and to add even more wonderful chaos in to our lives.
Oh we'll be dying for more sleep, but it will be worth it... and that's what caffeine is for right? ;)