Wednesday, September 19, 2018

HB to me!

Well.. not my birthday yet, but it's tomorrow, so close enough.

I've lost about 24lbs so far and I'm still going strong with the diet. Week 14 and still feeling good. Just never looking back unless it's to see where I've come from and where I never want to go back to again.
I'm kind of in the onederlands right now. 198.6 this morning. But my weight has been going up and down a lot so not sure how long it will last lol.
But I know it will get back down again and then some so long as I stick with it.
Wanted to start exercising too, but that's going to have to wait because aunt flo showed up and I had some really painful bloating at the beginning.
Things are good though.
DH has lost 30something pounds and I can tell he's feeling great about it :)

Kids are doing great too. Boys are in super destructive mode right now which drives me crazy b/c the house is never clean. No wait.. it's clean for like a minute and then they just throw toys everywhere and go crazy.
I wish I had some of that energy.

Zoe is doing well in school. She lied to me today though about getting in trouble. Oh hells no child. She's lucky she didn't get spanked for that. Not tolerating her misbehaving in school and damn sure not going to tolerate her lying to me about it.
Just ugh.. still pissed that she thought she could get away with telling a lie like that. So disappointed.

What else..... Zoe was invited to a birthday party that we went to. Got to talk with the mom a good bit. Big nerds which is cool b/c I'm nerdy as shit too. But they're more modern nerdy while I'm more... "I used to be nerdy and still am but in an awkward way." lol
Like they're really in to anime. Rambling off all the super popular ones while I USED to be in to anime back in the 90's... and not even the super duper popular ones like Cowboy Bebop. I watched ones like... Ranma 1/2 and Slayers and ones like that. I had to pick and choose what I could watch b/c the only way to watch them back then was to buy them. So I had to ya know.. be really choosy.
She's also really in to art and drawing and stuff too. Awesome... again... I USED to do that too, but my brain just can't translate what I want to do on to paper most of the time now.
I felt like such a poser. Like.. oh you like that? Yeah... I uhm.... used to and still kind of do but not like that...............
Just ugh... I felt so awkward.
She was nice though and the kids had a ton of fun.

And yeah... can't say much else has been going on.
That hurricane really didn't do much of anything to us in our area. We just had rain for 2 days. Some wind, but nothing dramatic really. Thankful for that. Thankful that the hurricane weakened as much as it did before it hit the coast. If it had stayed a cat3... there would've been so much more damage and death and we'd probably still be sitting here with no power or it just having been cut back on.

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Weight loss

So.. as of today I'm down about 23lbs.
Sitting at 201.4 this morning and it's SO damn frustrating!!! I did see 200.4 the other day and just UGH! Get under 200 already!!! lol

Yesterday I had a new appointment with a new doc. Need a family doc so found something close. Made the appointment like 4 or 5 months ago though.
I don't really like the practice. Extremely busy and sloooooooooooooow. I mean when you go, you expect some waiting, but I sat in the exam room by myself for about 45min total by myself. First time was about 30min waiting to see the doctor.
She came in finally and asked some questions.
I've been having some dull achy chest pains (nothing else associated with it to indicate a heart attack or anything).
She said it was common to get with stress which makes sense for me, but she wanted to do an EKG just to be sure.
So I get undressed and sit there... waiting..... and waiting some more... and 15min or so later, finally here comes the nurse or whatever title she carries with the machine.
Just ugh....
I'm not expecting much, but damn.. at least act friendly? Act like you're not completely burnt out? Something??? And how about have more doctors on hand so wait times aren't so damn long?
Maybe it was just a bad day for them overall. Even though this is a very highly populated area, there are limited doctors here that take our insurance, so I'll stick to this one.

The positives though...
Doctor was totally fine with my diet. I've seen a lot of people rant about their doctor not approving of keto so it was nice to know that this one was ok with it.

Also I weighed 201 on their scale with my clothes on so woot! lol

EKG was totally normal. Showed nothing abnormal going on with my heart and whatnot, so yay for that :)

My blood pressure for a while has been in the 140's over 90's and sometimes even higher for both. Always got "Is it usually this high?" all the damn time at my dentist office and at the medcare place when I've gone.
Yesterday though... it was 122/84!! WOOT!!
Don't anyone try to ever tell me this way of eating is unhealthy because just that right there proves them wrong in my eyes!

I have to go back Friday morning to get blood tests done. I'll report back whenever I get those results.
Hopefully they'll be ok. I know some keto folk see their cholesterol go up for a little while and then it drops back down to healthy levels. Hopefully that won't be my case and it's already at healthy levels lol.
____

Ezra had a little stomach bug yesterday. Throwing up as soon as he got up. He did throw up some time during the night too.
Thankfully by mid day he was over it though and acting normal. A bit more tired, but normal :)
And so far neither of the other 2 have gotten it.

Oren is in destructive mode right now. The boy wants to destroy EVERYTHING he touches and it's so damn tiring. Just caught him ripping pages out of one of Zoe's books. sigh..............

Zoe is little miss attitude right now. Ask her to do something more than once, she'll let out a sigh, roll her eyes and say ok in the most annoyed voice ever lol. It's actually pretty funny, but of course we can't encourage that behavior lol. She turned 6... not 16... where is this attitude coming from?

Ezra and Oren fight a lot now too. Nothing violent or anything, just leaning on one while the other gently tries to push them away. It's the most dramatic, but subtle and gentle fighting ever rofl. With how much Ezra screams and cries though you would think Oren was actually trying to kill him lol.

DH is doing well too. He's lost about 34lbs or so so far. So proud of him :)
I know he wants to start exercising eventually. He just has to find the time to do it and get that motivation to start.

I started today. Said I was going to start after my doc appointment and that's what I'm doing. Starting off about 3x a week and keeping it easy b/c I am totally out of shape. Don't want my body to freak out on me and then me not sticking with it.
Have a feeling that adding in exercise is really going to start helping the belly fat disappear.

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

I hate being the bad guy

It comes with being a parent, but damn do I hate being the bad guy sometimes. I hate having to nag nag nag to get them to clean up or do what I've asked/told them to do.
I hate having to punish them b/c it makes me feel so horrible and guilty after. I'm their momma though so... gotta do it.
It sucks though.... it sucks. I'm definitely not a chill parent... at all. I'm not super strict, but I am strict with some things.

Anywho

Zoe's 2nd week of school and she's doing well. Her reading has already improved a lot.
We also transferred her in to the 6yo and up beginner gymnastics class. She had her first class on Monday and she was the smallest one and with the least experience.
The girl has inherited my flexibility.. meaning she's about as flexible as a wooden board. I'm gonna try to work with her at home, but she is VERY resistant to doing it b/c ya know... stretching is uncomfortable. Gotta do it though if she does want to continue with gymnastics. It's just gonna take some time.
Doesn't help that the boys crawl all over us and distract her and uuuugh. Pain in the ass!!!

They're sticking with it though. Do not want them to be like me or DH for that matter and be unhealthy when they grow up. Don't want them to deal with the same health issues that we have.
____

And yeah... things are good. I have a new doc appointment next week and getting a physical. Not looking forward to it, but need a regular doc for all of the non-ob related crap going on.

Friday, August 24, 2018

She had a great first day

Zoe started school on Wednesday and yep. She's happy so far. So glad she likes school. I hated it b/c I was shy and had no friends and bleh. I'm glad that's not the case for her.
She is shy, but opens up quick and thinks of everyone as her friend. She has her little attitude, but she's such a sweet person and it's really amazing watching her grow and just come in to herself even more. So proud of her :)

What I'm not happy about is waking up so  GD early now for the next 9 or however months. Grrr lol. UGH I hate waking early and I am feeling it right now.
I need to go to bed at like 9, but then I'd lose precious adulting time. Such a dilemma :(

Oren has started getting out of his room. Took the child safety thing off a while ago and he's been coming in to our room sometimes. We have a king bed, but it's still crowded with 2 little ones up on it so I sleep with my head at the bottom of the bed and kind of wrap around their feet. It's comfortable enough, but I'd still rather just he stay in his room. Wish Zoe would sleep in her bed already too.
I don't really mind her coming in to our bed, but with the other 2 growing, they're going to want to do it too probably and there just isn't room.
____

I think the neighbor guy hates me lol. He's a big muscular military guy and he probably sees me as some far left liberal that hates military and our country and blahblahblah b/c honestly.. I have the look. I know the stereotypical look that that side has. The funky colored hair. Chubby most of the time etc. I look the part even though that's not what I believe.
SIGH
I only hav myself to blame though. I'm just super awkward and SHY. In my head too damn much and by the time I remember to be friendly.. the moment has passed.
Doesn't help that their child is in the same class as Zoe this year so..just ugh.
Just want to put up a sign with.... I don't hate any of you neighbors! I'm just SHY!!!
____

So.. if I could lose 20lbs every 3 months.. I could potentially be at my goal weight by the time Zoe is out of school. But with how weight is lost so inconsistently most of the time.. pfft. Nope. BUT I'm gonna try my fucking hardest to get there!
Gosh I wish I had been this motivated and whatnot earlier. SO many years wasted. I so regret that, but ya know.. what can you do?
No more time wasted though. I'm doing this now and sticking with it.
Only a few more days in to week 10.... TEN!!! If I can do it for this long, I can go longer and I will get this unhealthy weight gone for good!

Friday, August 17, 2018

Dieting and life and other junk

Welp.. things are going pretty good here.
Had to clean up the house b/c termite inspection. You just never really realize how dirty and cluttered your house is until you have guests over. Holy moly this house was filthy. Got it mostly cleaned up and just waiting for the kids to destroy it all again lol.

One big obstacle was getting our clean laundry mountain folded and put away though and I mostly did that by myself in 2 days. Would've been a day task but my back couldn't handle it. Actually didn't take as long as I thought it would. Literally most of our clothes were sitting in a few giant piles in our room. But yeah.. got that folded and put away and.. just... AAAAAHHH so nice not having that on the floor anymore!
____

Met Zoe's 1st grade teacher yesterday. Just a quick, HI! type of thing. New teacher to the school and yep.. she seems really nice. Not as nice as her kindergarten teacher though. That woman was an angel. Seriously one of the sweetest people... or at least came across as one lol.

A lot of the same kids will be in her class. Ones she thought of as friends and the neighbor boy is going to be in her class as well. We don't really know our neighbors. I feel like I just want to write them an awkward not telling them HI and that I'm not an actual bitch or anything b/c I don't wave at them.. I'm just super awkward and social skills are lacking lol.
I hope they don't think we hate them though. We're just shy!
Anyway....
Really love her school. Education in this state is lacking.. seriously lacking, but her school seems to be one of the few good ones around.
Can't believe school is starting back up next week though. Man.. time just flew by!
I remember feeling like school was forever when I was younger and summer break was forever. Now though... school year flew by and the summer was over in the blink of an eye. You really do have to cherish these moments b/c damn are they flying by now.
____

Diet is still going strong! We'll be starting week 10 next week and I am feeling just as good and positive as when I first started.
II'm down to 204 which is a 20lb loss since when I started.
Hoping I'll be in those onderlands soon! Just so happy that something is finally working and that it's not difficult.. at all.
Yes, I still want all of the junk easy foods b/c they're delicious, but I want to be skinnier and healthier more. That junk will always be there. I only have a certain amount of time on this planet and I don't want to waste it away being miserable with my appearance. Already wasted too much time with that.
Anyway, even though there are still cravings, they're not strong cravings. Just a passing "Oh, some donuts/cake/etc sounds really good right now. Why can't those be healthy damnit!" and then that's about it lol.
Thankfully there are plenty of sweet options out there that are ok to have on this diet so it keeps you satisfied.

DH is still going strong too. He's lost almost 30lbs now. So proud of him and I know he's feeling so much better too. Just.. YAY!

If you're struggling, check out the keto diet. It seems intimidating at first, but like most things, it's really not. It's easy to follow. The first couple of weeks might be hard as you battle those cravings, but the reward is SO worth it.

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Mom FAIL

Yeah.... yesterday was good with no yelling, today? Not so much.
There is only so much mess and whining I can take and my limit was reached very early in the day.
Must. Do. Better

I already put EZ to bed and it's only 6pm. He didn't get a nap today and has been a little terror all day long. Mommy is done. DONE and he needs to go to sleep so I can have at least a few minutes alone. Some peace and fucking quiet!

But yeah.. total fail today. Need to do better though. Even if my patience is gone, I need to at least fake it.
____

Lol, was having a minor pity party for myself earlier.
Saw someone post that they had gone from a size 16/18 to a size 10 in just 2 months. That's it.
And here I am.... started at a size 18 and oh look.. still in an 18. Well.. probably 16 maybe now, but still.
And then other ladies posting their success in 2-3m of eating this way and their giant bellies disappearing.
Why can't that be me too??
I'm eating right. Haven't cheated at all... I wanna start seeing some results! You hear me body! Show me the weight loss!!

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

I need to calm my tits

I've been very yelly lately and I really need to calm my shit down already.
I hate yelling at my kids.. even if they're doing something wrong... I don't want that to be my go to response.
Something else I need to work on and really try to stick with.
____

We're done buying presents for the kids. Damn... buying for a 2yo is hard. You wouldn't think so, but it is. He loves balls, but he already has plenty. We already got him a tablet so there's that at least, but we wanted to get him something else too.
Got him this magnetic fishing thing that I think he'll like... if his siblings don't lose the pieces.

Zoe was SUPER easy to shop for bc she's at that age where she wants everything. I basically just let her pick her own stuff off amazon. Think most of it has come in already. We're not having a party or anything and I think we're just getting them some cupcakes to keep DH and I from cheating.

Anywho... can't believe one is turning 6 and my youngest is going to be 2. Damn... sometimes it feels like time is going by slow, but then you blink and your babies aren't babies any longer.
____

Doing well here.
16lbs down and DH is officially 25lbs down.
WOO us!

He definitely looks like he's lost weight. Me? Not so much. I can sort of tell sometimes, but overall, I still pretty much look the same.
Still have my giant belly, still sporting my giant flabby arms.
It's just kind of sobering to see that even with 16lbs gone... you can't even really tell b/c I have a ton more to lose. Maybe these 16lbs are gone from around my organs and whatnot and what's coming next will be the stuff I can see. I hope so at least :)

Have a physical at the beginning of Sept and would love to be in the onderlands by then. I have about 9-10 more pounds to lose until then. That's a good bit of weight to lose in a month and with how my body likes to lose then gain then lose then gain the same weight over and over.. I dunno if it will happen, but I sure hope so. I may do another egg fast if my weight isn't dropping how I want.

Was thinking about just telling the doctor I'm doing a low carb diet, but I think just being more truthful and saying I'm doing keto would be better. If she's not in to it.. that's her problem and I can find someone else that is more familiar with it and supportive.
____

We're forbidding the kids from spending the night with aunt anymore, but can't tell her why b/c it would only cause problems.
Had to break Oren's heart this past weekend b/c we wouldnt let him spend the night and when asked, DH made up some lame excuse.

It's always been on my mind before, but now.. I have to put my foot down and forbid it.
Aunt has someone in her life that has a sketchy past and I won't risk my kids going over there any longer.
I feel guilty as hell for even letting them over there as much as we did up to this point, but I trusted aunt to protect them. I don't think anything has ever happened, but I just can't put my kids at risk any longer.
I don't want them to come to me down the road and tell me something did happen and ask why I didn't protect them when I knew.
We're going to look like giant assholes when the truth does come out as to why we won't let them over there, but I don't care. My kids come first.. not Aunt's feelings/wants. She chose that person in her life knowing full well their past.... (and she never bothered sharing this info with anyone other than MiL)... she better learn to live with her decision.