Thursday, January 19, 2017

Come on body.. get with the program!

So I didn't exercise yesterday and doubt I will today.
I feel a little bad about it, but with how out of shape I am and how I'm in this for the long haul... I'm ok with it too. This isn't going to be an overnight change... although I wish it was.
Still going to exercise, but going to take it slow so I don't burn out like I have before.
Right now b/c I'm so out of shape and because my sleep is so shit right now... I need some extra time to recover and to just take it easy to begin with. Exercise will pick up and eventually, I'll be kicking some butt 4-5 days out of the week. Maybe more if I find something I really enjoy doing :)

Right now.. my calf muscles are still sore.. and now.. so is my left side ribs. WTH? That didn't hurt yesterday, but suddenly like right before bed.. it started aching. I didn't do anything to it. Didn't tweak it weird.. didn't sleep on it weird... nada.
I couldn't sleep on that side or stretch certain ways last night in bed b/c it would make the area ache more.

Diet is coming along pretty ok. Being strict but not SO strict is going great.
I made homemade fried chicken breasts last night.. and YUM! Even with the breading and the banana I had.. I'm sure my carbs still didn't go over 100g yesterday.
Sweet tooth is pretty calm right now too. I'm still craving sweets, which eating a banana or apple or some sugar free jello has been helping, but other than that.. I haven't really been jonesing for it as much as I thought I would. WOO! :D
Same with carbs. I'll come back to that in another week or 2 and see how that's going :P lol I'm sure I'll be wishing for some real pasta instead of zoodles :P lol

But yeah... slow achy start, but I'm good so far :)

Now I don't want to knock religion... although I'm sure what I'm about to say will sound like it.
I just don't like the way it's taught. It sounds SO cultish and brainwashy to me.
Zoe goes to Awana on Wednesdays. It's some church club thing. I had to do her lesson for the week with her. It's just reading her a story and then getting her to memorize a verse.
Just the way it kept saying to "OBEY... OBEY... OBEY!!!!" just totally rubs me the wrong way.
Obey Jesus!! Jesus is your everything! You're all sinners and must OBEY Jesus! JESUS JESUS JESUS!!!
Now.. people can worship whatever they want, but... there isn't a better way to do it?? Spread the love and support of a religion, but how about toning down the cult-like part of it some huh?
This is why I'll never be a religious person... I just can't with that.

Alrighty.... Oren and Ez are napping and Zoe is watching her tablet. Time for this momma to try to get a few snoozes in before the needy ones wake up :P lol

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

So far? Meh.. ok

F- me.... I had a nice long post typed out and with a misclick of some buttons... all gone. GDI!!!!

Anyway... paraphrasing....
Diet is going pretty well. Not super strict which I'm happy about. DH and I both have A LOT of weight to lose and I think not going so strict is going to help with longevity. We won't feel so deprived of the junk that we love lol.

I'm also not going to be setting up specific goals with a set time. I mean there's the reward for when we both lose 50lbs, but we're not giving a time limit on that.
Like before, I would say... 50lbs by Christmas! And when that rolls around and I still haven't lost anything.. I'd get discouraged.
So no more specific goals. My goal now is just to lose weight and get healthy... however long that takes. Of course I'm hoping the weight comes off quick though ;) lol

Just changed Ez's diaper. Didn't realize he was still in the process of pooping. Nothing like having to catch the poop as it's coming out. YUCK. Thankfully it wasn't watery and thankfully I had at least a thin baby wipe barrier lol.

Not sure about exercise today. My calf muscles are so sore and my soreness tends to get worse as the day goes on. May try a dance workout if I find a good low impact one. Or I may just rest today.
I did sleep better last night, but with my sleep not being so great, I may need extra time for my body to really recover.
But I think I'm gonna aim for doing something low impact and hopefully fun :)

And finally a rant. Had a longer one typed out, but oh well...
I'm done with my brother. Just done. He's an asshole, loser, pathological liar that thinks everyone is a moron. He thinks he's smarter than everyone else, but everyone can see right past his bullshit. I think that's why he never wants to be around anyone, especially me, b/c he knows I don't buy any of the crap that comes out of his mouth.
I think SiL knows just how much of a loser he is but maybe is in denial about the extent of it or maybe she's just accepted it and feels trapped or... who knows.
She needs to leave him though and he needs to just fucking disappear. Not saying die.. lol, I'm not a psycho... but he needs to just go away and fuck right off and either change his ways or die a lonely and pathetic old man.
With the way he's going... he's going to lose his family. With the way he is and what he's done... he should.
He's losing me.... he's hell bent on fucking up his relationship with our mom... and with our dad... who knows.
I love my brother, but there comes a point when love just isn't enough anymore and you have to see the person for what they really are and my brother is not a good person.
He used to be...or at least... not as shitty and then... I dunno WTF happened to him. I don't know why he is the way he is. Maybe b/c of our dad. I know my dad is pretty much the same way. Thinks he's smarter than everyone else, but again.. everyone can see past the bullshit and lies.
A part of me hopes that SiL leaves him and takes the kids. I think inlaws have a house that they could stay at if need be. Or hell, just kick him out of that house. Maybe that would make him clean up his act, but I doubt it b/c..... he's a loser. He'd try lying to get them back.
Just... ugh.
I'm not saying anything to either of them though. I want to... lord do I want to..... but it's not my place. All I can do is rant about it here and if SiL reaches out.. I'll be here to listen.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

I don't want to, but said i would

Really don't wanna do this, especially after actually seeing the photos lol.

Yikes man... yikes. I looked like this at the end of my pregnancy! I shouldn't still look like this, but here I am in all of my glory.
And thanks to my sports bra and nipple pads... my boobs look wonky too. Awesome.
Think that's the least of my worries though.

Hopefully this will be the last time I look like this. No.. not hopefully. This WILL be the last time I look like this. This WILL be the last time I'm this big.

Also didn't end up exercising until just a little bit ago (7:30pm). My mom stopped by earlier and that along with pumping and the kids... I just didn't feel like it.
I was coming up with my excuse as to why I didn't exercise, but thought about what I said.... no more lame excuses.
Yes.... I am still exhausted... which is why I took it easy on the elliptical once again, but not as easy as yesterday.
Time to get some new healthy habits for once and stop making excuses to be lazy.

And finally...

So... I let the kids out in to the backyard. With only 2 small dogs... there shouldn't be too much poop back there. Yeah I know.. still gross.
But they managed to not get any on them and they were playing pretty well... that is until they were quiet. Too quiet.
So I get up and see Zoe dumping a small bucket of stuff all over Oren's head as he's running away.
It was a mixture of ash from the grill, dirt from the yard, and potting mix. Awesome.
These pictures are actually after I tried to brush off a lot of it. These pics just don't do this justice.
He had a layer on him and it took multiple shampoos to get all the dirt and grime out of his hair.


Hair and getting started

Couldn't think of a clever there ya go lol.
Bought some new hair products.

 First up, I bought some Hask deep conditioner. Was looking to get another little bottle of oil and saw this pack for a dollar and decided to get it. Just used it and it smells so nice. Like a citrus Fraser fur scent to it which I just love.
Using it.... it was very thick. I ended up using the whole packet for my hair. It may have been a little too much, but only just a little. You're supposed to leave it on clean wet hair for 10min and then rinse which I did. It surprisingly rinsed out really quickly. You know how some conditioners feel like they never want to rinse out of your hair and leaves everything slick. Not this stuff. It actually felt like I rinsed my hair too much lol.

Oh and I bought some Mane n' Tail at Walmart.
Thought I was buying shampoo and conditioner. Sigh... I really need to pay more attention :P
I used the Deep Moisturizing one first. The scent was really like and clean smelling. Seemed like a decent enough shampoo. Nothing special really as far as I could tell. It didn't strip my color anymore than the shampoo I had been using so that's good.

Oh And I also bought a different type of oil. This one says it's more for shine or whatnot. Not sure when I'll use it.
And I was wrong. They don't have giant bottles of oil. What I thought was giant bottles was actually just shampoo and conditioner lol. I may try those out one day :)

Also bought this stuff to use on Zoe's hair. Smells great... not so sure on how well it works. Used some last night on her hair and don't really think it helped getting out the tangles. Maybe it prevents the hair from tangling instead of getting out tangles that are already there?

The Batmobile walker came yesterday!! YAY!
Ezra of course isn't old enough to know he can move in it yet lol. But he seemed to enjoy the little activities on it. (squeaky horn you press on.. think dog toy squeaker. 4 lights that play a different sound each. A yellow button that plays some song... not the Batman theme which is disappointing lol. And a couple other things. Nothing spectacular.)

Of course the other 2 thought it was great and Zoe was pushing him around everywhere. While I was prepping dinner, DH comes in to the kitchen and tells me that she actually pushed EZ all the way in to her room and that they were having a sleep over lol. Aww.
Of course she had to go run and put her Robin costume on too ;)

And Oren just being crazy. I dunno what is with this child, but he likes sliding his way in to the basket that hangs under the stroller. All you hear is a ton of giggles as he's sneaking his way in to it lol. Crazy child.

So we finally started our healthy diet last night.
We went grocery shopping and spent a ton of meat and healthy stuff. But a lot of that meat should last for more than just this week. At least we hope so lol.
We figured out that some things are cheaper to buy at Sam's Club than the grocery store. I mean, that seems pretty obvious, but we never really compared before. Think we'll be buying our apples and a few other things from there from now on.

I did end up exercising later in the afternoon. I didn't want to, but I was determined to do it.
It was only about 25mins on the elliptical and I didn't do it too hard.
I'm WAY out of shape and didn't want to push myself to the point of being super sore the next day or anything.
My thighs did actually get sore yesterday afterwards. That's how out of shape I am. Not even pushing it hard and I still got sore.

I really don't want to do anything today. At least not right now. All I want to do is sleep.
Think Ez had gas last night and started fussing at around midnight and DID NOT STOP until I finally fed him at 3am. That entire time I was constantly getting up to put his paci back in his mouth b/c he'd spit it out and start fussing.
So frustrating.
And it didn't stop there... every time there was a lull in between fusses... Oren would fuss or DH's snoring would get particularly bad... so I couldn't even snooze.
So I feed him.... finish pumping.. put him back to bed blahblah. Get back to bed at 4. I think I fell asleep just before or just after 5am... and then he started fussing again at 6.
Are you F-ing kidding me????
At around 6:30... he actually woke up and started babbling in his bassinet. I just brought him to bed with me. Snuggled him up close and fell asleep. Thankfully he did too.... and then Oren woke up at 7:20. Ez was still sleeping and so was Zoe.
I finally got up at 7:40. Put Ez back in his bassinet and got Oren. He had poop and looked to have probably did it during the night (maybe when I heard him fussing on of those times over the monitor). So his butt was all red and sore from sitting in it for too long so he was super cranky and whiny... poor baby :(

So yeah.... I'm just running on empty here right now. Caffeine isn't touching this exhaustion at all.
I'm gonna try out one of those dance workouts today, but it may only be for a few minutes before I say fuck it. Going to at least try though... just haven't figured out when. Maybe when Oren is down for a nap.

I'll see about getting a before shot today.
Forgot to weigh yesterday, so did it this morning.
Starting weight is 222.0. A few pounds less than I thought it would be so i guess that's a good thing lol.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Korean fire noodles

Eaten and..... Delicious!!
The flavor is really good.
Yes it is spicy, but definitely not as spicy as YouTube videos make it out to be.
I guess if you're not used to spice or don't like spice, it will be bad, but for myself... It really wasn't that bad.
Wish I could compare it to something.
Havent really had a habenero on its own, but my guess is that it might be about that heat. A little more than a jalapeno.
The burning linger doesn't last that long either. Got done about 10min ago and it's like a lingering feeling but no spice to it if that makes sense.

Nothing new, just wanted to post

Just wanted to post some more since I cut the other one short.
Oh I don't remember what else I wanted to post about, but here I am anyway lol.

I did end up going to Walmart after DH got home from church. I needed my soda fix, plus I wanted to pick up some fried chicken for dinner.
Welp... got the soda... but that walmart's deli section was completely closed :\
There's a Publix on the way home and I love their chicken so I stopped there and grabbed an 8 piece. A little pricey, but tasty as heck. If it didn't cost so much (7.99), I would've gotten another one.

It's starting to get messy again. Slowly this time, but surely. Zoe will pick up, but always seems to overlook something so those overlooked spots just keep multiplying.
Will need to fix that.

Since DH is off tomorrow, think I may hop on the elliptical. Maybe watch some anime on Netflix. See if I can get in to anything again.
I used to like anime and like what I've seen, it's just... I dunno... nothing appeals to me when I see all of them listed. I'm sure I'll enjoy whatever I watch. Just needs to be dubbed.
Yes yes I know... anime enthusiasts don't like dubbed, but I don't want to have to worry about reading while trying to exercise.

So... we went to the Korean store Saturday. Bought mostly good stuff, but did buy a 4 pack of those Korean fire noodle challenge. THink I'm going to try it tonight lol. Will come back later and give an update on how it was :P I like spicy, but not too spicy which I'm sure that stuff is.

Noooo... I needs it!

Sitting here with Ez and getting a caffeine withdrawal headache. Sigh...
DH is off Monday so we decided to just wait until then to go grocery shopping. Welp.. I ran out of my diet dr pepper on Friday. Normally that isn't a problem since we go grocery shopping Saturday.
Sigh.. today is going to suck :(

And I dunno if we're all sick with something or if it's just the dry air in the house causing some issues or what, but 4 out of 5 of us have a cough.
For myself, it's a damn annoying ass tickle in the back of my throat that makes me cough. I feel fine. Don't feel like I have a cold or anything.
Oren did have a cough, but he seems to be over it. And Zoe got it next and seems to be getting over it, so hopefully I will too. DH coughs every once in a while. Not as bad as I'm needing to.
I'm not hacking up a lung or anything, it's just when that tickle starts up... I'm clearing my throat and coughing trying to relieve the feeling.
And of course it happens mostly when I'm trying to get to sleep... :\

No CPAP for DH yet, damnit!
Of course his doctor has to milk it for all it's worth and have him come in a bazillion times. Just give him his machine and THEN you can do a follow-up appointment to see how things are going. But no.. he had his sleep study, now he has to go I guess get his machine then... then again for another follow up....
DH described the whole process to me. Sounds like his settings are pretty high. No more stomach sleeping for him, but at least he gets to sleep on his back again.

So we started feeling a bit bad that we didn't get Ez anything for Christmas. And he always looks longingly at his siblings when they run off and play.... so we splurged a bit and bought him a walker.... a batmobile walker that was too much but damn cute lol. Will hopefully get it Tuesday.
It's so cute! Just hope the other kids don't break it trying to get in to it themselves.

Gotta cut this short.... Ez woke up in a fussy mood. Gotta go Mom :D