Thursday, September 29, 2016

It's not even noon....

I am so done with this day. Woke up feeling drained. Even though I was exhausted after pumping, I couldn't get back in to that good restful sleep so basically lost about 3 more hours of much needed sleep.
Yesterday was awful too. I just got sicker and sicker. Thankfully no more throwing up, but there were a couple of times where I thought I would. Just felt light headed and awful all day yesterday and could barely drink anything so was dehydrated so my milk supply is just taking another hit.
I still feel sick today, but thankfully so far, not as bad as yesterday. Going to try my best to drink more, but it still feels like I can't stomach a lot of liquids.

Oren is also not 100% yet. Got him up and he was crusty with throw up. Happened some time during the night /shrugs
He's acting pretty normal, but he was yesterday too..... even though he didn't nap at all which ticked me off.

And Ezra this morning has been a little nightmare. Started off well enough, but I swear his fighting sleep is driving me damn crazy and just drains me completely. Just spent a good 30 mins trying to get him to settle down and sleep already. He's finally sleeping now but who knows for how long. He cat naps quite a bit which I know is contributing with his irritability.

Oh AND Oren had some nasty poop which just reaffirms that he's still somewhat sick.

Uuuuuuuugh...... just feeling done and overwhelmed and yeah..... just ugh right now. This momma needs a nice LONG nap.... or another giant piece of cake. Sigh... I want more cake.... and sleep.

Zoe has thankfully been great this morning. Yay for that at least lol.
She was a bit weak still yesterday, but she managed to eat and drink without throwing up once the entire day. So glad for that :)

Being a momma is so hard sometimes. Yeah yeah.. it is all worth it, but that doesn't make these difficult moments any less difficult.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Better but not 100%

So Oren is better. Not completely 100% yet but better thankfully.
I'm also much better but still getting some nausea and blah feeling. Difficult trying to re-hydrate since drinking too much water causes the nausea to come back. I'm slowly getting fluids back though.
My milk supply has definitely dropped, but hopefully that will pick back up once health is back to normal.

Zoe is a little better today. She didn't get as sick as Oren, but still couldn't keep much down. My poor girl :(
She's keeping water and crackers down today though, but is still snoozing off and on. So still low energy and I'm sure wouldn't be able to eat much more than that.

Ezra... I THINK might have it, but it's very mild with him. He's spitting up a little more than usual, but it's only just a little bit so it's hard to say if this is the stomach bug or if it's just reflux or something else.
He is still fighting sleep like crazy. Doesn't help when Oren or Zoe get in his face every chance they get.
It's so sweet that they want to interact with him, but also really frustrating when he finally gets to sleep only for one of them to get up in his face and wake him up.

Oren is currently yelling for me in his crib even though he should be napping. Sigh... he'll fall asleep eventually. Just hate the whining :P lol UGH his whining is driving me frickin crazy. It's just annoying as hell b/c he says whatever he's saying the exact same way every single time so it's like a broken record and just grates on my nerves. I sound so loving right now lol. I love my big headed little dude, but he needs to shush and go so sleep!

So far DH seems to have dodged the bug, but still plenty of time and opportunity at home to catch it.
Not that I want him to get sick or anything lol.
____

I think once Ez is out of the super dependent newborn stage or at least is sleeping on a more regular schedule... I'm gonna start making the frame things again.
We could really use the money that I'm HOPING this idea could make (even if it's just a little), and plus it would be nice to make my own money and contribute financially to the household. I know money isn't everything and raising and taking care of the kids is just as important. I just want to help out if I can.
Just feels like DH has a lot of stress sometimes when it comes to the bills and wanting to do things but we're not able to b/c we don't have the extra funds and need to save.

Say for instance.. The friends we visited when we went on the road trip... they want to go on a road trip to Maine. So would we, but they want to do it next summer.
Uh.. nope... at least that's my answer. We would love to go.. in maybe 2 years from now, but we really need to build our savings back up which is going to take at least a year. And we really need to get some house things done.. like DH's shed for the back yard and the back porch.
Well I guess those things don't need to be done, but neither does another expensive road trip either.
And speaking of the trip for a moment...
They want to stop in every big city along the way. Me? NOPE!! It took us like 2 hours to get out of Chicago on our way home. The hell if I want to do that shit again over and over and over again. We live close enough to the coast that we could just do a nice coastal areas road trip all the way up north. How nice would that be?
Well, probably not so nice if we do go next summer with a not even 1yo along with 2 other kids. I can imagine that Ez would be just as bad as Oren was w/ the screaming and crying. That was not fun.

So anyway... my vote is NO on another road trip or any big trip that soon b/c of money and b/c of Ezra.
We'll see what happens. DH knows how I feel and he knows I'm right, but I can just see in his eyes that he wants to go and is trying to figure out some way to make it work. Dude... there's no way to make it work. We just don't have the extra money to take a vacation like that again so soon. He needs to face it.

And that's why I want to start getting my craft on lol. So we can hopefully go on more trips and whatnots. Not that I think I'll become some bazillionaire or anything rofl. But any little bit would help :) Even if it's just enough to buy a single souvenir magnet or something rofl... that would still be something.

Monday, September 26, 2016

Ugh....

So when did I post last? Don't even remember.
Oren and Zoe had appointments last week. Both had to get shots.
Both are good too. Oren was 24lbs.
I don't remember the other stats lol.

Friday, Zoe myself and dh had to go to the dentist. Dh needed some crap for small cavities and myself and Zoe just had a cleaning. I swear, dental hygienists are modern day torturers. My teeth weren't even that nad, but couldn't tell that with the way she was scraping the shit out of my teeth and gums.

Oren spent the night with his granny on Friday. We went to get him Saturday afternoon at a chicken joint where he proceeded to throw up potato chunks all over me.
He also threw up on the way home and yeah. Stomch bugs suck ass.
No idea where he got it from but wouldn't doubt it was from mils house.
Anyway, he's been sick since then and is very slowly on the mend.
He couldn't keep any liquid down on Saturday and Sunday. Thankfully he could keep down Ice chips, but he didn't want to eat enough of them to help with the dehydration.
Of course I caught it and started throwing up last night. I'm thankfully not as sick as he got, but it still sucks.
Feel so weak and feverish without the fever.
Now, Zoe started to throw up tonight. Sigh.....
I'm sure dh will be next and Ezra. Most worried bout Ez. Will have to take him to hospital if he gets sick.

I've only pumped 4 times today too. I just didn't have the energy earlier to do it. My supply is definitely going to take a hit from this. Will be a lot of work to get it back up, but I'm gonna try my best.

Thankfully dh stayed home today to take care of the kids, but he'll be going back tomorrow unless he gets sick.
Thankfully I'm already feeling a little better so it shouldn't be too bad... Other than taking care of sick kiddos :(

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Happy Belated birthday to me!

Yesterday was my birthday and meh. Like any other day except with cake and I didn't have to cook dinner lol.
Hell, DH didn't even offer to change poop diapers when he got home. Asshole....

It was a good day though. Tantrums were minimal and overall it was a nice boring day which I'm totally cool with.
Would've been better if I could've slept in though. Ez woke up at 6am and wouldn't go back to sleep /cry

The cake made up for it though. Made myself sick by eating 2 giant pieces of it, but damn.. is it good!
____

6w PP appointment tomorrow. UGH. Do I HAVE to have a pelvic exam if I had a c-sec? I'm gonna ask b/c I don't see why I would need it since I didn't push a baby out my vajangle.
Oh doh.. google to dash my dreams. Looks like everyone gets the exam since it should count as an annual exam. BLEH! Need to do some serious trimming tonight. Things are wild and untamed down south.
____

Zoe wrote her name last night! WOO!
She's been going to her church thing on Wednesdays and has 'homework' she has to do before the next meetup the following week.
She had to draw a picture for this week and DH showed her how to write her name. She remembered the letters that spell her name which was awesome enough, then after DH showed her how to write it, she did it all by herself!
So proud of my girl :) She was so proud of herself too that she did it 2 more times and wanted me to get pics of all of it which I happily did. :)



Monday, September 19, 2016

I think my newborn is broken...

That's the only explanation I can think of as to why he fights sleep so damn much and so often. Newborns are supposed to sleep and eat and poop/pee.
Not scream and cry and act like sleep is their mortal enemy.

Woke up at 3 to pump and feed Ez. I knew it was gonna be a long night b/c he completely woke up to eat instead of dream eating like he normally does.
I did get lots of cute little smiles and he acted like he was going to go back to sleep. HA! Just a ruse....
I was up until 5am trying to get his little butt back to sleep. And I swear he has a radar.
I'd stand by the bassinet and just wait to see if he was going to spit out his pacifier. As soon as I laid back down in bed... he'd start fussing.
This didn't happen just once... oh no... it happened at least half a dozen times.
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
I actually started tearing up near the end b/c I was just so frustrated and tired.
I could let DH get up some of the times too, but I'd be awake anyway b/c my brain just can not sleep when it hears any of my babies make a noise. Could be in deep sleep, but as soon as one of them burped.. I'd be awake. Maybe not wide awake, but still awake. Plus he has to go to work to make the money so... getting up with the baby is the least I can do.
He did get up once but Ez carried on for another 30min after until he finally went to sleep.
Sigh......
____

Zoe and Oren have thankfully been better the last couple of days.No screaming/crying fits for no reason.
There have been a few for a reason, but none for seemingly no reason lol.

I did have to watch 2 of my brother's kids yesterday for a few hours, but they were ok for the most part and Oren was kept occupied playing with the boy cousin.
____

Speaking of my brother.... him and his wife are giant thieving assholes. Well.. probably mostly my brother but his wife is in some serious denial if she doesn't question where their money is coming from.
Basically my brother is committing identity theft b/c they refuse to live within their means.
Plus he's a giant dumbass that keeps getting himself fired from perfectly great jobs for whatever reason.
All those comic con trips and trips to other cons (That SiL and one of their kids came back from... why I had to watch the other 2)... they can't afford that shit on his job.
But nope... they refuse to just accept the fact that they're poor and don't need to be spending money on stupid shit so... what do they do? Steal my mom's information and open up credit cards in her name.

Yes... seriously. My mom found out bc the banks kept calling her about paying the bills. My mom has NEVER owned a credit card. She didn't know WTH was going on until they straight up told her that it was my brother that opened up the account and that she can either pay the bill or she can press charges against my brother and he'll go to jail.
I was caught up in all this shit b/c my brother and his wife don't answer their phones when my mom calls them, so she calls me to call them.
She wanted to talk to my brother or else she was going to press charges which wouldn't do him or his family any good.
I talked to SiL and told her straight up what wwas going on. She did genuinely sound like she had no idea what he did. I told her to tell him... Would he rather get yelled and cursed at or would he rather go to jail?
He did end up talking to our mom, but my mom recently found out that he had gotten a credit card from another bank in her name.
Good lord he is a DUMBASS ASSHOLE.
I mean.. WTH did he think was going to happen when my mom was getting the bill and calls for credit cards she never opened? She can see the invoices and see that the purchases are being made locally. She may not speak English all that well, but she's not an idiot.
She doesn't have a ton of money.. she wasn't going to just sit back and pay off this crap.

Just UGH... piss me off.
Glad that they don't really talk to us b/c.... just ugh.
I love my brother and his wife, but gawd damn. Stop being scumbags and live within your means!
Be role models for your kids and not models of what not to be.
____

Anywho...
Enough of that...

Pumping is going well. About the same.
Don't think my boobs can physically hold anymore than what I've been getting (about 600-700ml per day)
I admit that I get a bit jealous when I look up info and see these women pumping 5+ oz each boob PER pump. Wow... that's insane to me.
And that's AFTER they already Bf'd their baby. What?? How???
Sigh.....
I'm happy to get what I can get though. I know there are probably a lot of women they can't even get what I do.
Going to try to go for as long as I can.
It's helping that I'm logging all of the times and amounts that I'm getting. Helps to keep me on track and it's encouraging to see the numbers stay steady or increase a little. It is a bit sucky to see shit numbers too though so kind of a double edged sword, but it's mostly positive.

I haven't needed to take ibuprofin or tylenol for a few days now. The last time I did was for an awful headache that wouldn't go away. No pain in incision area though. I have had some pain and stiffness in my right hip which sucks.

Weight is staying steady at around 216 give or take. Hoping that with consistent pumping, that I"ll be one of those magical unicorn moms that drops the weight easily... lol.. yeah right.

Not really sure the lactation cookies are working. They're good, but not sure if the possibly benefit is worth all the sugar in them.

Have 2 appointments this week. One for a teeth cleaning and my 6w PP one. Fun :\

Birthday is tomorrow...... more sleep would be a great present but yeah.. that's not gonna happen lol.
DH better get me a birthday cake though. I don't care about getting a present... I just want a Publix birthday cake with giant frosting sugary diabeeteez flowers on it!! I've compromised too many times for my birthday dinner and cake. Getting disappointing shit that I didn't want b/c I didn't want DH to have to eat or get things he didn't like.
Well SCREW THAT NOISE this time. I want what I want and damnit.. I better get it!

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Birth control.... that's what my kids' nicknames need to be...

Holy shit... Oren's nonstop crying and whining are driving me up the damn wall. Just go the F to sleep!!!
If anyone ever wonders why they don't want kids and then they heard what comes out of mine... they'd be like "Oh yeah.. that's why!"
And he's SO damn sensitive to everything and scream cries.. usually right by his sleeping brother.

I love my little boogers to death, but holy shit do they annoy the hell out of me sometimes. Ok.. a lot of times :P

And Ezra is no better right now. Newborns are supposed to sleep a lot.. which he does, but he also fights sleep like it's the reason he was put on this earth. And him fighting sleep means he's grumpy as hell and SCREAMS and SHRIEKS like a damn banshee.
I'm sorry little dude... I can't hold you as much as I want b/c you have 2 siblings and I need to pump and need my hands free to do that.
My boobs suck and need a ton of massaging to get your food out of them.

And Zoe... Zoe just keeps getting more stubborn and more defiant. Ask/tell her to do something and you can plainly see her ignore you. Not just her not hearing you, no.... you can see that little switch in her head being turned on to ignore whatever you just said to her. And she's getting more stingy and greedy with her toys. Which of course causes Oren to cry and uuuuuuugh. It's never ending sometimes lol.

I've learned to ignore a lot of it b/c if I didn't, I'd go insane :P
But just sometimes.. it's hard to ignore. It's hard to ignore when I'm simultaneously trying to pump, get Oren to stop crying, get Ezra to stop crying and just go to sleep (or bottle feed him), and trying to get Zoe to clean up after herself.

Having kids is not easy. Lemme tell ya lol
I really wouldn't trade it for anything, even on the hardest days... but MAN is it hard sometimes.

Mommy needs a break...... or a giant piece of a cake and a 6 pack of highly caffeinated soda.... and a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. Oh my gosh..... ok..... I'll take sleep over everything else. Sweet beautiful sleep..... sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

Just letting the boobs drip

It's just after 3am. I'm sitting here and just as the title says, letting my boobs drip a bit after I just pumped.
I'm glad I'm not trying to pump more than once a night and that Ezra only usually wakes once to eat.
Still would rather be able to just sleep though. Its a guaranteed hour or so of being awake which sucks when all you can think about is sleep.
Small price to pay I guess.

This week has been ok. I've been a lot bitchier than usual. Just snapping a but quicker, which I'm not proud of.
Really hate yelling at the kids or getting mad at them. Have to remind myself that they're still so young and they're going to be holy terrors sometimes...lol.
Just gotta give myself some slack though.
I've been doing pretty good, but it should be better.

Alrighty, gotta go wash all the pump stuff and get back to sweet sweet sleep.