Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Ramblings

Thanksgiving went well.
I ate everything!!! I wanted to eat more, but we got home late so I didn't get a chance to finish off the delicious sweet potato casserole that I made. It was SO good and so sweet. I gained 4lbs and it's taken a week and a half to get back to where I was lol.
I expected it, but was hoping my body would surprise me and not do this again.
Oh well. It was worth it.
I won't be cheating for Christmas though. I have a new years goal in mind and would very much like to reach it. If I cheated, I wouldn't.
We already bought a rib roast for Christmas and there should be salad and whatnot too. The only thing that will be hard to pass up are fresh baked rolls. Had those on Thanksgiving and holy shit were they good. SO damn good.
Anyway...
Diet is still going strong though. I just jumped right back to keto the next day. I did have to combat that little voice in my head telling me to just cheat a little more. What's one more day? But no. That's a slippery slope to bad habits again and that's not going to happen.
I just have to rant for a second though.
I'm so sick of people ragging on the keto diet. Is it a bit fad-y right now? Absolutely. But lets not pretend that low carb is something new. And seriously.. what's so wrong with it? If you're strict, you're eating whole foods. How is that bad?
So tired of people saying it's not sustainable. Yeah sure, if you have no willpower to stay away from carbs and sugar. But that's why it's not for everyone. Not every diet works for everyone.
Hell... that's why there are names for people who do keto differently.
Lazy for those that only bother to count carbs but nothing else.
Dirty for those that will eat whatever so long as it fits their macros.
And Strict for those that only eat clean whole foods and track what they eat.
There is no one diet for everyone. Keto doesn't work for everyone b/c not everyone can do super strict diets. Just like being vegan isn't for everyone b/c folks don't want to give up meat.
Damn... why is that so difficult for people to understand??
Just b/c YOU don't like a diet or that it didn't work for YOU doesn't mean it's a shit diet.

ANYWAY...
I'm down to 189 this morning. i was 187 yesterday but I ate something that is causing me some bloat. Not sure what, but  hope it passes soon.
I would loooooove to be at 180 by the end of the year, but with how erratic my weight loss can be at times and slow going... I'll just be happy with any loss :)
I'm ready to kick 2019's ass though.... at least with losing weight. And by this time next year, I hope to be at my ultimate goal or damn close to it.
I still have 60 more pounds I would like to lose and I WILL get there!!!

Oh and I started off at an 18 and I'm pretty sure I could fit in to 12's now. I'm currently in 14's but they're starting to become loose in the waist. My pooch is still pretty big though which is why I haven't gotten a smaller size just yet.
____

Kids are good. Driving me batshit, but they're good.

Ezra is still a tiny tornado. Total destruction wherever he goes lol.

Oren is also good. I'm working harder on getting him potty trained. Yep.. still not potty trained. He is stubborn as hell and it's my fault too for not being more consistent. I'm doing better with it though.

Zoe is doing great. Little miss attitude lol. She's awesome though. So smart. Also stubborn, but also really sweet and has so much imagination.

I have been SUPER stressed recently though so my yelling has been too much. Doesn't help that I'm doing it alone right now since DH is out of state for work and I haven't been sleeping well.
I still need to check myself though before I go off like I have been. I don't want their memories of me yelling at them all the dang time. I need to do so much better.

DH is doing well too. He's lost 50lbs and looks fantastic. So proud of him.
He's actually had way more cheats than me on this diet. Mostly b/c of his work, but b/c he's a guy, he's lost more. Grrr :P lol
He was so miserable before and it's just so nice seeing him happy in his body again. He's not done yet, but he's well on his way there :)
____

Christmas is fast approaching and we definitely overspent on presents again this year. We're never going to learn rofl.
Oh well.... Just means it's time to donate more of their old shit to make room for the new... shit.
____

Oh and SiL is pregnant again. DH's younger sister. The annoying one.
Seems like this one is a sticky bean too, but she also has that hypersomethingsomething condition again. The one where she has morning sickness constantly.
Sounds like there is a pump for the anti-nausea med now though that she has so I hope it's helping her out.
She also said she's getting that early genetic testing thing done since she's considered advanced maternal age. So everyone should know what she's having soon :)
She's annoying as shit though.
SO fucking dramatic. Like... damn woman. Yeah, morning sickness sucks, but it doesn't give you the right to be a total bitch to everyone, especially your husband. And it doesn't give you the right to pawn off your child to your mother for over a week b/c boohoo, you're sick and you need your husband to focus all of the attention on to you.
UGH she's so.... exhausting to be around. It's like one second, she's a cool person. Funny and witty but then you hang around longer and learn just the kind of person she is when she's not those things.
Overly dramatic. NEEDS all attention on her. I know women joke about their husband's getting the "man flu" or acting like they're going to die when they're sick.... That's HER.

But anyway... I am happy for them and I know the inlaws are thrilled to be getting another grandbaby :)
I just really hope DH's older sister can get and stay pregnant. Sounds like she has no problem getting pregnant, but she keeps miscarrying :( She's a great momma and I know she desperately wants another. She's over 40 though so... not much time to make things happen.
____

Anway, I've written enough for now. Maybe I'll get another post in before the end of the year. Maybe not.
If not... I hope everyone kicks some ass for the rest of 2018 :)

Friday, November 16, 2018

Happy Early Thanksgiving!!

I know it's not until next week, but this is for just in case I forget to post like I've been doing lately.

Lets see, what has been going on.
It finally got cold here. YAY! And I think losing weight has made me more susceptible to the cold now b/c I was fricking freezing this morning. Sure it was like 30something degrees, but compared to last year, I can definitely tell that there's a difference. Guess that's what happens when you're not carrying around 37 extra pounds.

Yep... down 37lbs in 5 months so far. I wish it was faster, but I'm still happy with how it has been going too. I'm still going very strong too. Never had a moment of wanting to give up and I do not plan on it.
Oh... I'm cheating and eating my weight on Thanksgiving and probably Christmas too, but jumping right back on the diet after. This time next year, I will be at my goal or really damn close. No more looking back and wishing I had stuck with it. I'm going to look back and be proud of what I did and happy with what I see.

With that being said though, I really need to de-stress. Raising 2 toddlers is ROUGH. Good lord I've been so damn stressed b/c well... they're toddlers. I have very little patience and just... I don't like being this way and need to figure out something to get this stress out instead of blowing up at the kids. Hoping that taking up some of the crafting I want to do will help. If not, then I guess I'll try exercise even though I hate it still lol.

Kids are good.
Oren is constantly fighting with Ezra. Hitting and pushing and uuuuuugh. He's good though and still likes to snuggle, but he's quickly losing that little baby/toddler look in favor of a little boy /cry

Ezra is good. Talking so much and slowly coming out of his shell. He's still pretty shy around strangers but so were the other 2. Zoe is about 90% not shy anymore and Oren is about 50/50 depending on his mood.
He is going through a phase of sticking his fingers down his diaper when he has poop. Had to clean up so many poop smeared walls and tables. YUCK.

Zoe is doing well. Great in school for the most part and just a spunky child. Wish she wasn't so picky with her food, but I'm trying to get her out of that... or at least feed her more of the good things that she does like.. like spinach and broccoli.
She's a bit re-obsessed with Robin right now (Batman's sidekick). This age is just fun though. I love and will miss having babies, but having a child that can do things for herself is SO damn nice! rofl

DH and I are good too. I think he's pretty close to his intial weight loss goal. Not sure how much more he'd like to lose once he does reach it. Or if he just wants to get a little more fit.
I still have about 60 more pounds I want to lose. My stomach is stubbornly trying to stick around, but it will eventually go as more weight comes off.

What else... really nothing much going on. Just every day life stuff :)

Saturday, November 3, 2018

Oh geeze!

I didn't realize it had been so long since I posted last!

Lets see.... I did have a cheat day finally. DH's friend came down to visit for the week and we spontaneously decided to go to the state fair... so I cheated. I didn't even cheat that bad. I got right back on the diet the next day though. :)
I did gain 3lbs and it has taken my body weeks to get those back off. But meh. I'm good :)
I also plan on cheating on Thanksgiving b/c pfft, I'm not passing up all that good food. And then it will be right back to keto after.
Same for Christmas too.
I've said it before, but I am in this for the long run and life happens sometimes. Sure these cheats may put me back a couple of weeks, but I'm good. They're not going to derail me.

My starting weight was 224 when I started all of this and I'm down to 192 today. It's coming off slow, but it's coming off!
I started off a starting to get tight 18 pants and I'm in 14's... some of those 14's are starting to get loose too. Not loose enough to get smaller size yet but it will get there :)

It's not all rainbows and puppies though. I wish my stomach would flipping disappear already. I still look like I'm pregnant and my stomach still sticks out more than my boobs. So damn frustrating.
I can see a difference in my legs though. Lots of loose skin, but I've lost a lot of weight in them. The size 14 pants I bought recently are skinny fits and they are loose on my thighs. I'm totally an apple shape right now.

DH is also doing great on the diet. He was in the 260's when we started and now he's in the low 220's. So proud of him :)
____

Kids are doing well for the most part.
Zoe had her annual doc appointment yesterday and screamed bloody murder when she had to get a flu shot. Had to get another nurse to come in to hold her down.
Girl is tiny but STRONG when she's in flight mode. Good lord.... that was terrible though.
Then of course a couple hours after, she's like "Oh it didn't even hurt. It wasn't a big deal." Seriously??? B/c I can still hear you shrieking like you were being murdered. Sigh...

Oren is doing well. STILL not potty trained though. My fault b/c I'm not consistent at all. I need to get it together and get him out of pull ups. Maybe I should get Zoe to help me out. He looks up to her SO much. I think if she were to suggest it to him, he may start doing it more willingly.
He's growing up so darn fast though and getting his own little attitude. And he does NOT like sharing with Ezra. I hope they grow out of it and realize that they enjoy playing together.

Ezra is going through his terrible 2's phase and holy shit is it awful. He is a little asshole. Yeah, I said it. He's a little 2yo terrorist. Defiant, tantruming terrorist.
One min he's so loving and cuddly, the next he's screaming and crying b/c we stopped him from playing with his poop again.
Yeah.. he's on that kick now too. He'll poop and then stick his hand down his diaper and smear it all over the wall. SO fricking gross.

Overall though the kids are well. Gross little crying gremlins, but they're good :)

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

HB to me!

Well.. not my birthday yet, but it's tomorrow, so close enough.

I've lost about 24lbs so far and I'm still going strong with the diet. Week 14 and still feeling good. Just never looking back unless it's to see where I've come from and where I never want to go back to again.
I'm kind of in the onederlands right now. 198.6 this morning. But my weight has been going up and down a lot so not sure how long it will last lol.
But I know it will get back down again and then some so long as I stick with it.
Wanted to start exercising too, but that's going to have to wait because aunt flo showed up and I had some really painful bloating at the beginning.
Things are good though.
DH has lost 30something pounds and I can tell he's feeling great about it :)

Kids are doing great too. Boys are in super destructive mode right now which drives me crazy b/c the house is never clean. No wait.. it's clean for like a minute and then they just throw toys everywhere and go crazy.
I wish I had some of that energy.

Zoe is doing well in school. She lied to me today though about getting in trouble. Oh hells no child. She's lucky she didn't get spanked for that. Not tolerating her misbehaving in school and damn sure not going to tolerate her lying to me about it.
Just ugh.. still pissed that she thought she could get away with telling a lie like that. So disappointed.

What else..... Zoe was invited to a birthday party that we went to. Got to talk with the mom a good bit. Big nerds which is cool b/c I'm nerdy as shit too. But they're more modern nerdy while I'm more... "I used to be nerdy and still am but in an awkward way." lol
Like they're really in to anime. Rambling off all the super popular ones while I USED to be in to anime back in the 90's... and not even the super duper popular ones like Cowboy Bebop. I watched ones like... Ranma 1/2 and Slayers and ones like that. I had to pick and choose what I could watch b/c the only way to watch them back then was to buy them. So I had to ya know.. be really choosy.
She's also really in to art and drawing and stuff too. Awesome... again... I USED to do that too, but my brain just can't translate what I want to do on to paper most of the time now.
I felt like such a poser. Like.. oh you like that? Yeah... I uhm.... used to and still kind of do but not like that...............
Just ugh... I felt so awkward.
She was nice though and the kids had a ton of fun.

And yeah... can't say much else has been going on.
That hurricane really didn't do much of anything to us in our area. We just had rain for 2 days. Some wind, but nothing dramatic really. Thankful for that. Thankful that the hurricane weakened as much as it did before it hit the coast. If it had stayed a cat3... there would've been so much more damage and death and we'd probably still be sitting here with no power or it just having been cut back on.

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Weight loss

So.. as of today I'm down about 23lbs.
Sitting at 201.4 this morning and it's SO damn frustrating!!! I did see 200.4 the other day and just UGH! Get under 200 already!!! lol

Yesterday I had a new appointment with a new doc. Need a family doc so found something close. Made the appointment like 4 or 5 months ago though.
I don't really like the practice. Extremely busy and sloooooooooooooow. I mean when you go, you expect some waiting, but I sat in the exam room by myself for about 45min total by myself. First time was about 30min waiting to see the doctor.
She came in finally and asked some questions.
I've been having some dull achy chest pains (nothing else associated with it to indicate a heart attack or anything).
She said it was common to get with stress which makes sense for me, but she wanted to do an EKG just to be sure.
So I get undressed and sit there... waiting..... and waiting some more... and 15min or so later, finally here comes the nurse or whatever title she carries with the machine.
Just ugh....
I'm not expecting much, but damn.. at least act friendly? Act like you're not completely burnt out? Something??? And how about have more doctors on hand so wait times aren't so damn long?
Maybe it was just a bad day for them overall. Even though this is a very highly populated area, there are limited doctors here that take our insurance, so I'll stick to this one.

The positives though...
Doctor was totally fine with my diet. I've seen a lot of people rant about their doctor not approving of keto so it was nice to know that this one was ok with it.

Also I weighed 201 on their scale with my clothes on so woot! lol

EKG was totally normal. Showed nothing abnormal going on with my heart and whatnot, so yay for that :)

My blood pressure for a while has been in the 140's over 90's and sometimes even higher for both. Always got "Is it usually this high?" all the damn time at my dentist office and at the medcare place when I've gone.
Yesterday though... it was 122/84!! WOOT!!
Don't anyone try to ever tell me this way of eating is unhealthy because just that right there proves them wrong in my eyes!

I have to go back Friday morning to get blood tests done. I'll report back whenever I get those results.
Hopefully they'll be ok. I know some keto folk see their cholesterol go up for a little while and then it drops back down to healthy levels. Hopefully that won't be my case and it's already at healthy levels lol.
____

Ezra had a little stomach bug yesterday. Throwing up as soon as he got up. He did throw up some time during the night too.
Thankfully by mid day he was over it though and acting normal. A bit more tired, but normal :)
And so far neither of the other 2 have gotten it.

Oren is in destructive mode right now. The boy wants to destroy EVERYTHING he touches and it's so damn tiring. Just caught him ripping pages out of one of Zoe's books. sigh..............

Zoe is little miss attitude right now. Ask her to do something more than once, she'll let out a sigh, roll her eyes and say ok in the most annoyed voice ever lol. It's actually pretty funny, but of course we can't encourage that behavior lol. She turned 6... not 16... where is this attitude coming from?

Ezra and Oren fight a lot now too. Nothing violent or anything, just leaning on one while the other gently tries to push them away. It's the most dramatic, but subtle and gentle fighting ever rofl. With how much Ezra screams and cries though you would think Oren was actually trying to kill him lol.

DH is doing well too. He's lost about 34lbs or so so far. So proud of him :)
I know he wants to start exercising eventually. He just has to find the time to do it and get that motivation to start.

I started today. Said I was going to start after my doc appointment and that's what I'm doing. Starting off about 3x a week and keeping it easy b/c I am totally out of shape. Don't want my body to freak out on me and then me not sticking with it.
Have a feeling that adding in exercise is really going to start helping the belly fat disappear.

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

I hate being the bad guy

It comes with being a parent, but damn do I hate being the bad guy sometimes. I hate having to nag nag nag to get them to clean up or do what I've asked/told them to do.
I hate having to punish them b/c it makes me feel so horrible and guilty after. I'm their momma though so... gotta do it.
It sucks though.... it sucks. I'm definitely not a chill parent... at all. I'm not super strict, but I am strict with some things.

Anywho

Zoe's 2nd week of school and she's doing well. Her reading has already improved a lot.
We also transferred her in to the 6yo and up beginner gymnastics class. She had her first class on Monday and she was the smallest one and with the least experience.
The girl has inherited my flexibility.. meaning she's about as flexible as a wooden board. I'm gonna try to work with her at home, but she is VERY resistant to doing it b/c ya know... stretching is uncomfortable. Gotta do it though if she does want to continue with gymnastics. It's just gonna take some time.
Doesn't help that the boys crawl all over us and distract her and uuuugh. Pain in the ass!!!

They're sticking with it though. Do not want them to be like me or DH for that matter and be unhealthy when they grow up. Don't want them to deal with the same health issues that we have.
____

And yeah... things are good. I have a new doc appointment next week and getting a physical. Not looking forward to it, but need a regular doc for all of the non-ob related crap going on.

Friday, August 24, 2018

She had a great first day

Zoe started school on Wednesday and yep. She's happy so far. So glad she likes school. I hated it b/c I was shy and had no friends and bleh. I'm glad that's not the case for her.
She is shy, but opens up quick and thinks of everyone as her friend. She has her little attitude, but she's such a sweet person and it's really amazing watching her grow and just come in to herself even more. So proud of her :)

What I'm not happy about is waking up so  GD early now for the next 9 or however months. Grrr lol. UGH I hate waking early and I am feeling it right now.
I need to go to bed at like 9, but then I'd lose precious adulting time. Such a dilemma :(

Oren has started getting out of his room. Took the child safety thing off a while ago and he's been coming in to our room sometimes. We have a king bed, but it's still crowded with 2 little ones up on it so I sleep with my head at the bottom of the bed and kind of wrap around their feet. It's comfortable enough, but I'd still rather just he stay in his room. Wish Zoe would sleep in her bed already too.
I don't really mind her coming in to our bed, but with the other 2 growing, they're going to want to do it too probably and there just isn't room.
____

I think the neighbor guy hates me lol. He's a big muscular military guy and he probably sees me as some far left liberal that hates military and our country and blahblahblah b/c honestly.. I have the look. I know the stereotypical look that that side has. The funky colored hair. Chubby most of the time etc. I look the part even though that's not what I believe.
SIGH
I only hav myself to blame though. I'm just super awkward and SHY. In my head too damn much and by the time I remember to be friendly.. the moment has passed.
Doesn't help that their child is in the same class as Zoe this year so..just ugh.
Just want to put up a sign with.... I don't hate any of you neighbors! I'm just SHY!!!
____

So.. if I could lose 20lbs every 3 months.. I could potentially be at my goal weight by the time Zoe is out of school. But with how weight is lost so inconsistently most of the time.. pfft. Nope. BUT I'm gonna try my fucking hardest to get there!
Gosh I wish I had been this motivated and whatnot earlier. SO many years wasted. I so regret that, but ya know.. what can you do?
No more time wasted though. I'm doing this now and sticking with it.
Only a few more days in to week 10.... TEN!!! If I can do it for this long, I can go longer and I will get this unhealthy weight gone for good!