Friday, August 17, 2018

Dieting and life and other junk

Welp.. things are going pretty good here.
Had to clean up the house b/c termite inspection. You just never really realize how dirty and cluttered your house is until you have guests over. Holy moly this house was filthy. Got it mostly cleaned up and just waiting for the kids to destroy it all again lol.

One big obstacle was getting our clean laundry mountain folded and put away though and I mostly did that by myself in 2 days. Would've been a day task but my back couldn't handle it. Actually didn't take as long as I thought it would. Literally most of our clothes were sitting in a few giant piles in our room. But yeah.. got that folded and put away and.. just... AAAAAHHH so nice not having that on the floor anymore!
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Met Zoe's 1st grade teacher yesterday. Just a quick, HI! type of thing. New teacher to the school and yep.. she seems really nice. Not as nice as her kindergarten teacher though. That woman was an angel. Seriously one of the sweetest people... or at least came across as one lol.

A lot of the same kids will be in her class. Ones she thought of as friends and the neighbor boy is going to be in her class as well. We don't really know our neighbors. I feel like I just want to write them an awkward not telling them HI and that I'm not an actual bitch or anything b/c I don't wave at them.. I'm just super awkward and social skills are lacking lol.
I hope they don't think we hate them though. We're just shy!
Anyway....
Really love her school. Education in this state is lacking.. seriously lacking, but her school seems to be one of the few good ones around.
Can't believe school is starting back up next week though. Man.. time just flew by!
I remember feeling like school was forever when I was younger and summer break was forever. Now though... school year flew by and the summer was over in the blink of an eye. You really do have to cherish these moments b/c damn are they flying by now.
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Diet is still going strong! We'll be starting week 10 next week and I am feeling just as good and positive as when I first started.
II'm down to 204 which is a 20lb loss since when I started.
Hoping I'll be in those onderlands soon! Just so happy that something is finally working and that it's not difficult.. at all.
Yes, I still want all of the junk easy foods b/c they're delicious, but I want to be skinnier and healthier more. That junk will always be there. I only have a certain amount of time on this planet and I don't want to waste it away being miserable with my appearance. Already wasted too much time with that.
Anyway, even though there are still cravings, they're not strong cravings. Just a passing "Oh, some donuts/cake/etc sounds really good right now. Why can't those be healthy damnit!" and then that's about it lol.
Thankfully there are plenty of sweet options out there that are ok to have on this diet so it keeps you satisfied.

DH is still going strong too. He's lost almost 30lbs now. So proud of him and I know he's feeling so much better too. Just.. YAY!

If you're struggling, check out the keto diet. It seems intimidating at first, but like most things, it's really not. It's easy to follow. The first couple of weeks might be hard as you battle those cravings, but the reward is SO worth it.

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Mom FAIL

Yeah.... yesterday was good with no yelling, today? Not so much.
There is only so much mess and whining I can take and my limit was reached very early in the day.
Must. Do. Better

I already put EZ to bed and it's only 6pm. He didn't get a nap today and has been a little terror all day long. Mommy is done. DONE and he needs to go to sleep so I can have at least a few minutes alone. Some peace and fucking quiet!

But yeah.. total fail today. Need to do better though. Even if my patience is gone, I need to at least fake it.
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Lol, was having a minor pity party for myself earlier.
Saw someone post that they had gone from a size 16/18 to a size 10 in just 2 months. That's it.
And here I am.... started at a size 18 and oh look.. still in an 18. Well.. probably 16 maybe now, but still.
And then other ladies posting their success in 2-3m of eating this way and their giant bellies disappearing.
Why can't that be me too??
I'm eating right. Haven't cheated at all... I wanna start seeing some results! You hear me body! Show me the weight loss!!

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

I need to calm my tits

I've been very yelly lately and I really need to calm my shit down already.
I hate yelling at my kids.. even if they're doing something wrong... I don't want that to be my go to response.
Something else I need to work on and really try to stick with.
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We're done buying presents for the kids. Damn... buying for a 2yo is hard. You wouldn't think so, but it is. He loves balls, but he already has plenty. We already got him a tablet so there's that at least, but we wanted to get him something else too.
Got him this magnetic fishing thing that I think he'll like... if his siblings don't lose the pieces.

Zoe was SUPER easy to shop for bc she's at that age where she wants everything. I basically just let her pick her own stuff off amazon. Think most of it has come in already. We're not having a party or anything and I think we're just getting them some cupcakes to keep DH and I from cheating.

Anywho... can't believe one is turning 6 and my youngest is going to be 2. Damn... sometimes it feels like time is going by slow, but then you blink and your babies aren't babies any longer.
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Doing well here.
16lbs down and DH is officially 25lbs down.
WOO us!

He definitely looks like he's lost weight. Me? Not so much. I can sort of tell sometimes, but overall, I still pretty much look the same.
Still have my giant belly, still sporting my giant flabby arms.
It's just kind of sobering to see that even with 16lbs gone... you can't even really tell b/c I have a ton more to lose. Maybe these 16lbs are gone from around my organs and whatnot and what's coming next will be the stuff I can see. I hope so at least :)

Have a physical at the beginning of Sept and would love to be in the onderlands by then. I have about 9-10 more pounds to lose until then. That's a good bit of weight to lose in a month and with how my body likes to lose then gain then lose then gain the same weight over and over.. I dunno if it will happen, but I sure hope so. I may do another egg fast if my weight isn't dropping how I want.

Was thinking about just telling the doctor I'm doing a low carb diet, but I think just being more truthful and saying I'm doing keto would be better. If she's not in to it.. that's her problem and I can find someone else that is more familiar with it and supportive.
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We're forbidding the kids from spending the night with aunt anymore, but can't tell her why b/c it would only cause problems.
Had to break Oren's heart this past weekend b/c we wouldnt let him spend the night and when asked, DH made up some lame excuse.

It's always been on my mind before, but now.. I have to put my foot down and forbid it.
Aunt has someone in her life that has a sketchy past and I won't risk my kids going over there any longer.
I feel guilty as hell for even letting them over there as much as we did up to this point, but I trusted aunt to protect them. I don't think anything has ever happened, but I just can't put my kids at risk any longer.
I don't want them to come to me down the road and tell me something did happen and ask why I didn't protect them when I knew.
We're going to look like giant assholes when the truth does come out as to why we won't let them over there, but I don't care. My kids come first.. not Aunt's feelings/wants. She chose that person in her life knowing full well their past.... (and she never bothered sharing this info with anyone other than MiL)... she better learn to live with her decision.



Friday, July 27, 2018

Losing my shit!

Just about lost my shit totally today b/c of all these GD toys on the floor.
It WAS clean in here yesterday b/c I went through the toys to donate or throw away a lot of shit and put things up.
And oh look.. toys all over the floor once again and kids not picking them up once again.
Lost my shit and told them that if they didn't pick up, say byebye to all the toys on the floor and toys they love.
Zoe decided to test me and said "Bye bye toys! As she continued sitting there." Oh hells no child. Hell, to the no. Rage grabbing and sweeping up toys and yep.. going bye bye now. Don't appreciate what you got? Then you don't deserve it.
About to go through Zoe's room next and going to be getting rid of a ton of shit once again.
I just can't stand this clutter any longer. It has got to go.
They're getting more shit for their birthdays and then Christmas.... they don't need old shit that they've forgotten about.

I hate... I really truly hate yelling at them, but gawd fucking damn... it seems like that's all they hear sometimes and it's frustrating as all hell. I don't want to be the crazy ass mom so frickin listen the first time I ask you to do something when I'm still calm.
I would love to be the mom that is all smiles and rarely ever raises her voice, but the hell if that's happening.

I'm part of the problem though. I buy them little toys here and there b/c I just like getting them shit and it all builds up. Their grandma is the worst of the bunch though. SO much bullshit she gives them and I hate it. Every single damn time "Oh I got something for you!" and it's bullshit from some thrift store she went to.
Like these naked little anatomically correct babies that Zoe I'm sure she said she wanted in the moment, but could care less about now. Or some tiny plastic toilet that either held candy or a blind bag toy in it.... just the toilet.. nothing else with it. WTF?? Stop wasting your money on shit. STOP making OUR house a horders dream b/c you want to buy them bullshit. They love you... you don't have to buy them anything.

I say all this while wanting to go shopping for hers and Ezra's birthdays. Sigh... again... I'm part of the problem. But we're getting rid of this crap. I've already filled up half a dozen diaper boxes with their crap in it.

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

Is it... Is it regular?

When I started this diet.. I got my period on week 2. It's week 6 now and my period started yesterday. Are my cycles regular?? Should I expect it again on week... 10? We'll see I guess.
It's kinda nice having an idea of when it will show up if it does stay regular. But also sucks that it is regular and still lasts a week. lol
Oh well.
The struggles of womanhood I guess.
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House is a damn mess. Want DH to call his mom to see if she'll take the kids this weekend. Mostly we need to go shopping for birthday presents but I also want to clean house of most of their toys. They play with less than half of them, so I would REALLY like to get rid of that much. Go give it to a thrift store or something. I don't care. Just get rid of it all!
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Political for a second.
I'd consider myself to be in the middle. Not sure what the right term for that is... but I don't think I'm conservative or liberal. I agree with some things on one side and some things on the other.
But I am sick to death of the left side wanting tolerance and all of this mess while being completely intolerant of conservatives.
NOT saying they're all like that obviously, but I see it so often everywhere. Be tolerant.. BE TOLERANT...... you're conservative?? RACIST! NAZI! You're not white? Oh... well then... NAZI _SYMPATHIZER! SELL OUT! BIGOT!!!
WTH?
Yelling that shit to people isn't going to get anyone on your side. Calling people, especially people of color that are conservative sell outs or how they must hate their own race or some bullshit doesn't help your cause. It only pushes those people away even further b/c who the hell would want to get on a side that condones that shit?
Not saying the idiots on the right are any better sometimes too. Like the whole "snowflakes" bullshit and then they lose their shit over small crap that happens to their "side".
And yes.. obviously there are racists on the right, but there are A LOT on the left too.
I mean it's so GD obvious that the powers that be are LOVING this separation of everyone.
We're so fucking focused on this petty bullshit that we ignore all of the major crap happening under our noses and don't actually progress in getting anything done.
Just sick of all that shit. Them vs us.
How about... "Hey.. I don't agree with you and that's ok, but we can still come together to try to find a common ground." But nope... lets argue over whether or not a business can refuse service b/c of your political view, or argue over what fucking pronouns you want to use and getting offended b/c you can't FORCE people to use what you want. Or building a stupid fucking expensive ass wall that won't keep shit out. Petty BULLSHIT.
People can scream about WHITE MALE PRIVILEGE all they want while just soaking up and basking in that sweet sweet American privilege they yell about hating.

Thursday, July 19, 2018

You're not supposed to compare! Buuuut you do...

I keep telling myself over and over. Do not compare myself to any of the other people losing weight. Don't do it b/c you're always going to say shit like "Why can't I lose weight like that. Or lose weight there first."
I do it all the time even though I know I shouldn't.
Like.. I see all of these other women with very similar body shapes. Lot of belly fat. Then they post their progress pic of only being one month in to the diet and their bellies have flattened! I mean... frickin awesome for them, but damn! I'm still looking like I'm about to give birth any minute now lol.
Just wish my body would let it go!
Let it gooo... let it goooooo... Don't hold this fat anymoooooore.
(bonus points if you sang it in your head like Elsa)

Done with the egg fast. It really wasn't that bad, but damn was I needing variety.
I'm down to 209.8 which is a 3lb loss in 3 days while doing it.
So yeah.. I'd say that's a success :)
It's common to gain a little bit of it back though, but I'm really not worried about it.
I'll do it again if my weight loss comes to a stall and I'm not losing any inches or anything.
I'm sure I'll be able to stick to it better when I actually feel like I NEED to do it rather than just being curious about it lol.

So close to the onederlands though. SO CLOSE! Only 10 more pounds and I could see a 1 in front of my weight! It's been so long... SO LONG.
It would also be great if I could start seeing some improvements though in the mirror. Maybe my next progress pics will show some but damn.. I just don't see it right now.
Again... someone else loses 10lbs at my height.. looks like they've lost 30..... me? Nope... still rockin the pooch and granny arms. Sigh...
One day.... one day.
Staying strong though and I'm not giving up :)
Already found a lot of really great Thanksgiving recipes for when that time rolls around. I thought I would cheat, and I might depending on where I'm at with my weight, but  even if I am doing well.. I still may skip all the bad shit and make keto versions :)

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Egg Fast

So I'm on day 2 of an egg fast.
I know not losing weight in only a week isn't a huge deal, but I got sick of not seeing the bitch of a scale not move so decided to give this a try.
It's really not too bad. Boring, but not bad and you have to really love eggs, cheese, and some kind of fat.
The "rules" of it are basically..

Eat at least 6 eggs a day, but a lot of places will say to only have 6 eggs a day
Have 1tbs of a good fat per egg. Fat can come from mayo, butter, coconut oil or some other healthy fat.
You can have 1oz of real cheese per egg.

And that's it. You're supposed to do it 3-5 days. I only want to do it 3. I don't think I could go longer than that lol.
We bought too much good food and it's tempting me! Now that our fridge is fixed, we bought so much stuff and I want to tear in to all of it! I especially want a big giant salad covered in caesar dressing. Or eggroll in a bowl sounds awesome too. Just.. variety... I need some variety right now! lol
Only have one more day of it though and I can do it!

Before starting, I made some keto donuts. They weren't too bad. All keto baked goods have this weird spongy texture to them and these had that too, but the flavor wasn't bad and it would've been good with some keto ice cream or whipped cream.

Feeling tired today, but overall I feel pretty good. Need to take vitamins again and this stupid cold needs to hurry up and leave already. Annoying ass tickle in my throat at night is keeping me awake until I finally get to sleep through exhaustion......and then get woken up with a coughing fit. Nice...

And yeah. Really nothing more to report on. Potty training sucks. Youngest crying and calling out Mommy! When he gets put down for a nap or for the night sucks... and a messy house that will never be clean again... eh.. it's tolerable ;) lol