Thursday, October 31, 2013

YAY :)

Tonight was fun.
SiL was a bit of a buzzkill, but oh well... sucks for her.

Some photos first...
Zoe w/ DH.
Looking adorable!

With her cousins

And earlier in the day waking up from a nap. She just looked too cute w/ her hair messy :D
And gosh, I love that dimple!

We mostly strolled around with Zoe and walked my nieces around our neighborhood. A lot more kids this year, but unfortunatly not that many homes were giving out candy. Lots of walking to get to a house that was giving out any. But thankfully b/c of that, the people are usually pretty generous and give more than just one so my nieces got a lot of stuff.
Def not like the good ole days when you would haul in like a trash bag full of candy lol.
Oh well.

My brother and SiL stayed at our place and handed out candy. I bagged all the candy since it just seemed easier than giving out a few at a time and they ran out just as I was walking back w/ my oldest niece.
DH and my other niece along w/ Zoe had gone back to the house ahead of us b/c my youngest niece was done for the night.

Ok so.. my nieces are what... 9 and 7? And they are in TERRIBLE shape. Seriously, DH and I could've walked the entire neighborhood. DH is in good shape, but I am not, but we weren't walking fast or anything so we were both ok to walk it all. Anyway, we weren't even half way done when both girls started complaining about their legs being sore. And then the 7yo didn't even want to continue trick or treating and just wanted to go back. WTF???
9 and 7!!!!!! That just aint right. Man, I remember when I was that young. I had energy and then some and could go around my entire neighborhood and still have oodles of energy to do more stuff. Now I know you can't do that shit nowadays b/c people suck, but still....
That is just sad when a 9 and 7 yo are in that terrible of shape. And it's not like they're super overweight or something. They're slightly pudgy, the 7yo a bit more than the 9, but not enough that you would look at them and say they have a problem or that they're unhealthy in any way, ya know.
I dunno.. I just felt bad for them. Kids that age should be super active and able to outlast us lazy adults no problem.

Ok so..... back to SiL and my brother.... they've only purchased 7 diapers.... that's it!! WTF?? I guess maybe they're going to wait and see if they like cloth diapering? That's the only thing I can think of. It just ticked me off a little when I asked them if they needed inserts and she looks at me and says they don't have any (other than what came w/ the diapers they bought). UGH. So I had to give them some of Zoe's. She still has plenty. Thank goodness Kawaii diapers come with 2 inserts and not just one.
I'm sure they won't stick with it though. When they heard how often they had to wash the diapers, they just sort of gave a look and laughed. So yeah... I will be shocked if they stick with it for more than a week or 2. Well, they may stick it out more than that even if they don't want to since they don't have an income atm.

And SiL... ugh. Now, I know she's really uncomfortable right now and a bit miserable, but at least fake a damn smile for your kids. She's done this almost every Halloween they've come over here. They're kids and they're gonna be SUPER damn hyper and ready to go out. It can get annoying but you zone them out.
You would think she would learn how to have done that but no.. she just yells at them and just really brings down the happy time that this should be. And tonight was no different.
SiL was just in a really stank nasty mood and... yeah, just glad I didn't have to hear her shit all night.

I know I complain about them a lot. It's just that there's nowhere else for me to do it. And they must come off as terrible people, but they're really not. They have their flaws just like we all do. I'm sure if someone were to complain about me, I would sound just as terrible or worse.

Happy Halloween!!

Good lordy, I can't believe we only have 2 more months to go before 2014. SHEESH, where has the time gone??

So news news....
SiL isn't feeling good. Pregnancy is not agreeing with her in these final weeks and she's nauseated (actual throwing up), has lost her appetite and just an overall blah feeling. She said she's lost 17lbs in 2 weeks. Baby looks ok, but she's hoping they'll deliver him at 37w. I'm sure it's just b/c she feels so bad. And I'm sure her not eating a lot isn't good for him either.

She has an appointment today so we'll see what happens. :D
So excited to see my little nephew. Must say, while I am so happy for them and so happy to have a little nephew... I am SO damn jealous too.

Anyway.... they're supposed to be coming over tonight to trick or treat in our neighborhood. Which reminds me, I really need to make candy bags to give out.

We're going to walk/stroll Zoe around a little bit. Of course I'll get photos and post them :)

I'm very slowly starting to exercise again. Didn't do as much as I was wnting to this week.
Zoe sapped all of my energy yesterday. One of those almost non-stop whining screaming crying days that sucks the life right out of you. Also doesn't help that when she wasn't crying, she was trying her best to eat the potting soil... which also reminds me that I need to move them until we figure out how to keep her out of them.

I'm still experiencing some dizziness. Still not sure what's going on with that. We really need to find ourselves a family doctor so we can take our asses. DH really needs to go. He is healthy, but he hasn't been to an actual doctor in.. man, I don't even know.
He's a typical guy basically.

Oh, I bought snaps to convert the newborn diapers. Snaps are F-ing EXPENSIVE. UGH I don't want to say how much I've spent on them. I had to go out and buy more! And of course what do I see.... nice diaper velcro right underneath that I could've gotten if I had just looked. UGH!
Whatever. Hopefully I'm not ruining these things.. b/c if so... man, what a waste of money!

And finally... if you're ever bored and need something to do go to . It's funny but will make you lose your faith in humanity :P

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Loaning stuff out

So... SiL was in the hospital apparently b/c she was in a lot of pain.
We didn't hear about this until DH's frickin mom told us about it.... nevermind that it's MY brother's wife or anything so you would think my brother would've at least called. Hell, even my MOM who my SiL does not get along with (most of the time) knew. WTH??
Anyway, she and the baby are fine... or well, baby is fine, but SiL is still in some pain.
She said they think she bruised some ribs somehow. Probably the baby doing something in there.

Anyway, since my brother lost his job and they don't have an income any longer... told them we'd lend them a few things. Like the bottles and infant carrier carseat.
I normally wouldn't encourage anyone to take a used carseat, but we never got in to an accident w/ it and it's still perfectly fine to use until... I think 2016 so yeah. Also letting them use the stroller thing I bought for it.
Few less things they have to worry about.
Is it bad though that we'll probably never see any of the items again? Not that I want the carrier back, but the stroller yes, and the bottles, yes. Those bottles weren't cheap and I would like to use them again when we have another.. same with the stroller.
I don't mind loaning them things, BUT.... they really don't take care of their shit soooo.. yeah. Plus it's going to come back smelling like smoke and just UGH.....
They're just the kind of people you 2nd guess and lending things too b/c you're just not sure if you're gonna get it back in 1 piece.
Like with our vacuum. We splurged and bought one of those expensive ass dyson vacuums a while ago b/c cheaper ones were breaking really quick.
They wanted to borrow it for a few days... we got it back with F-ing dog chew marks/puncture holes on one of the hoses and we STILL haven't gotten the replacement for it from them like they said they ordered (uh huh.. :\)
And lending them books is GROSS b/c we get them back completely wreaking of cig smoke and that smell can not be gotten out of books.

Oh well....

So dizziness is still here. Tiny little bit of spotting after DTD, but haven't noticed anything else.
I'm thinking since I am spotting it's something to do with hormones along w/ my insulin problem. I'm going to start exercising tomorrow no matter what. If I wait for the dizziness to stop then it could be quite a while before I start and I've already put it off for too long.

OPK is still negative and I did take another HPT and BFN not that I expected anything else. Took it just to be totally sure though.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Not sure what's going on

... with my body.
This dizziness will not go away. It's not as bad as it first was but it's still here.
Don't have an ear infection, at least nothing I can feel.
Haven't felt like I was having any sort of blood pressure issues either so I doubt it's that.
Only other thing is maybe blood sugar issues? Gosh I hope not. Our eating hasn't been the best, but it hasn't been terrible either... *shrugs*
Will clean it up a bit more though and hope for the best.

Also... just about had a damn heart attack. I know dizziness can occur with pregnancy BUT I'm only cd 16 of this cycle.
I just wiped away a tiny little bit of tinge on the tp. Was using an opk so decided to use a pregnancy test as well.
Messed on the computer a bit, looked over (it had been maybe 3-4 mins), and saw a clear as day line on the HPT. Cue the heart attack. Thankfully though it was just a weird dye line making its way across the test.
I say thankfully b/c... at cd 16 and with that period I just had and now this spotting... yeah... it would make me very scared if I got a positive HPT. Afraid that something was wrong :(
There was something on that HPT though. I'm sure it was just the usual bad quality shadowy negative test line showing though b/c the OPK was very very very light.

Anyway, my body is just so F-ing out of whack right now :( My hair is really starting to come out too. At least that's what it seems like whenever I take a shower and pull out a dozen or so when I'm shampooing.

In other news... we bought Zoe new earrings :D She lost one of her gold ones. Can't find it anywhere so we're trying hoops. We were at Petsmart and there's a jewelry store right beside it so we decided to look. They had some really cute little ones that is exactly what we were looking for and got them. I'll get some photos of her w/ them. :)

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Same old

Just wanted to come and update.
Really nothing much going on.

Woke up w/ the room spinning today. Not sure WTH is going on but I've been getting dizzy all day if I bend over. I'm not dehydrated and it doesn't feel like I'm getting sick so... *shrugs*

Started OPKs. Can only hope my body decides to work this cycle. If not.. thankfully my doc gave me 3 more provera refills so I'm set for that just in case.

Zoe is good. She's becoming more independent and more needy every day. It's weird. One min she'll be happy playing by herself... then the next, all she wants to do is be in my face and the center of attention heh. Guess I have to get used to this. At least until she's a teen w/ raging hormones and wants nothing but her privacy :P lol

Really not much going on.. as I already said heh. Days are getting shorter and cooler (WOO!), this year is almost over... and yeah.... just life stuff happening :)

Friday, October 18, 2013

Blogging for my sanity!!

Zoe is having a fit in her room right now b/c she's tired but is refusing to take a damn nap!!!
I hate hearing her fussy screams. Breaks my heart but is also SUPER damn frustrating.
Just GO TO SLEEP and you'll be happy when you wake up!

Anyway, on cuter news lol....
 Her new words are "Go Away" LOL. She doesn't know what it means but she says it crystal clear. Not even like a babyfied version of it.
She'll start to babble and if she says something that sounds like something, I'll repeat it as whatever it sounds like. She said something and it sounded like "Go Away" so I repeated it back to her and man, she clung on to it and loves saying it heh.

She also enjoys saying No, and Stop along with a pointed finger hand gesture with both lol. Not really sure she knows what they mean though. Or if she does know, she doesn't care :P heh

Her skin problems are still there. It wasn't dairy. We started giving her milk again and other than some gas, her skin problem hasn't gotten worse and no flare ups.
It did flare up at the fair though after giving her some elephant ear. We thought maybe it was the wheat or gluten, but she's had both before and I don't THINK there was a problem after. Will have to keep an eye on it though when she has those things again.
Oh and the gross poo problem did clear up after stopping the almond milk.

We've just been lotioning her and hoping that helps.

SiL's baby shower tomorrow. Good lord we bought a lot of baby clothes for her LOL.
I wish we had more money. Would like to buy them more stuff. I hate shopping... except for baby shopping. Baby stuff is just so dang fun to get!!

Lets see.... we got them a diaper bag (it was actually free from Babies R Us since we spent $50?).
Lots of clothes
10pk Wash cloth
Boppy Pillow
This other cute wash cloth set
Aaaand I think that's it.
Then I made a mobile, blanket, and a cute hat.

The mobile was fun to make.... I just hope they actually hang it up. They'll have to hang it from the ceiling and.. yeah.. them being them.. I would not be surprised if we went over there and it's been pushed in to the corner covered in dog crap and pee. Hope not.

Anyway, would've loved to have gotten them more since not a lot of people are coming, but oh well.
We got them what we could.

AF is FINALLY on her way out. Still spotting just a little, but hopefully it will be completely gone by tomorrow or Sunday.
I'm still feeling some aches in the right O area. I hope it's not some HUGE cyst that's going to cause problems.
Also... my boobs are a bit sensitive. They're not super painful or anything like that, but they're sore if grabbed..... something that DH and I both learned last night when he was copping a feel lol.
Just not used to my boobs have any amount of soreness to them.
Gosh I hope it means my body will work this cycle.
Would be nice to get pregnant, but I'd settle just for ovulation and a normal period on my own.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Ok, enough already

Could this period start lightening up already?? Damn man...
What other creature on earth can bleed this damn much for this long and still be alive? Seriously... this is getting ridiculous.
Making me think those other "periods" weren't real ovulatory ones. *shrugs*

This is day 4 of heavy bleeding. It's not AS heavy but still heavy. Surprised I'm not walking around as pale as a ghost and ready to pass out. Geeze.
Ok AF, time to start packing your bags!

I had the saddest and gross dream last night.
I dreamt I passed this HUGE sac. Realized in the dream that it was an amniotic sac and that I miscarried. I started to tear open the sac looking for the baby to try to save it :(

No almond milk for Zoe yesterday. She didn't poop again after her giant nasty one first thing in the morning.
She had some poop before her nap today. Still kinda juicy but not nearly the amount of the last nasty one. Hoping when she poops again it's going to be a normal turd.

There's really not too much to report on. The weather is clouded over but nice and cool. We have a bunch of windows open and I think I'm actually going to have to close a couple b/c it's getting a little chilly.
Can't believe this year is almost over.

Oh and as for weight loss. It's pretty much stalled. Thankfully it hasn't gone back UP like it was doing. I know it was just water weight, but it still sucked to see.
I think it would be fair to say that we probably won't have a real chance at trying until next year if I don't kick myself in the ass already and start exercising to help w/ the weight loss.
I have to do something. Plan on it after this period from heaven/hell stops or at least lightens up some!

Sunday, October 13, 2013


Just a quick post before bed...

Trying on Zoe's Halloween costume. Almost forgot we had it.
One of DH's coworkers gave it to us as a baby shower gift. Where she got it was sold out on smaller sizes so she had to get the larger one. Good thing for us though b/c now we don't have to buy anything lol.

I only got a smile out of her b/c I was going CRAZY b/c of how cute she was hehe.
Surprised the photo came out and wasn't all blurry from me jumping up and down squeeeeing.

Good grief

I guess some provera was just what my body needed to flush itself out b/c... damn.
This is day 3 of super F-ing heavy flow.
I said ' screw it' last night and wore one of my left over post-pregnancy gigantic pads to bed LOL.
Wanted to actually roll over and sleep in whatever position I wanted without fear of leaking all over the damn place. It worked too and I slept pretty darn well :D

I def think I have a cyst going on on the right O. It's not super painful or anything, just an ache every once in a while. Hopefully it resolves itself soon. Makes me wonder if I was going to ovulate and I screwed it up by taking the provera. I highly doubt it, but it makes me wonder still.


Another gross poo from Zoe this morning. YUCK YUCK YUCK. We haven't had to use the diaper sprayer for a while now since her poops have been solid enough to just plop in to the toilet. BUt it's been getting a workout these past couple of days. BLAAAAH
Will try her off of the almond milk to see if it helps.

Her skin issues... I dunno. The bumps on her face are still there, but don't seem to get all red and flare up like they used to. Just wish they would go away completely.
Her arms and legs...
She used to have a patches of the bumps on her forearms and on her shoulders. The patches seem to have gotten smaller, but she now has small bumps spread out over the entire arm.
Also her legs used to be clear. She's get a small patch of eczema every once in a while, but those would go away quickly. But now, those same little bumps are spread all over her legs.
So damn frustrating :(
None of the areas seem to bother her thankfully, but still wish we knew what was causing it. Really thinking about taking her to a dermatologist or something.
Her ped always just says to keep her lotioned. Well we keep her lotioned and it doesn't do shit.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Before Bed

Was thinking earlier that maybe Zoe's poops have been bad b/c of teething? She's getting A LOT of her top back teeth. Felt in there yesterday or the day before and she has a couple poking through and I could feel a lot more wanting to. *shrugs*
Or it could be diet related. We'll see. Someone (thanks btw :) ) sent me a message saying that it could be the almond milk. *shrugs* It could be. If she has nasty poop again tomorrow, I'll just try her on plain water for a couple of days to see if her poops go back to normal nasty :P


DH's birthday is on Tuesday :D We're going to the fair. Should be fun! We always look forward to it... yes almost entirely for the food :P lol.
I'm sure I'll gain about 10lbs but it will be worth it!

Bought him some survival stuff. We've kinda sorta started getting in to that.
We've started to buy extra food and water for a just in case emergency situation.
I bought him a nice knife, small axe and a survival guide book heh. Doesn't hurt to have the stuff and doesn't hurt to be prepared *nodnod*
It's nothing major. We bought some cheap gallon jugs of water, a few cans of chicken (bleh) and a few boxes of ramen noodles so far heh. I'll probably get a few more things tomorrow when I go shopping. Canned fruit and whatnot.

It's not that we think something is going to happen or anything. And we're not getting all weird about it... like digging ourselves an underground bunker..... although..... ;) lol


Is it weird that I'm glad to feel some aching and cramping with this AF?? lol
It's just that the few AFs that I got on my own before Zoe were pretty achy and I dunno... it's just comforting to feel it. Uncomfortable, but comforting.
I think I may have a cyst or something on my right ovary. I actually started feeling something soon after starting provera, and now.. when I lay on my stomach, that side starts to ache.

Zoe has had the NASTIEST poops. There was one yesterday and then again this morning. Just... BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
I dunno how someone so little and cute could produce something so vile!

Speaking of little..... her cousin... SiL's little girl who just turned 2 is only 22lbs! Good lord.
She was a tiny baby b/c SiL had that hyperwhatever during pregnancy (constant bad morning sickness). So her baby was only.. something like 5lbs 6oz at 39w.
THEN... her girl doesn't want to eat anything so she's really not gaining weight like she should.
*shrugs* She's a healthy little girl though and seems to be pretty darn smart too heh.
It's so cute watching her and Zoe interact.
It's going to be fun watching them grow and play together :)

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Screamy McScreamsALot

Good lord... when Zoe is in a bad mood... she lets you and the rest of the neighborhood know it! lol
I think she just didn't get in a good first nap so she was cranky, but still... SHEESH. It was like her small little world was crumbling around her lol.

So what's been up....
Took the last provera today. FINALLY. I'm already spotting a little so AF will be here tomorrow or Saturday. Looking forward to a new cycle that will have NO spotting and will have a nice ovulation. FX!

My weight loss is non-existant. Thankfully I'm not gaining weight, BUT I'm not losing any either. Seems as though I'll go down some, then gain it all back. It's most likely water weight, but why... why the hell does my body think it needs to hold on to 5+ pounds of water??

Oh my gosh, Kohls has a FANTASTIC sale going on on their clearance stuff. An extra 20? % off the clearance price. We went and bought Zoe a bunch of summer stuff for next year... spent $13.
We then headed to Once Upon a Child (a few stores over) and bought her some footie PJs for when it gets colder. Can't wait to put her in some. She's gonna look so cute heh.

Still no walking. Same ole same ole in that department. Doesn't look like she has any interest in walking unassisted.

SiL's baby shower is next Saturday and I have NO idea what the heck I'm going to cook for it.
Going to get ranty here...
SiL is really pissing me off with her gestational diabetes. I'm SO worried she's doing damage to her unborn son.
While she's not gobbling down a cake, she's still not eating properly so her sugar levels have been WAY too high still, even on insulin. She still thinks she can have potatoes whenever she wants, and bread and pasta and all that shit. It's SO fucking frustrating because she KNOWS she can't... she thinks that the insulin is going to do all the work for her so she can just have whatever.
I just want to shake some damn sense in to her.
Can only hope that she isn't doing damage to her boy.
OH AND, my brother lost his damn job.... AGAIN. SiL tried to say it wasn't his fault (this time), but I know better than that shit.
Why did he lose his job... I bet I can guess.
She still doesn't have her damn license, so he had to constantly take off of work to take her to her doc appointments.... and there were A LOT b/c of the uncontrolled GD.
So I guess no, it wasn't JUST his fault.. it was both of theirs.
Seriously, there is absolutely no reason why she can't go get her damn license and drive herself around other than pure laziness.
Just UGH!
Sorry for the rant but I'm sure we all know relatives just like this. The ones you love but can't fucking stand sometimes b/c of the stupid shit they do.

Monday, October 7, 2013

While I'm waiting

I have a terrible headache right now that gets worse w/ every movement. DH is being awesome and out buying us some dinner. Love him :)

Anywho... just wanted to post a smallish update while I wait.

Things are ok here. I still haven't started exercising yet though. It's just one of those things... you hate doing it, but you know you have to, so you are going to try to make every excuse not to do it.
I'll have to force myself to do it one day though. I can't put it off for much longer if we want to have a real chance of TTC #2.

Have 3 more days of provera left. Forgot how LONG these 10 days feel when doing it. Geeze. Feels like I've been taking these pills for forever now.

Zoe is doing really well. Still no walking and she really doesn't want to stand on her own either. We try to walk her (holding both her hands while she walks) to get her used to doing it. I've even held just one hand a few times and she does ok with it. She like walking on her tip toes and dragging her feet lol.
I know there's still time for her to get on her feet.

Reading about DD buddies babies giving kisses made me kinda force Zoe in to doing it too LOL.
It was the only way to actually get her to give kisses before. She's just so interested in everything else but whoever is in front of her most of the time.
So to get her to do it, I'll pucker up, do the kissy sound and lean in. She's figured it out now and will lean in too. It's so cute. I've also started to cheer after so she'll associate it with fun :)
Love it though. Could kiss that chunky face all day.

She is a sassy one. We'll tell her No or Stop if she's doing something she isn't supposed to be doing (like messing w/ the nightlights or the potted plants)... and when we do... she'll get her little hand up and kinda do a loud "OP!" or "NO!" lol
It's cute now but not sure how cute that will be when she's older :P Hopefully by then she'll know better than to talk back heh.

I have some photos of her I need to get off my phone. Will post those soon. I'll try to get some videos of her talking too. It's not clear most of the time, but she can say a few things pretty well I think heh.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Pity party

So my weight has FINALLY started to go down again. After my birthday weekend junk food fest, I had gained back all of the weight I had lost.
Obviously it was just water weight, but my body held on to it for dear life.
When am I going to catch a damn break already??
Other than the lack of exercising which I really need to get going already... I'm doing everything right.
Eating clean healthy foods, NOT overeating said clean healthy foods and yeah.... where is my damn success already?
I know losing weight isn't a race, but it would be nice if my body just pretended it was instead of standing still at the starting point. Or worse, sprinting ahead only to turn around and go back.
It's hella frustrating!
I just want to be thin damnit :( Thin and healthy and live a long happy life. Is that too much to ask for?

Have I mentioned that I've started taking probiotics? Started a couple days ago. Also got a bottle of kombucha juice to try. Boy... that stuff is.... interesting. Wasn't expecting the fizz lol.
I take a swig of that every day. Not sure if it's going to help, but I hope so.

Seems the provera was what my body needed b/c it stopped the spotting. Thank goodness.
It's probably the reason why my weight has gone back down again too. Finally getting my hormones somewhat in check.
Hopefully it lasts and hopefully next cycle will be a REAL cycle with actual ovulation.
No more of this spotting bullshit.

Zoe.. I swear that girl gets in to everything!! We're gonna have to find some kind of solution for the potting plants on the ground. She things is SUPER fun to dig in the potting soil and yes... she's eaten it. Maybe get one of those weed cover things for it. *nod* sounds like a good idea.

Still can't believe how quickly she is growing. She still looks like a baby to me, but there are moments when I see a tiny toddler in her. And remembering when she first started pulling up, her little head barely reached the top of the table beside the recliner. Now... she's well past that.
Need to get some more photos of her. Still slacking on that.

Oh and the bumps on her forearm have gotten A LOT better. Not sure if it's b/c of the dairy free part or what.
Her legs are looking terrible though. This is the worst they've ever been. It's eczema along w/ whatever the pimple/bumps are. We've started lotioning her again. That will at least help with the eczema part.
The bumps on her face are still there, but only just barely. She doesn't seem to get the flare ups that she used to. By the end of the day, they would look terrible and her cheeks would look so red.
That hasn't happened for a little while.
So yeah... not quite sure if it's just the lotioning again or the lack of dairy that is helping.
I guess we'll know whenever we eventually give her dairy again. If she flares back up, we'll have our answer.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013


Was going to wait a couple more days, but decided to go ahead and start provera.
Spotting has gotten to the point of reaching the panty liner but that's it. Nothing heavier than that.
Don't want to sit here longer waiting for whatever to happen. It's cd23 today and yeah.. that's long enough.
Just want to start a new cycle already with HOPEFULLY some better results.

Serious baby fever

... but my body refuses to cooperate :(

I keep having dreams where I'm getting positive pregnancy tests. Hell, last night I had a dream about a positive OPK and got SUPER excited about it.
Women without fertility issues just don't understand how lucky they are. Especially the ones that can actually plan out the month they want to have their child in (like it fucking matters).
That came off harsh. It's not their problem that others have fertility issues and it is unfair to aim my anger and jealousy towards them.
Those ugly feelings happen though, but I can't let it consume me.

Anyway, was getting some serious baby fever last night when I was looking through some of Zoe's older videos. Holy.. Shit... we made an adorable baby!! LOL ;)
Watching the videos of her at just a few months old. Giving that cute hesitant new smiles... melted my heart and put baby fever in to OVERDRIVE.
We are going to give her a brother or sister (hopefully at least 2 more siblings if I have my way).
I'm not a dried up cow yet damnit!!!