Monday, October 31, 2016

Just keep swimming

That's what I have to keep telling myself or well... something along those lines lol.

Ez's sleep situation has gotten a tiny bit better for now, but there are still a lot of screaming/crying tired moments still with him.

Last night was just UGH. We decided not to give him his usual bottle before bed b/c he had eaten about 2-2.5 hours before and drank down a whole bottle of milk. At least 160ml.
Plus he was sleeping so great and so we decided he'd be ok. I was hoping he'd sleep in until his usual time when he starts fussing some (around 4-4:30), but knew he'd probably wake earlier which he did at around 2.

So I feed him at 2.. just 80ml. Not sure why I didn't feed him more.... stupid mistake.
Well he wasn't happy and just fussed and fussed until 3am. I finally said screw it and decided to go ahead and pump while I tried to get him back to sleep.
He FINALLY did go back to sleep while I was pumping and after I was done, I got him back in to his bassinet w/ no problem.

By the time I was trying to get back to sleep, it was 4am and it never fails.
While I'm pumping, DH will sometimes snore like crazy and I'll let him go for a bit but will eventually push him to get him to roll over so he doesn't wake Ez up (especially if he's getting louder and louder which usually happens).
And of course, as soon as I'm done and lay down to get to sleep... DH rolls back over to a maximum snoring position and just will not get back to that sweet spot. So I lay there for 30min trying to ignore the snoring, but I can't.
So I go in to the living room, but our old dog is kicking around making noise. I finally said screw it.. even if I can't sleep, I'd rather be laying in bed.
Thankfully by then, DH was quiet and I just started to doze when his alarm starts to go off. Uuuuuuuuuuugh.
Thankfully by the 3rd time it goes off, I'm FINALLY asleep..... until Ez starts to fuss about 20mins later.
I feed him, try to get some sleep before the other kids wake, but Ez isn't having any of it and yeah... I've been up since about 6:20....
That 20min nap from waking up at 2 and diet dr pepper are the only things keeping me from passing out right now and neither are doing a good job.
Just put Oren down for a nap, just fed Ez and he's napping, so I'm going to try to get some more sleep... even if it's just a few minutes.

Anywho... Dh's church had their trunk or treat last night. Nice and quick and fun for the kids :)
Zoe still gets a zoned out look even though I know she's excited lol. Just her shyness coming out.
Oren gets all clammed up too, but learns really quick that they're giving out candy and starts reaching for things with enthusiasm lol.
They actually got candy this time too.
They had fun at aunt's church's trunk or treat, but barely got any candy there. Everyone got it in to their heads that the kids were gonna get enough candy, so lets get them cheese puffs instead. Seriously.. half the people there gave them out. Yeah I'm complaining. Just give out candy damnit!!

Anyway, lots of kids there last night. Sad that Halloween isn't what it used to be, but it was fun for the kids last night. Trunk or treats are such a good idea. Everything is close together and it's a really safe way to trick or treat, especially if you have small kids like we do.
We're still planning on walking around a little bit tonight too.
This shopping area that's a mile from us is having a trick or treat with their stores that we might take the kids to. It's only an hour and  a half to do it. Then we come home and hit up a few houses. Maybe... or we may just walk around. We'll see.
I just hope more people give out candy. Wish we had someone at home to pass out candy b/c I hate seeing so many homes just not doing it.
GAH... I remember almost every house giving out candy when I was little. You'd have to bring along a pillow case to carry it all! Now... you're lucky if you get a small plastic pumpkin head full. :(
I get it though... Halloween candy is frickin expensive.
One of these days.. I'm gonna start collected Halloween decorations and we're gonna be THE house to go to to trick or treat at.
I know my DH's grandparent's house use to be that house in their old neighborhood. They would decorate their lawn, all his family would come together. They'd grill and pass our treat to the kids.

I wanna be THAT house for Christmas. I want to start collecting outdoor decorations again and maybe make a few too. We won't do one of those sync'd w/ music homes, but I just want to start having lots of decorations. Just light the night up with Christmas stuff :) Be that house kids want to drive by and look at b/c it's magical and Christmasy.
Looked up a few ideas on pinterest. We can definitely do one of them. It uses those round tomato cages and green or faux pine garland. You wrap it around and voila! You got yourself a tree decoration :D

Anywho... I'm rambling.. need sleep or just relax or something.

Friday, October 28, 2016

WHy won't you sleeeeeeep??

I am getting mentally beaten by an almost 3mo! I was SO drained yesterday that I actually started getting dizzy b/c I just couldn't rest for the majority of the day.
His constant crying when trying to get him to sleep is just draining me.
It's so frustrating b/c I can't do anything other than let him cry until he's ready to take his pacifier and calm down. Every attempt to calm him... whether if it's holding him, swaddling him, trying to burp him.. whatever... does nothing :(
When he's in a good mood.. he's nothing but smiles and he loves being stood up and looking around at everything.. it's just when he's tired.
Feel so bad b/c he just looks at me while he's crying and I just feel so helpless b/c nothing I'm doing is helping.

In other better news.. my supply seems to have finally gotten back to what it was before I got sick. Really surprised since I'm pumping one less than I was before. Just hope this keeps up.Would love for my boobs to produce more, but ya know.... gotta deal with what you're given.

Oh boy... I had some HORRIBLE gas last night for some reason. I mean it stunk and there was a lot of it.
At one point, I was on my right side laying in bed. Tried rolling over and pain. Absolute pain b/c of the gas. I don't think I've ever felt that before. When I finally did roll... LOUD LONG fart! lol
Thank goodness DH slept through all of it b/c... damn....

And yeah.. I'll stop this post with that... :P rofl

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Driving me crazy crazy crazy!!

Ez's sleep fighting is driving me up the wall. I hate hearing him scream and cry and carry on when he's tired but refuses to go to sleep!

And I cleaned up the living room yesterday. Didnt want it to get as bad as it was before and just needed to nip the mess in the bud.
Today.... you can't even tell I cleaned other than there aren't small pieces of candy and paper everywhere.... -_- .......

Zoe isn't the bad one.. it's the other more destructive tornado named Oren. Plus he doesn't understand completely that he needs to pick up after himself. He'll pick up one thing.. and then will get distracted. So if I tell Zoe to pick up, it's mostly not even her mess and it makes me feel bad that she's having to pick up stuff that she didn't take out.

UGH..... the life of young kids. I imagine older kids aren't any better. They just come with a new set of headaches lol.

DH's poker game got cancelled. Someone that was supposed to come flaked out at the last minute so he could hang out with different friends..... seriously dude? Asshole...
Oh well....
We still didn't do anything special. Lol... meh..

UGH... DH and his wanting sex. Yes, I get it. We haven't had a lot of sex recently, but I am frickin tired almost ALL the time and I have absolutely NO libido b/c of it. Excuse me if I'd rather sleep than have sex. He got upset with me last night b/c I didn't want to do it on our anniversary. Meh... Sex is just not on my mind anymore. Ya know what is?? SLEEEEEEEP
He can get mad at me all he wants... still doesn't mean I'm gonna put out. He's a grown ass man. Go jerk it like every other guy and leave me alone! Stop asking me for sex. Stop joking about sex... just stop!
And just b/c I don't want sex ddoesn't mean I love him any less. I do not associate sex with love. I love him just as much as I always have.... I just dont want to have sex right now.
Just feels like that's how he thinks sometimes. That me not wanting to DTD means that I'm not in love any longer and that is so far from the truth.

Zoe's Awana church thing is cancelled tonight too. She was looking forward to dressing up in her costume again, but unfortunately someone from the church passed away so they're using the church for some kind of service for the person.
Asked Zoe if she knew what it meant when someone dies. Tried explaining it to her in a way she could understand but don't think she really gets it just yet.

Made a quick little 'fort' for the kids last night lol. Put out one of the folding tables w/ a sheet over it. Then put their play door thing in front of it. They got a kick out of it for a minute. It's a bit dark under it so they haven't spent much time in it. The cat likes it :P lol
I think if I used something lighter that lets in more light, they'd play under it more. We might have some lighter colored sheets. Will have to check in a minute heh.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

HA! Oops!

So... guess what today is? It's DH's and my anniversary! I completely forgot until DH said something yesterday while we were going to Boo at the Zoo. He remembered but didn't realize that he had planned on playing poker with some friends today. And when he remembered the date... well.. oops.
I don't care if he goes. Hell.. if he had never said anything, I would not have remembered at all. Anniversary just never even popped in to my brain when thinking of any end of the year celebrations/events.
We can just do something this weekend. Meh.. I'm not worried about it at all.
Hell.. not even sure how long we've been married. I think 8 years? Think we've been together for something like 20 years.. or almost 20 years. We were both still teenagers. I just can't remember if I was 17 or 18.
Good lord....  if we had had an accident pregnancy back then.... we could potentially have a child in college or about to go to college! MAN that makes me feel old! rofl.

Anywho... we went to Boo at the Zoo last night. Kids had fun, but it wasn't nearly as good as it was last year. Not as many booths set up and most of them didn't give out any candy. I think all of the sponsored ones give the candy and the zoo ones give out these coloring cards w/ animals on them and crayons etc. Nice stuff, but ya know.. more candy would've been nice.
Just a big disappointment and makes us question if we want to go again next year. But like I said, the kids had fun.
My phone just sucks balls. Most of the pics I take come out blurry b/c it will unfocus right before taking the photo... the photo that took forever to take to begin with. Grrr... I need a new phone...

Oh and this was our first time going to the zoo since they remodeled some of it. The entrance now is a giant PITA!!!!
Their old entrance was nice and easy.. this one? You either have to go up a bunch of stairs to cross over a bridge that goes over train tracks, OR sit and wait for one of the 2 elevators. Yeah... with all the people pushing around babies and small kids... there was a nice LONG wait. So stupid since the bridge is the ONLY way to get to the entrance.

Oh, we had to go to Target the other day to get some more wipes and diapers. DH saw a sale going on that ended that day. If you buy $100 worth in toys/games, then you get $25 off. We thought that was a good deal, and since our kids aren't spoiled enough... we went ahead and bought them Christmas toys.
It's so easy to spend 100 when you're not meaning to, but when you actually want to? WAY more difficult than it should be. I mean, we could've picked just a couple of expensive things and been done with it, but we wanted to spread it out more so got a lot of smaller items. More blind bags for Zoe. A Rapunzel doll. Some Little People cars for Oren and Zoe.. etc.
Told DH that we need to make sure to take lots of photos.
Show it to them when they're older to show them when we cared :P rofl
Always saying we need to get rid of toys and hope no one buys them more.... then what do we do? Go buy them toys. SIGH.
Can't help it though. We see things they'll love and just gotta get it for them. And since it's for Christmas. Thinking about them seeing the presents under the tree and opening them up. You just can't get that kind of excitement as an adult anymore until you have kids. THEN you gotta wait until they're old enough to get excited lol.
But yeah... soon... we're definitely going to go through the toys and donate a lot of it. A LOT of it.

Monday, October 24, 2016

Boo at the Zoo tonight! :D

So this weekend went by so quick.
Had a trunk or treat at aunt's church and yesterday just sucked lol.
The trunk or treat was fun though. They had it in the afternoon and the kids just had fun. Well.. Zoe did. Oren kind of clammed up and started acting all shy and fussy when we tried getting him to participate in the little games they had set up.
But he did like going around and getting all the treats lol. He loved reaching in and grabbing his own stuff. So cute :D
Of course Zoe loved it all. Her Rapunzel wig is junk and kept getting in her face when she was trying to eat so she took it off, but oh well lol. She still looked cute in her dress :D

Some pics!

Oren has a cold and the other 2 are starting to get symptoms of it. Thankfully not too bad though. Just lots and lots of snot with a little bit of coughing.

Let them run around outside yesterday for a little bit. Didn't want them going to church and spreading the cold so I had them for the morning and a good chunk of the afternoon.
Couple photos from that...

Then it all went to shit after that lol. DH wanted to go to the night service...  whatever.... and the kids just lost their collective shit. Disobeying, misbehaving, etc etc. Driving me up the damn walls.
Anyway... at least part of the day was nice lol.

Will be going to Boo at the Zoo tonight. I know they'll have fun. Shouldn't be too cold either which is good. It got really chilly last year. Hate it when it gets just a tad too cold so they have to wear jackets over their costume. Or when it's too hot so you have to take off a warm costume. Oren's is warm and it's supposed to be low 80's today, but hoping that by the time we get there, the sun will be going down and the temp will get cool quick so that won't be a problem. Will have to put Zoe in some long sleeve stuff and Ez should be fine in his little thing lol.

Want to plan their costumes better for next year. Maybe even to a mashup of whatever. Like Rapunzel Batman! or The Flash Stitch or ya know.. whatever rofl. That would be really cute and fun :D I do want to do more crafts so if I can fit doing that in with the other million things I'd like to get started, that would be awesome.

My supply seems to be staying pretty steady now. Even if I've missed a pump b/c we were out or something (like that's going to happen tonight).
But, definitely not going to be enough soon. Going through the small supply I've built up quick now since we started feeding him more.
He'll sometimes eat around 150ml with no problem and no spitting up :o
My little guy is getting HONGRY! lol Can already tell he's gained a good bit of weight when I pick him up.
But yeah.. not sure when it will happen, but we're gonna have to start supplementing soonish.
I think once that happens, or maybe even sooner.. I'm gonna try dropping down to 5 pumps a day. See if my supply still stays the same or not. If not then I can go back to 6... shouldn't be a big deal and shouldn't take long to see what happens.

And finally... The Walking Dead premiere.. No spoilers here....
What an intense episode!

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Keep on truckin

Sorry that I'm not posting much. There really isn't much to post about lately. Just normal day to day things going on in this household lol.

So I did clean up the living room and sunroom this past weekend. Looked so nice and decluttered and yep.... it's a big mess again. Not AS bad, but still a mess. I can't wait until Oren is old enough to understand to put away toys. He'll do it sometimes now but will then take it right back out and drop it on the floor :\

Things are pretty good. Probiotic vitamins for Oren isn't helping with his loose poop. Really need to mention it to his ped next time he goes. This isn't normal. He must have more food sensitivities that we're not aware of that keeps causing it. It's not dairy as far as I can tell b/c he rarely gets anything dairy.
His poor butt just keeps getting rash after rash b/c his poops are so bad and if not changed RIGHT after he does it, it irritates his skin.
Think he's getting a cold too. His nose has been runny for the last couple of days. Which means we'll all be sick soon too. SIGH

Ezra is doing well. Eating lots more now and just being a newborn lol. He's such a smiley baby when he's in a good mood. Zoe and Oren were too, but only to me and DH. Ez smiles at everyone and they all love it heh. I love that he's vocalizing more now too. It's so cute hearing his little coos. So can't wait for him to do it more :)

Zoe is good. She's in a phase of coming and getting in to bed with us in the night or early morning. I don't mind if Dh is up and getting ready, but it's a bit annoying when she does it in the middle of the night lol. I or DH usually wakes up and put her back in her room, but last night... last night she must've went in to super ninja mode b/c neither of us knew she was in bed with us rofl. I just happened to roll over b/c my ear was bothering me and felt hair on the pillow where there shouldn't have been any lol.
If any of you have slept in the same bed as a child or remembered how you were... you can imagine what it was like with her in bed with us. She's SUCH a crazy sleeper and moves so much. I'm lucky if I end up falling asleep b/c all of the jabs and kicks and arms and legs all over me makes that real difficult.

We'll be going to Boo at the Zoo on Monday :D YAY!! Just going to put Oren in his Stitch thing that we already have. Want to try to find him some monster shoes to wear with it, but meh if we can't. And Ez will just be going in a little monster (or it might be bats.. can't remember which one we have) hoodie thing that Zoe wore. They'll all be cute and Zoe and Oren will have a good time. At least I hope they will heh. It should be nice and cool then too so putting them in warm costumes shouldn't be a problem :D

Ez is fussing and demanding to be held.... gotta cut this short.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Fun at the fair!

Well, that should be 'Burnt to a crisp at the fair!'
UGH, why'd it have to get hot again??? Ok, so it's not hot hot, but when there are no clouds in the sky and minimal shade... it gets HOT.
My poor giant five head and most of my face got burned. Poor DH gets burned just looking out a window on a slightly sunny day so his ass definitely got burned lol.
Oh well.. it was mostly fun.

Can only upload 2 pics. The rest have family in them that I'm not comfy sharing here.. even though it wouldn't really matter, but ya know lol

 Bought Zoe and niece $30 unlimited ride bracelets. Think we got our moneys worth out of them. They had a blast riding all of the kiddie rides. Zoe wanted to go on the adult ones too lol. Maybe next year kid... maybe next year. Doubt she'll be tall enough, but maybe she'll have a big growth spurt lol.
Oren didn't really have an interest in riding anything. If he freaked out on the carousel at the mall, then I doubt he would've wanted to ride anything rofl.
Turns out a lot of kids freak out on the carousel though. Witnessed a whole lot of kids just freak the F out and death grip their parents like he did with DH hehe.

We took bottles of formula for Ez. Honestly... it did make me feel a little guilty, but meh. It was fine. He chugged them down no problem.

One thing that did piss me and DH off. We were in one of the buildings at the fair that had some of the farm stuff in it. DH and I went and sat down with Oren and Ez in their strollers. MiL, aunt, Zoe, niece and I think FiL were looking at one of the tables of stuff there. They WERE supposed to be watching Zoe. Thankfully I was keeping an eye on her and I mentioned to DH that she was wandering off and that they (inlaws) weren't paying attention. Sure enough... Zoe goes running off and there they were... completely fucking oblivious to it.
Zoe then proceeded to play cat and mouse with DH which seriously pissed us both off. She's lucky we were in public b/c if she pulled that crap at home, she would've gotten her butt whooped.
But inlaws not fucking paying attention is what pisses me off the most. It was a good thing that I was watching her b/c what if I wasn't. She would've been gone. Whether if it was just lost, or some crazy pervert could've snatched her.
That really f-ing scares the hell out of me that they weren't paying attention. Need DH to say something about it b/c when they do take Zoe on the weekends, they usually go out shopping with her.
There was also another instance when we were all sitting down eating. Aunt was supposed to be watching niece when suddenly she says "I really hope *niece* went with *her husband*."
Yeah.... going to have DH say something b/c that shit is not going to fly.

Anyway....they left around 6 and we left a little after 8. Gave niece's bracelet to someone. They put them on their wrists and you're not supposed to take them off, but she was able to pull hers off without ripping it. Gave it to a parent with a small boy. Hope they were able to use it while they were there :)
We also had 3 ride tickets left that we gave to another family. Not many, but it will be enough for one ride on something small :)

I went just over 9 hours of no pumping. Holy crap my boobs were killing me on the ride home. At the fair.. I could ignore it, but on the way home with the seat belt just lightly touching my boobs just about killed me lol
I was SO engorged and in so much pain.
Even with going so long.. I still only pumped about 270ml. Sigh.... and total, it was still only around 30 or so less than what I've been pumping lately. So not too bad overall, but upset that my boobs just don't make more.
I know I know... I shouldn't be beating myself up over this STILL.... I just wish my body worked right for once.

I think the game plan is to wait until it's the new year before we start being healthy again. There's just too much shit at the end of the year to even bother, so yeah... new years resolution.
Hoping by then that I'll have enough energy and that Ez will be a little bit more independent of me so he'll be ok to be on his own while I exercise.
Gotta get healthy and hope my body starts doing what it should. I know I'm probably on the border of being diabetic and really do not want to have to take insulin. Bad enough I have to take metformin which still gives me the shits.

I want to aim for another Christmas goal. By 2017 Christmas.... be in a size soandso, or lose X amount of weight or something. I kinda want to stay away from the lose X amount of weight goal since that always seems to set you up for failure.... so I may try the be in a size X goal instead. Maybe do a progression type of thing. We'll see though. Would love to be one of those stories you always see posted on FB where the person loses like 100lbs in a year! lol, but pfft, that's not gonna happen. Not with my love of junk food and laziness lol

Friday, October 14, 2016

2m appointment

Forgot that Ez had his 2m appointment on Wednesday or Tuesday... I can't remember lol.
I took him by myself while DH stayed home.
Talk about awkward! lol
It went well though. He's gaining and growing but not on the curve of his birth weight. His ped said that his curve could be evening out to a more 'normal' one or something like that. He's 11lbs something and 22in long. I'm guessing that's pretty normal for a 2m old.

He got 3 vaccinations. One orally and the other 2 were shots. He really didn't cry. Kind of acted like he was going to then didn't. He cried more when his ped was looking him over lol.
But yeah... he's good :)
Think we're going to start feeding him more though. Sometimes 80mL is enough, but he seems to want more more often now so I think it's time to increase it to 100+. He seems to be happy with that amount most of the time. He'll sometimes whine after like he wants more, but when we've given him around 120, he'll usually spit up. So yeah.. I think 100 is a good amount at this time.

My milk supply should be able to keep up with that... for now. It seems to have FINALLY gotten back up to close to where it was at. Not quite there since I've dropped down to 6 pumps a day instead of 7. Not sure how that happened.. it just... did.
Doesn't seem to be a problem concerning my supply though so yay :) Hoping to eventually drop down to maybe 5x a day and still get the same amount. Would be nice to have more free time in between pumps. It's not too bad now, but sometimes it can feel like I don't have enough time to do much of anything. Especially when the kids are being particularly difficult.

Zoe is definitely testing my patience this morning. She knows she's doing something she's not supposed to be doing... will look me dead in the eye and still do it. Seriously child??
I do NOT like spanking, but I will do it and have the last couple of days.
She's also lying more now. It's not that she's mistaken and not remembering things right... no... it's blatant lying.
SO dang infuriating. Just gotta keep on her though and try to get it through to her 4yo head that lying is bad :\

Tomorrow is DH's birthday. Not doing anything special for it as far as I know. I'm sure I'll wake up with the kids so he can sleep in... but other than that.. meh.
He's not a big cake eater, but my fat ass is hoping he'll still want one! rofl

Something that did upset me.... one of DH's cousins posted some photos she took of MiL and niece at at a pumpkin patch yesterday.
Just upset b/c niece gets to do EVERYTHING with her granny while Zoe and Oren get left behind. Oren I'm not too worried about right now since he's still little and won't remember anything, but Zoe... Zoe will remember now and understands when she's being left out.
Zoe maybe gets weekend time with her granny and it's usually with niece there too so her attention is usually just on niece. And when that happens.. Zoe usually ends up at aunt's house.
I just want Zoe with her granny.... just them sometimes. And then when Oren is older... Just him with her.
MiL babysits niece all week long. Let her ass stay home some weekends so the other grandkids can get that quality time without distraction.
I know my kids aren't going to be as close to MiL only b/c MiL does babysit niece, but I dunno... it still upsets me when it seems like niece is the one that gets to do everything with her.
I mean hell... they could've at least called to see if I wanted to bring the kids along. Yeah, I probably would've said no b/c I'm so GD tired lately, but still.. just being invited to come along would've been nice.

Told DH that we need to take the kids to a pumpkin patch this weekend. Make our own memories with them and let them pick out some pumpkins :)
We did buy them a couple from the grocery store. Just little ones that were 4 for $5 lol. I don't even know where they are o_O Hmmmm

We're going to the fair on Monday too. I THINK SiL and BiL are both off that day so I'm hoping they'll actually pay attention and take care of their own child instead of making MiL do it. But that may be asking too much of them.
Take for instance when we go out to dinner on Fridays. Niece announces that she has to go to the bathroom.... stupid ass BiL "Oh, granny will take you." Dude... WTF?? Get your nasty greasy ass up and take your daughter to the F-ing bathroom!!!!

Zoe getting on my nerves... example..
This just happened...
She's playing with Oren. Gets annoyed with him and swipes all of the toys off the table they're playing on. I tell her to pick all of the toys up so she gets up, sits on the floor.. and does nothing. Sigh.....
Can't wait until Oren is a little older and can start picking up after himself.... or just ignoring me... :\

Thursday, October 13, 2016

They're all superheroes

Really shitty superheroes. Or well.. I should say super human instead.
Oren and Zoe both have the uncanny ability to totally ignore their baby brother... right up until the time he FINALLY falls asleep, then they want to hug and kiss all over him.


Sigh... I'm so exhausted.
Ezra is still fighting sleep and it's SO damn frustrating.
He was doing pretty well when he wakes at night. He'll wake just enough to eat and then goes back to sleep.
But lately he's been thinking it's time to get all smiley and cute and keeps me awake.
I don't like doing it b/c it's so dangerous, but I finally got fed up and laid him down in the bed with me in the crook of my arm. It wasn't good sleep by any means b/c my instinct wakes me up with every noise and movement he makes.
I did it again this morning too, but this time it was just for another hour.
I'm seriously falling asleep all throughout the day.

UGH, just feeling overwhelmed and exhausted right now. I just need sleep and need to be able to do at least one thing without Ez freaking the  F out when I get up to do anything.
The house is a damn mess again too which is driving me crazy.

So yeah... I have not been a good mommy this week. Really short fuse. Doesn't help that Zoe has been throwing some serious attitude lately too which ooooo.. ticks me off lol. 4yo is too you for this kind of tude! :P lol

Anyway.... Ez is finally asleep again after being woken up.... going to TRY to make some damn muffins.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Patient 0

Apparently Oren was patient zero b/c everyone else got sick with a stomach bug too lol. I shouldn't LOL, but I will b/c GOOD :P
It's always someone else getting my kids sick.. so it's about time they give it. MUAHAHAHAHA
Seriously though... I think DH is the only one that came out fine from it all. Him and Ez.
That's just how stomach bugs are though. Super contagious and ya just gotta hope it passes quick.

Went to niece's birthday party on Sunday after the storm passed. It was actually a really nice day. Nice and cool. A bit breezy, but bright and sunny.
Kids had a blast.

I'm still ticked that no one ever bothers to wrap presents for our kids. Unless we get a bag for a present.. we ALWAYS wrap the present. That's half the fun when you're a kid. Seeing that present all wrapped up. Wondering what it is.. and then finally getting to tear it open.
My kids rarely get that joy from others b/c they don't ever frickin wrap the presents they give.
I know I sound ungrateful and I'm really not. I'm glad they get anything at all, but would it kill their relatives to spend like 5 minutes to wrap some shit up?? Or put more thought in to the gifts they give?
Case in point.... Zoe got this big Yoda thing that moves from SiL (and no it wasn't wrapped unless you count the walmart plastic bag she brought it in). Now it's pretty cool, but Zoe really isn't in to Star Wars. Not like she was before.
SiL would've known this if she had ever bothered to ask us what Zoe likes, but no.... she didn't (and never has bothered asking for any birthday or Christmas).
But I've made sure to always ask her what she'd like us to get for her girl.
It's just little things, but it's those little things that add up and just annoy the shit out of you.


DH has been an ass lately too. I know the kids can be draining and get on your last nerve when they won't stop whining, but he lets it get to him way too much and too often.
Dude... I deal with the kids all week long, all day long. I know how annoying they can be and yes, I've lost my shit a few times, but stop being an asshole and suck it up.
I know he was pissed off at me too for some reason b/c I got the good ole silent treatment for most of the weekend. Like dude.. seriously. WTF do you expect me to do? I try my best with our kids but they're kids and a newborn. They're not going to always listen and yeah, they're gonna be hella loud A LOT of the times.
Just ugh... he's been frustrating me lately b/c it feels like he's blaming me when the kids start up. I'm momming as best as I can and him getting pissed at me only makes me feel pissed and feel like a piece of shit.

In other news.. it's nice and cool outside! There was absolutely no transition from hot to cool. It was hot one week and then BAM, nice and cool.
Was hoping I'd have some time to grow a few more tomatoes, but doesn't look like it. Oh well.
Maybe next year we'll actually get more than 3 tomatoes we can eat. Sigh....
But.... the AC has been turned off and the windows have been opened. Cue the paranoia! lol
I always get so paranoid that someone is going to break in. It's even worse now that I'm up in the middle of the night pumping so I have to come out in to the dark living room and kitchen. Just scared that one day I'm going to see someone standing there.
I dunno why someone would target our house though. It's just the back windows open and we have one of those little signs out front advertising that we have a security system.
There are also much nicer houses closer to the exit of our neighborhood so hopefully we'll never be a target lol.

My milk supply seems to be staying steady at 550ish mL. Sigh.....
I did get 607 on Sunday even though I only pumped 5 times though. So maybe that means my supply wants to go back up a bit more.
It's been ok though. Going through the milk we have a bit faster, but it's still more than enough for now.
Ez is still eating around 80-120mL each time. Lately it's been 80-100 b/c he's been spitting up a little more than normal.
He's been good though. SUPER clingy and staying up longer.
He's also been wanting to stay up when I feed him in the middle of the night.
It's adorable looking down at him and seeing that cute little gummy smile, but little dude... go to sleep! lol
I didn't get back to sleep until 4:30 last night b/c he wanted to stay up and party! Then DH got up and I had to poop and only got in a broken hour of sleep before finally getting up. I'm glad to have gotten that, but still would've been nice to have gotten more. Sigh... sleep... how I miss you.

And yeah.... nothing much else going on here. Just doing the daily grind and trying not to go crazy from the whining..... So.... Much..... Whining....

Saturday, October 8, 2016

We're good

Hurricane Matthew is currently hitting our coast. We're good inland though. Lots of rain and windy here, but we're not in a flood prone zone or anything. Also no powerlines or huge trees in most of the neighborhood so don't have to worry about that really either.
Power has flickered twice so far, but that's been it. I'm sure it will happen again or actually go out.
So far so good though. We're hunkering down today while this passes. Feel bad for anyone that has to go to work in this mess.

In other news... Ez threw up a ton last night while we were all asleep. Woke up bc I heard him coughing from it. Got up to check him and he was soaked. Well, his swaddle was soaked. Thankfully I caught it quick enough that it hadn't had time to soak through to his clothes.
Think we just over fed him though. He doesn't look to be sick.
That must've been an impressive vomit though. An impressive projectile vomit based on where he was wet lol.

And yep. Not much going on here. Can't share too much since I don't leave the house anymore rofl.

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Bleh!! So much poop juice!

So this stomach bug just needs to pass already. No throwing up, but I think I'd prefer puke to poop.
This morning and yesterday morning, I've walked in Oren's room to a poop stench b/c he leaked all over the place. Today's was worse than yesterdays. Just gross.
His poops are so watery and gross and his poor butt is going to be so sore b/c of all the wiping.
I've already changed his diaper a half dozen times this morning and it's not even 11am yet.
Zoe is also having some gross poop but at least she goes in the toilet lol.

The living room smells like poo and I'm not sure if the smell is just stuck in my nose or if there's secret poo somewhere. Sigh.....

Need to remember to give them both some yogurt or something to see if it helps.

So... we need to prepare for potential bad weather this weekend. We're gonna be hit by the hurricane, but just don't know how bad yet. I think where I am, it will probably only be just heavy rain, but ya never know. The hurricane could shift and we could get hit harder. We'll see what happens.
DH was supposed to be going to Atlanta on Friday for work, but that was cancelled.
They're starting to do some evacuations from the coast so the roads are going to be packed. I'm glad he's not going to be on the road with all of this happening.
But yeah... where I am, we shouldn't be getting hit too bad, but on the coast.. they could be. We'll see what happens. Just hope everyone stays safe and takes this seriously.
Already idiots on FB posting on the news about how this is no big deal, and how everyone is overreacting.
I'm sure those are the same type of idiots that think they can drive through a flooded street and end up needing to be rescued and putting rescue workers in danger.

Anyway.... we have plenty of water and food. We're always ready with supplies. Something I think everyone should be. Even if you have limited space, there's always room for some emergency supplies.

BLEH! We're getting baby roaches in the bathroom. Think an eggsac must have hatched b/c they all showed up at the same time. So gross. Plus it's getting cooler outside so all the bugs are moving in.
Can't stand roaches.
Spiders... I'm cool with. I don't want to touch them or anything, but I'm fine if I see a spider.
But I see a roach (especially the giant flying fuckers), and I freak the F out!
"Oh hey.. there's a spider crawling on the floor just a couple inches from me. Go get those bugs spider!"

I no longer have my ugly chest mole! WOO!
Got that sucker cut off yesterday and I'm so damn happy about it :D
The doc was a bit... abrupt. She wasn't mean or anything, just not very personable. But whatever. She did her job.
I did ask about my dark armpits and unfortunately, didn't really get a lot of info on what could be done for it. Sigh.
She did write down a few lotions that could lighten them a little that can be bought OTC but that was it. Boo :(
The nurse told me to not expect a huge change or anything and they they'll still be discolored. Oh well. Going to look in to it more and try out whatever I can. Even lightening them a little bit will be worth it.
They're just SO dark and gross looking. I hate it.

Ezra needs to get over his separation anxiety already. He's sound asleep right now. I need to get up to put on my pump stuff. How much do you wanna bet that a minute after I get up.. he's going to start crying.
UGH, it's so frustrating and heartbreaking.
I absolutely hate hate hate hearing him cry. I hate that he gets so upset, but I can't be with him 24/7. I just want him to be ok to be alone for just a little bit so I can get some stuff done with no guilt lol.
Oh wait... I think he sensed that I was about to get up b/c he just woke a little. Go to sleep baby!

He's doing good though. He loves looking around and smiling at everyone. So darn cute.
He's eating between 80-120mL. We've been feeding him about 100ml now unless he's been spitting up or if we fed him not too long ago, then I'll give him 80.
He's getting bigger, but definitely doesn't look chunky. Just thought that since he was big when he was born, he'd be super chunky... nope. His legs have gotten some more chunk to them, but are still pretty chickeny. /shrugs

My milk still isn't at where it was. Think it's b/c I'm not drinking enough, but also b/c it just still hasn't come back from being sick. Annoying.
And my nipples are still super sore as hell. I dunno why the hell that happened. It's not like I was doing anything different when I was sick other than not pumping as often (for only 2 days) and being dehydrated. So why the heck are my nipples so screwed right now?
Thought I had gotten over that stage of pumping. Sigh....

Monday, October 3, 2016

Yeesh, but better

So Oren decided that waking up at 5am was a great idea. Pfft, I turned off the monitor.
He's not sick anymore and he can get his little butt back to sleep. I turned it back on every once in a while to see if he was still awake or not.
I think Dh mjust have checked on him before he left for work bc Oren was freaking the f out. Off the monitor went again. He did eventually go back to sleep and woke at 8.
I know it's mean, but I am not entertaining 5am wakeups and that is not becoming a regular thing. He better be prepared to sit his little butt in his crib until I'm ready to get up lol.
Other than that though, he was great today. Hardly any whining and he responded to 'use your words' pretty well. He didn't really say much but he did point which worked lol.
Zoe came and laid down in here this morning. Poor girl got woken up by her brother. It was so sweet. She's not a cuddler, but she got close to me and wanted to hold my hand or just touch some part of me. my girl.

Only one driving me crazy today was Ezra lol. I swear, babies have the superpower of knowing exactly when you get up, even if they're fast asleep.
Every single dang time I got up to do anything, within a minute he would be crying like he was dying.
And the poor boy cat naps most of the day. In sure a lot,of that has to do with his loud siblings, but he should be used to it by now and be able to sleep through anything. I've purposefully been keeping him out in the living room while he sleeps so he gets used to all the noise, but I dunno. Maybe I should start putting him in the bassinet where it's more quiet.
Anyway, just a bit frustrating when I'm trying to get anything done and he starts wailing. Hate hearing him cry, but just can't help it sometimes.

Things are good though. Have my dermatologist appointment tomorrow. Really hoping to get this ugly mole removed and maybe get some info on how to lighten my dark armpits. Think that's going to be too expensive to do anything about right now, but we'll see what happens.

And bonus photos while I wait to lay down to make sure Ezra is actually asleep. Also baby superpower... waiting for you to get comfy and them BAM! Start fussing lol.

Calm your tits

So today was migraine inducing.
From the moment Oren got up til about an hour before he went to bed.... It was a non-stop crying tantrum whine-fest.
Everything set him off and I mean literally everything.
He's not sick anymore and nothing that we could,see was physically wrong with him.
Just one of those days I guess.
I know dh was at his breaking point by the end and so was I for that matter.
Ignoring wasn't cutting it any longer so I told dh that I think we need to start doing time outs with Oren. When he really starts going, just put him in a corner and tell him he can leave it When he calms down.
I did it twice before bed.
He was not happy about it and kicked up a shitstorm, but seemed to kind of understand the 2nd time bc he eventually did calm down and didn't have another meltdown before bed.
Dh on the other hand needs to check his anger.
Yes, oren's behavior today was Frickin awful and frustrating as all get out, but telling me to just spank him isn't going to solve shit.
We are not against spanking, but it's got to be for a good reason and what Oren was doing was not a good reason and spanking him wasn't going to do anything other than temporarily let out our frustration on to him. Nope... That's just abuse.
I had to set Dh's attitude right on that shit. Dh is NOT abusive... Lemme just get that out there. He's a great daddy and great hubs, but he is not perfect and does not have a lot of,patience with the kids. He did today for most of the day by ignoring the whining, but did come to that breaking point finally when he said that.
Oh, I get it. I've thought to myself about spanking for this stuff, but I know it wouldn't be right to do it and feel guilty for even thinking it, but the thoughts do happen.
I don't want to make Dh feel like he's a bad parent bc he definitely isn't, but I couldn't say nothing.
Anyway... Think Dh got pissed at me and pretty much gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the night. Whatever....
He knows I was right.

Anyway, so Yeah... Sitting in time outs is going to be the goal for when Oren starts up with the crying meltdowns over nothing. Going to have to remind myself constantly to try to keep calm and talk to him. Try to get him to communicate whatever he's wanting instead of crying and whining. We'll see how it goes. I'm sure there will be plenty of oppurtunities later today to test this all out lol.