Saturday, May 30, 2015


Ok so this is about to get real for a minute.

I love my cousin with all of my heart. Not including my brother and mom, she's the only other family member that I really care about, BUT... I just don't get it.

Her dad died a while ago (think it's been somewhere between 10-15y now) and he was not a good man.. especially to her and there she is on FB saying how much she misses him and wishes he was still here? What?? I just want to ask her WHY? With all of the abuse he put her through.. and I'm talking some seriously BAD shit to the point of her secretly buying a padlock for her door one day and then installing it while he wasn't home so she could lock herself in her room to keep away from him.
And he didn't just limit his abuse to her... myself and a few of her friends were also victims... which she knows about.
And here she is acting like he was a fucking angel. Are you kidding me???

I am not ashamed to say that I smiled.. yes SMILED when I learned that he had died. He was not a good guy. If people knew the extent of his evil, they would've strung him up and beat him to a pulp.

Just UGH..... I don't get it. That piece of shit is better in the ground where he belongs. Why? B/c it means that he can never, ever hurt someone else, especially her kids or anyone elses.


Woops... sorry for going missing there for a bit. I kept meaning to post and then just getting totally side tracked by one thing or another.

Diet has been going well. I'm not being super duper strict with it. I've had bites of bad things here and there, but that's mostly what it has been.... just bites so not bad at all IMO.

As of yesterday... I was 208.8lbs which is a 4lb loss so far. Yeah, probably mostly water weight, but hey... I'll take it. So long as that scale keeps going down... I'm good with any weight coming off.

Finally got the Kohls order in. The 18w swim top I got fits perfect. BUT the design of it.. it's all boob fit. It's the same type of a design as a babydoll lingerie top. Where it has a fitted bra type of top and then flowy sheer fabric at the bottom. My boobs are slightly larger b/c of the pumping and they fit in to the cups really well.
The sheer flowy bottom part makes me look like I'm pregnant again but that's what happens when you carry a lot of fat in your stomach :\

I'll be wearing it to the pool today though. I'm just sort of beyond the point of giving a shit what people think. I'm not going to be sporting a bikini or anything but sheer fabric stuff around my torso? Meh.

Zoe is walking weird. Can't remember if I mentioned this already. Noticed it on Tuesday. She had a really slight limp going on and looked to be putting her foot down weird. The outter part then inner and it made it look like her foot was turning slightly in when she walked.
It concerned me, but she had spent the night with aunt then was playing all night on Monday with her cousin so I figured maybe she just slightly twisted her ankle or something.
It never got swollen or anything of the sort and feeling on it, she never said it hurt.
Well, it's Saturday now and she's still walking on it weird. It's really not that noticeable, but something isn't right.
She doesn't act like it bothers her. She's been her usual toddler self. *shrugs*

Oh she has been waking up at 8:30 in the morning now. WOOOOOOOOOO lol
Too bad Oren hasn't been though... booooooooooo

Been trying to get him to sleep through the night. It's hit or miss. He'll start making his "I'm waking up!" noises, so I'll get up and give him his pacifier in hopes that he'll go back to sleep. It works sometimes.
The boy needs to just go to sleep when he's tired instead of screaming bloody murder. lol
He's such a good little baby when he's in a good mood, but when he's not... holy crap in a hand basket does he scream the house down... and it's usually b/c he's overly tired.
THEN he cat naps. CAT NAPS! Noooooooooooooo

I'm just so beaten and worn out by the end of the day...heck, by the middle of the day.

Having 2 kids.... I love it and wouldn't trade it for anything but MAN... is it tiring.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Day 1... finally

Day 1 and I am so ready for this!

Memorial day went down pretty much how I expected. Went over to the inlaws... lots of loud noises, lots of food.
I ate WAY too much sweet stuff and metformin made me pay the price for it.
Woke up last night feeling nauseated. I knew what was going to happen since it had happened before, but I fought it for as long as I could. Finally had to get up and throw up though. Always so fun and hoping it won't happen again now that I'm eating better.

Anyway, fixed some kimchi soup for lunch and fixing slow cooker beef broccoli for dinner. It's a new recipe so no idea how it's going to turn out. Smells really good though.

Speaking of the cook out... UGH.
First... Zoe has bug bites ALL over her. I'm sure it's from fleas. Oh they have money to go to the beach every other month, but apparently not enough to get their dogs some damn flea medication. So pissed off about that but whatever.

Then.. there's this little boy that was there. He's DH's grandfather's great nephew. Anyway... he's 2yo and he very clearly has something wrong with him. I think it's going to end up being diagnosed as autism, but it could just be a development delay. He only says 2 words, the rest is either shrieks/screams or "EEEEEEEEEE".
I know he can't help the way he is, but his family could do something about his behavior. He was purposely ramming buggies in to people's feet. Purposely throwing shit everywhere and at everyone... including his great grandmother while she was holding Oren. Yeah, that pissed me off b/c they didn't do shit about it except for scolding him mildly.
I just don't have the patience for other people's kids.. especially when they're little terrors and those that should be doing something about it, don't.

Oren is in one hellava mood today. Happy one minute and screaming inconsolably the next.
This mommy has a big headache coming and needs some Tylenol.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Just relaxing

DH and Zoe are at church.... Oren is snoozing next to me and here I am... just chillin before I have to pump again.

Zoe woke up at 5am this morning. Brought her to bed with us again and she went right to sleep. Made sure to put her more on DH's side this time LOL. She ended up diagonal but still mostly on his side ;) hehe
She didn't wake up until after 7am. Not sure when exactly b/c I kept dozing in and out. My hips were killing me so the pain kept waking me up *grumble*
Thankfully DH and Zoe both let me sleep in a little. DH got up around 7 or so, Oren started fussing so I got up and took him to DH and went back to bed lol.
I had to get up at 4am to pump. I got up b/c I had to pee. Laid back down but my boobs started to ache like crazy and I couldn't ignore it so had to pump. Oren was still asleep, so I ended up pumping in the dark. Do not like doing that. I like seeing what I'm getting out, if I need to adjust a little so my nip isn't rubbing the sides, etc etc.

I've been using a ton of lanolin lately. Been smearing it on before I pump and it's helped some. I've still been getting rubbed raw spots though that hurt. Wish the pain would just stop already. I would like to pump longer than I did with Zoe but with the way it's going and how sensitive my milk supply is... I doubt it will.

We got Zoe her little toy yesterday. Nothing big or anything, just a small Lalaloopsy baby thing for $7something. We gave her the choice of one of the smaller ones or a slightly larger one, but she liked the small one heh.
We saw a lot of stuff we'd love to get her for her birthday and Christmas though :)

Not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I have some dark dark pits.

Apparently.... being Asian, having hypothyroidism, having insulin problems and I'm sure hormonal crap from PCOS all can cause dark underarms... nevermind that they did get darker when I was pregnant too.
It would've been a damn miracle if I hadn't of gotten dark pits.

Anyway, I've been looking up ways to try to lighten them up. I really don't want to use any kind of cream while I'm pumping b/c I don't want anything to get absorbed in to the breastmilk... so I'm using some Dove deodorant. Too lazy to get up and see what it's called exactly, but supposedly it's supposed to help even out the skin tone in the area. I just got it yesterday and used it, so we'll see if it does do anything.
Would really like to be able to wear tank tops and not be so self conscious about my underarms.
And I'm not talking about just slightly off color... no these things are DARK DARK DARK. Like I've been using charcoal as my deodorant. :\

So, while I am looking forward to starting our healthier low carb diet... I'm SO excited to try out this homemade ice cream sandwich recipe :D It's not that homemade. Just takes cake mix, mixes it a certain way to make 'cookies' and you assemble everything once it's all done. Desserts are just so fun to make :)

Will be taking that along w/ the Alton Brown blueberry pound cake tomorrow. While that's going to just be filled with lots and lots of FoxNEWS (ugh)... I really enjoy the kids hanging out with their family :) We all have our flaws, but giving and showing love is not one of them.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Well poop

Ok, SO Tuesday is going to be the start of better eating.
Completely forgot about Memorial Day which means cook out with the fam.
Oh well, one more day isn't a huge deal in the long run. I'm so excited to start though and get this weight off.
There was a story the local news posted about a woman that lost over 80lbs in only 7 months by just changing her diet... no exercise. That's incredible and she looked amazing.
And there is another woman that was part of Zoe's DD group who went from 220something? to 150something. Not sure how long it took her but it's still an incredible accomplishment and she looks stunning. 10+ years younger and amazing.
I hope to have those results one day too :)

Told DH about the 2 bathing suits I want to buy for next summer WHEN I'm skinnier and he said OK. lol
Went ahead and ordered another tankini top from kohls though in a 18w. Hoping it won't be too big.... again, this is why stores need to carry more plus sizes. Some 18w sizes are way too big for me, while others in the same size fit me fine. Going by the measurements given on the site though.. 18w was the way to go. Kinda depressing since I had gotten down to a size 14 for a brief period... sigh.
I'll be there again.

Anywho.. ordered a shirt for DH that was awesome and ordered Zoe a cute butterfly dress... all for just over $10 :D YAY for Kohl's cash and promo codes! lol That $10 was a couple bucks for the dress that the codes didn't cover, shipping and tax. Woot!
Really wish these places would stop charging so damn much for shipping.

We went to the pool on Thursday. DH took Thursday and Friday off so he'd have a nice long weekend.
That was fun and both kids seemed to have a lot of fun. Zoe liked going in to the kiddy pool more and Oren was very relaxed in the floater and then eventually w/ me holding him. He actually fell asleep on me. Awwww
He was farting up a storm though and sure enough, had pooped his swim diapers.
Which brings up a point... why don't they make swim diapers for smaller babies? Or if they do, why do they not carry them in stores? The smallest we found started at weight 16lbs or something like that.
They did the job and contained his poop for this most part but still. was a really nice afternoon spent. We got some sun, got to lounge in the pool and just have a really nice family moment together. No pics though. We forgot to bring the camera. Oops.

Zoe took her last dose of antibiotics this morning. YAY!
Good news is that the last couple of days, she's taken the medicine willingly. WOOT! She still didn't like it, but she finally figured out that it was easier to just take it willingly and not be forced to do it. Thank goodness b/c we all hated that.
If she ever needs this again, hopefully she'll remember to just take it good and not fight it lol.

We're totally going to get her a new toy for everything she had to go through lol. Will have to hit up the consignment store to see what they have :) We bought her a cute $5 plushie turtle from Kohls too that we'll be giving her. $5 for a normal size plush animal is a great deal. They also had a bear, elephant and a whale if anyone is interested and has a Kohl's near you.

Right now, I'm eating a small bowl of homemade mint chocolate chip ice cream. YUM!
No, not a healthy version lol.

Saw a video on Buzzfeed with a very simple recipe.

1 pint heavy whipping cream. Whip it until soft peaks
Add 1 can of sweetened condensed milk. Blend.
Add flavors of your choice.... I wanted mint chocolate chips so during the whipping process I added a tsp of vanilla extract, and 2 cap full of peppermint extract. After it was whipped... I chopped up half a 70% dark chocolate bar and added that along w/ the milk and blended it all.
Put it in a container and leave it in the freezer for 6hours.
SO stinking delicious!!
It has the same consistency and texture as store bought ice cream, BUT since it is full fat, it leaves that greasy feeling on your spoon and lips. I don't mind it but I'm sure others might be a bit freaked at the fat content.
Wondering if regular whipping cream would have the same results but without the greasy aftermath.
Anyway... it's REALLY good and super easy. I just have a cheapy electric hand mixer that I used to whip it and it all only took maybe 10min to do.

Whenever I make this again (which won't be any time soon since I'll be trying to lose weight :D ).. I'll use just a little more peppermint extract. You can taste it but the mintiness is subtle.
Really recommend everyone to try it at home if you're craving some ice cream but don't want all of the added other junk in store bought stuff and you don't have an ice cream maker.
This one is perfect. Has the perfect amount of sweetness and like I said.... same consistency to store bought stuff. Creamy and not icy at all.

Want to make more to bring to the holiday cookout :)

We got home late last night. DH's grandfather is sick so we went over to inlaws house to visit and eat instead of going to a restaurant. We didn't leave there until 9 and got home at 9:30.
Oren woke up at 10, was fed and didn't really get back to sleep until after 10:30.
He slept until 6am this morning :D
He usually goes in to his deep night time sleep at around 8-9 then starts fussing/waking around 2:30-3:30. DH will wake and feed him then and he'll go back to sleep until about 6:30.
Anyway... being able to sleep in was nice.. or well... my version of sleeping in.
I still wake up at every noise he makes and he made a few like he was going to wake starting at around 3:30. I'd get up, give him his paci and then lay back down.
I do this every night and will eventually just get up when the amount of time between him making noises gets closer together.
It was the same this time too, but it just lasted until 6 this morning :P

As a result, I pumped about 7oz this morning. Got just over 5 on my right side and almost 2 on the left.
Wish I could get that much every 2 hours :P I'd have a freezer stocked enough to last until he's 2... I could stop pumping and just enjoy my free time again instead of worrying about needing to pump all the dang time.
Sigh.. a girl can dream. lol

Oh and speaking of kids sleeping... Thursday night at 3:30am (right after I was done pumping) Zoe woke up crying. I eventually went and checked on her and just knew she wasn't going to lay down and go back to sleep in her bed (well.. her little nest on the floor), so I brought her to bed with us. Times like this is when king size beds pays off.
Put her in between DH and I and of course she ended up mostly on my side, kicking and pushing me in my back.
I probably only got 1 more hour of sleep while DH and Zoe slept like babies until 7:30... and they only woke up then b/c Oren started to fuss. *grumble*
The price of being mommy I guess lol.

So this ended up being a long post. Pretty sure there was more I wanted to post about  but oh well.
I'll post the dinners I'll be fixing once we start low carbing.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

What now dangit

I'm spotting. I dunno if this is going to turn in to a period or just wonky ass hormones causing it.
Could be b/c I've been having to pump for longer to try to keep my supply up.
Whatever... it's something I can't control so yeah.. just whatever.

Found a few low carb meals I'll be trying out next week. Yay Pinterest! lol
I have no imagination when it comes to cooking so yay internet for being creative for me! :D
A lot of it seemed to be Mexican based though. Mexican food isn't bad or anything, but I need more variety. I did save a one pot thing though that looks really good.

Before then though... yay Alton Brown for a yummy blueberry pound cake. Also want to try this easy homemade icecream recipe I saw. :P lol

Metformin strikes again

So, I woke up last night at midnight and puked up dinner. So fun :\
Almost had a out both ends issue, but thankfully that wasn't the case. That sounds more like food poisoning, but I'm pretty sure it was just the metformin.
So yeah....BLEH!!

Yesterday though... I wanted to eat EVERYTHING. Not sure if it's b/c of the pumping or what but man... I wanted to eat eat eat. It never felt like I was full or satisfied.

Also yesterday, not really sure if it was pee or vaginal discharge but yeah... had that all day long too. Thank goodness I do wear panty liners b/c I would've had to change my undies a few times yesterday bc of it. Not sure what's going on there. Sounds like something hormonal w/ everything else that's going on.

Ok, next week is definitely going to be the start of eating better.
It's been a bust so far and I think my problem is not having the meals planned out. I've just been winging it and most of the time.. I don't feel like cooking so I've been going for the easier stuff which hasn't been very healthy.
So yeah...going to take some time and find some good low carb healthy meals to make for next week and stick to that. I have to start getting this ball rolling already or I'm never going to reach ANY kind of weight loss goal for Christmas.
Christmas is still months and months away but with how my body loses... I need as much time as I can get. Plus... I just want this for myself.
Yes, I want to be healthier for sure, but it's mostly for vain shallow reasons. I want to be skinny and buy cute clothes and feel good in my body :D

Tuesday, May 19, 2015


I swear...toddlers man.....
Zoe has a fascination with DH's desk and DH still hasn't learned to keep important stuff out of her reach. Just caught her trying to open a bill... and she had opened up a new ink cartridge. Thankfully she didn't figure out how to really open it though. Don't think printer ink would come up out of the carpet like acrylic did.

Will have to empty out his drawer where are the pens and whatnots are.

Anyway, today wasn't all that bad. She did take a 2hr nap today. WOO!
Doesn't help that we're having to wake her up in the morning to give her the medication. It figures she would want to sleep in when we need her up early :\
Hopefully she'll still want to sleep in once we stop the meds. This momma needs that extra 30 mins in the morning before Oren starts to wake.

Oren is doing well. Lots of smiles when he's in a good mood. Lots of screaming and crying when he's not lol.
Not really much to say... 2m old... baby isn't doing too much :P

My milk supply is all over the place. Sometimes it's back to normal, other times it's lacking. I think it's b/c I'm not drinking enough but I've really been trying. Every time I get up, which is often, I drink half a glass of water. *shrugs*

On the swimsuit front... looked more on amazon. I really love those vintage looking bathing suits, but again, without trying on.. no way of knowing what my body would look like in them.
Really wish I could sew. I would totally make my own stuff.

There was something else I wanted to mention but I forgot and need to pump. Oh well :P

Monday, May 18, 2015

Being fat sucks

Well, obviously being fat sucks for most people, but it especially sucks for women.
Why haven't stores picked up on the fact that there are a bunch of us fluffy girls out there that want and need cute clothes too? Why must they put all of the decent looking plus size stuff online? Bc as we all know... all clothes fit everyone exactly the same.. especially true for big girls! AMIRITE?? :\

Went to Kohls and oh look.... absolutely nothing cute. Should've paid more attention when I was on their website and saw the big "ONLINE ONLY" tag on the tankini tops that I liked... sigh.
I still got a pair of shorts though and DH got some much needed work clothes so it wasn't a totally wasted trip.

Seriously... I tried on every top they had and hated every single one of them. Looks cute on the hanger... not so much when filled with all of this.

And why are all of the junior sized clothes cute as shit and the women sizes all drab and matronly?? It's like stores only think that teen girls want to look cute and girly or are the only ones that want fun graphic tees with superheroes on them.
Oh wait... there was one shirt that I liked... just a simple women's t-shirt w/ some purple butterfly and skulls on it..... frickin $30.... WHAT??? The shirt was cute but not $30 cute.

Anyway... just reinforced my motivation to lose weight. I want to be able to go in to any store, see something cute that I like, try it on and be happy with how it fits.

Oh AND... why are all bathing suits so damn ugly with the fugliest prints on them?
On the hunt for a cute top... went to amazon to see what they had.... OMG the Chinese ones are frickin ADORABLE!! Of course my fat ass would never be able to fit in to them (even the ones that are in my size), but still.... cute as hell!

Like this one.... it's a one piece but still.. how awesome is it?

You'd never be able to find that in any store... at least not for a reasonable price.

I know I've complained about the lack of cute decently priced clothes for big girls before.. it's just frustrating.

Anyone watch Vampire Diaries? It's a bit of a guilty pleasure right now. Watching it on Netflix.
It's a decent show for what it is, but hot damn is it annoying too.
Everyone in the town is super rich and apparently has a ton of money to buy outfits for every little stupid themed dance at the high school or whatever event.
The main chick... Alaina or however it's spelled is SO damn annoying. Everyone just falls head over heels for her. Sure she's gorgeous, but good lord is she a whiny bitch that thinks the world revolves around her and it does in the show.
Anyway... I'm mostly annoyed by the high school dances and events in the show. It's just so unrealistic. I know how stupid that sounds with a show full of vampires and such lol.
Having a 20's inspired dance? No problem because we all have elaborate flapper dresses and gear and know all of the dances back then and will totally dance them all like professionals!
A ball at some random guy's house? Sure no problem! I just have this ole giant princess gown in my closet gathering dust on it.
And no one even blinks an eye when a bazillion people have been killed in the town. That part reminds me of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Tons of people die... no ones gives a shit.

Anyway... just had a need to rant today apparently lol.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Not so bad...

So, antibiotics for Zoe is about the same. Well, she's not struggling AS much but she's still crying, screaming, and tries spitting it out during. She gets over it quicker now though which. well.. at least there's that.
She's so getting a nice big toy after all of this lol.
Her rash isn't as red any longer. Still feels all rough and bumpy but not nearly as bad as it was. It's weird feeling her back or torso. Just doesn't feel like skin b/c it's so bumpy and dry feeling. Exactly like a really fine sandpaper. So weird.
Other than the rash though... she's still my Zoe and she's not contagious anymore so yay.
OH! We had NO POOP yesterday from her! WOOOOOOOOOOO lol
I'm just hoping that her poops from now on are more turdy now. Pls pls be more turdy!

Bathing suit shopping is so damn annoying when you're a big girl.
No, I don't want my tits falling out of a top.
Please make the tankini top long enough to cover up the fat.
How about making the straps a little thinner b/c ya know.. us fat asses don't like huge tan lines either.
And how about offering more than bikini bottoms or super short tight short swim bottoms that might as well be bikini bottoms. Make them loose and make them frickin longer!
I know they do make those and carry a few in the store and guess what, they're ALWAYS out b/c that's what women frickin want!!!
I did buy a top from Target yesterday, but I don't like it. It was just the lesser of the suckiness. It hugs my fat stomach a bit too well... no hiding the rolls in this thing :\
Want to go to Kohls to see what they have. Looked online and they look to have more flattering tops that I want to check out. I wanted to return the Target one if I found something else and told DH this, but he wasn't paying attention (as usual) and washed it already. Oops.

Anyway.... I still need some bottoms. Will have to order some online since stores are always out. Walmart has some good cheap ones. Doubt the ones I have even fit still. They were tight before so I can imagine that I won't even be able to fit in them now. Depressing but I'm confident and determined that that's only a temporary setback :)

Oren is doing well.
Few nights he's been sleeping longer at night. His waking time is usually at 3, but a couple of nights he's woken up at 4:30.
Maybe he'll be sleeping through soon.
He's so darn cute... our hearts melt whenever he smiles.

My milk supply is still all wonky. Seemed to be going back to normal for a few days, then there were 2 nights when Oren woke up later and of course just that little bit screwed it up b/c my boobs are fickle bitches. So yeah, the next 3 or so days will be trying to get it back up to where it was... sigh.

Anywho... I gotta take a shower while Oren snoozes. I'm sure as soon as I strip down, he'll wake up and start crying lol.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Just.. 16 more to go

16 more doses of the antibiotics....... ugh. I hate hate hate giving her the meds. Wish she would just take them, but of course it can't be that easy. Why can't they just make medicine for kids that tastes good to them. Pick 3 flavors and that's it... perfect those flavors and then voila... no more kids fighting their parents tooth and nail when it comes time to take them.

Poor Zoe. She's still acting fine. Her rash has spread to her legs now and definitely all over her arms and torso.
Her bum is still hurting her too but thankfully the raw spots are only small little area so it's not as bad changing her. Well it still is, but she's not screaming from pain, just squirming around everywhere.
UGH, this needs to get better quicker b/c this is so damn stressful.

I dunno if it was the stress or what but I was HUNGRY today. I ate ate and ate some more.
I'm usually not an emotional eater, but I'm certainly turning in to one it seems.

Come on already....

So we gave Zoe one dose of her meds last night and she was not having any of it. We got it flavored but apparently, it was the wrong one bc she hates it.
We have to give it to her twice a day and this morning was a battle. We had to hold her down and slowly squirt the stuff in to her mouth while holding her nose so she'd actually swallow it instead of spitting it out (like she had done w/ the first attempt).

I hate having to do it this way. I feel so terrible and feel like we're traumatizing her and we sill have 10 more days of this shit :(

And DH is no help w/ his patience. He needs to get his act together already and remember that Zoe is 2. She doesn't understand that this nasty tasting shit is going to make her better. She just knows she hates it and that we're forcing her to take it. She's TWO... she's not going to understand reason.
Same with her little butt.... it's still pretty sore and apparently she wouldn't let him wipe her this morning so he had to put her in the bath to wash her off. He brings her in the room all angry and cursing.
I get the frustration b/c I definitely experience it too, but take a breath and stop being an asshole. Suck it up and realize that again... your daughter is only 2yo. Her butt hurts her... she doesn't understand yet that we need to wipe her off so it doesn't get worse.

I have to keep reminding him this, but he lets his impatience and frustration get the better of him.
Don't want to make DH out to be a bad guy or anything b/c lord knows I'm not perfect myself and have had a few not so pleasant moments. He really is a wonderful daddy. He just needs to stop expecting our toddler to act like a reasonable understanding adult. lol

Pumping in the dark

It's what I'm doing right now at 4:30am. Well, I have the laptop on so I can see how much I'm getting but otherwise the room is dark.
Oren is sleeping off his vaccinations and hasn't woken up yet tonight. Didn't want to wake him by turning the light on so here I am.

His appointment went well. He weighs 11lbs 13oz, was 21something inches.... and yeah.. everything looked good for him.
He got one oral vaccine which he loved lol. He kept opening his mouth for more... so cute.
And he got 2 shots, one in each thigh.... yeah he wasn't liking those. He didn't cry for too long though thankfully.

Zoe was also seen and turns out she has strep throat w/ rash or better known as scarlet fever. Yeah....after looking a bit more online, it was the only thing that matched the way her rash felt and looked.
Seriously.. how much scarier does scarlet fever sound than strep throat w/ a rash?
Anyway.. it is still kind of shocking bc Zoe never had a fever.. at least not a bad enough one that made her act sick and she never complained or showed signs that her throat was bothering her.
Oh well, we got her meds so she should be good to go soon.

Her doctor said Oren isn't really in any danger of getting it, but DH and I are so we need to be careful. Great :\

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Not good

The rash thing on Zoe does not look good. Looks like it has spread on her back and doesn't look any better on her front.

She's had 1 nasty poop w/ a little bit probably from a shart.

The rash feels like tiny little bumps....
Really cant find anything online that looks similar to what she has.
Just hope it's not something contagious b/c if it is, she's definitely passed it on to Oren and we'll just have to wait for him to break out too.

Tomorrow can't get here soon enough. Hoping by then that it will look better and be gone, but I'm doubting it. We really should've taken her to the doctor sooner. Just didn't think anything major was wrong since there hasn't been a fever and her personality hasn't changed.

What now baby girl?

I swear, poor Zoe can't catch a break right now.
So I managed to feel her gums yesterday and honestly still can't really tell if she's teething or not.
She pooped a total of 3 times yesterday. First was diarrhea, 2nd time looked like her normal turd that got smooshed everywhere, 3rd time was again, diarrhea.
She was ok for the first 2, but the last one brought along all of the kicking and screaming again.
DH got her some pedialyte to help with any kind of dehydration issues she might be having.

Anyway... so yesterday, she took it upon herself to get out of her PJ top and get another one. I put the new shirt on her and that was that until she started sucking on the shirt and getting it completely soaked with slobber.
That's when the bumpy rash started to appear on her entire torso and upper back. It doesn't seem to be bothering her at all.
She does have one scratch on her chest, but it doesn't look like she made it. She has no nails (she bites them) so there's no way she did it.
I thought maybe it was from all of the saliva from her shirt, but it definitely didn't go down that far on her and nothing on the back either.

She's acting totally normal. She hasn't had a fever this entire time and other than the pedialyte, we haven't given her anything out of the ordinary.

Oren has his 2m appointment tomorrow so we'll get the doctor to take a look at Zoe then and hopefully get some answers. Just want my baby girl to be ok.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Icing on the shit cake

So after the 4th poop, there wasn't any more.
Her pee was still stinging the sore spots but not as bad.
We gave her a Epsom salt bath before bed. Well.. we tried to. She wouldn't sit down in it so I poured water over her little butt while she played and splashed around.

Everything went well. Didn't seem like her butt was hurting her as much.
Things went as normal. We put her to bed. SHe got up turned her light on and played.
At around 8:30 we noticed on the monitor that she was looking under her bed.
Figured we should go look and try to get her to bed.
Welp, we got in her room and.... yeah, one of her toys was under the bed and the figures from her Star Wars mural was all over the floor.......... sigh........

Before..... and after..... sigh again.................

I'm really not even mad about it.
I knew it was going to happen eventually, just not this soon. And it's my own fault for not just painting the figures directly on to the wall in the first place. Not sure why I thought doing them on the vinyl sticker stuff was a better idea.
Oh well.... maybe I'll paint them back on the wall.... maybe I'll just paint something else... we'll see. Right now... I'm not doing anything to it.

So far today she has pooped once... and it's still nasty. Her butt is still red and irritated down there. Using a ton of cream on her butt to help shield it a little and help it heal. Just hope whatever is causing all of this stops soon.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Happy Mother's Day to me?

Well this day is starting off..... so great :\

Lets start from yesterday afternoon though. I just started pumping and here comes Zoe holding her arm out w/ something on it. Yep... it was poop. I have her turn around so I can see if it's gone up her back and it did a little but didn't look that bad.
Knowing how sensitive her butt is... I take her to the bathroom to shower her off instead of wiping her.... I stand her up on the toilet set to take her diaper off and diarrhea just start plopping out EVERYWHERE. She's freaking out... I'm freaking out trying to contain the splatters.
I am shocked the diaper was holding it all b/c there was a TON of it.
Keep in mind that I'm still in my pumping gear minus the bottles attached b/c I didn't want to bend over and spill out what I had pumped. I was leaking everywhere though.
I get her all cleaned up finally...get all of the poop cleaned.. and yeah....

She had poop again before bed but DH cleaned that. Was nothing compared to what I dealt with.

Fast forward to this morning and she wakes up... everything seems fine until she gets in to bed with me and she starts crying. She leans over towards me and I get a whiff of poo. I ask if she has poop and she says yes so I take her to her room to change her.
The poop was disgusting. SHe had gotten in to a pack of sugar free gum yesterday (no idea where she got it) and there were little while clumps all in it.
That wasn't the worst part though. She must've gone while she was sleeping and was stewing in it for a while b/c her poor butt and girly bits are just totally irritated and red and hurting her. She could do nothing but scream and cry and try to move away from me while I tried to wipe her clean.
I tried washing it off but that didn't work either b/c I still had to touch her in those areas and that still hurt her just as much as the wiping. Eventually just had to try to wipe as much as possible off which was accompanied with lots and lots of tears and screaming from her.

I finally get her clean, get some cream on her butt and get a new diaper on her.
Little bit later... she must've peed and it burned the irritated area b/c she starts screaming again. Of course she does it in the same room with Oren and wakes him up so he starts screaming too.

And she pooped again just a little bit ago and kicked me multiple times in my boobs. Fucking awesome.......
I have her diaper off to get her butt some air to help heal it and she's already peed... which again, stung that area so she starts crying again.

And it's only 10:35am..........
Of all the weekends DH had to work.... this shit just had to happen on this one.

I feel so bad for Zoe. I know it has to hurt so much and she doesn't understand that I need to wipe her so it doesn't hurt more.
Just... ugh.... Going to go clean out our big garden tub and take a nice soothing hot bath with her later and hope that helps.

Sigh... just hope things start getting better here soon.

Forgot that last night, after pumping, I go extremely nauseated and ended up throwing up a decent amount.

And so far...nope.. things haven't gotten much better. In between her stinging pees... things are normal, but when she pees and it hits her sore area... scream city.

Yeah... I just fixed myself some fudge and just waiting for it to set in the fridge. Screw healthy right now...mommy needs chocolate comfort.

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Mother's Day

I know I'm a day early but meh.
Still can't believe it's already this time of the year. Man, it's going by quick. Heck, the neighborhood pool is opening on Wednesday!! The year is not slowing down, that's for sure.
Still need to get a new bathing suit. Probably have to get bigger than I have.
Was looking for some capris to wear the other day and my smaller size ones that I used to be able to wear are inches from being buttoned.... INCHES. UGH!!
It's not that surprising since I'm about 15lbs heavier than when I was wearing them, but still... that sucked.

My weight was down a pound yesterday morning, but it's just going all over the place, but staying steady. I guess steady is better than gaining, but it's frustrating and concerning. While I like that my body can provide milk for Oren... I'll be happy to stop pumping so hopefully my body will lose weight like it should.
I'm going to have to start exercising too if I even want a chance at reaching any weight loss by Christmas. I know that's dramatic, but with how willing my body is to hold on to weight... it's not that far fetched.

I'm sure the stress of having 2 LOs isn't helping anything either. Zoe is getting in to EVERYTHING. A swat to the butt does nothing to deter her either. Oh, she'll cry for a minute, but the next she'll be right back to causing chaos.

Speaking of... just had to pause this for 30min to keep Zoe from digging in to her dirty wipes/diaper garbage, then clean her up b/c she found a lollipop somewhere (no idea) so she got all sticky.
Also took the opportunity to give Oren a bath.
Baby boy has been super sweaty and stinky.

Anyway... just the usual stresses of being a mommy.

My milk is still hurting. Lucky to get 2oz every 2hrs and that's with a hell of a lot of massaging. Heck, yesterday I got 1.5oz...... just frustrating.
Eh.. whatever.. it sucks but gotta make due with what I can get.

Tomorrow is going to be like any other though except that I won't have to cook dinner. I'm cool with that.

Friday, May 8, 2015


I don't know what is going on with Zoe's gut but gross!! I wish it would go back to doing what it should and producing nice clean funky turds. I am not putting her back in to cloth diapers until we figure out what the hell is causing her to have such nasty poop.
You would think that she was the one on metformin with how it's been looking. Yuck.

I don't know what the hell is going on with my supply, but it's not good. Other than dinner tonight, I should be able to do every 2 hrs during the day so hoping that it will bring my supply back up to what it was.
Yesterday, I had to spend an hour pumping just to get 2oz. I was drinking plenty of water too so I'm not sure what the problem was.

Can't believe Oren is going to be 2m old tomorrow. Wow. 2m isn't that long but it still feels like it's flown by but also like it's been forever. It was the same feeling I had with Zoe too. Heck, it's hard to believe that I'm going to have a 3yo in a few months.

Speaking of the 3yo. Girl was on a destructive path late afternoon yesterday. She had been fine all day but determined to make a mess with stuff she wasn't supposed to have.

Not sure what DH expects. Guess he thinks our kids shouldn't be like every other destructive toddler out there. He just gets frustrated too easily with her when she's bad. It's like he forgets that she's only 2 and a half years old and expects way too much. She's still testing her limits and needs to learn not to touch certain things etc.

Boooo,  not sure what happened but Zoe can't access those youtube videos she loved watching any longer. Not sure if the Talking Tom app changed that or what but it sucks for this momma... oh and I guess I feel a little bad for Zoe too :P lol

Thursday, May 7, 2015


We went strawberry picking yesterday :)
DH has to work this weekend so was off yesterday. We went to lunch with his parents (and a bunch of other people). That took 2 hours. Heck, we didn't even start getting our food until over an hour from when we got there.
Then we went and got water and then to the strawberry farm.
Zoe had a blast picking and eating everything lol. She even ate the leaves at the end of the strawberries lol. Kept trying to tell her to just eat the berry but whatever. It's not going to hurt her.

It was a fun day. Not really a fun night though. Zoe camped herself out right in front of her door. I could push it open just enough to unlock the door and turn off the light and that's with scraping my hand up like crazy lol.
She woke up some time in the night and turned her light back on, so after pumping, I went to turn it off figuring that she was back to sleep. I must've woken her up though bc after laying back down, her monitor turns on and sure enough, her light is back on and she's crying.
Let her cry for a bit but she wasn't going back to sleep any time soon so I went and got her and let her lay in bed with us.

OH before that though... Oren started to wake at around 12:30 b/c he kept breaking free of his swaddle. I tried to reswaddle him but it wasn't working. Not sure when, but after the 3rd time, I just picked him up and brought him to bed with me. He laid next to me and we slept until 3:30. He would've slept longer, but I really had to pump.
I know cosleeping is a big no no, and I never ever in a million years would've done this with Zoe, but.. well... sometimes it's the only thing that works to get you both some sleep.
Thankfully I don't move around a lot when I sleep and it was warmish so no blankets in danger of getting over his face.
Still though, I really don't like doing it but gotta do what ya gotta do to get some sleep sometimes lol.

Only thing bad about going out and doing stuff is that it totally screws up my already messed up milk supply.
Drinking lots of water seems to be helping it some, but still, these long breaks aren't doing me any favors.

Good lord, MOther's day is Sunday?? Not that I'm expecting much but still... that snuck up. This year is going by quick.
Really hope DH isn't expecting me to cook lol. OOO going to this one chicken place would be great. They have some tasty fried and broiled chicken. It's a bit far from us but worth to go to every once in a while.
Also told DH he could get me one of those spiral veggie cutters and some new pans for MD lol. The pans we have are mostly just spent right now. Supposed to be nonstick but everything sticks to them now lol.
And we tried making pasta w/ zucchini. Obviously the texture wasn't the same, but it was still good and a really good alternative. Will be doing that again but just want the spiral cutter to make it a big easier.
Plus making some curly fries or curly sweet potato fries sounds really good too ;) heh

Can't wait to stop using these damn nursing pads. They make my nipples itch SO much and of course I can't scratch them b/c my nips are sensitive so all I can do is rub.
I've gotten so used to rubbing them at home, I did it in public yesterday. Lol oops.
Thankfully no one was around and I stopped when I finally realized what I was doing but still... that would've been super embarrassing and awkward if someone had seen :P

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Before I forget again...

Here's the big mess Zoe made...


And after... still the small grey spot but it might come up... if not meh.. it's just a small spot thankfully.

Woot for the expensive ass carpet cleaner! It's certainly coming in handy.

Oh and to praise it more. It really is a great machine. Wish it did edges and corners better, but other than that, it's awesome. Every time I use it brushed out so much of the dog hair and sucks up so much dirt. It's awesome and well worth the money spent on it.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Come on already!!

Quick post....

Thought maybe my milk production went back to what it was. NOPE. I got barely 2oz again after 2hrs. WTH is going on??
Could it be the metformin causing issues?
Going to make an effort to drink more water today.
My body may be making my decision for me on when to stop pumping. Hell, if this continues, at least I won't have to go through the painful process when I do stop pumping bc I'll be all dried up whether if I want to be or not :\

I know 2oz is still a decent amount but that's .5 to a whole ounce less than what I was getting.
So frustrating!!

Oh and yeah, we're not moving any time soon it appears.
DH applied for a different job at the same hospital and so far is the only applicant. If he does get it,his hours would change... not much though. He'd go in 30min later and get off 30min later so not a big deal other than rush hour traffic.
He would have to travel every once in a while, but he should never have to work weekends ever again and I think no more holidays too. Not really sure if pay would be the same or what.
Only thing I don't like is the traveling. I just don't like the thought of him having to be on the road more than he already is. The drivers here just keep getting worse and it scares me to think of him having to drive long distances for work. *shrugs* I'm just being a worrywart.


So, maybe expecting such big weight loss while pumping isn't realistic. I know people say breastfeeding makes you lose SO much weight, but I'm up a pound this morning. Not good.
I've actually been eating less now that we've been eating better. Not starving myself by any means, just not snacking since there aren't that many healthy type of snacks... so how the hell did I just gain weight?
Only thing I can think of is it's b/c of the pumping.
I know my hormones are still all screwy b/c my face and arms are broken out w/ acne... lovely. So.. I dunno.
Maybe I should stop trying to lose until I've stopped pumping. I'll still be eating better of course, but maybe just not as strict or worried about being so strict.
We'll see what happens. Will wait until Friday to make a decision.. not that it's going to be some huge thing or anything but just one less thing to worry about for now... although it will make my Christmas goal harder to reach.

Zoe woke up at 6am again... BUT, we didn't go check on her (I was trying to get back to sleep and DH was just out of the shower), and she ended up making herself another nest on the floor and falling back to sleep until 8!! WOOOOOO lol
OMG that was so nice. I was snuggling with Oren and those extra hours of sleep were so nice... even though my boobs were killing me lol.

Her butt and girly bits look a lot better today. So glad for that. Poor girl has some really delicate skin. Just keeping my fingers crossed that she doesn't have another nasty poop today. If she does.. not even going to bother wiping, just going to get her in the shower.

Really want to make a playhouse for Zoe. But make it from wooden pallets. Just have to find someplace that gives them away or sells them for super cheap. I think we could make her something really cute.
We really need to get a patio and DH really needs to get his shed. We'll probably end up getting the shed this year and a patio next year. I'll have to talk to DH about it to see what his plan was.

Anywho... hoping today goes better than yesterday did.

Monday, May 4, 2015


So today ended up being.... ugh...

Zoe found some of my acrylic paint and proceeded to open it up and dump it all over herself and the carpet. Awesome....
Spent a good hour trying to get it up w/ the carpet cleaner. Thankfully it got most of it up. There's a really light grey spot. Oh the paint color was a dark metallic grey :\

PLUS she had a horrible blow out diaper again. Just slightly up her back so not too bad, but the bad part is that w/ all the wiping I had to do, her poor little private bits are all inflamed and raw :( Poor girl.

So yeah... that was just super fun to deal with today :\

AND... I haven't been getting shit for milk today. Barely 2oz every 2 hours and that's massaging the crud out of these boobs too.
Not sure what's going on, but hoping tomorrow will be better.
Thinking I just didn't drink enough... but who knows...

Oren's been good though thankfully...

Oh and one of DH's coworkers probably hit the nail on the head with why Zoe's been doing her screaming crying routine at night.
She thinks she's missing out on something since Oren is in the room with us. Makes sense.

Sigh.. just hope tomorrow is better....

Ranting and whatnot

Sometimes, I just want to smack DH upside his head.
DH really needs to learn how to be more patient, especially with Zoe. He's only with her a couple or hours a day, and even that's cut short now that he's exercising when he gets home, but damn dude... stop for a minute and stop being suck a dick to your daughter.
It's nothing too serious, just him having almost zero patience with her when she starts up so he gets in a bad mood.
Oh when Zoe is in a bad mood, it's frustrating as heck, but she's not always in said mood so how about toning down the damn attitude when her toddlerness comes out. And when I say toddlerness, I just mean her being high energy.

DH really is a great dad, but he really REALLY needs to be more patient, especially with Zoe.

Speaking of Zoe... she's still protesting quite a bit at bedtime. She used to go to sleep so easy... sigh...
She's started grabbing her blankets and making herself a little bed on the floor right in front of her door.
She must've gotten up in the middle of the night b/c I checked the monitor this morning and saw that her light was on but she wasn't in bed. The video monitor only comes on when it detects sound and it hadn't come on so I wasn't sure if she was asleep or playing quietly. Went to open her door (which she always locks for some reason)... and there she was, camped out in front of her door and of course woke up as soon as it was opened.
Didn't even hear her get up during the night. Probably helps that we have the sound on her monitor turned down quite a bit :P lol

DH thinks maybe she's afraid of the dark, but I don't think that's the problem. It's just her not wanting to go to sleep.
At least I really hope it's not her being afraid of the dark. As far as we know, there's never been reason for her to be afraid. Plus, she has a ton of light in her room from multiple nightlights.
Sigh... we're just hoping she goes back to going to sleep without a fight.

Oren's cold seems to be staying steady right now. Slightly stuffy nose and he still sounds like he has a scratchy throat. Never had a fever or a cough so hoping this cold is as bad as it's going to get. FX

Can't believe he's been here 8 weeks already and he's growing so fast! My little man isn't going to be so little for long.

Overall he's doing well though. I've figured out that a good way to calm him down is to swaddle him. For some reason, his arms free when he's trying to sleep is still keeping him awake which makes him super fussy, but as soon as he's swaddled, he calms right down.
He'll still struggle some, but that's better than him screaming his little head off.

Pumping is staying about the same. Some days I get more, some days I get less. It's been going well so far though but I'm already over it lol. I like that I can provide him something, but it's still living life every 2 hours.
Everything out of my mouth is... I have to pump... I have to pump soon...we can't be away for too long b/c I have to pump. UUUUUUUUGH.
DH already thinks I'll be done pumping by the time we go to the beach. I had actually wanted to try to pump longer than I did with Zoe, but not sure if my sanity would hold up lol.

Diet is going meh. Week days last week were ok, but the weekend we did end up cheating a bit more than we had planned. Oh well... First week of many so not going to beat myself up about it.

DH says that he's already lost 4lbs since he started exercising 2 weeks ago. Really proud of him.
As for myself... I have no idea if I've lost anything... or hell.. gained anything. Who knows.
I'll have to remember to weigh myself some time this week.... may wait until Friday morning. Hope it's down at least a little bit.

Sunday, May 3, 2015


Friday was ROUGH.
Oren fighting off this minor cold made him SUPER grumpy. If he wasn't eating, he was screaming and crying b/c he was tired.
Add in Zoe getting in to everything and then getting all grumpy b/c she was tired.... just UGH. I was so worn down and just beaten by the time DH got home.
Thankfully MiL and aunt agreed to watch the kids on Saturday so DH and I could go see The Avengers.
I REALLY needed that break. It was just a few hours but it was nice.

Oren is better... not totally over the cold. You can tell when he cries that his voice is a little hoarse.

Want to do something for Zoe today though. Like go to the park and let her feed the ducks and just run around. Wanted to go strawberry picking but they're not open today... boooo.
We'll see what happens when they get home from church.

So, I totally forgot about needing to work up to the full dose of met and for a couple of days have been taking the full dose. BIG mistake.
I was nauseated all day yesterday and almost to the point of throwing up last night. Will have to take just 1000 a day for maybe a week or so.

Pretty sure there were other things I wanted to post but all I can think about right now is taking a shower while he (Oren) is in a good mood lol.