Friday, December 30, 2016

Random messiness

Random photos incoming! :D

Did I ever post the canopy thing we bought for Zoe's bed? I can't remember. If not.. here it is. We got it from the 2nd hand shop, Once Upon a Child, for 10 or 12 dollars. I think it's a great deal :D It has stars on it and everything that matches her room perfectly.
And she's keeping her room clean! YAY! I cleaned the heck out of it the other day. Put all of her stuffed animals in her closet (she's already taken some out though.. sigh). Put everything up etc etc. Decluttered the crap out of it and thankfully so far, she's keeping it pretty clean. Trying to keep that going and get her to clean it before she goes to bed.

The sunroom. I swear.. I really do clean. You can't tell it by the photos... but I do. I promise /cry
There's little pieces of paper everywhere. Got Zoe this "Scissors practice" thing for kids. I was buying stuff off of amazon for Christmas and saw it and thought she'd like it. And boy does she. She went to town on the paper in that book and it's all over the damn place.

The living room mess. I dunno why I want to show it off b/c damn is it messy and SO cluttered! Again.. I promise that I clean. It WAS clean before Christmas and then Christmas happened and all of that cleaning just went right out the window. Sigh. Never ending struggle. 
Ok.. now I see why those people on those HGTV shows always freak out when they see toys in the living room lol. Not all of us have room for play rooms though. Gosh, I wish we did.

The kidlettes being cute :D Ezra spending some time on the floor and the older ones following me in to the bathroom as usual.
I did have the privilege of holding Ezra while he pooped and did his poop faces. That was gross and hilarious lol That was one of the stinkiest baby poops I've ever witnessed though. Holy crap child. I know what you're eating.. so why the heck does your poop smell like you've been feasting on zombie assholes??

And I've been wanting to buy some different hair products recently. Since I started shampooing again, my hair has been so dry and frizzy looking/feeling and just a giant tangled mess. Plus Zoe's hair is always in some sort of tangled rat's nest phase.
Bought this brush that had some big print on the package that said it was a detangler.
Think it was on sale for $3 something at Kroger.
Did it work? Yes... yes it does work and it works great!
Ignore the stain on the towel. It's just some pink hair dye from when I last touched up my hair lol.
Anywho, I usually avoid brushing my hair right after showering b/c even though I just conditioned it, it was still feeling super tangled and matted. I used this last night and had absolutely no problems brushing my hair. Awesome awesome purchase. Oh and please ignore my hair in the brush. Did not think to clean it out before taking a photo. Oops.... My hair is still coming out like crazy. Thanks post partum hairloss!! /grumble

Trying out new conditioners for myself and Zoe.
Only used them once last night and so far so good. The repair one is for myself since my hair is damaged from bleaching.
My hair feels pretty nice today. Smooth and healthy. I was hoping the one for curls for Zoe would enhance her curls a little more, but meh. They did for like a split second. Her hair is a mixture of wavy w/ curls at the bottom and straight so I wasn't expecting ringlets or anything lol.
Well, looking at her hair now... it does look like her curls are slightly... very slightly more apparent, but that's it. This stuff might work better if you have curlier hair /shrugs

I also used some of this in my hair.
First time using oil.
My hair used to get SO incredibly greasy super fast so the thought of putting more oil in my hair sounded ludicrous to me.
Not sure if it helped or if it's both the conditioner and this stuff, but again, my hair feels amazing today. My ends are still a bit dry feeling so next time I use this I'll try to get more on the ends to see if there's a difference. But overall I'm really happy with it. I applied it right after the shower.. so on to very wet hair.
Doesn't feel like I put anything extra in my hair or anything which is something else I was afraid of. No heaviness at all to this stuff which is great!
This little bottle only cost a dollar at Kroger. They had a bigger bottle of the stuff, but I didn't want to spend too much on something I wasn't sure I'd use again.

And yep.. that's it for the random stuff lol. I think the next time I want to change shampoo and conditioner, I'm gonna get that Mane and Tail stuff or whatever it's called. I keep seeing it in articles and how great it is. If we go to Walmart any time soon and it's a decent price, I'll pick some up :)

OH!! And one big piece of news... well.. big deal for me :D
That flonase or however it's spelled nasal spray that DH got prescribed it fucking AWESOME!!
He started doing 2 sprays per nostril which seems to be the magical amount.
Oh.. he still snores, but it's not that snorty apnea type any longer and he's also not snoring in every single position he lays in any longer. WOO!!! Momma is getting some snore free sleep again!! YAY!

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Pity Party... table for me...

I dunno.. just one of those self pity moments that has come over me. Decided to stalk an old high school "friend."
She was a giant bitch. Not really my friend even though I was nothing but nice to her. Only hung out together b/c of other friends in the same group.
Anyway... just some light stalking on facebook and.... she looks great. SIGH!
She posted a photo of her before and after weight loss and she's looking awesome now after losing a lot of weight.
Damnit lol.
Yes.. it's so petty of me. I'm sure she's a great person now.. or at least I hope she is. It's just that HS memories of her... I did kinda wish that she was fat :P

Oh well.. ya know... I'll use it as motivation. She could do it.. so can I. Right now I'm eating my weight in horrible shit, but DH and I are going to lose weight and damnit, we're gonna keep it off! Don't have the possibility of pregnancy to stop any progress I do make.
It's going to be hard work, but it's gonna happen :)
I just have to figure something out. SOme way to keep myself motivated b/c damn do I love food. I have a HUGE appetite and  I dunno what to do to keep it in check.

I do kind of wish I remembered more names from high school so I could stalk more people rofl. I seriously don't remember anyone's name. WTF?? I'm bad with names, but damn... this is just pathetic. DH and I went to the same HS and I know he has a yearbook somewhere. Just wish I could find it so I could do some light stalking just to see what a few people are up to now. Hopefully doing well.

But anyway.. pity party time. My life is pretty good. I really can't complain.. except for the fact that I have no friends of my own. Other than DH... there really isn't anyone and damn if that doesn't make me feel lonely sometimes.
I would love to have someone that I could go out to lunch with or just have them come over and hang out while our kids played or something.
Making friends as an adult is just impossible unless you're outgoing and charming.. which I'm not.
Just wish I hadn't been such an idiot when I was a teenager and stayed in touch with a few of the friends I did have.

Oh well.... I can't dwell on the past too much. I have an amazing family and will hopefully be in better health by the end of 2017 and beyond :) Gotta look to the future and get this body in to shape for myself and my fam!

Seriously thinking about videoing myself to keep motivated. Not sure though. I hate the sound of my voice :P

When will I stop?

Thinking about when I'm gonna stop pumping. My supply dropped b/c of Christmas and b/c the 2 nights before, I was wanting to see if Ezra slept through the night or if he would wake when I usually fed him. He stirred a little, but would go back to sleep.
Just from those 3 days, my supply dropped by 100ml. Stupid boobs.
Trying to get it back up now, but the thought did cross my mind to just keep making it decrease.
I'm not going to just yet, but it's going to happen soon I think.
Maybe when Ezra is 6mo and eating solids more regularly.
I do want to slowly stop though. Do not want to just stop suddenly and go through that hell of being engorged. Man that sucks so much.
Hoping that if I do it slow, that I can avoid that, or at least avoid the worst of it.

Kinda sad to think about stopping though. My last baby.. this is the last time I'll be able to provide from my body for a baby.
Makes me feel happy that he prefers my breastmilk over formula lol. Nothing against formula at all, it's just nice knowing that he likes my milk better ;)
Oh well... he'll get used to it and will continue to thrive :)

I know DH is ready for me to stop. He's trying to blame me for him being late to church on Sundays (b/c of the pumping).
Total bullshit. Yes, I am a bit useless to do anything else b/c I'm stuck pumping, but trying to blame me for him being late to church that starts at 10:30 or is it 11? Don't think so buddy. He does let me sleep in but that's until 8.. maybe 8:30. I pump which takes 30mins. He could easily be taking a shower or doing whatever during that time. Even if he does wait, then he'll still have time to get him and the kids ready.
But nope... he'd rather be spending his time lounging around until the last minute. I mean, nothing wrong with lounging, but don't blame me for you being late when it's your own damn fault.

Also debating on when to start unswaddling Ezra.
He's ok being unswaddled once he's asleep, it's just going to sleep that is the problem. He rubs his eyes and ears so much that he keeps himself awake. BUT swaddling has started to make him fuss at night now. It's frustrating when I already don't sleep that well. Add in a baby that wants to start grunting b/c he's trying to free his arms.... and I am one tired momma in the morning.

MiL bought Zoe a new tablet for Christmas. (she asked us first). Just gave it to her yesterday. She loves those things so much. Actually got a protective case for it too so hopefully that will help prevent it from shattering like mine did. Sigh...
Oren is watching it right now. He doesn't quite understand how it works, but he'll get it.
Maybe next Xmas he'll get his own.... just as soon as he gets over throwing these tantrums.
Good lord, drive me crazy. He can be the sweetest little guy one second and then complete meltdown the next.
He better grow out of it soon... b/c I dunno how my sanity is going to hold up if Ez ends up being a tantrum thrower too.

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Nitty Gritty

Didn't want to go in to too much detail about Christmas and family drama in my other post.
So here's this one!

One of DH's cousins is a damn mess. Dunno what happened to her. Thinking she just hung out with the wrong crowd and is stuck in a self destructive mindset. But she was definitely drunk at Christmas. We got there at 10:30 and she already smelled extremely strong of alcohol and you could just tell by her speech that she was at least buzzed.
Thankfully she's not a mean drunk or anything and she wasn't stumbling around. Still though.....
Ezra really likes her though lol. But he was loving everyone that day :)

OO I ticked DH off on CHristmas Eve. Zoe spent the night with her granny on Friday. We actually waited for SiL and BiL to leave with niece before letting Zoe go off with her b/c we knew if they saw, they would try to pawn niece off too. They already tried to while we were eating dinner, but MiL didn't react to what they said so they kind of dropped it lol.
Anyway, MiL let Zoe open one of her presents at her house, so when she got home, we let Oren open up one of his.
We gave him a Monster High doll. Can't remember her name but she's a cat.
I mentioned that it was a good idea that we weren't letting him open it in front of his family b/c they would start with the awful homophobic comments. I said bigotted and racist comments or something like that. I think DH was more ticked that I was saying bad things in front of the kids which I do regret doing, but I was tired and not really thinking.
But it is true.
When Ezra was born, they put Oren in to a girl shirt. You couldn't really tell except that the sleeves at the shoulders had that poof to them.
Aunt kept going on and on how he was a "Nancy boy" b/c of the shirt and just would not shut up about it.
Seriously woman?
Sure she was joking but still...

 And at Christmas... DH's grandfather was talking to a relative and out came the N word in front of my kids. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
I don't even like saying N word and will never say the actual word. And I hate that my kids have to hear it coming out of the mouths of people they love. I don't want them growing up thinking it's ok to say and will teach them that it's not.

Oh and yep.... my SiL (brother's wife) posted on facebook last night about how she can't wait for the season to be over with b/c they're all sick and blahblah BULLSHIT.
I'm just surprised she didn't post it sooner so it was more of an excuse as to why they didn't show up on Christmas.
Lying bastards.
As I said... I'm just done.
They don't need to be invited. They know they can just come over if they wanted to. I'm done trying to include them. If they want their kids to grow up anti-social towards family... then whatever.

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

It's been a decent weekend :)

First up..
We did some kid pics on Christmas Eve. It went ok.
By then, my patience was spent, DH was getting frustrated and the kids were being super hyper b/c the presents were coming out and getting them excited lol.
Had to remind DH that 3 kids 4 and under... we weren't going to get perfect pictures. He gets pretty anal about certain things and wants things "perfect".

Anyway, we got a few good photos (will post at the end).

Christmas went great. Night before, I cut out a foot print shape and sprinkled baby powder down to make it look like Santa left some powdery foot prints.
Zoe didn't stay in bed, but thankfully she didn't mess with anything before she came and laid with us.

The kids loved their presents. And LOVED the Batmobile Santa got them. Oren's giggles as soon as it started going were hilarious and Zoe's giant smile as she tried driving for the first time was awesome.
Before going to Granny's, Zoe said she wanted to drive the batmobile to granny's rofl.

Granny's was good. Ate a good big breakfast and finally opened presents. Lots and lots of presents. Holy crap the kids got so much stuff.
I had actually cleaned up a good bit and was trying to get the toy bins down to a fewer number, but that's not going to happen. We need something better than the bins we're using. Dunno what.. just something better though.

My brother and his family didn't show up though. That pisses me right off. Didn't even call anyone or anything.
I'm just so done with them at this point. There aint no gawd damn excuse to alienate yourself from everyone like they do. I understand being anti-social, but be social for your damn kids at least. They could've taken a couple hours out of their day to spend it with people that love them.... but nope.
They need to just fucking grow up already and get over themselves. Stop being so selfish, stop making bad decisions and get their shit together.
I'm just done.

Anyway, other than that, it was all good. The kids had a blast. Ezra was in a GREAT mood all day and gave pretty much everyone lots of smiles which made them all happy and it was just a really lovely Christmas :)

DH was off yesterday too. We wanted to go out early but I slept in a little late and we didn't go out until around 11:30. We did manage to get some discounted Xmas stuff though. WOO! lol

Anywho.. some photos from Christmas Eve

Friday, December 23, 2016

Merry early Christmas or whatever you celebrate!

Probably won't be able to post before Christmas so posting now.

First up... DH caught a stomach bug which means we'll all have it soon. He started getting sick in the middle of the night and had to take off yesterday b/c of it. Sounds like he felt the same as I did when I got sick. Just weak, drained and awful.
I did get a little nauseous yesterday. Not sure what was going on there, but it never got worse than just some nausea.
He's feeling better today, but it's the same as when I got sick. Just feeling drained and low energy still.
Sigh... I hope I can avoid getting sick again, but well.. stomach bugs just hit you like a train. Hard to avoid them.
Not looking forward to the kids getting sick.
I haven't cleaned yet (lol) and really need to before they get sick. Bad enough they'll puke on the floor... don't need to floor covered in toys that I'll need to wash too lol.
Just hope that if it happens, it will before Christmas.
DH doesn't know where he got it from, but I'm sure it's from church. Someone posted on FB that it was going around there and that's the only place other than work that he's been.

DH wrapped some gifts today and we finally put up the stockings. Ezra has a little rinky dink stocking lol. We really didn't get him anything. Feel a tiny bit bad, but he doesn't need anything.

We have a lot more wrapping to do which I'm hoping to get done tonight. DH still has the motorized car to put together.

Thankfully I got my secret santa gift done... and I just realized that I completely forgot to get a frickin picture of it! Damnit!!!! Was just so happy that I got it done that I forgot. SIGH.
Maybe my person will post a photo of it. If she does I'll post that.
Geeze.... I think it turned out nice too and wanted to show it off but noooooooooooo :\

Ezra keeps spitting up on himself. He's still sick with a cough and the coughing makes him gag which causes him to upchuck. Bleh. We're going through so many outfits just in a day.
He's such a happy little baby otherwise. Well.. except for the usual of being tired and hungry... he's happy other than that rofl.

We still haven't gotten pics of the kids in front of the tree. Hoping to get that done tomorrow. It's supposed to be frickin 70 on Christmas so they won't be able to wear their Christmas outfits damnit.

Anywho.. I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas or whatever holiday you do celebrate. :) Be safe everyone and be happy :D

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

4 days til Christmas, 3 sick babies, 2 tired parents, and a dirty house in the suburrrrbs

Yep, all 3 kids are sick.
It all started with Oren. Not sure where he caught it. Maybe church or from a shopping cart. Only places he goes lol.
Thankfully he's slowly getting better. At least I hope/think so. He's not coughing as much and not as snotty.
So much snot.... it's so gross how it just pours out so freely.

Zoe is starting to cough a bit more now. She never really got that snotty though.
And Ezra is a little snotty and has a cough. He seems to be getting a little better, but it's slow going.

Thankfully it's still not really a bad cold though. Really glad about that. I'm losing some sleep b/c of the coughing waking Ezra up, but I'll take it so long as they don't get sicker.

I imagine this is our life for the next 18+ years lol. One gets sick and passes it on to everyone else. Going to get really bad once Zoe starts school. All of those germy kids touching everything and eachother. Bleh.
So not looking forward to that. Also not looking forward to dragging all 3 kids out to take Zoe to school, but... gotta do what ya gotta do.

My mom is coming over today to see the kids. Ugh. That means I have to clean at least a little. lol
Oh I did the other day and seriously.. an hour later, you couldn't even tell. Not exaggerating at all.
Oh the carpet had been vacuumed so there weren't crumbs everywhere, but you couldn't really tell b/c of all the toys the kids took back out. Sigh...

We still haven't wrapped anything. Haven't even put out the stockings either.
We had been putting the stockings on the fireplace but Oren being the child he is... that would've been too dangerous. Want to just put them over the door to the sunroom, but both of us have just been too lazy to do it.
The presents though.... they would've been wrapped, but Zoe gets up constantly so we never know if she's really asleep or not so can't exactly drag out all the presents to wrap up without risk of her seeing everything. Frustrating b/c I want to put gifts under the tree. But then, I know Oren would be at the tree either opening everything or stepping on it all and picking everything up. Sigh... oh well.
It will be a big sight and surprise on Xmas morning when they see the gifts :)

Okedoke... gotta work on the frame some more. Need to stop slacking off and get some stuff done while I can.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

The tale of the lost balloon

That makes it sound more epic than it actually was lol...
So yesterday, we had that birthday party to go to at noon which meant that we couldn't go grocery shopping (b/c we had to go to Walmart for other crap).
First.. the party was fine. Kind of awkward w/ the family that showed up since they didn't know us or the other coworkers, but it was all fine and the kids had a blast.
We decided to just go straight to the grocery store after.
All the kids were napping in the car and Oren in particular was not happy about being woken up.
He cried and carried on in to the store. SO much so that the woman that works the flower stuff came over to us and gave him and Zoe free balloons in hopes of it cheering him up.
It worked though so yay for that lady :D
Well, we finish shopping in peace, all thanks to her.
We get outside and I'm trying to get him out of the cart. The balloon keeps getting in the way and with my short arms and lack of arm strength, I can't pick him up with the balloon in between us.
So I frustratingly swipe it out of the way and go in to pick him up, it gets in between us again, but I already have him halfway out so I just keep pulling him up... well, the balloon weight (the magnet thing she put on the end so it wouldn't float away) must've caught on the cart b/c the balloon pulled off of the string and off it went to spend its life in the clouds.
You would've thought I had just killed all the puppies and kittens in front of him with the way he cried and screamed. Holy shit.
I felt so bad and so guilty for it.
I told him that the balloon floated away.
Well... his new word that he suddenly learned on the way home was "Away" and he kept repeating it over and over again.... just digging that knife in to my guilty wound.
Away? Away? Ball away? He calls balloons balls.
Sigh.... Told Zoe she had to share her balloon with him but yeah... not the same. Sigh....
Way to go me :\

Anyway... we got my rib roast and I can't wait to devour that sucker!! It's 6 or 7 pounds so a decent size. The rest of the family have their own steaks. I guess after 2 failed Christmas prime ribs they all just want to go with the classic steaks lol.
But yeah.. if mine turns out good... I want to take a little over to them. Rub their noses in its deliciousness! MUAHAHAHA

All the kids are sick and I'm sure DH and I are right behind them. This cold is definitely worse for poor Ezra. He's so congested sounding. He woke up in the middle of the night last night and wouldn't settle back down so I brought him to bed with me.
So much for not bed sharing. I know I shouldn't, but he settles down and I get more sleep out of it lol. I make sure the blanket isn't around his head and he's leaned up right against me. Even if I'm exhausted, I still wake up to the tiniest of the kids noises.
But still need to decrease the amount I am bringing him in to bed. Still doesn't feel safe enough.

Speaking of exhausted though.
I stayed up until just after 4am on Friday night. I was trying desperately to get the plushie frame done so we could mail it off on Saturday and... nope :(
I got some done, but not nearly enough.
DH is off this coming Friday so to say my secret santa person will be getting their stuff late is an understatement. Sigh. It's my fault for not working on it more during the week.
I messaged her and she was totally fine about it, but still.. I feel bad about it being late :(
At least this gives me a chance to really make it the way I want it though.
It's a Puffin Rock themed one. I did the bigger bird which turned out.. meh and I did do the little one too but it didn't turn out looking like I wanted. Just looked weird and I did the eyes too big so I was going to just leave it off. Now that I have time to work on it more, I plan on redoing the smaller bird and adding more details.

Anyway.. I was a total Mombie on Saturday. I did manage to get about 4 hours of sleep, but that was not nearly enough. I kept getting my words all mixed up and just felt like I was walking in a dream for most of the day.
SO tired.

Other than when Ezra started fussing last night though.... I slept like a log which was nice.
Still tired today, but that's normal lol.

As I said, the birthday party was fine. I'm horrible at chit chat. I'll do it if someone sparks up a conversation with me, but I don't initiate... ever.
Thankfully DH's coworkers are super nice and Zoe had SO much fun playing with them all.
Oren got dragged around too a couple of times, but he was fine just pushing around a play shopping cart and handing the stuff inside to people lol.
Oh he was SO cute though when some of their family showed up w/ a little 1yo. Or well.. he wasn't so little bc he was the same size as Oren lol.
But as soon as Oren saw him, he got this big smile on his face and shyly waved at the other little boy. /heart melts
It was SO gawd damn cute. The little 1yo didn't really know how to react so kind of didn't, but Oren kept trying to be nice to him and did his little shy wave.
OMG.... my ovaries want to explode just remembering the cute rofl.
Also the people throwing the party had one of those indoor small trampolines w/ that bar that's attached that you can hold on to. Zoe and Oren loved it.
Zoe knows how to jump... Oren.. not so much. He just sort of.. headbanged  on it rofl.

Ezra did his stranger danger thing. That is until one of DH's coworkers got him and he warmed up to her instantly. She's Filipino... and I just think Ezra likes Asians lol. He likes my mom even though he doesn't see her often and he liked the coworker, but aunt and MiL he sees a lot more often... he cries. lol
Maybe it's me? I don't think I look all that Asian, but maybe in his eyes, we all look similar enough that when he sees another Asian person, he sees someone that looks like me?
But see, that doesn't make sense b/c he sees DH all the time too so you would think he'd be comfortable with white folks. /shrugs

And totally random... we saw some wild turkeys the other weekend! I know that's not exciting. I just thought it was weird b/c I've never seen wild turkeys before lol. I live in the south though so hopefully some dumbass didn't decide to do some impromptu hunting. Would be a shame if someone harmed those turkeys considering their habitat is being torn apart for us hoomans.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

So much poops!

Welp....Ezra had himself a blowout yesterday. That was disgusting.
I had him in the exersaucer. He started fussing so I eventually got him. I usually kind of sling him up and on to my shoulder so I can get a quick whiff of his bum to see if he pooped.
Yeah... that was a mistake b/c it put the leaked part right smack dab on to my face /barf
And it wasn't a small leak either. Oh no.... it was toothpaste poop all the way up his back.
At least he's not constipated though. He's not going as much as before, but his poops aren't hard or anything.

He's currently on the playmat on the floor sorta rolling from side to side. More like stretching his head far enough that the rest of his body has to follow. I guess that's how it starts :)

Zoe is in full on teenager mode today. Pitched attitude when I wouldn't give her some of DH's popcorn (the 3 flavors in a can that he got from Awana). So she huffed away and didn't want to talk to me. Then got dramatic b/c Oren got in to "her" spot.

Anywho... seems as though Ezra is actually interested in the toys on the exersaucer now. It's pretty crazy how fast they develop in the first year.
Sure it can feel like things drag when you're not getting a lot of sleep, but it really does go by so quick. SO quick.
Have to enjoy this while we can. No more babies for us until one of our kids has one.. and even then... who knows if they will or where they'll be living, etc.

UGH, we have a birthday party to go to this weekend. It's for one of DH's coworkers. They're having a combined birthday for their 2 daughters. Only agreed to go to it b/c I felt like... maybe b/c it was so close to Christmas that they weren't going to be getting a lot of guests or presents.
Their girls are 11 and 8 I think so a lot older than our kids. I've only ever met the kids once and the couple twice.
They're super nice though. When I was pregnant with Zoe, they gave us their bassinet and lots of baby clothes.
I just don't want to be sociable b/c I have nothing to say. I spend my days at home with 3 kids... and.... yep.

Pumping is going well. Had a couple of days where my supply dropped, but it picked back up.
My boobs are aching like crazy right now. Has a stinging burning sensation. Not quite like an engorged feeling, but close.
I've increased suction on the pump. It starts off at 3 bars and I increased to 5. My nipples are still getting used to the increase. They feel and look bruised right now. Hopefully they'll start to feel better soon.
I don't think I'll be increasing the strength anymore though. I don't think it's really doing anything. I'm still getting the same as I did before so it hasn't increased my supply at all.

Not sure how much longer I'll be pumping for. I'd like to stick with it until he's having more formula than breastmilk. So maybe another month or so. We'll see what happens. Would be awesome if I could drop down to pumping just 4x a day, but 5x has been pretty nice too.

Alrighty... lost my train of thought.
Those darn Jehovah's Witness folks are determined to get me to convert or something. Should've just told them NO.. not interested, but oh no.... I was too nice and uuuuuuuugh... I'm paying for it now.
Also Oren has found the light switches. He can't reach them on his own, but he can if he drags over one of the stepping stools.....
He just freaked out when I got Zoe to take it back to where it belongs. Sigh.....

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Still haven't cleaned...

I've been slacking so much and the mess just keeps building. I keep trying to get something done, but then something else needs to be done and cleaning gets pushed back.
A few toys on the floor... no problem. But the build up of it along w/ little specks of trash here and there from their fruit snacks or granola bars, etc drives me crazy.

Cleaning will get done..... eventually.

So tired this morning. It's a rainy overcast day so my energy level is even lower than it normally is.
Thankfully the kids slept in until 8 though. That was nice at least.
Hate being so low energy. Next year isn't going to be any better since Zoe starts school so that means waking all the kids up to drop her off. UUUUUUUGH.
I'm sleepy just thinking about it.
There needs to be more hours in the day.... more hours devoted to sleep..... SLEEEEEEEEEEEP

One of the kids (probably Oren) broke the protective glass on my phone case.. :\
Thankfully it's at the very top and not too bad. Or well.. it wasn't too bad until he got ahold of it again when I was cooking and decided he wanted to peel at the broken bits so made it worse /grumble
At least it wasn't the actual phone though and the case wasn't too expensive I think.

So we pick names to shop for for Christmas. I got aunt's husband. He's a bit quirky and likes quirky things. I was drawing a blank on what to get him though so asked aunt what he wanted....
Thermal shirts or long sleeve shirts........ -_-............
I mean, if it's what he wants.. fine... but damn... how boring. And considering we only have a $25 limit.... that will be like.. 1.. maybe 2 shirts :\

Ok.. that's all I can think of for now. Gotta throw away a damn whistle someone gave to my kids b/c people are assholes!! (we totally are too when it comes to giving other people's kids annoying shit.. muahahahaha)

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Pics and other stuff....

Pics first :)

Love the last one of Zoe. She was at first just giving him a hug and closed her eyes to do it. The photographer thought it was so cute so got Santa to close his eyes and pretend they were taking a nap. Love it :D
Really wish Oren had smiled though. He hadn't had a nap so he was a bit out of it as you can tell in the photos. He wasn't scared though and gave Santa lots of hugs.. and after the photos were done and Santa got up to go talk to some other kids... he ran back over to Santa's chair and sat on it lol.
They just made themselves at home.
Ezra was kind of hesitant. He gave a little smile while he was still in his car seat, but that was it.
Oh well... No tears this year which is a plus :)

I think next year we're gonna try going to a different Santa. While I'm sure the kids see it as awesome, the place is completely empty except for the single Santa wall, platform and the camera booth. It's just not magical at all. Maybe there's somewhere else that has a better looking setup.
We'll see what happens next year :)

But b/c of having to take the kids to see Santa, then having to go out and finish up some Xmas shopping and DH going to volunteer yesterday and tonight.... I haven't worked on that frame like I wanted to at all. UGH.
I got a little bit more done, but not nearly enough. I still have SO much to do on it and figure out. So much trial and error to see what's going to work. Frustrating b/c I would like to get it shipped out before Christmas. Hopefully if it does arrive after, the person won't mind.
I also got their girl this ugly ladybug stuffed toy, but it also doubles as a bag/storage thing. I think a toddler their age (Oren's age) would like it which is why I bought it. "Feeding" the toy other toys and learning to pick up stuff and making it a little fun :)
Hope they like it.

DH and I did not sleep well last night. Well.. I dunno why his sleep was bad, but mine kept getting interrupted by everything.
I had to poop, Ez woke himself up and wouldn't really settle back down completely. Eventually got up and pumped and he was wide awake. Thankfully he was at least content enough to just lay there and look around, but he didn't want to go back in his bassinet so I laid him down on my body pillow beside me. I dozed a little until... I'm not sure when. I put him back in his bassinet b/c I had to get up to pee anyway and he seemed to have finally settled.
That's when Zoe popped up and not sure what her deal was b/c she tossed and turned in bed with us. Nothing like bony 4yo elbows and knees in your back.
THEN Ez started fussing too, maybe an hour after Zoe came in the room and just uuuuuugh.
DH and I both were walking dead parents today. Just on auto really.

Ez is being super fussy right now. About to go change his diaper and change his outfit since he keeps spitting up and drooling over everything. Too cold for him to be all juicy lol.
I'm sure there was more I wanted to mention but lack of sleep is making my brain something something....

Friday, December 9, 2016


I let Zoe sleep in bed with me. Yes, I'm pathetic and just wanted the company, plus it was just easier that way rather than waiting for her to come in later.
She was fine and seemed to sleep well.

DH got home sometime after 5:30. I woke up to him checking his alarm clock (that he forgot to turn off) and went right back to sleep.
Wish I could've slept in, but nope.
Ezra woke in the middle of the night (around 2am) b/c he got his little hand out of the swaddle and got all fussy about it. Brought him to bed until I got up to pump.

Anyway.... DH said that he really couldn't sleep. He had so much stuff hooked up to him and probably just being somewhere different and the anxiety of it all kept him from sleeping well.
He got there at about 8:20, but they didn't hook him all up right away. They were expecting some parents to bring in their 3yo at the same time and wanted to get the kid done first. Welp.... they didn't bring the kid in until 9. And by the time they were done with that and got back to DH... he wasn't done until 11pm. WTF?

But anyway, I'm sure they're used to people not sleeping well and hopefully they got whatever information they needed to get him a cpap.

Ezra has his 4m appointment today.
Length is about 40something percentile. Head circ is 99% (lol) and weight is at 35%. He weighed in at 14lbs 12oz. I can't remember the other measurements.
We'll be feeding him a bit more now too. I've been slowly increasing it from 4oz, but think we just need to just jump right to 5 for breastmilk. Most of the time, he seems satisfied with what he's fed, but sometimes, he'll get a little fussy wanting more. So more he's gonna get :)
He got 3 vaccines. Same ones he got last time. He only cried for a second. Oh and we were ALL there lol. Thankfully the other 2 kiddos behaved  (and got themselves some candy at the store after) so it wasn't that bad. Zoe got all worried when Ez did cry though. Awww, she's such a good big sister.

Oh and on the no yelling, less mean mommy front. Meh.. I'd say I'm doing... ok. Not great though, but I'm not yelling nearly as much.
I still need to do better though. It will get there with time :)
There is a difference in my stress level when I yell and when I don't. It's just that sometimes, I let that stress get to me and then I yell which only causes more stress. It's a vicious cycle.

Think we're taking the kids to see Santa this weekend. Hope the pic comes out well. I want to get some more pics of them together in their Xmas outfits too. I love having kids for Christmas.
It just brings back that little bit of magic that gets lost when you get older.

Thursday, December 8, 2016

So forgetful!

Always... After I pump and I'm trying to get back to sleep... I think about things I want to blog about... and then I promptly forget the next day.

DH has his sleep study tonight. Thankfully he has to be there at 8:30 so we'll see him at least a little bit before he goes in.
Oh... I hope he gets his cpap tomorrow and I hope it changes everything! It better damnit! lol
I mean, I guess I can live with his snoring.. I have for this long.... just really want him healthy though and sleeping better :)

I swear Ezra has the funkiest farts ever. WTH??
He gets formula once a day... sometimes twice, depending on how lazy we're feeling lol.
So it's not like his gas should stink. Oren and Zoe had more formula than this and their farts never stunk.
Ez's gas has made me gag. That's how bad they've been. And they've lingered around long enough to make me think that he pooped. UGH... it's so gross rofl.

And he's Soooooo drooly and always moist rofl. Yes.. I used the word moist... b/c it's gross and so is he! rofl
I've been putting bibs on him, but the ones that are just cloth, he soaks through in minutes. Doesn't feel like he's teething yet, but I guess he could be.
He has his appointment tomorrow morning.

Zoe's late night/morning ninja skills are getting better.
As I've said before... I wake up to any noise the kids make. She's gotten so good at opening our door that I won't know that she's been in our room until she's sneaking back out (after she sees that DH is still in bed... she can come lay with me if DH is already up and getting ready for work... or if it's almost time for him to get up and I don't feel like taking her back to her room lol).

I wish she did make more noise b/c I keep myself up thinking if the noise I think I hear is her coming in rofl. That happened before... and it was her, but I didn't see her when I glanced around the room. So I rolled over and BAM!! There she was... right in my face. Startled the crap out of me rofl.
I think she's gotten used to sleeping in the bed with us b/c she's definitely not as squirmy as she was before.
And now that I'm not a walking miserable baby oven... the extra heat from her snuggling up doesn't bother me lol.

Ok, gotta clean a little. I did nothing yesterday and this mess just keeps getting worse and I just keep putting it off. Need to do something while I'm thinking about it and while Ez is in a good mood.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016


So DH had his E,N,&M appointment this morning. Haven't seen him, but he texted that the doctor says he has allergies that is probably causing some problems.
They didn't do an actual allergy test, but I guess with how things looked in his nose, the doc could tell that he is allergic to something. DH said they gave him a decongestant so they could see better and he could tell that he was breathing better just by using it.
So he got prescribed some flonase.
Also, he's getting a sleep study done tomorrow night.
That kind of sucks b/c this is going to be 4 nights in a row with just me and the kids.... actually 5 nights with just me and at least 2 of them.
Lol... I'll live of course... it's just nice not being the only one having to put them all to bed.
Anything to get him breathing better at night though. That magical unicorn position is getting smaller and smaller and his snoring wakes me up and keeps me up. I hate shoving him to get him to move.. only for him to either not move and continue snoring or to move and continue snoring. :\
I've been SO tired lately b/c I haven't been getting good long restful sleep b/c I get constantly woken up during the night :(

Also.... it would be nice if my body would stop peeing itself a little randomly.
I won't even have the feeling like I have to go, but suddenly will feel discharge. Or what I thought was vaginal discharge at first, but quickly realized it was pee.
It's so damn gross.

Pumping 5x a day is still going pretty well.
Having to pump just a little longer to make sure I'm getting enough, but only for maybe 5-10more mins so it's not a big deal or anything.
Really happy about that :D

Kids are driving me crazy! After I'm done pumping, going to get some cleaning done. Same old story..... trash and toys everywhere.
Need to stop procrastinating and pack up the toys we're going to donate. I just don't have the energy to do it right now though. Sigh.....

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Day 3

Day 3 of pumping only 5x. Didn't plan on starting already, but since I only did it on Friday and it worked out to only 5x Saturday. Figured I'd just stick with it and see how it goes.
So far so good though.
So long as I get at least 100ml or close to it for 3 of them and the first 2 of the day are higher, then my supply should stay the same. We'll see though.
It may try to drop.
It really counts on the first 2 pumps remaining high. First pump is the one in the middle of the night and 2nd is when I get up for the day, but for the past 2 days that's been at 930.
Dh has let me sleep in until 9 and oh it's been glorious lol.
Ezra will usually fuss around 7, so I bring him to bed with me. Plop him on my body pillow, make sure no blankets are around him and my arm is nearby, then I go back to sleep.
Seems Ezra has been enjoying it too bc he sleeps until 9 right along with me. Bed sleep even longer, but his siblings came in to the room or knocked and screamed at the door until he woke up lol.
Not gonna happen now that the weekdays have come again lol. Oh well., it was nice while it lasted.

Alrighty... Off to bed!! And for the heck of it, photos off my phone!!

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Tis the season to be bitchy!

Apparently DH thinks my bitching at him in the car about his driving makes him drive bad. Lol... no... just no.
Trying to put blame on me for his shitty driving habits... NOPE!
Oh, I'll point out if he's driving stupid, but I don't bitch about it and never have. Ok no.. I may have once or twice, but my comments are usually.. "You're too close." or something like that b/c he has a really bad habit of riding the ass of the car in front of us. I frickin hate it and yes.. I will tell him to back off b/c it's dangerous. That is hardly 'bitching'.
And he tries to tell me that he only drives bad when I'm in the car with him. Again.. LOL no.
That's why he got pulled over and recieved a warning when he was going to work for riding someone's ass. And also why the people at his work were like "Oh, YOU'RE the guy that drives the orange truck!" when they found out which car he drove (when he did still drive it), b/c he would always ride their asses on the way to work. So yeah... I don't think so dude. Own up to your own shitty ways.
My state is 6th is the crappiest drivers list...  and DH is not helping with that ranking.
Oh we do have some gawd awful HORRIBLE drivers here that make you want to rip your hair out and make you want to yell out every swear you know and don't know, but still.... don't be part of the problem.

Is it bad that I really don't want to see my SiL and brother? With the shit he pulled with my mom.... I don't have any desire to interact with them. ONly reason I will though is b/c of their kids.
I don't think SiL really knew about it.. or well.. knew the specifics about it, but she had to have known something was going on and just chose to ignore it.
Money didn't rain from the sky :\
I don't think anyone invited them for Thanksgiving either... probably b/c we all knew they'd make some excuse not to come. And YEP! They sure did.
Same one they used last year (their son was sick). We all know it's bullshit.
I know the only reason they'll show up for Christmas is to get the kids' presents. SiL always says that it's always b/c of my brother, but no.. she's had more than enough time to go get her license and to visit.. but she doesn't.
I'm not the most sociable person and lord knows I don't always want to go to family functions, but I do b/c there's no point in living this close to family if you never see them.
Just really REALLY hope their kids don't end up learning their bad habits.

In not to bitchy vents...

We're going to go see Christmas lights tonight! YAY! :D
It's over in the horrible traffic part of town, but damnit.. we're going! This is one of the only weekends we have free. Next week DH is helping with his church's nativity thing they do every year and the weekend after that... may be free but we still have to take the kids to see Santa and wwe gotta  see Star Wars :P lol

Gotta cut this short b/c Ez is being super fussy

Friday, December 2, 2016

We've made a deal

Ok first... do you have to make an appointment with Sears photography for a family photo? I just want one of the kids, but I wasn't sure if it was something that you just show up for or if you have to call in to reserve a time.
Asked DH this and he didn't know either, but then brought up that we really need a family photo done.
Our one and only family photo was done last year when we were headed out to the local comic con.
Now that our family is done and complete... we really need a family portrait.
With that being said though, both of us really want to lose weight. I just don't like seeing myself at any weight b/c I'm not photogenic at all, but I agreed with him that when we both lose 50lbs.... we'll get a family photo done.
We shook on it and yep.... 50lbs. I have more than that I have to lose.. especially now that my weight has gone up some.
But I think it's doable. Just gotta get to that point where I can actually take some time to exercise with little interruption. 
Losing weight is mostly eating right, but exercising certainly helps... specially with just overall health. Plus I don't really want to go super super strict so exercising will help me when I want to eat something that's not so healthy lol.

2017..... bring it!!

I would really like to try that beachbody thing they have now where you pay 30something dollars 4x? a year or 3 a week and you can watch any video that they've ever released. That would be awesome! the workouts wouldn't get stale and boring since you could switch it up with a different workout.

Enough of that...

Ezra's gas STANKS!!
Holy moly... he's been so gassy since he hasn't been pooping as much and good googly moogly do they reek.
It's so gross lol. We'll be holding him and he'll fart. Won't think anything of it until the smell hits you.
Boy just needs to poop already. Get that gross diaper over with lol.

Ez also needs to stop waking up before his siblings in the morning damnit! lol
Zoe sleeps in until after 8 if Oren doesn't wake her, and Oren usually wakes up at around 7:30.
Awesome until Ez started up with this regression and wants to wake up at 6am fussing and carrying on. I've just been bringing him to bed with me. He'll squirm but will usually go back to sleep. It's not a restful sleep though so he'll move around a lot which keeps me from going back in to that nice deep sleep. Sigh. It's something, but wish he would just stay asleep in his bassinet.
It's gonna be such a PITA when we eventually move him to his crib. At least his room is right beside ours lol.

Ez is currently in the exersaucer heh. He's still too little for it so we have to help him out by putting a pillow under him and a blanket behind him hehe.
He seems to be enjoying it now though. Before, he just sorta sat there staring, but now he's actually pushing off w/ his feet and wiggling around all over the place. He's still not playing with anything on it, but he'll get there eventually.

Need more sleep

Not that I need a test to tell me the obvious, but thinking about the questions that dh was asked made me realize that I really need more sleep.
I can't count how many times I've dozed off while pumping during the day.
Caffeine is a must for me now... And even it doesn't do the job...or just barely does.

It's currently just after 4am and I just got done pumping. While I want to continue pumping for as long as my sanity can stand it, I also can't wait until I don't have to wake up to do it any longer lol.
I think next week I'm going to try dropping a pump. Hopefully my supply will stay the same. Fx.

Short post.... Need to clean all this stuff and hopefully get back to sleep asap.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Few pics

Had to get some photos off the camera... so here they are to share :D

And how perfect is this ornament considering the nursery theme? :D

Vinegar baby!

Anyone elses baby sweat like crazy when they cry? I think I remember Oren being like that... and Ezra.. oh heck yes.. he sweats when he cries and he ends up smelling like he was dipped in vinegar. Bleh!

I think Oren smelled more of neck cheese... not vinegar lol. He was a lot chunkier and his drool and spit up always got trapped in his neck fat.

Oh and I was mistaken. Ezra's appointment is next week. Not sure how I got a week ahead of myself here.

So DH's appointment went ok I guess.
His doctor had him answer a sheet that was basically seeing if he was getting enough sleep.
Questions like "Is he falling asleep while watching tv, driving, etc etc".
Things like that. Based on that, he's getting plenty of sleep, but I know for a fact that his snoring/snorting/apnea wakes him up enough that he's constantly adjusting when the snoring is bad. That is not restful.

Anyway... that doctor is referring him to a Ear, Nose, Throat specialist to see if there's anything physically wrong that's causing the snoring... other than weight I guess.
DH did have that problem with his tonsils a bit ago, but that's been better and they're fine now.
Dunno why they just don't send him to get the sleep study done, but I guess this is a step in the right direction.

DH seems to be really supportive with my wanting to make and sell the frames :D He just worries that I won't be able to make them fast enough.
I think that will be ok once I make some solid designs and just get used to creating them. See what works and what doesn't.
More practice making them, the more I'll get used to doing it all so sewing them up will go quicker :)
I think it's sweet that he thinks they'll be popular enough that I'll have to make a bunch of them lol. I hope they will be.
Extra income would be nice. Specially since DH isn't going to be bringing home as much money. Since he's not supposed to be working holidays any longer and not as many weekends (unless he volunteers).. his pay won't be nearly as much.
That sucks, but we'll manage with what we're given :)

Oren has himself a little attitude problem. Seems like pretty typical toddler behavior but damn is it annoying lol.
I love my little booger, but holy crap.. his whining and screaming tantrums need to frickin stop already.
Mocking his whining gets him to stop, but then he'll say "No" and will hit and/or throw something.
Sigh....... Ezra better not be like this too.

TMI about sex incoming. Nothing too intimate really....
It's just that.... my sex drive has driven off a damn cliff and is dead at the bottom.
I have zero desire for sex now.
Oh we've done it... a few times and I enjoy it during, but at this moment... I'd be perfectly fine with never having sex. I don't even have the urge to masturbate.
Helps that baby is in the room and Zoe keeps coming and sleeping with me when DH gets up for work so I never really have a moment alone. But even if I did... I still wouldn't have the urge to do it.
I'm sure this feeling has a lot to do with just being exhausted and that it will eventually resurrect itself.
In the meantime though.... I'll still do it... but only b/c I know it makes DH happy and I want him to be happy.

Alrighty... pumping and  Ez is awake and being adorable