Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Short rant

So unless you've been living under a rock, you know about the whole gay marriage thing.
Well a couple of days ago, aunt decided she needed to post something against gay marriage and how it's against the bible and all other bullshit that's usually posted.

Uhm... excuse me bitch but you're the LAST person to say anything about who should and shouldn't marry. She's on marriage number FOUR. Please tell me how that is better than 2 people of the same sex marrying?

I have no problem that she was married/divorced so many times. To each their own... but I do have a problem with her spouting off bullshit about the sanctity of marriage when her ass has divorced so many times.

Just.... UGH. I don't understand why people are SO against it. Like somehow 2 guys or 2 girls getting married is somehow going to make hetero marriages mean less? B/c what 2 consenting adults do in their private lives is going to totally ruin straight people's lives?
Busy body assholes with nothing better to do than dictate how others should live.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Back to it

So finally back to good eating again after a week long of horrible junk food binge eating lol.
Yeah... I gained it all back and then some. Took almost a month to get rid of 6lbs and I wiped that progress away in just a week. Thanks body! :\

Did I post when we got home from the beach? I don't even remember.
If not....
The beach was great :D Zoe had a blast... Oren not to much lol. Zoe LOVED playing in the sand. A little too much b/c she ended up rubbing it all over her legs/thighs and gave herself bad chafing. Ouch.
Oh and that nice new swim top I ordered online? It was nice, but out of ALL the beach we were at... of course at exact area was the ONE other girl with the exact same top on. Seriously???

Oh and also... hotel was ok. Nothing fancy that's for sure but it was comfy... that is until our hotel neighbor moved in and decided it was a GREAT idea to smoke weed in their nonsmoking room all the damn time. The funk of it seeped in to our room and in to the hallway.
Come on now. These couldn't have been amateurs... they had to know that weed is some funky shit and that the smell would travel.

But yeah, overall it was a really nice family vacation :)

We really didn't get a lot of photos though. Boo :( With all the crap we had to drag along everywhere, we ended up forgetting to bring the camera. Oh well.... sucks but oh well.

OH! I almost forgot... I started spotting the day we got to the beach. Frickin awesome timing body! :\
Thought it might be the start of AF b/c it was a good bit, but then it dwindled down to nothing. It then started back up on Thursday on the way back home and now it's back to nothing.
Just some random awfully timed post partum shit going on.

But anyway, we've been back home for a few days and DH had to go back to work on Tuesday. He's off Monday b/c he has to work next weekend :\
He gets paid extra for working a holiday but I swear he gets screwed at work. They know he won't really complain so they stick him on all of the holidays that are on the weekend.
Thankfully he's going to be starting a new position soon where he won't be required to work any holidays or weekends anymore unless he wants to.

We took Zoe to see Inside Out on Saturday. We wanted to see how she would be since we want to take her to see Star Wars. She was ok. She didn't want to stay seated the whole time, but overall she did pretty well.
That was a super cute movie though and I absolutely loved the short animated thing before it too. If you don't know what it is, it's called Lava and it's about a volcano longing for a companion. It's a song and just.. UGH so sweet. Loved it.

I think Zoe's gonna do just fine seeing Star Wars :D Now to find her something super nerdy and Star Wars to wear to it lol.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015


Rant incoming...
So on Sunday, Zoe went to MiL's house after church b/c there was a thing at the church later in the day so we were just going to get her then. I KNEW I should've told DH to tell his mom to put Zoe in something else while she was over there, but I didn't b/c I didn't want to sound mean or anything.
And btw... Zoe was wearing a brand new dress I had gotten for her from Kohl's online. It was the first time she had worn it and I didn't want it to get dirty before the church thing.
Welp, church thing happens, there's a food thing after and we notice of course.. Zoe's gotten something on her dress from something she was playing with at MiL's house. MiL said it was some kind of putty stuff *shrugs*
Anyway... that pissed me right off but whatever. So when we get home, I put the dress in to the sink to soak it a bit to get this putty crap off her dress. Welp.. this shit has stained her dress.

THEN today... DH wanted to go to church and wanted to take Zoe. I'm pulling out a shirt for her... one she's never worn before, but I had sent it with her when she spent the night with aunt.
DH says nope b/c there's something on it. WHAT????
Sure enough.... there's some kind of crap splotched on to it... and honestly it looks just like the putty shit that was on her dress. No idea if that is what it was or not.
I soak it and Gawd damnit... it looks like whatever it was may have had a bleach effect on the shirt (it's a darkish purple color).
Seriously???? I'm just so frickin pissed off right now.
Yes... Zoe is a toddler and is going to get crap on her clothes... I'm not an idiot and it's why I always send more clothes than she needs when she does spend the night somewhere. But on a shirt she's never worn and on her brand new frickin dress???
Royally flippin pissed off. At least now I know never to send her over there with something new b/c shit is going to get ruined.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Let me sleep!!

*cry* I just want to sleep. Is that too much to ask?
I don't mind getting up to feed Oren. He usually doesn't wake until a bit later now which is fine. Gives me a longer stretch to sleep.
BUT waking up later also means that I don't get as much sleep in before he wakes again.
Take this morning for instance.
He woke up around 4:30. I fed him and laid him back down. I was still pretty tired, but for some damn reason, my body just said a big fat NOPE to getting back to sleep. I did eventually get back to sleep just before 6. And 20min later.... there's Oren... waking up. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH
I'm SO stinkin tired.
I don't want to have to rely on caffeine to wake me up.

I just want sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

But anyway... Zoe spent the night with MiL or aunt.
There's some church bible thing this weekend for kids that we dropped her off at and that MiL is taking her to today.
There are a lot of kids there so it's good to get her socializing.

After we ate dinner, we went to Dollar Tree and Hobby Lobby to look for the DIY stuff. Bought a bunch of felt and magnets to make the alphabet. Also saw how much the faux stained glass stuff was. Not too expensive, but will save that for later when I have a good idea.
Didn't see much of the dollhouse stuff I was looking for. Hobby Lobby had actual dollhouse items that were SUPER expensive though. Man that crap is expensive. They did have a few cheaper things that I want to get. Will have to paint them myself, but that's not a big deal.
Oh and Dollar Tree didn't have any kind of dollhouse furniture. Not sure if they ever did. Maybe Dollar General has some.

Oh gotta get the little booger ready. We're going blueberry pickin! :D

Friday, June 12, 2015

Life and stuff

Sorry I haven't been posting a lot lately. Just been so tired recently that I haven't felt like doing much.

Oren was not taking to the Baby's Only formula very well. He ate it fine, it's just the pooping part that he was having trouble with. It started yesterday and my gosh, I feel so bad for his little butt :(
He would cry and strain and cry and strain to get the little pellets out.
We had a very long night last night b/c he woke up trying to poop. DH actually went to Walmart at 3:30am to get Enfamil again along w/ some juice to help.
I had told DH that I didn't think we should give him the Baby's Only stuff just yet b/c I remember Zoe having the same problem. Not as bad as this, but her poops did become more solid and she had trouble with it too, but he convinced me that it would be fine.
Oh well.. live and learn.
Oren is fine though. I haven't given him anymore of the BO yet. Want him to pass the pasty stuff first and then I'll switch between the BO and Enfamil.
He's starting to really take an interest in toys now. It's so cute seeing the awkward grabs and trying to bring everything to his mouth lol.
Will have to get Zoe to be more diligent with picking up the tinier pieces of her toys though. Do not need the small pieces all over the place once he's mobile. Disaster waiting to happen there.

While Zoe does love her baby brother, yeah, she's definitely showing some signs of jealousy. Thankfully nothing violent. It's mostly just her trying to participate and 'help' out. I have seen her poking and pinching his cheeks just a tad bit too hard, but she doesn't seem to be doing it to hurt him. She's just seen me poking his chunkiness so she copies not realizing that I'm doing it gently.

She has been AWFUL at bedtime though. Getting ready is perfect most of the time. She'll brush her teeth, gather her toys up, etc... but as soon as her door closes... here come the cries and screams and pleads for the door to be open.
Really hoping she gets over that soon.
We were going back in and checking on her and at first it helped to calm her down, but she started to continue to cry as soon as we left again.
Now.. we just let her cry. It's frustrating and I hate hearing it, but she's gotta learn that we're not going to play the '101 Ways to delay bedtime' game with her.

She's good though. Her skin still feels all rough from the strep, but it hasn't gotten worse so I guess that's good? We're not really sure. Should probably call her doctor and ask.

Been looking up more DIY projects for her and I found a really cute felt magnetic alphabet one I want to do and think she'll like. She shouldn't be able to screw these up like she has her regular soft magnet ones or the shower ones. Girl can not keep things out of her mouth and she has chewed up a good many of those.

Speaking of DIY stuff... I finally started on something on the thing we made Zoe. It looks like shit right now but oh well. Probably should've gone it differently so it wouldn't look so bad, but I'm over it now lol.
Just need to put something else up, get DH to drill a hole, and a few other small details and should be done for the most part. I want to make a few more items for it for details, but that can wait. I promise.. photos will be taken and posted once it's done :)

Would like to go to Dollar Store and the hobby shops to price things for the possible bookshelf dollhouse thing I want to do for Zoe. Hoping we can keep the price to around 20-30.. including paint, but I need to see how much it's going to cost to make furniture or see if the Dollar store or someplace has stuff. If it's not that much, then I can really start planning it all out and getting it started :) May not be for her birthday but I think we could get it done by Christmas :)

Oh! AND, I would really like to try my hand and faux stained glass making. Sounds and looks simple enough and Walmart and other places sell super cheap frames so it shouldn't cost that much for me to try out. Would really like to make Zoe one for her room... something girly, but haven't come up with anything yet. Just don't want it to be another Frozen something. She still likes it, but not nearly as much as she did before. Think she's more in to My Little Pony right now.

Diet is still going strong. Helps when I don't have to cook every meal lol.
Weighed in today and I'm down 6lbs. Not too shabby. Wish it was more, but hey... I'll take whatever loss I can get :)
If I can lose 2lbs a week... I could reach my dream goal of 50lbs lost by Christmas. That would be AMAZING! I know it won't happen though. Not being pessimistic, just realistic. We have our beach trip coming up in a couple of weeks. I'll probably gain 5lbs.
Then we have Zoe's birthday, my birthday, DH's birthday, and whoever elses we go to.
For my own, I'll try to keep any cheats to just that day or just a couple of days at the most so I don't completely ruin the progress I've done. Same for Zoe's and Im sure DH will want the same for his.
Then, there's Halloween & Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving shouldn't be THAT bad and I don't think we're passing out candy this year since last year was terrible. Still have to deal with Zoe's stash though and us around candy= a shark around blood. Uncontrollable feeding frenzy! lol
We'll figure something out when we get to that point. Hopefully by then, we'll have our willpower nice and strong and be down a good bit of weight so it will be easier to resist eating everything.

I've set some 10lb goals for myself.
I have around 80or so pounds I want to lose. Every 10lbs lost.. I'm going to give myself a reward. Nothing too big at first, but the rewards will grow as I continue to lose.
I really want the full sleeve tattoo once I am at my ultimate goal. Just need to figure out what the heck I want tattooed. Don't want another huge regret like I have with my back tat right now. UGH... stupid teenagers shouldn't be able to get tattoos! lol

My first 10lb goal is to go see a movie in theaters. :D Not a huge reward, but it's a start.
2nd one is to go to the zoo with the fam.
And so on and so forth. NO food rewards unless it's to buy some kitchen gadget... we really do need new pots and pans.

My boobs are feeling a lot better. Those first couple of days SUUUUUUUUUUCKED so bad.
My breasts do still feel a little sore to the touch, but I'm not in agony anymore.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

DIY projects!!

Wanted to quickly post before bed...

I have been really REALLY itching to do some kind of DIY project lately. Finally started looking in to it tonight and have so many things I want to try out!!

For Zoe's birthday... I want to make her a dollhouse out of this old cheap bookshelf we have. It's just one of those crappy 3 shelf ones. We've had it for ages and it's not doing anything but holding some picture frames that DH just needs to frickin hang up already.
I've been looking at DIY dollhouse furniture on the cheap and everything for it. She loves her Little People princess castle thing, but she always goes crazy for the dollhouse at MiL's place and I would love for her to have one here.
It seems easy enough to convert the bookshelf. Would just need DH to cut a few things and whatnot :D So excited to try that out!

Also, I want to put some kind of canopy over her bed. She hasn't slept in her bed in weeks now and I think making it like a little fort (but prettier) would get her to actually sleep in it at night. Plus it would just look really pretty :D That doesn't seem like it would be that hard to do or that expensive if we could find some cheap sheer/lacey curtains.

Also.... did I ever post photos of the big birthday present DH made her last year?? I don't think I did, did I??
Well, it's not even finished yet, but I'm planning on starting the finishing touches for that tomorrow. I WILL post photos of it when it's done. Promise! :D

So excited to finally have some ideas in mind that shouldn't break the bank! Just hope Oren & Zoe cooperate a bit so I can get them done :)

Stop hurting!!!

*CRY* When are my boobs going to stop hurting so damn much?!!

Ok granted it's not AS bad as yesterday so that's good, but yesterday was frickin terrible so anything compared to that would be better.
Now my boobs are itchy, sweaty and I just want to massage them but they hurt so much when touched.
It sucked last night trying to go to bed and then waking up during the night b/c I wanted to turn but didn't want to move. UGH
I've been taking the leftover ibuprofen from my c-sec to help with the pain and thank goodness it is helping.

Oren had the last bottle of milk last night. So sad, but he's transitioned well to the formula. A little more gas than normal and definitely more regular pooping, but overall it's all good.

Holy moly... just realized he's 3m old today! :D

Will have to remember to get some photos of his cute little chunky self.

Really wish we had kept the bumbo seat. I think he would've loved it. He loves sitting and standing, but I gave it to SiL and yeah... even if they still had it.. the hell if I would want it back. Would be saturated in cig smoke. No thank you!
Oh well. He'll be sitting up on his own before we know it anyway.

Monday, June 8, 2015


My boobs hurt so much!!
It started at 11pm last night. Went to bed a little late and couldn't get to sleep b/c they started aching.

Put on 2 sports bras in hopes that it would help and it seems to, but not enough. Just sitting here... the ache is manageable but dear lord help me if anything presses in to them *sob*

I think it took a little over a day or 2 for them to get better after I stopped pumping with Zoe. Hoping b/c my supply was so bad this time that it will ease up sooner than that.

Weigh in this morning SUCKED.
My starting weight was almost 213... this morning's was 210.4. Not bad but that's still a pound more than it was last weigh in. Booooo
I have a feeling that my body is retaining water b/c I haven't been drinking enough. Haven't been drinking enough b/c I haven't wanted my boobs to get even more engorged. I know that probably wouldn't happen and I just need to drink more already. And I will.... tomorrow :P

Today is going to be spent trying to keep everything away from my boobs.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Just once

That is all I pumped today. Just once.
I got 4oz when I woke up this morning and haven't pumped since then. I've been waiting for my boobs to feel engorged and nada. They've been getting that let down feeling and a slight burning sensation but that's been about it.
Would probably have pumped if I had felt engorged, but since I didn't.... here I am sitting here with 2 sports bras on and hoping it stays like this. Would really like it if I didn't get that awful rock hard boobs feeling.

The pump is all put away and yeah. Kind of sad, but also feeling so free now lol. I can actually do more stuff now instead of having to worry if I can b/c I need to pump soon. Or worrying if I'm drinking an ass ton to keep my supply up... or worry if I should eat something spicy b/c I wouldn't want it to somehow make my milk taste funky lol.
I do feel sad though. Really was hoping it would last longer. Just knowing I was providing for Oren in that way and that he'll never have it again. Sigh... oh well. He'll be just as healthy and happy on formula. Will poop more but it's still in that not too gross mustardy phase right now so it's all good lol.
I'll take his poops over Zoe's any day of the week :P

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Not much

Hasn't been too much going on here.
My milk supply dropped considerably for some reason a few days ago. I was getting 7-8oz in the morning and it kept going down down down.
Not sure what the heck happened. My supply is still really struggling right now. Will probably take at least a few more days to get it back to where it was.
Due date group ladies suggested I change the membranes on the pump thing which I did. Not sure if it's helping any.
I'm also trying to drink more water too. Need to take more fenugreek too.

Like right now... I've been pumping for 30min and don't even have half an ounce on my right boob. I was getting 2.5-3oz before. *shrugs* Really wish I knew what the hell happened.

Oren is doing well. He's wanting to sit up and stand up more now. We busted out the door frame bouncer thing for him just a little bit ago and he fell asleep in it. Awww lol. I'll get pics of it up later.

He's good though. Just wish he would stop fighting sleep. He gets SO worked up sometimes and it really stresses me out.
Thursday was a particularly terrible day. He was crying and screaming SO much. As soon as he would get to sleep... anything would wake him, but most of the time it would be Zoe. UGH that was not a good day for my sanity.

Zoe is doing well. She's going through a growth spurt or something b/c she wants to eat nonstop. She's at aunt's house today. We were hesitant to let her go b/c we don't want her sent home with bug bites all over her again, but we also hate saying no.

Zoe's such a good little annoying toddler though lol. She's such a sweet girl. I just wish she wouldn't whine so much or cry at nothing. Mostly the whining I wish she would stop with. UGH whining drives me crazy. But I do feel lucky that she doesn't hit or bite or anything like that like a lot of kids do and hopefully she'll grow out of the whining thing lol.

Oh she woke up at 3:30 the other night. I laid in bed for a while until I couldn't take hearing her on the monitor any longer, so I got up to check on her. As soon as I opened her door, I got a whiff of poop.
Thought she must've pooped her diaper so woke up and wanted it changed so I bend over and check her.... no diaper at all and a nice wet pj bottoms. BLEH! Girl had taken off her diaper, put her pants back on and peed all over her blankets.
I just changed her and brought her to bed with us. Really nothing more I could've done at that moment. She moves too much though. DH and I both couldn't get back to sleep for a while b/c she was moving so darn much lol.
He's already told me that she's sleeping with me at the beach. Lol... we'll see.

Diet is going well. Another weigh in on Monday. Yesterday or day before I saw a 206 on the scale! WOO! But then dinner with the inlaws happened last night and this morning's weight was back up to 209 lol.
I know it's temporary, but I still wish that ONE meal didn't set me back so damn much. Really hoping weigh in on Monday shows at least a 207. Would be so nice to see the progress.

I am missing some of the bad food. Boy did I want some chocolate when we were grocery shopping. Just a kitkat or snickers or something, but no. I can't allow it. At least not right now. I have to lose as much as I can before the beach trip since at the beach, we aren't exactly going to be eating well. I can eat junk then.
Also will eventually have every once in a while more than 1 cheat meal a week. Like if we want some take out for lunch or dinner on Saturday or something. But again, that's not going to happen until we're both steadily losing weight and down a good bit. I'll consider it once I'm in the onederlands which dangit... would love to be in soon!!
Heck, if this weight keeps coming off like it is (which I doubt, but I can dream)... I could see it before the beach.

Oh and DH has already dropped 6lbs!! So proud of him :) He's SO unhappy with all of the weight he's gained. I feel so bad b/c it is partially my fault with how terrible I ate when pregnant.
Anywho, he wants to get back down to around 180lbs which means he needs to lose about 50lbs.

It's insane to think about how much extra weight your body is carrying. I'm 209 this morning... my ideal body weight should probably be in the 120-130 range.... I'm carrying 80+ lbs of extra weight. I wouldn't even be able to pick that up if someone asked me to. I know that's not entirely the same since all of this weight is spread throughout my body but still... it's kind of daunting to think about.

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Sigh.... people....

I won't get all in to it but.....Fuck anyone that defends the Duggars. The only reason this family is getting defended by anyone is b/c they're on tv... THAT'S IT. If this was some random family that was suddenly in the news b/c of this... people would be screaming for blood and wanting their heads. But nope.... they're on tv and famous so... all is forgiven and anyone that can't is just being an atheist hater... or whatever.

Just ugh.... people.....

Anyway... now that that rant is out of the way.....
I haven't been pumping as much. Been doing it every 3 hours. My nipples are shot to hell right now. Sores all over them even though I lube these suckers up every time I pump so there is less friction.
Yeah.... I wanted to pump longer, but with the way things are going, I don't see that happening.

Plus my right boob HURTS. I don't pump during the night anymore so I get that engorged feeling in the morning. Pumping usually fixes the problem, but not this morning. Had an area on the side of my boob that hurts like hell and now the whole boob is hurting again. Not like engorgement, just an ache.
I tried massaging the area but it hurts to put pressure on it. Doesn't feel hot or is red or anything so not sure what's going on. Hoping w/ continued massaging and pumping it fixes whatever the heck is going on.

I'm also not getting nearly as much milk as I should so Oren is getting a lot more formula. Oh well.

Zoe has started her waking at 6am crap again. UGH. She was sleeping in until 8:30, but I knew that was too good to last. SIGH! lol

Going to start really focusing on potty training her soon. She's been getting in to the habit of taking her diaper off after she's peed in it once. So frustrating b/c we're still using disposables on her and don't have a lot left. Don't want to buy more before the beach trip b/c diapers are too expensive.

She'll want to sit on the potty, but never does anything and wants her diaper on. I would've started potty training sooner, but just haven't had the energy to focus on that.

May delay it until after the beach trip.

Diet is going well. My weight is like my milk supply though... a fickle bitch.
I weighed in yesterday and was down to 209.4. That was almost a 4lb loss in a week.
Now it's back up to 212 for no flippin reason. SIGH
I know, water weight, but why...why is my body holding on to this water again?
Just hope the weight keeps coming off.
Need to take my measurements for when the scale doesn't show progress.

Holy crap Oren is one grumpy baby sometimes.
Like when he's hungry... holy shit. He will scream himself hoarse. And of course we can't feed him quick b/c we have to warm the bottle of milk or make formula.

I can't remember if Zoe was like that, but I don't think she was. *shrugs*