Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Randomness before bed

It's so F-ing hot.
Period plus hot humid weather do not frickin mix and I will punch DH in the scrote if he says anything tomorrow when I turn the AC on.
Well, IF I turn it on... and I will if it's like this again.
It was supposed to rain, and it drizzled a little but it's only caused it to get SO frickin humid. You sweat like crazy and it just sticks to you. I dunno WTF people did back in the day before AC.


Period is def not normal, but I'm not complaining b/c it's not as heavy. That's a plus in my book lol.
I'd say it's at about a medium-heavy flow right now.
Hoping it goes away to at least just spotting by Saturday.

Enjoying the hell out of some junk food this week. Getting in all of the cravings I've had before going strict again. I'm just more determined than ever. 8 months is not that long and I'm going to kick this ass in to gear!!

We TOTALLY bought a leash for Zoe. ROFL
Yes, we're now one of 'those' parents that leash their child and ya know what... I don't care. It's the best invention EVER lol
I wanted one w/ a little plushie on the back but we ended up getting one with a backpack instead so we could put stuff in it. We put it on Z tonight and she loved it. She screamed when DH took it off and had a fit so we let her wear it until bed time. Going to come in handy *nodnod*

We're just so ready for another

I can see it on DH's face whenever he looks at Zoe.
Watching Zoe grow and how much she's changing now... I can see that he wants another baby.
And so do I. Hell, I wanted another as soon as Zoe was born ;) lol
I know we both wonder what the next one will look like. Will it look like Zoe? Or will he/she look totally different? What kind of personality will they have?
We want more. We're greedy and we want more.

8 months. It's not all going to be perfect. There will be cheats. There will be days that I make excuses not to exercise, but I am committed. I am ready.
I was before, but I just didn't want to do the work, but now I finally see that I MUST do it in order to be in charge of my health.
We're not lucky enough to be fertile. We actually have to work and fight for it and damnit, I'm ready.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014


It's AF.
It doesn't seem like a normal one though. There's no actual flow yet, but there have been a few little clots (normal for me).
Not a lot gets to a pad (yet), but it's def there when I use the bathroom.
Feel confident in saying that it's an anovulatory period.

So that would be another 25 day cycle. The last one was 24?
Hmm, seems a bit short, but I guess that's what happens when your body is trying to figure itself out.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Counting down the days

Just counting down the days until this weekend and then this week.

Looks like I may be having my period during the conert. Oh frickin JOY. :\
Seriously body?? WTF you sadistic bitch???
The spotting has gotten a little heavier. I wouldn't call it a flow just yet, but it's def not just spotting any longer.
I'm on cd25, so this could be building up to AF. Would explain some headaches I've been getting.
And I guess it's promising that I am getting AF on my own but I wish this spotting shit would stop and damn do I wish I would ovulate already!

I haven't spotted like this in a long time so... *shrugs* Hoping it's a good sign that the metformin is helping to regulate my body.
I'll just have to run out and buy some tampons if AF does show.
Yuck..... I can't even imagine changing a tampon in a port a potty.... *barf* Going to have to make sure to bring along a lot of baby wipes too or something.

But yeah, annoyance aside... I'm hesitantly optimistic that my body may be regulating. We'll see though. I'm sure the exercising will help too.

OMG kids are so gross.
DH was out back pressure washing the fence. Zoe was out there playing around and I was inside.
All of a sudden DH calls me out and tells me, "Yep, that's what you think it is."
I look down and Zoe has poo streaked all on her arms and all on her hands.
The dogs laid a fresh one out and she went right to it and started playing with it *BARF*

The day before, she was in her crib and I heard her talking. She quieted back down so I thought she had gone back to sleep.
About 30min later I hear her talking again so decide to go get her up.
Open the door and the girl had pulled the dirty diaper bin to the bed and was pulling out all of the dirty urine poop diapers in to her crib.
She got stripped, bed got stripped and she went right in to the bath. Yuck!

The girl is gross!! lol

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Broken, but not forever

That's my body.

I know you're not supposed to say that, but it's the truth.
My body is broken.
It doesn't work like it should.

But, I believe it can be fixed. I know it can work. Zoe is my proof :)
I NEED to start taking more action to fixing it though. Meds can only do so much. I need to take charge of my health before it's too late. Too late to have more kids, too late to reverse the insulin resistance.

Trying on clothes yesterday at Kohls just really opened my eyes. On a purely visual stance, my body looks TERRIBLE. I have the body of an extremely unhealthy 60yo woman. Ok maybe not that bad but it's not too far from the truth either.
I need to get a handle on this before it's too late.
I don't think I'm middle aged yet but at this rate, I probably am. Hell, I'm probably just past middle aged. That's a really scary thought.

If god forbid, Zoe has PCOS as well, I want to be a good role model for her. I want to be able to teach her how she can control it. I don't want her to look at me and just see a big pile of failure.

So.... I'm going to start exercising starting next week. DH and I have already agreed that after this concert, we're doing strict again (minus Friday dinner).
I'm also going to take my measurements and I've set an ambitious but reachable IMO goal for myself.

No actual weight goal, but by Christmas... I want to have lost so much that I NEED to buy a new wardrobe for myself. That will be my Xmas present to myself. A healthier me with pretty new clothes ;) lol
Nothing crazy of course, we're not made out of money :P heh

That is 8 months from now. 8 months to kick my ass in to action. Stop being lazy and DO something to help myself.
We're still going to be trying during all of this time and my ultimate goal is to get pregnant before then, but while we're doing that, I'll be getting healthier.

I just can't let myself be like this anymore. I don't want to be Fat Momma anymore. I want to be Formally Fat MILF Momma ;) lol

Saturday, April 26, 2014


Twas a false alarm. No +OPK.
No chance for us yet. Booooo
And not going to waste anymore HPTs for now heh.
Not until I get bored again and want to obsess over nothing :P

Well.... at least now I know not to test so early in the morning. Just save it for late morning/afternoon pee.

I'm spotting some again now too. *shrugs* Nothing would shock me at this point.... nothing other than.. what my body should be doing that is.

Really quick before I head to bed...

Went to Kohls after dinner and I tried on a few shorts... man.... shorts are just not for me.
The flubber on my legs is just.... no. SO glad for capri shorts.

Got a tank top and a couple of bras. Never realized just how badly I needed to replace some old bras until I tried on some new ones.
I didn't think anything was wrong w/ the bra I had on other than it being a bit too loose. Then I tried on proper fitting bras and then put the old one back on.... like night and day ROFL.
It's going to be a slow process replacing old bras though. Good ones are just so damn expensive.


Here are the tests that I took when we got home...

They're dried but I wanted to show that there was a line on at least one of the HPTs (the bottom one right above the opk).
I tried messing w/ the brightness and contrast a bit to get it a little more visible. Hopefully that worked lol
I dunno, I just always feel like I need to prove that there was actually something there b/c I feel like there are people out there that think ppl like me just make things up or imagine it, ya know?
Not saying anyone that bothers to read my blog is like that though :P heh

And here are some photos from today at the country fair. It was ok. Nice weather, not too hot. Still a little too much sun though but not that bad :D
We didn't bother with rides. Zoe is still young enough that we don't have to worry about wasting... I mean, spending money on that just yet hehe


Looks like it was just a fluke test. The few times I've taken an opk during the morning, they usually end up being lighter or the same as later in the day. Guess not this time.
And hpts.... one def is showing something, but it's that false faulty looking line that so many women get suckered in to believing is the start of something.
A line that is super super super light, but still visible if you're looking for it, ya know?

Boo, may be a fluke

OPK from earlier may have been a fluke.
Tested again and the test is back to what it's been doing. The pee was diluted a little though.

And the HPT did actually have something on it. My line-O-vision is too sensitive I think rofl.
I took 2 more hpts, one from 2 different batches. Looks like they're both showing something SUPER faint too, but I'm not getting my hopes up AT ALL. I know how they are.

We'll see what 1pm brings though. Will try to have a good urine sample to use.

TMI incoming, and ranting!

Ok so DH told me last night that when we DTD on Wed night, he thought it felt different. He said it felt smoother?
I know it wasn't b/c I was exactly turned on though. Boy that's terrible to say lol, but I was already feeling sick at that point but was determined to BD anyway.
So, yeah, I'm hoping this means that there was ewcm in there and that by some PCOS miracle, I did actually ovulate.
We'll see I guess.

Hmm, ok, I just took an HPT and OPK this morning and the OPK is so dark!! Not positive but close!
This is with 2nd morning urine though so.... we'll see what it shows at around 1 I guess.

Photo makes it look a little lighter, but still, that's the darkest it's been since well... since I was in early pregnancy with Zoe and still testing just to see everything get darker lol. Looking at photos it looks like 12-13dpo OPKs.

I also included the hpt for the hell of it. My line-o-vision is such a tease. I'm certain there isn't anything on it but my eyes still want there to be something.

But WOOT! Come on body! Keep going!! Please don't fail me now :D
Even if we don't fall pregnant, just to have the opportunity would be amazing.

And a rant.... just a small one but still one that royally ticks me off.

My brother and his wife.... Their lack of parenting is starting to irk me. Yes yes, every parent does things differently and that's fine, but when your 10yo and 7yo don't wipe or flush after they pee (in public too I might add).... there is something really F-ing wrong with that.
Now not flushing pee at home, that's fine, but COME ON with the wiping!!!!
That is just DISGUSTING.

I could forgive it if it was just an every once in a while thing b/c they're kids, but I know they don't ever do it, probably unless they have pooped.

And then their poor baby. They brought him over, then we saw them again at the older sister's recital, both times he WREAKS of cig smoke.Now if it was just them smoking somewhere else and then picking him up after, whatever. I still think that's bad, but it's not as bad as smoking w/ him right there, which I know they do b/c they did it with their other 2 and they smoke in their house.... with no windows open.

Just ugh ugh ugh.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Wasting time...

Took 2 more hpts (seriously, I have a ton of them)... and a big fat nothing. Of course my line-o-vision wants to see something, but there isn't anything on them.

I do think my OPKs are getting darker though. They've been very slowly getting darker and I'm really hoping it means I'll ovulate. They're still not super dark or anything so it's probably just my body being all wonky.

OOO We're going to a local fair this weekend. It's literally right down the road from us. We've never been to it before though. Either DH would have to work or we would just totally forget about it.
We're going this time though. It's free and we want some bad fair food lol.
Well, that's if my stomach stops flipflopping.
I'm sure Zoe will love all of the sights and sounds.

We're wanting to go to the beach this year. DH has a week off in may. There's a house that we usually rent from family. It's about a block if that much away from the beach, BUT his week off is right before a busy weekend so we may not be able to get the place.
We'll see what happens.
We were talking about eventually buying a small camper.
We really liked the look of " 2014 Little Guy T@G TT MAX" campers, but holy crap are they expensive.
Yeah, so that's not going to happen lol... not unless we win the lottery or find a used one for super cheap.


Just a couple :D
We bought a new card for the camera finally so I took some photos and vid yesterday.

Zoe smiling for the camera...
That's her new favorite thing to do now if the shirt is large enough.

Notice the lovely gnaw marks on the crib railing...
OH, and along w/ the shirt... she pulled out the insert from her diaper and threw it on to the floor.... AFTER she had peed and pooped. bleh

Dumb as a rock dog Kiwi. She's super sweet, but SO annoying and just straight up stupid.

Spoiled rotten Cid snoozing on our rotten back porch.
He's looking so old. He's only 6? 7? Well, I guess that's oldish for a dog, but Kiwi is I think 11 or 12 and she looks much younger than him.

What the heck am I smoking

Took an HPT this morning.
I blame DH :P lol
Was still feeling terrible when he got home and he jokingly asked if I was pregnant and of course that got the wheels turning in my head.
OMG what if the spotting was implantation, what if what I'm feeling now is extremely early pregnancy stuff, what if what if what if.

Dunno what I'm smoking to have even thought it was a possibility, but I did. Oh welp.
I have a ton of wondfo HPTs just waiting for their chance to be used... and damnit... one of these days.... one of these days.....

Feeling a little better today. Stomach is still feeling wonky and I can feel a headache that may start up. It's better than yesterday though.
Oh and no noticeable spotting yesterday, so guess that has stopped.

I'll probably take a few more HPTs over the next few days just to obsess over something lol. Of course I'll report back if anything fishy comes up :) heh

Thursday, April 24, 2014

WTF Youtube???

I don't know WTF is going on with youtube but... WOW.
You know how they have their little Recommended for you section that has videos they think you'll enjoy.
Well for some damn reason, I keep getting tribute to stillborn baby videos.
I've NEVER searched for that shit (b/c it would make me bawl my eyes out), but for some damn reason, youtube thinks that I would just love to watch all of them.
Just UGH!
Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem w/ people posting those videos, but it's just very weird that youtube would suggest them to me for no reason.

Ugh, bleh! harf!

I feel so sick right now.
I've been feeling very off for the last few days, but last night started this.
Went to bed a little early, woke up to DH coming home and felt totally nauseous and bloated.
We still DTD though heh.
But I've had that same feeling all night along w/ feeling hot and a mild headache.
I may be a little dehydrated, but that wouldn't explain the nausea and bloat.

Hope whatever this is passes soon b/c.... bleh.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

I dunno

Noticed just a little more EWCM but not much since.
AND the spotting actually hasn't stopped. It's very very very light and not always there when I use the bathroom which is why I thought that it had actually stopped.
Oh well. Annoying that it's happening but at least it's not heavy.


Zoe is doing well. We bought her some new used PJs and summer shoes. All of her pjs are for cold weather so that wasn't going to work with it warming up.

She's growing up so fast and becoming little miss independent (when she wants to be).
NO is her favorite word.
She LOVES dancing and singing (I'll have to get video of her doing it).
She can count to 10 :D Well... we say 1, she'll say 2, us 3, her 4, etc. I have NO idea where she learned that though b/c we didn't teach her. She just started doing it.
She also tries to sing her ABCs but her speech still isn't all that clear so it comes out as a jumble of gibberish with a letter thrown in here and there heh.

We bought her a $10 plastic kiddie pool and filled it with play sand. She seems to enjoy it. She doesn't like getting in to it yet, but she likes shoveling the sand around.

Her eating is still all over the place. Some days she'll have a big appetite, but most days are her being super picky and not wanting to eat anything.
I can def relate to those moms that say that they're just happy if their child eats something, no matter what it is.


So I went to the bathroom a little bit ago and wiped away what appeared to be A LOT of EWCM.
We did DTD last night though so I'm not entirely positive that it was ewcm and not just leftover from BDing.

It looked like EWCM though and I've used the bathroom multiple times which usually ends up pushing everything out so.... yeah.

Just checked and it looks like cm that I normally have. Opaque and lotiony, but there's a little bit of ewcm type of stuff there too.

Never had BDing 'leftovers' last this long so... who knows.
OPKs are still negative though so... I don't know.

Sigh.... I can hope... and will def attack DH when he gets home just in case. Maybe I'm one of the unlucky 'OPKs don't work for PCOS' women.
Or more than likely this is just a false alarm that won't amount to anything.

Just used the bathroom again not too long ago and there was still some there. I don't think it's semen. I've never noticed it this long after DTD and def didn't confuse it with EWCM before.
It's probably just my body doing something weird again but we're still going to BD just in case :P

Oh and I forgot to mention that the spotting seems to have stopped. Wonder what that was about. Maybe a small cyst rupturing or something?

EDIT #2:
Damn, just remembered that DH has his guy's night tonight. And with Zoe going to bed at 7, that means we won't get to BD before he leaves. He comes home kind of late too but oh well, he better be ready for it!

Monday, April 21, 2014

Started it with a bang...

National Infertility Awareness week....
My body decided it needed to remind me about it by spotting.... and nausea, and dizziness.
As if I needed a reminder that my body is broken.

The spotting started yesterday. Keep in mind that I'm only on cd18 and have yet to get a positive OPK.
It's not heavy and not there all the time when I use the bathroom, but it's there none the less.

Also yesterday, I had some really bad nausea. It happened before lunch. I thought maybe I was just hungry, but I could barely eat. Actually had to stop or felt like I would have up chucked everything.
Then I had a very quick moment of dizziness. It was mild and only lasted a split second, but I'm sure whatever was causing the nausea caused that too.
Felt fine until after dinner. At around 8pm... started getting that nauseous feeling again.

Not sure WTH is going on. Thought maybe it was the metformin causing some issues since I was eating more carbs & sugar this weekend.

No nausea today thank goodness, but the spotting is still here. Not sure if it's gotten any heavier though. Still very light and sporadic so far.

About an hour ago, had a very sharp cramping pain on my left ovary. *shrugs* Your guess is as good as mine.

Just damn though.... I know my body can work. Zoe is sleeping in the other room... that's my proof...
just wish my body would realize that already and stop F-ing with me all the time.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Random Sunday

Hope everyone is having a lovely sunday. I'll have fun going to the grocery store tomorrow trying not to buy all of the discount Easter candy :P lol
I may break down and buy a couple Reeses eggs but that would be it *nodnod*

Things are ok here. No church for us. DH is at work and I'm just not a church person. I took Zoe to MiL's church easter hunt function yesterday so that's good enough for me.
Zoe seemed to have fun.
She's such a cautious child. It takes her a few minutes to assess the situation but once she deems it ok, she opens up.
We also had DH's friend's boy's 2nd birthday party yesterday too. Zoe LOVED that. She got to play with all of his toys and loved all of the attention she got from everyone lol.
Their little boy is absolutely adorable and so smart! And he's HUGE! Probably helps that both parents are pretty tall. He's def going to inherit that trait.

Zoe is doing well. She has slimmed up SO much. I know it's b/c she doesn't eat like she used to. I don't think she's lost weight but not sure if she's gaining like she should either.
She's just so interested in running around and playing, eating is near the bottom of her list heh.
We always have something out for her to graze on though. Just wish she ate a little more.

Whole lot of nothing going on in the ladybits department.
No ovulation detected at all. Can't say I'm shocked, but it's still extremely disappointing.

Thursday, April 17, 2014


So Zoe follows me in to the bathroom. It's easier that way. If I close the door on her, she starts banging on it and crying like she's never going to see me again. Plus if she's in the bathroom, I know what she's getting in to :P

She pulled out some old FRER FSH tests that I had stashed under the sink that I forgot about.
Just took one for the hell of it. It's almost a year past expired but meh, whatever lol. Not like it's a HPT.
It's almost the 30mins you have to wait to read the results and... looks like my reading is normal so far.... that's if you want to trust an expired test :P lol
WTH is this supposed to tell you anyway? Looks like a whole lot of frickin nothing. Just another test for FRER to make money off of from desperate women.

OPKs are still negative. Thought the one today was going to be darker, and it kind of is but it's still WAY negative. Shocker :\

Some good news... I did see 199.8 this morning on the scale for a second!!
I weighed first w/ clothes on. Saw that it was something like 200.6. Thought maybe I could see 100's if I took my shirt and shorts off, and BAM 199.8!! WOO!
I rushed to grab the camera, came back and.... 200.4. WTF??
Stupid scale.
But still.. I saw that 100 and I will see it again! Oh yes... I will....

Some days.....

Just got back from picking up some meds for the cat.
Now to get to the pharmacy, you have to turn down this road that leads to a 4 way intersection that is a 3 way stop. Meaning the incoming traffic from the main road has the right of way and doesn't have a stop while the other 3 ways does.
Well, I turn down that road and I'm coming up on to the intersection. I have right of way, don't see anyone around so keep going to make a left hand turn when out of F-ing nowhere this car completely runs the stop sign at about 40-50mph and almost hits me (the speed limit down these roads is 25 fyi). I slam on my brakes and they swerve like crazy to keep from hitting me.
It would've been a seriously bad accident with probably myself seriously injured... and Zoe was in the car with me.
Hopefully her car seat would've protected her but with how fast they were going... there's no telling.
If I had been going just a little faster, they would have hit the side of the car.
Makes me so upset just thinking about it.
Upset and royally fucking pissed off.

I really wish there weren't so many stupid ass drivers on the road.
People like that idiot that was either not paying attention or don't think the rules apply to them, so they do whatever the hell they want and endanger the other drivers around them.

So a big FUCK YOU to all the bad drivers out there and I hope your fucking legs and arms fall off so you can never drive again.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Nothin much

CD12 and a whole lot of nothing is going on with my OPKs.
Shocker I know :\

So many women are getting their BFPs now though. Happy for them, but... still reminds me of how broken my body is. Just wish there was an easy QUICK fix to it. I really do think losing weight would help, but good lord it's difficult.
Now sure, I haven't been too strict recently, but I've been pretty darn good for the majority of the time. Should think that would help with something.

Anyway... it is what it is I guess. I need to be patient and give this new dose of metformin a chance to do its thing.
I can report some good news. Absolutely zero side effects from the new met dose. No stomach problems at all. WOO :)

My sleep has been HORRIBLE lately. I actually slept well a couple nights ago, but the next day felt so totally drained that I needed to take a nap. It was a very light nap and for only 30mins but it was nice.
And then last night.. ugh. I couldn't get in to that deep restful sleep until around 4am. Keep in mind that I was in bed at 10pm. So I was tossing and turning all night long.
Feeling ok now. Zoe is down for her 2nd nap and I'm going to try to stay up so hopefully I'll sleep better tonight.

Has the main stream media just completely brainwashed people in to automatically blaming pit bulls for every single dog attack?

I ask b/c we went to the vet yesterday for a checkup on our cat.

We were in the waiting room and this woman had a small dog w/ a healing LARGE bite wound on its side. She was talking to the woman beside her about what happened.
This is mostly what she said.

"He was bitten by a pit bull, no no I mean a German Shepherd. They're fine together most of the time, but they fight every once in a while. The vet just told me that dogs will be dogs."

Wait.... WHAT??? SO wht I gathered from her comment was that the other dog was either hers, or one she comes in to contact with a lot. How the hell can you mistake a German Shepherd for a pit bull??? It just amazed me that her brain instantly went to pit bull even though she knew it wasn't. WTF?

I just get so upset over people making pit bulls out to be devil spawn. They are big powerful dogs. That's how they were bred. But they are NOT automatically mean dogs.
Dh's family had a pit bull mix. Super sweet gentle dog. Had a friend that had 2 pure bred pit bulls. They were super hyper but super sweet. They even raised pet rabbits in their yard that the dogs never bothered.
Why? B/c they were good dog owners.

Stop blaming the breed and start blaming ignorant or just stupid ass owners that don't know how to raise their dog right.

Friday, April 11, 2014

It's a beautiful day

Zoe is napping and it's a gorgeous day outside. Need to put a bra on, stop being lazy, and go for a walk once she wakes up. It probably won't happen though.
She woke up at 6:10 this morning and UUUUUUUUUUUUGH.
She did go back to sleep for another hour after much fussing, but the damage was already done. I couldn't get back to sleep even though I tried.

I'm feeling ok now, but can tell that my body really needs more sleep.
Should fix myself some tea. It's the only thing we have that has caffeine in it. And hey... green tea is supposed to help with weight loss so... woo! lol

Speaking of that.. my weight was 200.4 this morning on official weigh in day.
Oh and at my doc appointment, I actually found out I'm slightly taller than I had thought. I did have shoes on so that probably added maybe an inch at the most. But I'm 5'4" according to them! lol
I always thought I was around 5'1-5'2

New met dose this morning was ok.
Before I would take one in the morning, then 2 after dinner.
Now it's 2 morning, 2 after dinner.

Everything seems fine so far though. No racing to the bathroom w/ explosive diarrhea.

That did happen yesterday though. I took my usual 1 in the morning before my appointment, then took another w/ some lunch and BOY my body did not like that one bit. Purged EVERYTHING I had eaten and then some. Yikes.

I can still feel some aches coming from the right ovary. Doubting anything will happen but it's still early so we'll see.

I really wish Zoe knew how to blow her nose. It would make cleaning up the boogers SO much easier.
Her nose will start running, so we'll go to clean it and this LONG gross slimy booger will come out of her nose, and then break. And when you go back to wipe more, it gets back on the tissue so it will pull back out even more and then break and snap back in. I just wish I could get a grip on it and pull it all out at once!
She is getting better though. Day by day. So glad she never developed any kind of fever.

Going to try to get some good photos of her today. Have this cute little outfit all picked out for her. And if I'm not being lazy, I will post some of them here :D

Thursday, April 10, 2014


Haven't picked up Zoe yet even though my exam was done an hour ago. SHHHHH lol
I'm about to go. I was just waiting for my new prescip of metformin to be filled.

No clomid or femara yet.
My doc upped my metformin dose to 2000 a day and she wants me to wait about 4-6w to see what it does.
I'm cool with that. Hopefully it will help to make this weight loss a bit less frustrating which in turn will help me ovulate on my own.

If I still feel like I need help though, I'm to call in and ask for it and she's gonna give me femara. ONly at 2.5mg dose to start with though which is a bit disappointing. BUt hopefully by then, maybe that would be all I needed.
It sounded like she's willing to go up to 5 eventually but whatever.
Hoping I won't need anything though.

Anyway, I'm excited to start on the higher dose of met. Hopefully it won't cause any kind of stomach issues though. I'm finally at a point to where my current dose doesn't bother me at all. We'll see though.

And yep, have my next annual already scheduled. They're finally up to date on their pap smear exam thing. Only have to do that every 3 years. I don't see what the big deal is. I still have to have a breast exam and the internal thing... add a pap to that and meh... not a big deal IMO lol.

My weight was 202 there. UGH.
It was 200.4 this morning though. WOO
So glad that our week long junk food binge eating didn't cause too much damage on the scale for too long.
Need to stop sabotaging my efforts to lose weight.
It's like, WOO, I'm almost to the 100's! Now lets go out and eat an entire container of oreos, some ice cream, cake, etc etc. :\
I need to smack my hands and tell myself NO! No Lisa! Bad girl! ;)

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

It's on like donkey kong!

So my annual is still on for tomorrow. Not exactly looking forward to getting my boobs grabbed or having a swab and fingers up my junk but, that's the life of a woman :\
Guys just do not know how easy they have it.
Oh poor them, they have to eventually get a couple of fingers in their ass and sometimes have to get their balls cupped. Big deal!

Anyway, other than the routine business, I hope the other stuff goes well. Really hope she doesn't decline my request for increase in met and to try a higher dose of clomid or femara.

I still remember how she was so hesitant to give femara in the first place and would NOT give me more than a 2.5mg dose of it. Grr.

We'll see, we'll see.

I always feel so awkward there though. All the other patients look so put together well, and there I am in my flip flops, t-shirt and jeans :P hehe

My right O area is really aching right now. Could just be some cysts, but... who knows at this point.
OPKs aren't showing much which is normal for mostly anyone at cd6 lol.
Really hope this aching means something good is happening.
We just need one egg body. Come on!! Get with the program already!

Accidental trolling

Anyone ever have that happen before?
Where you make a comment somewhere on the net and people get all offended by it even though you meant no offense? Or hell, that it wasn't even offensive to begin with but for some reason they thought so.
Yeah, that happened to me the other day.
I said something that wasn't exactly sensitive, but it certainly wasn't offensive either.
People got all up in arms over it and... ya know.. I said fuck it and went along with it just to piss off these overly sensitive idiots.
I didn't realize I was trolling until someone actually called me one.
I have no regret over it.
Our world is just too frickin PC now and people get SO offended by absolutely fricking nothing. You have to walk on eggshells everywhere and even then some asshat is going to get offended just b/c.

If it ever happens again, you know what... I'm going to troll again just to piss off these stupid ass people that want to make not even a molehill in to a mountain.

That's if I have the time and Zoe is napping ;) lol

In other news... Zoe's nose is still runny. Good lord there's so much snot!!

She is a trip though. She started gnawing on her toes the other day LOL. I know it's gross, but just the fact that she figured it was a good idea to get at a broken toenail really amazed me :P DH isn't flexible enough to do that and I certainly don't do it, so she figured it out all on her own.

Called and left a message with my doc office asking if I should reschedule or not.
AF is still here today. It's only just spotting, but I'm sure I'll still be spotting tomorrow too.
Hate waiting for them to call me back. Always feel so anxious about it and I can't take a damn shower now b/c I know as soon as I get in it, they're going to call :\
Grrr.... and I really need to trim things up down there for tomorrow (if it's still on). That's going to take A LOT of time. Guess I'll have to wait for DH to get home before I can shower.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Waiting game

Cd5 and already wish something would happen LOL.

Going to need to call my doc office tomorrow. AF should be gone by then for the most part but I may still be spotting a little. Will have to ask if I need to reschedule.

Took an OPK today :P lol
It looks how they usually do not that I was expecting anything different.

Haven't felt that pin prick feeling in my right O area any longer. Must've just been some minor cysts or something.
I am starting to feel some pains on the left side though. Actually just started not that long ago.
And n/m what I just said.. just felt some sharp pain on the right side.
I do feel some discomfort and aching if I'm laying on my stomach and I favor that side. Not sure what that's all about.

Still PO'd that I won't be able to try femera or clomid this cycle. Oh well I guess.

My weight is still up a little bit, but thankfully not as much as it was hanging out at when we were eating terrible.
So much for being pregnant or being in to the 100's by now.
So disappointed with myself.

Zoe is feeling much better.
Her nose is still runny and she still has a phlegmy cough but she's getting over whatever this was.

She has become A LOT pickier with her food. Trying to get her to eat something is a challenge.
We usually put her plate of food on to the coffee table and let her eat it that way so she can move around, but lately, all she wants to do is play... and beg food off of us (nm that we're eating the same exact thing lol).
May have to start putting her back in to her high chair again.... but then she'll just start doing her weird grinding thing. I dunno... guess we'll see.

She is growing up so fast though. Most of the time, I still look at her and see my baby, but then she'll do something or just look a certain way and I have to acknowledge that she's getting bigger. She's becoming a little girl and UGH.... it breaks my heart. Don't get me wrong, I also can't wait for her to grow up, but I also want her to stay this little.
Need to take more photos so I can look back and remember all of these moments b/c damn... are they going by fast.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Writing it all down

Ok.... I'm going to document everything I'm feeling my body doing. That way if it does something unexpected again, I can look back and maybe get a better idea. If it all ends up being nothing, that's fine too... just want to obsess a little ;)

For starters.. I'm on cd3. First day of AF was medium, these last 2 days have been SUPER heavy. Heavier than my provera induced AF which is usually heavier than normal AF.

I've been feeling some pin prick type of pains on my right ovary since yesterday cd2. Other than that though, no aches, but do have that sense of bloat in my lower abdomen area.

Boobs have remained sore since they first started to get sore last cycle. It's not all the time that I notice it. Usually right after I take my bra off, or if DH/DD grabs or presses them.

Hmm, I think that's it for now. I may start OPKs even sooner this time just to be sure. Maybe cd6.
We'll see.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Sick, AF, and other junk

Poor Zoe is getting sicker. Her nose is a lot more runny, she's coughing more and I think her eyes are watering more too.
Thankfully still no fever or anything. And I'm about 90% sure this isn't seasonal allergies either.
Just a random cold she caught from MiL :\

This period is pretty damn heavy. I'm wondering if maybe I did ovulate but it happened very early. I had those dark opks on cd8 and I did have EWCM then, but thought it was just from my period b/c it can get mucousy sometimes.
And I was having some aches on the left side O area, but I didn't really think too much of it b/c my right ovary is the dominant one.... when I do actually ovulate.

Hmmm *shrugs* Will never know but I'm gonna keep a closer eye on things this time around. Maybe just start BDing like I am ovulating no matter what OPKs say.

We'll see what happens I guess.

All of the poop, has been scooped. BLEH! lol
It actually wasn't that bad... except for this one fresh pile that.. just... *gag*
Now I won't feel bad for Zoe to go out in to the backyard. Still going to have to watch her to make sure she doesn't pick any fresh piles up though. And DH needs to mow the lawn so I can actually SEE fresh piles before she does lol.
I really want to get her some sort of outdoor play set thing. Just a small toddler friendly one for now and upgrade to something bigger when she gets older.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Well that wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done

So I'm trying to fix up this big cardboard box for Zoe. Needed to get some tape so got her ready, grabbed my purse, saw that my keys weren't in them so I grabbed them...... well this is where things went wrong.
I THOUGHT I had put my keys in to my purse.
So out the door we go. We have 2 locks on the door. One on the door knob and a deadbolt. You have to press in the button on the doorknob from the inside to lock it and it's what I always do.
So I do that, close the door behind us. Head to the car.... look for my keys to unlock the door... and...... Holy crap I just locked us out of the house.

I could've gotten back in if I had REALLY wanted to by bending out one of the screens from a window, but I didn't.
DH would be home in about an hour and a half and it was nice out so Zoe and I spent some time messing around in the backyard :)

But man... did I feel stupid. Thank goodness it didn't happen earlier (like early morning) when I usually go to the stores during the week (to avoid larger crowds).

Good times :P

Zoe is sick. It's not super bad or anything. Sounds like chest congestion. She coughs every once in a while and it's very mucousy sounding.
She's not running a fever or anything though and her nose isn't stuffed up or anything.

My period started. WTF??
Thought it may have just been typical PCOS anov cycle spotting but NOPE, it is full on AF.
So.. it means the last cycle was only 21 days long.
Again... WTF??
I have not missed a day OPKing since I started on cd8 so I know I didn't ovulate, at least according to the OPKs I didn't.

Whatever. This ticks me off though. I'll be cd7 on my appointment and well.. that would be too late to start clomid or femara if I can get a prescription.
Hell, I'll probably have to reschedule if this period lasts as long as they usually do.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

That was fun

Concert last night was fun, but.... yeah, we've learned our lesson about standing venues.
Short people are at an extreme disadvantage at them.

We got there about an hour and a half early. Already a line waiting to get in so we go to the back.
NOPE, DH texts his coworker who is there but at this bar/grill place right next to it.
That place was pretty nice. Had this faux beach volleyball thing outside w/ a bunch of other games people could play while they got drunk and ate.
Great for college kids and workers who still wish they were in college pretty much.

Anyway, so doors open at 7, we didn't get up to go there until 7:20 and yep, all the prime real estate was taken. We figured, oh, we can just hang out in the back near the sound guy. PFFFT wrong move.
I could only get glimpses of the stage the entire night. Nevermind that we were all packed in there like a bunch of sardines and I couldn't even raise my arms without feeling like I was molesting someone lol.
I don't get tall people at these things. You know you're tall. I'm not saying to stand in the back, but be conscious of the short people around you and make sure you don't park yourself RIGHT in front of one like I had happen to me a dozen times. You're not transparent and we don't want to watch your back the entire night!
Thankfully we were in a high traffic area (ppl heading to the bathroom) so a lot of them would move.

But other than that, it was fun and the bands were great.
If we ever go there again though.... our asses are staying in that line and we're getting us a better spot!

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

All alone

Zoe's with granny. Dropped her off a little bit ago.
Damn... I did NOT expect to still feel like this when Zoe isn't here.
Figured it would be like this at first of course, but I still do NOT like it when Zoe isn't with me.

Oh I forgot to mention that Zoe fell off the side of the couch the other day. DH was sitting up there with her and it was the same scene as the bed. He looked away for a moment, I look over and see her little legs going over and tell him to catch her.
He ALMOST got to her but down she went.
Shorter fall, but she bonked her head on one of her wooden toys. She has this red line where she hit it between her eyes. Poor baby.

Concert tonight :D We're going to see Weezer. It's a stand only venue and not even sure where it is. Oh well.... DH is super excited. They're his fav and they don't come here often so... I'll suffer through it for him hehe.

Then we have the big 2 days one in May. Carolina Rebellion WOO!
And then another in August? That one is Linkin Park and 30sec to Mars.

Hopefully I'll be pregnant for one of those :\
By the looks of it... I'll be lucky if I've even ovulated.