Monday, June 30, 2014


Fertility friend just gave me crosshairs with last night's temp. Last night's temp may be a off though b/c I couldn't get to sleep so I woke up a bit sooner after I went to sleep. Won't be able to temp tonight so will have to see what it is Tuesday.

Maybe it's possible that I could've ovulated and/or gotten a LH surge when I wasn't testing. The positive last month didn't last long at all. Maybe only a couple of hours at the most. So maybe this one happened when I didn't test or was asleep or something. *shrugs*
Grasping at straws.

That's a bit upsetting though if I did ovulate. We only BD'd once and I posted about the leakage problem I had afterwards. Oh well... just to ovulate is pretty good if it did happen.
We'll see we'll see.


Today is going to be a mad dash to getting things somewhat cleaned before we go. We're only going for a day and coming back tomorrow afternoon/night since DH has to work on Wednesday.
OH well, maybe we'll get a longer beach vacation next year.

I blame his family anyway. They wouldn't tell him when exactly his sister was going to be coming so he ended up trading weekends w/ a coworker... and of course it's the weekend she's here. Then a week after he did that, his family finally remembers to tell him that when she's coming :\

They're not giant assholes, just not totally reliable when it comes to certain things.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Lotion anyone?

Googly moogly.....
I'm getting A LOT of creamy lotiony cm. And I mean A LOT of it. I've never had this much before. It's.... strange. Just giant globs of it on the tp when I use the bathroom. Gross.

Not sure what's going on there... but ok I guess o_O

Boobs are still tender and.. yeah that's about it actually. Nothing going on with the body out of the ordinary but then again, nothing is really ordinary with my body and what it decides to do :\


So.. DH asked me yesterday about his friend's daughter coming to stay with us for a month or less so she could volunteer at a hospital b/c she's thinking about being a nurse and I guess wants the experience.

She's not a bad girl or anything like that. She's actually a really good young kid, but just the thought of someone else staying with us gives me anxiety like crazy. No more walking around with no bra on. No more leaving the door open to pee.
I'd have to actually clean every day.
No more picking my nose lol
And certainly no more of DH getting all frisky with me.

Feel like such a bitch but I do not want her to stay with us. I'm anti-social for a reason. I like being alone (well alone w/ Zoe).... I like doing the things I like without having to worry about someone else there. It's just so awkward.

Don't know what to do. I told DH this and he gets it but they're his friends and if god forbid anything ever happened, we would be the ones to take in their kids. What kind of message is this sending to them if I don't even want their daughter to come stay with us for a short time? UUUUUUUUGH

Feeling so selfish but... my home is the only place I can really be myself and with someone else here... I'm going to have to be on my best behavior pretty much and... just... UGH.
I dunno.... on the verge of just telling him yes, but then my anxiety screams at me NO.

Saturday, June 28, 2014


My boobs that is...
They're starting to get sore. Started a couple of days ago but I really noticed it yesterday when Z kept grinding her elbow in to them.
Not sure what's up with that.
Maybe AF will arrive on its own.
I HOPE it means that I'll still ovulate, but I'm not holding my breath for that to happen.

Or maybe I had one of those mystical no +opk but still ovulated PCOS cycles that I always hear about but no one ever seems to have actually experienced.
Doubt that though b/c my temps are not post-O temps.

Safe to say

That the 2.5mg of femara didn't do shit for me.
Oh well. NOt surprising but it's still disappointing.

My OPKs aren't doing much of anything. I think my body may have been gearing up to do it from my left, but my left ovary is not the good one.

I have 3 refills of the femara. Not sure if my doc wants me to try it 3 more times or if I should call and ask for a higher dose. I'll call Monday and ask about it.

Going to start getting more strict w/ diet then too. Weekdays have been fine, it's just the weekends that have really been hurting my weight loss. Wouldn't think so b/c it's not like I'm stuffing my face constantly. It's one or 2 meals and that's it. But apparently my body is a giant asshole so I can't have anything nice :P lol

Well that won't start on Monday. We're going to the beach that night, staying most of Tuesday and coming back Tuesday night.
Not looking forward to that crap and pee filled mess at home. DH wants me to go so he gets to clean it all up.
I'm sure our larger dog will try to jump over the gate to escape though. We'll see.

Speaking of dogs.... apparently, my brother and his family are still bad pet owners b/c they haven't fixed their male dogs or female dogs and oh look, puppies. Thankfully only 3 and they're mostly chihuahua so shouldn't be too hard to give them away.
MiL has laid claim to the female and I'm trying to get Eric to say yes to one of the other ones.
I think he's really considering it. He hasn't said no.

Oh and apparently, my brother MIGHT have had a seizure a few weeks ago. Frickin news to us b/c we're never told anything. :\
He's supposed to be getting tested or something for it. NO idea b/c again, we're never told anything.

Friday, June 27, 2014


Been feeling aches coming from my left O area. Has me worried that I'm not going to ovulate this cycle.
My left O is not the dominant one and I don't think I ovulate from that side.
I guess we'll see what happens but things aren't looking too good atm.

Now time to eat really quick and give Z a bath before she takes a nap. She decided the best use of her yogurt was to smear it ALL over herself....

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Still nada

Was hoping maybe something later in the day would be even darker but nope. Looks about the same I think.
We'll see what tomorrow brings though. Hopefully it will be even darker.
Only noticed a very very small amount of EWCM this morning and that was it. Nothing all day long.
Really hope all of this isn't a false alarm. That would suck :(

Yeah, DH and I both definitely have eczema. Never knew it but we do. Mine is a bit worse.

Again, never knew what it was but thanks to good ole self diagnosing on google...... ;)

We both get these small itchy bumps on our hands. Can't remember what it's called but it's eczema.
I also get itchy spots on my face and have them on my arms right now. Just a lot of bumps that look and itch like bug bites pop up for no apparent reason.
Or well, no obvious reason.
I THINK something out in my garden is causing the flare ups. It started on my arms yesterday after I was messing w/ everything in my garden so I think I'm sensitive to something out there. No idea what though.

So yep, Zoe and any children after have no chance for good skin :P lol Hopefully they'll grow out of it but we'll see.
Saying they like we're already pregnant or something.
Sigh, I wish.

Oh, did I mention that Zoe has colored on the walls? Yep, she's done it a few times now actually. We've taken away her crayons for now which sucks b/c she loves scribbling.
Thankfully they're washable crayons, but she colored in the little hallway leading to her room which is not painted yet... which means it doesn't wash off. Oh well, we're going to paint it eventually.

No + today

Just did the first opk and no + today. It looks like it's getting darker but that could just be wishful thinking too.
We'll see what happens I guess. Will probably hold off on BDing again until tomorrow.

We're going to get Zoe Frozen for her birthday. We're all late but she wouldn't have really watched it before.
She absolutely LOOOOOOOOOOOVES that song Let it Go though. I found a sing-a-long video on youtube that I let her watch and she copies almost all of the moves Elsa does. She does the arm/hand gestures, runs when she runs etc. It's so cute.
I have video, it's posted on FB but I'll post it here eventually heh.

Oh, and that movie really needs to be retitled "Decisions you make can fuck up your kids". Seriously, those were some shit ass parents in that movie. Little troll things that could've helped their daughter learn to control her ability? NOPE, just make the other daughter forget all about it and then traumatize the other one in to seclusion.

DH is planning on building her a tardis. It's going to be a shelf on the upper part and then open on the bottom for her. I would like to put more in to it for her, but not really sure what would fit.
He actually stayed up late last night making the plans for it.
I kinda wanted to be a part of it too but... I think he's stolen the project and is running with it. Whatever.
 Go for it dude ;)

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Woot! & TMI

I'm definitely getting some EWCM. Doesn't seem like a whole lot right now. Only had 2 instances today of a decent amount on the tp after using the bathroom, but it was there :D

We did BD... but (here comes the tmi).... I thought I didn't need anything under my hips after. Boy was I wrong. Just.. yeah... it felt like a lot of stuff came out. :\

We plan on BDing more though. Hopefully a few swimmers made it though... and hopefully all of this does actually end in ovulation again :D


No +OPK but it is definitely darker. Haven't seen anymore EWCM either but I haven't been drinking enough water today either.
I'm hopeful though that I will ovulate :)
Just needs to happen soon so we can BD in the privacy of our home instead of having to do it at the beach. Wouldn't think it would take that long but you never know.

I've felt some aches coming from the left general O area, but that usually just ends up being gut issues. Haven't really felt anything from the right side. I know not feeling anything isn't any indication of what is or isn't happening though.

EWCM maybe

Went to the bathroom and I'm pretty sure I wiped away some EWCM. We haven't BD'd in a couple of days so it's definitely not that.
Looked like a decent amount.
OPKs are still very negative though. We'll see what it looks like today but they haven't been getting darker or anything. Maybe this will be one of those super neg one day super pos the next type of cycles.

Monday, June 23, 2014


Just went to the bathroom and wiped away some thick snotty cm. It had stretch but it wasn't that nice thin super stretchy EWCM stuff.
I marked it down as sticky on my chart.

We did DTD last night. It definitely wasn't leftovers from that but I did the drop in the water test w/ it anyway. The little glob remained in it's little balled up form in the water and didn't dissolve so it's definitely CM.

Going to take this as a great sign though that my body is gearing up to ovulate :D At least I hope it does! I usually only ever get that lotiony type of CM all the time so.. any change in the norm is good!

OPKs aren't anywhere close to being + though. Still extremely faint w/ barely a line.
We'll see what happens. All I can do.

I'm hungry!

But I don't want to get up b/c Zoe is napping and my chair makes loud popping noises!
Damnit lol.

So I just got done exercising on the elliptical. I was going to try the video that left me temporarily crippled but it wasn't going to happen. My legs still aren't fully recovered (almost) so I didn't want to make things worse.
I may try it tomorrow though.

Have the best motivation to look at while on the elliptical. It's a collage of baby Zoe photos. I look at them and just think this world needs more cute in it from us ;) lol
I just look at it though and get this overwhelming feeling of want, of NEEDING to have another baby. Hopefully it will happen.

Just have to stay motivated & stay strong.

We've been cheating a bit too much on the weekends. It's not terrible, but it's still too much. Wouldn't be a problem for a normal person, but for me, it's causing my weight to stay the same or even go up temporarily. Sucks that I need to be so strict but I'm going to reach my goals.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Another lazy Sunday

Sitting home alone while DH and Zoe are at church. I love these moments lol.
Don't get me wrong though, I love them both more than anything in this world, but mommy does need her alone time sometimes.

Had some yesterday too. I didn't want to go so DH took Zoe up to the pool for a couple of hours. NICE heh

Yesterday was fun though. We went out blueberry picking for a couple of hours w/ the sun pounding on our heads.
We thought, oh... it's early, we won't need hats. PFFFT
We managed to get 3 gallons though.
Met some friends there with their little boy. He would run off and they'd yell for him to stop.
When they would walk him back, Zoe would run up to him wagging her finger at him babbling and telling him STOP lol.
So stinkin adorable.

We're going to be doing a water baby thing w/ them at the local ymca. I don't want to do it to be honest but it will be good for Zoe to get used to the water.

DH's sister is coming in this Friday and I know he's going to make me go to the beach with him. He's going on Monday and coming back on Tuesday night I think. UGH.....
I do want to go to the beach, but I don't want to come home to dog piss and shit. That's the plan though. We're going to get puppy pads, gate the dogs in the kitchen w/ food & water and yeah, leave them there for a day or 2. Our poor dogs. I know they're probably going to freak and try to jump the gates. Hope not but I won't be surprised to see that when we get home... along with nasty smeared poop in pee everywhere.
Dunno WTF DH is thinking but he wants it, he's gonna clean it and get the funk out of the house too for that matter.

OPKs are still big ole negatives. Almost no test lines so not getting darker either. I'm cd16? today so... *shrugs*
Didn't get that + last time until cd23 so... we'll see if it happens like that again. I'm thinking no, but I hope so.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Just go away!

Part of a PCOS FB group and.... it really pisses me off when they start talking about those scamming "fertility psychics".
These women are so desperate and here comes the scammers to take their money for bogus readings.
I fell for that shit too and now.... I just hate seeing so many women still falling for it.
I've commented my own experience and how the person was wrong on everything, but they don't listen. They want to believe... they want answers :\

It's like people believing that Silvia Brown woman or now that Long Island Medium scammer. Nevermind that there is some very great evidence that they're a bunch of liars... but nope... people just want to shut their eyes, stick fingers in their ears and LALALALALA so they can't hear the truth.

Oh I believe there are people w/ some kind of special psychic abilities, but not those frauds. Not ones who flaunt their "gifts" and use it to siphon money from the desperate.

cd 13

And nothing yet. Not that I was expecting to ovulate in a timely manner but it sure would've been nice. If I had kept exercising though... maybe I would have.

Oh well.

Just got done doing this video I found on youtube. Holy shit was it difficult! You're supposed to do it 2-4 times but I could only do it once. My legs still feel like jello 40mins after.
And about 10min after I got nauseous.

I'm going to keep trying it though. I won't be able to do it more than once for a while, but in time I will and I know it worked me out. Will try it again either Saturday or Monday.

Oh I thought I was feeling some right O type of pains yesterday. They were pretty sharp, but I think it was intestinal. Not entirely positive but I haven't felt it again since.
I HOPE it's my ovary producing a nice big healthy egg though.

OH did I forget to mention the accident on Father's Day?

Well DH and Z went to church as they have been. Or well, DH met MiL who still had Zoe.
Zoe was in a disposable when they came back but we didn't think much of it.
We put her down for a nap b/c she was so tired.
She started crying not too long after and wouldn't stop. We eventually went and checked on her....
Poo EVERYWHERE in her crib!
The girl pooped in her diaper and then promptly took the diaper off and got the blueberry poop everywhere. All over her, all over her sheets and blankets. We washed her toys too just in case.
DH wiped everything down w/ lysol and just... BLEH! lol

Oh and yesterday.... Zoe tried to pull the rag doll move when it was bedtime. DH took her hand to walk her to her room and she would try to flop on the ground while crying and "NOOOO"ing
OMG it was HILARIOUS and I seriously almost peed myself from laughing so hard.

What's up body?

I don't know WTF my body is doing, but I wish it would stop.
So our diet hasn't been the greatest. I did bake a blueberry pie after we went and picked some, and I we had rice on Monday.
It hasn't been that bad though. We haven't been constantly stuffing our faces with junk food. It's just a little extra on top of a good diet.
At the very least, my weight should be steady right now.
Weighed myself today and it was up to 208.something. WTH????
I know I've been feeling bloated. My ring isn't loose like it usually is but DAMN. This is just not fricking normal at all :(
Going off the rails for a couple of meals should not be adding on 6-8lbs.
Could it be the femara maybe? I dunno.... I want to say no but... I have no idea.
It's probably just my screwed up body doing it's usual crap thing.

Just work body.... just work like a normal body should.


Started OPKs yesterday. It was very negative. As negative as you can get with the 2nd line still there. If that makes any sense heh. It was very very faint. Not normal for me, so I'm hoping that's a good sign that my body is trying to do something right. It was like that last cycle too and I ovulated then so hoping that happens again. I'll take late ovulation over nothing.

Crap, this post was supposed to be before the previous one but I forgot to publish it. Oh well..

It has to be hormones

My face has been breaking out like I'm back in high school.
This along w/ that headache and w/ the bloating... it has to be something hormonal going on.
It would be one thing if I was eating nothing but junk food, but I haven't been. Sure I haven't been perfect w/ my diet either but one or 2 cheats over the week shouldn't be causing this much of a problem.

Whatever. Just going to keep pushing on and hope my body figures something out.

SiL asked on FB if anyone thought her daughter would make a good big sister. She wasn't trying to covertly say anything (like she was already pregnant), but was just asking.
First off... *coughattentionwhorecough*
2nd.... I think she's asking bc she wants to try to convince her husband to have another baby.
I know she wants another but for whatever reason he doesn't.
She's been going to the gym and we all know what that means (for everyone but myself).
It will make her super fertile and she'll end up pregnant in no time... :\
It won't put me back in to that dark place again if she were to get pregnant again, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't get crazy jealous.

I know it's so frickin stupid and petty, but..... I REALLY want to have the first boy grandchild.
Or actually, if other SiL were to get pregnant (which I hope happens for her soon) and it was a boy, I'd be totally happy for her.

If we're blessed to have another baby and it's a girl though, I would be beyond thrilled. Boy or a girl... I just want more babies.
We make adorable babies... it would be a shame if we couldn't give this world more of them!... ROFL ;)

Zoe is growing up so darn fast. Her speech still isn't great and it's mostly just her babbling but her repeating words has gotten a lot clearer.

And it's so darn cute when DH gets home from work. She knows it b/c the dogs will start barking. So we'll go and open the door to greet him and the entire time she's excitedly saying "Daddy, daddy, DADDDDDYYYYYY!" lol
But then when she gets out there, she's more worried about running around :P lol
Still makes DH happy though :)

And blueberry poops are disgusting!!! Her poop has been pitch black, staining her cloth diapers and mushy. BLEH! But the good thing... they don't stink... it's very strange o_O

Monday, June 16, 2014


So... we DTD Saturday night. We got a bit tipsy since MiL had Zoe.
Now I'm achy and felt something pop down there when I was using the bathroom and wiped away a little bit of blood. WTF? Maybe a scratch or something?
No idea but.... again... WTF? Without going in to details, we didn't do anything out of the ordinary lol so I'm not sure why this is happening.
Doesn't hurt until I go pee, then it feels more raw/dry than anything. And it doesn't feel like a UTI either. It's def coming from the vag region. Will need to hold off from sexy times for a few more days I think.

And in other news... Zoe had so much fun yesterday with her cousin.
Went to a Father's Day get together and her little cousin was there. Z would chase her, and cousin would chase Z.
It was hilarious b/c DH's aunt started to fuss at them. She'd wag her finger and tell them no running.
So after Z chased her, the cousin (we'll call her H) H would chase Z. Zoe would turn around and start wagging her finger at H and 'fuss' at her too LOL
It was pretty adorable :D Wish someone had gotten video of it.

Poor Zoe was so tired though. Didn't go to bed until 11:30 at her granny's then woke up at 7:30.
Only naps she had were in the car to wherever we were going and she would totally zonk out too.
Then we put her to bed at her usual time, and the girl didn't want to sleep. Oh children and their unwillingness to go to sleep.
Sleep is awesome and when you're older, you'll see the error of your ways lol.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Blueberries and bitching

We went and picked blueberries this morning :D YUM!
Zoe absolutely LOVED it. She was eating them left and right... along w/ the no so ripe ones too lol.
 Love picking our own stuff. It just tastes so much better than store bought crap plus these are SO much cheaper. $10 for a gallon of blueberries. That's a lot of damn berries considering you pay 3 or 4 dollars for a small little tray of them at the grocery store.
We may go again tomorrow. Depends on if my mom wants to go.

Now on to the bitching. My brother just called asking to borrow our lawn mower. I told him to go buy them one... then he tells me they don't have the money.
I held my tongue but wanted to yell
"OH but you still have thousands of dollars to spend on your trip to comic con next month though right?"
Frickin mooching ass relatives man.
And nevermind that when they borrowed our vacuum, our expensive ass Dyson vacuum that we spent a lot of money on b/c cheaper vacuums kept breaking...
they gave it back with frickin dog chew marks ALL over the hosing and never bothered to replace it for us after I pointed it out to them.
So no.... they can't borrow our shit. They need their lawn mowed? They can buy their own damn mower and start treating that house like they give a damn about it.
Mow the lawn, clean up all the piss and shit, buy some more fencing to give your dogs a larger yard to do their business in. Treat your dang home with some respect instead of like it's a throw away until you get something better. (which is exactly what they're doing)

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Holy shazbot, WTF is wrong with people??

So when I don't have anything to do but want to waste time, I'll go and read some scary mommy confessions.
There is one there that I read today that makes me wish I could reach through my monitor and strangle a bitch.
It's #455524 if you want to look it up yourselves and see that I'm not making this shit up...

 We found out I am pregnant with a girl. Neither of us wants a girl, so we intend to terminate next week. I still feel completely heartbroken, but. I can't raise a girl.

Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?
I really hope this person is just trolling b/c if not.... I hope when they're aborting that poor baby that her uterus falls out and they then proceed to slap the ever loving shit out of her and her husband with it.
 Just.... what????????

I couldn't imagine raising a girl either and honestly was a little disappointed when we found out the gender, but now.. I can't imagine not having our little Zoe.

It makes me feel ill that there are people like this out there that can just throw away that precious little baby's life like that b/c it's the wrong gender.
Here women are like myself who would absolutely love to have ANY child and here these people are. Fertile fucking assholes who can do something like that b/c they're not getting what they want.
I'm seriously getting tears in my eyes from anger and heartbreak.

We found out I am pregnant with a girl. Neither of us wants a girl, so we intend to terminate next week. I still feel completely heartbroken, but. I can't raise a girl. - See more at:
We found out I am pregnant with a girl. Neither of us wants a girl, so we intend to terminate next week. I still feel completely heartbroken, but. I can't raise a girl. - See more at:
We found out I am pregnant with a girl. Neither of us wants a girl, so we intend to terminate next week. I still feel completely heartbroken, but. I can't raise a girl. - See more at:
We found out I am pregnant with a girl. Neither of us wants a girl, so we intend to terminate next week. I still feel completely heartbroken, but. I can't raise a girl. - See more at:

Monday, June 9, 2014

Starting tomorrow (Tuesday)

At least that's the plan.
AF has been making me extremely fatigued. Just low low energy, but I'm going to do something tomorrow anyway even if it is something slow on the elliptical.

AF has been ok. Still getting some aches coming from my right O area every once in a while, but most of the time nothing. It was just that first day that was bad thankfully.
AF still hasn't been very flowy. Mostly just there when I use the bathroom w/ some (not as much as normal) making it to the pad.
It's been VERY mucousy though. Not sure why it does that but whatever.

Took my first femara pill this morning and I'm so excited. I'm hopeful but kind of ticked that my doctor wouldn't start me on a higher dose. This dose, I have 3 refills on it. Really hope she's not expecting me to do 3 more cycles of it before increasing the dose.
We'll see.
Just hoping that since I did manage to ovulate on my own last cycle, the femara will help to bring it on a little sooner.

Zoe is.... well.. Zoe is heading in to the terrible 2's a bit early lol. She's not terrible, but wow... she's got the throw herself down on the floor to tantrum thing down lol.

She's also started the "MINE" thing now too. UGH. Didn't help that MiL and DH's aunt kept doing it to her. Like taking something from her and then teasing her with it saying "MINE!"
Frickin hate it when they intentionally teach bad behavior like that.

OOO Z was being a little turd yesterday. She hadn't gotten a nap in so she was being extra grumpy and demanding.
She was wanting some help w/ a tupperware container that had her crayons in it so she took them to DH.
Well DH would help her half way b/c he'd want her to do the rest. She was NOT having any of it and threw the container in to her his.
We both told her NO, and no throwing and I would tell her to "Tell daddy you're sorry." She also didn't want anything to do with that so she threw herself on to her chair and starting tantruming. It would've been more frustrating than it was if it hadn't been so hilarious.
When she threw herself on to the chair it was over the arm (she was on her stomach) so her little legs were up in the air as she was screaming and whining LOL.
DH and I both had to cover our faces as we tried not to laugh out loud at her.

Anyway, she's supposed to be taking a nap now. I put her down an hour ago. She screamed for over half an hour and is just now quiet. I can hear her walking around her crib and talking though. She better go to sleep! lol

Sunday, June 8, 2014


I strt femara tomorrow. WOOT! Actually considering calling in another refill for the femara to take 5mg of it. SO tempted to do it but I won't..... even though I should....

Excited to start it though. AF hasn't really been flowy.
It's def AF, don't get me wrong, but it's mostly just coming out when I use the bathroom. I'm not complaining though... heavy flow while wearing a pad and hoping you're not leaking out in public sucks monkey balls.

I should be able to start exercising on Tuesday at the earliest. It should be light enough that exercising and getting sweaty down there won't be too gross.

Thankfully the aching is an a minimum today. Felt it a little bit but it's mostly gone.

Learned that SiL (DH's sister) is going to the gym. I know this is shallow, vain, bitchy, but I REFUSE to be fatter than her.
I am not going to be the fat one damnit. Like I said, it's terrible, but I will not let her get thinner than me LOL. The competition in my imagination is ON! ;)
Until then, I'm enjoying some comfort foods and then it's strict again. We're either gonna get pregnant or I'm gonna get skinny. I won't let myself fail this time!

Zoe's new favorite phrase...

"Stop it!"

I'm not entirely sure if she knows just what it means. She does, but then she'll say it randomly too. Crazy girl.

She's still not napping like she used to :(

Oh well, sucks for me but she's gonna have to start getting used to it b/c I'm gonna need that time to exercise. And oh yes I will be using my earphones to drown out the screaming.

That dang hail storm.
Over 2000 worth of work needs to be done on the car, and then we need to have the roof done.
Thankfully insurance is covering most of the cost, but we're still going to have to fork over about 1500. Thank goodness for savings, but still.... that's a lot of money we didn't want to spend.
We were fine not getting the dings out of the car since DH doesn't want to trade it in for a new car (whenever that happens), but since we don't own the car just yet, we HAVE to get it done.

And the roof... to me it looks fine, but better to be safe than sorry down the road so we need to get that done too.

Damn you nature!!

Saturday, June 7, 2014

It's here!!

AF started this morning! WOO!
I went to the bathroom at around 1am, nothing.
Got up this morning at 6 and it is full blow AF.

Which means that I DID in fact ovulate. Still not entirely sure on why I had a longer LP. Maybe a chemical, maybe meds and whatnot. Who knows.

But still... YAY! This has renewed my hope that my body is starting to get its shit together. Not entirely together but somewhat :)

This AF is kicking my ass already though. Holy crap the aches are terrible. I wouldn't call it cramps, it's just a persistent terrible aching in my uterus all the way around to my back. Going to need to take something for it b/c this sucks.

Femara will be started on monday and.. yeah. Really hopeful that I'll ovulate this cycle too. Maybe a little late, but late is better than never :)

Friday, June 6, 2014


I'm spotting again. This time some reached a pad. I was feeling a bit wet down there during dinner. Thought it was just sweat b/c the place was hot, but came home, used the bathroom and there's a spot and wiped away fresh blood again.

Come on body, stop playing with my emotions and sanity damnit!!!

Did I ovulate? Did I not? Just grow another mouth and tell me!!

Gosh I hope AF starts on its own. It would give me renewed hope that I did ovulate.

I am SO temping this next cycle. It will at least give me more insight and less guess work.


So... picked up my meds and I'll be starting provera Monday unless AF miraculously starts on it's own... or even more miraculously I get a BFP.

10 days of provera though. BLEH. Then AF after.... yeah, I'm not going to the beach probably. Can't remember exactly when SiL and her husband are visiting but ... it's probably not going to happen.
I didn't want to go anyway so this would be a good excuse lol.

And yeah... that's it actually.
Other than crap I usually do... not really planning on anything different lol.
OH I do plan on trying to temp again. That will definitely help to determine ovulation if I get something like this happening again. No more believing I did and turns out... NOPE.
Will save money on tests.
Not even going to buy more FRERs unless I see something that isn't a shadow on a cheap test first.

Worst luck in the world

... with pregnancy tests that is.
WTF is going on here

Blue dye within the time limit. Keep in mind the shadow line I was seeing popped up a minute after I took the test. So not an after the time limit evap.
You can't see it great in the photo but trust me when I say it's there

Strip out of the case, after the time limit and drying
It was still faint but a lot more visible. Still had to tweak it but still... seriously??

The dye even pooled around the damn ring around the test line AND around the shape around the control.
Also I noticed there was A LOT of blue dye all over the strip in general after I took it out of the case.
I think that's all that was happening with this test. The excessive amount of dye was pooling around everything, the shapes, the lines etc.


I wouldn't have used a FRER with SMU if this one had shown nothing but NOPE, of course it did so I wasted another test.

And don't get me started on the FRER w/ SMU.
Yeah I had line eye with it but figured it was the same as the rest of them. Pop it out of the case and there's something there. It is NOT a BFP though.
Here's it is drying since that seems to be when everything shows better.
The test has dried even more now and it's definitely just a thin indent.

Now I know I stare these tests down which is why I can usually see something, but damnit... there shouldn't be anything there if I'm not pregnant!!!
Is that too much to ask for??

That's it...

I'm calling it.
I don't think I ovulated.
Body geared up to do it and then just never did for whatever reason.
Can't explain the 3 higher than O temps but.. meh, whatever.

Temp this morning was 97.87.... still higher than normal I think for pre-O, but.. whatever. I'm done.

I took Target brand test this morning. Blue dye but I've never had problems with them before.
Shadow line. Faint faint faint shadow w/ no color.
I tried getting a photo but it's not gonna happen.

Been looking at FF charts w/ late BFPs. Most of them just look like FF miscalculated when the person ovulated.

I'm going to take one more test with SMU and then put them up and wait. Start using OPKs again.
If nothing in another week, I'll call in provera prescrip.

DH was sweet last night. He asked if I was still spotting and I told him about it all.
I said it probably doesn't mean anything though and he told me not to lose hope. Awww.
He pissed me off that morning but he made up for it with that.

Just took a FRER w/ SMU and BFN again.
Yeah, I'm fairly certain now that I didn't actually ovulate.
I'll start using OPKs. Will probably end up using my last 2 expensive tests in a few days and then call in a provera refill.
Well shit... this sucks. :\

Thursday, June 5, 2014

I give up....

... trying to figure out what's going on.

Have had absolutely no more spotting today other than very very light orangish stuff this morning.
I've pooped, I've peed, I pushed, I did everything except for sticking my fingers up my junk to see if there was blood (not a huge fan of that).

Will try my best to get a temp for tomorrow and see what that shows. Maybe it will have gone back up. Or maybe it will go down again and AF will finally show.

And yeah... I probably am going to test again.... I was so sure AF would show today or at the very least the spotting would get worse.

My breasts are still sore
Woke up with a headache that stayed with me most of the day even though I took some tylenol
SUPER tired all day long even though I slept really well last night. Took a quick 10min nap that helped.
Yesterday and today I've felt some left O area pains. Not sure what that is about. Probably just a cyst or 2.
My left eye has been twitching. That could just be from the fatigue though.

I would punch it!

If my body had a face... that wasn't my own or attached to me so I couldn't feel it... I would totally punch it right in its face.
DO something right!! I know you can! Zoe is in the other room screaming her head off not wanting to nap to prove that!

I spotted twice yesterday. The first time when I posted and then right after. 2nd time wasn't as much and both times it was red and fresh but watered down.
Today... it's been barely there orangish spotting twice so far and also has that watered down appearance.
Nothing has reached a pad yet.
Ok and this is going to be gross but here goes.... I've had bad diarrhea again today and all of that pushing for the BMs should've pushed something out of the hooha too.
So WTF body???

This has me annoyed but more worried than anything. I don't think I'm pregnant, but this is seriously making me question if I ovulated.

I did take my temp 4 times. first 3 were 98s which is consistant w/ Post-O temps. They were slowly declining though but still..
Today was 97.81. Still a little high but not as high.
Still want to believe that I did ovulate, but my body is not helping matters with... whatever the hell it is doing.

Oh and here's the nice indent I took on the test this morning. I was having line eye but it looked like an indent to me and sure enough... it is.
Damn, I'm getting good at this ;)
I shined a flashlight to it so the indent would show better. It worked so.. WOO heh

Oh DH's.....

... How we love you one minute and want to rip your head off the next.

So I woke up early. Had to pee and took one last test (BFN).
DH is sitting at his desk reading before he goes to work so I decide to watch something on youtube. NP right?

Well little Miss DH got his panties in a bunch and decided to talk to me like I was a child and get pissy with me for disturbing his reading time. Excuse the fuck out of me.

About 10 minutes later, he's leaving, stands there waiting for a kiss from me, chuckles when he sees that I'm still glaring at him, goes for a kiss. I just stand there which he's lucky to have even gotten that.
When I don't kiss back he just makes a noise and leaves.
Seriously dude. You expect me to forget that you JUST scolded me like I was a child? I'm not going to just chuckle and think.. "Oh YOU...." and give him a peck. He's lucky I didn't tell him to FUCK OFF.

Anyway.... nothing major but I needed to vent about it. With the disappointment of this failed but also kind of successful (depending on how you look at it) cycle... his attitude this morning just upset the shit out of me.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Just waiting

For DH to get home and for AF to start.
Spotting hasn't gotten heavier but I'm sure it will. Really hoping AF doesn't drag its feet and just starts soon already.

And yeah, I just want to get this next cycle going. Get the heavy part of AF over with so I can start exercising again.

I MAY test tomorrow morning just b/c if AF hasn't started over night. I doubt there will be anything on the test but won't hurt anything to look... other than my wallet when I have to shell out more money for tests whenever lol.
I really need to get a handle on that next time though. Can't just spend money on willy nilly like that any longer.
If I'm lucky enough to be in another TWW, I need to make more of an effort to not use the expensive tests until much much later.
Getting that BFP at 8dpo with Zoe really spoiled me lol.

Well, that's that...

Wiped away blood when I went to the bathroom a little while ago.
I'm sure AF will be arriving soon.

Not really sure what to make of all this.
Maybe a chemical? But I'm not sure if the inositol or the metformin increase helped w/ my luteal phase.
But then I had all of those tests w/ something on them. Faint sure, but there was something.
Wouldn't doubt if it was another chemical. Something tried to implant but didn't for whatever reason.
Will never know.

Sucks balls no matter what.
I do hope that my LP is longer though for next time. 10 days is just too short.

A bit heartbroken and disappointed but I'm good.The stress is lifting and I can breath again :)

On to a new cycle though and will be taking the femara. Going to start exercising again too.
This stress I was putting myself under was consuming all of my time. Need to get back to making a healthier body for when I do get pregnant :)


Yep, I already took my last FRER. Going to go out and get more in a little bit.

I dunno.... I think this was just a really bad batch of FRER.

FMU test turned out to be a very light indent. I took it out of the case b/c I thought it was looking indenty. Couldn't really tell at first since it was still wet. But I glanced at it as it was drying and yeah, it's definitely an indent. Not a super bad one, but a light one is still bad enough.

Here's the SMU test.
I took it thinking that maybe my SMU would be better since it's been that way before. It's so hard to tell though since everything is so faint.
Something did show within about 3-4mins but it's the same thing.

Took it out after the time limit b/c again, I wanted to see if there was an indent, but it doesn't look like there is with this one.
Here it is still wet...
I just don't know anymore...

Part of me thinks that it's all nothing. Just a bad batch of FRER.
Then I'm wondering if I did ovulate.... or if maybe something I'm taking is just lengthening my LP. *shrugs*

Just got back from Walmart and Target.
Local walmart didn't have any early response FRERs. Bought some of their 88c tests to tide me over until tomorrow lol.
Headed to Target and bought another box of 3 FRER and one of Target brand early response tests (2). Looks like it's a pink dye. We'll see I guess.

Oh no, looks like they're blue dye. BAH. OH well, it's a different test so maybe it will give a clearer answer. I've used blue dye before and never had a problem with them, but I've seen plenty of photos of crap ones.... we'll see we'll see.

Oh and I took a walmart test. There's a test line... but I'm not entirely sure it wasn't already there before I took the test. Meaning like an indent or just a visible antibody strip.
I tried getting a photo but the camera doesn't want to pick it up very well.
Which is kind of funny though b/c the line on it is a lot easier to see than the FRER.

And because I haven't obsessed enough...

Here are all 3 of the FRER. I think it's pretty clear that the middle one was an indent, but the 13 2 (SMU) one gives me some hope.

Well, that didn't answer diddly

Test this morning is... BFN?

This is making me lose hope that I even ovulated.

It looks about the same as the one from yesterday. Something very very faint is there, but it's so hard to see and hard to tell if there's color (I don't see any).
I think I've run in to a bad batch of FRER or something.

I think the line could be easier to see today, but that could be wishful thinking as well.

Probably going to take my last FRER today and then go out and buy more tests which I didn't want to do :\

Anyway, here are some photos. Tweaked (contrast) and untweaked. Tried my best to get it to show on camera but we know how that goes.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

So much for distraction...

Went and hopped in the little pool we bought and yeah... all I could think was if my AF was starting the entire time. And then thought about having to explain THAT to DH and cleaning it out. BLEH lol.
At least we got some sun though.

Good lord I'm so freckly lol. I don't mind it actually. It's just funny that some parts of me don't have freckles only b/c they never get any sun. As soon as they do, freckle city! hehe At least I tan under the freckles though :)

Zoe's down for her 2nd nap. Not too much of a fuss today for nap times thank goodness.

Oh and if you have a LO... read up on Secondary Drowning. That shit is SCARY.
Saw it mentioned on scarymommy I think and.. man. That has me so paranoid. Z slipped and sucked in a little water. Coughed some but hasn't since though. Still... I had NO idea that was even a thing.

Is it bad that I'm THRILLED that Zoe gets mesmerized by the tv now? I can put on some cartoons and go do whatever while she sits there quietly watching it.
It's HEAVEN lol.
Really need to get her some educational ones though so at least she'll learn something :P

I can't POAS so...

I'm obsessing other ways lol.

Here's the same test, out of the case and on the dull side. It's dried but it's showing a better line than before.
Absolutely no signs of an indent.

Makes me feel a little more hopeful but I'm still not getting my hopes up too much.
Could just be a faulty test.


BFN again today.
AF was obviously a no show if I'm still testing.
Longer LP is always a great thing, but dang.... where's the BFP!?

Maybe the inositol is lengthening my LP? If so, WOO!, but I'd prefer a BFP right about now lol.

There is a super duper faint line on the FRER, BUT I think it's just an indent or something. It's barely visible. I did get a photo of it finally after taking a bazilllion, twisting and turning it in every light possible lol.

First image is tweaked once w/ contrast. 2nd is tweaked again w/ contrast
As you can see, even tweaking it that much the line barely shows up.
Maybe it's not an indent and it's the start of something good.
Maybe my body is just teasing me and AF will show her ugly face still.
Who the heck knows.

Oh and check out my 10dpo test! It's dried up now but still... there was obviously an indent on it.
No wonder women have line eye all the time.... b/c there is a frackin line :\

Monday, June 2, 2014

Our own little Stitch

Zoe absolutely LOOOOOOOOOOVES the movie Lilo & Stitch (thanks netflix!).
I think she relates to Stitch while he's still in destructive mode lol.

Seriously though, she'll sit and watch almost the entire thing in silence. Sweet, sweet silence lol.
I know people are all like..
"You shouldn't let them watch too much tv!" and blahblahblah....
Well PFFFFT on them.
Mama likes some peace and quiet!

Oh I think we're a tiny step closer to potty training. Z is def not ready to yet, but earlier she was playing around and she ran to her room and was saying
"Diaper diaper diaper"
I usually say "Lets go change your diaper" when she needs a change.... fyi.
Anyway, I check her diaper and sure enough, she has poop.
So yeah, while I don't think she's ready yet, I think this is a step closer to starting.

It's almost 11 and no AF yet. That's not saying much though. Still a lot of today left. This is just setting my nerves on edge. Just waiting for something to happen and of course everything is going through my mind right now.

Maybe something helped my LP get longer. Maybe it's like this naturally and fluctuates from 10 to whatever days.
Maybe I am pregnant and it's still just too early.
Maybe AF will show up later.
Maybe I didn't even ovulate.
Maybe maybe maybe.

Driving myself crazy is an understatement.


So no spotting at all yesterday. Must say that it got my hopes up quite a bit since I always spot before AF.
AF is due today if I did actually ovulate and ovulated when I think I did.
I could be wrong though and I'm a day off.

BFN this morning but the test tricked me for a moment.
Took an FRER (screw answer tests until I get a definite pink line on something).... and within 3 minutes a very faint but definite line showed up. BUT it was so faint that I couldn't tell if there was color. So waited..... and then the line disappeared. Now the test just looks BFN w/ my line eye playing up agian.
I'm def seeing where the line showed but the test just looks BFN without burning a hole in it from staring too long lol.
Sigh... that really got my hopes up too :(
Never heard of a FRER doing something like that, but I guess it happens. Oh and I'm positive it wasn't the dye making its way across. The line I saw came up afterwards.
Really curious to see what comes up on the test once it dries.

Here's a tweaked (contrast) photo
If you have good line eye you can barely see a shadow, but it still just looks BFN. Dang tests.....

Wish I could've temped this morning. I had some seriously bad diarrhea last night starting from 12:30 all the way up til 2 and then couldn't stay asleep for anything.

Today is going to be a very very long day :( Sitting around waiting for AF to arrive. Hope it doesn't.
But then that will just have me thinking what I said above. Maybe I ovulated a day later, maybe I didn't ovulate at all. UGH.... TWW blows! lol

Sunday, June 1, 2014

We bought a pool

A little inflatable one that is. Some $20 peanut shaped blow up pool from walmart for the backyard. Big enough that DH and I can sit in it while Zoe has some room to move around. :)


Gotta love DH and supporting my totally sad POAS addiction. Picked up another 3 pack of FRER while we were at Wally World :P lol
He didn't say a word though. Love him! ;) hehe

Been feeling.... I dunno, a combo of like AF is about to start and symptoms that aren't PMS. At least that I can remember.
Getting a lot of aches and pinches in the uterus area. The feeling on my right O is still there. It comes and goes but it's not like it was before. The feeling is different, duller and lasts longer.

Bewbs are still sore... it's more the center of them now instead of nearer the chest. And they're def a lot more sore when I touch them than they were before.

It's so hard to say if any of this is actually something or just PMS. Since I don't get AF on my own all that often along with actual ovulation... I don't know what's normal for me.
Really hoping for a BFP tomorrow though. Come on BFP BFP BFP!!!

Was thinking, IF I do get a BFP and this is a sticky bean, then I want to give DH's sister my femara. It's only 2.5mg dose so it's not like it would cause problems or anything and maybe it could help her get pregnant.
But that would mean revealing that we are pregnant again before the 2nd tri. She's visiting at the end of this month so I think I'd only be 7w then? Yeesh.... We'd have to swear her to secrecy lol.

That's getting ahead of myself though.... that's only if AF doesn't show and we get a sticky BFP.

TWW SUUUUUUUUUUUCKS. Don't get me wrong, it is extremely nice to actually be in the TWW, but good googly moogly have these days just gone by at a slugs pace. SOOOOOOO SLOOOOOOOOW.

Need to find a good crochet project to take my mind off of all this or something. Have a book on my kindle I need to finish but Z has an obsession w/ our phones and the kindle so that would be a problem.

Oh yeah...

THAT was why I never wanted to buy Answer tests again. Visible test line before you even take the test and now not even a cover for the absorbent tip.

Yep, I took another test b/c I'm sad. Figured meh, it's just an answer and opened it to see a pretty visible test line already on it. No color, but that doesn't matter, it shouldnt be there to begin with.

It does look BFN after using it, but any woman who is even obsessing a little could see where that test line was and get her hopes up.

Yeah, that's it. I'm totally done with Answer tests now. They're just giant POS. I'd rather give my money to FRER. Sure, they've been having problems w/ indents now too but not this bad.

Oh and Zoe figured out how to turn door knobs yesterday. We promptly went out and bought child proof door knob covers lol.
Poor thing... she finally figures something out and is SO proud of herself and we just gotta ruin the fun ;)

I took my temp this morning just to see what it was. I think I had been half awake for a while though so not sure how accurate it was. It was 98.something and if it follows what previous cycles were like then that's a post-O number.
Going to try to take it again. Will probably be in the dead of night when I have to get up to use the bathroom... oh well.


And BFN again this morning.
Was SO hoping to see that beautiful 2nd pink line this morning, but doesn't look like it's going to happen this time around.

Wish I had a normal LP so I wouldn't feel so desperate during the 2ww.

Anywho... we'll see if AF shows tomorrow. I should start spotting today but it could surprise me and just start full force tomorrow too. We'll see.


Still getting achs in the right O area, but it's more like a dull burning sensation.
Uterus area aches.
Wet down there (but I usually feel that way right before af)
Bewbs are still tender.

So yeah.... FX for no AF and a BFP soon. Think I'll use an answer test tomorrow morning and save the last FRER ;) heh