Wednesday, August 29, 2018

I hate being the bad guy

It comes with being a parent, but damn do I hate being the bad guy sometimes. I hate having to nag nag nag to get them to clean up or do what I've asked/told them to do.
I hate having to punish them b/c it makes me feel so horrible and guilty after. I'm their momma though so... gotta do it.
It sucks though.... it sucks. I'm definitely not a chill parent... at all. I'm not super strict, but I am strict with some things.

Anywho

Zoe's 2nd week of school and she's doing well. Her reading has already improved a lot.
We also transferred her in to the 6yo and up beginner gymnastics class. She had her first class on Monday and she was the smallest one and with the least experience.
The girl has inherited my flexibility.. meaning she's about as flexible as a wooden board. I'm gonna try to work with her at home, but she is VERY resistant to doing it b/c ya know... stretching is uncomfortable. Gotta do it though if she does want to continue with gymnastics. It's just gonna take some time.
Doesn't help that the boys crawl all over us and distract her and uuuugh. Pain in the ass!!!

They're sticking with it though. Do not want them to be like me or DH for that matter and be unhealthy when they grow up. Don't want them to deal with the same health issues that we have.
____

And yeah... things are good. I have a new doc appointment next week and getting a physical. Not looking forward to it, but need a regular doc for all of the non-ob related crap going on.

Friday, August 24, 2018

She had a great first day

Zoe started school on Wednesday and yep. She's happy so far. So glad she likes school. I hated it b/c I was shy and had no friends and bleh. I'm glad that's not the case for her.
She is shy, but opens up quick and thinks of everyone as her friend. She has her little attitude, but she's such a sweet person and it's really amazing watching her grow and just come in to herself even more. So proud of her :)

What I'm not happy about is waking up so  GD early now for the next 9 or however months. Grrr lol. UGH I hate waking early and I am feeling it right now.
I need to go to bed at like 9, but then I'd lose precious adulting time. Such a dilemma :(

Oren has started getting out of his room. Took the child safety thing off a while ago and he's been coming in to our room sometimes. We have a king bed, but it's still crowded with 2 little ones up on it so I sleep with my head at the bottom of the bed and kind of wrap around their feet. It's comfortable enough, but I'd still rather just he stay in his room. Wish Zoe would sleep in her bed already too.
I don't really mind her coming in to our bed, but with the other 2 growing, they're going to want to do it too probably and there just isn't room.
____

I think the neighbor guy hates me lol. He's a big muscular military guy and he probably sees me as some far left liberal that hates military and our country and blahblahblah b/c honestly.. I have the look. I know the stereotypical look that that side has. The funky colored hair. Chubby most of the time etc. I look the part even though that's not what I believe.
SIGH
I only hav myself to blame though. I'm just super awkward and SHY. In my head too damn much and by the time I remember to be friendly.. the moment has passed.
Doesn't help that their child is in the same class as Zoe this year so..just ugh.
Just want to put up a sign with.... I don't hate any of you neighbors! I'm just SHY!!!
____

So.. if I could lose 20lbs every 3 months.. I could potentially be at my goal weight by the time Zoe is out of school. But with how weight is lost so inconsistently most of the time.. pfft. Nope. BUT I'm gonna try my fucking hardest to get there!
Gosh I wish I had been this motivated and whatnot earlier. SO many years wasted. I so regret that, but ya know.. what can you do?
No more time wasted though. I'm doing this now and sticking with it.
Only a few more days in to week 10.... TEN!!! If I can do it for this long, I can go longer and I will get this unhealthy weight gone for good!

Friday, August 17, 2018

Dieting and life and other junk

Welp.. things are going pretty good here.
Had to clean up the house b/c termite inspection. You just never really realize how dirty and cluttered your house is until you have guests over. Holy moly this house was filthy. Got it mostly cleaned up and just waiting for the kids to destroy it all again lol.

One big obstacle was getting our clean laundry mountain folded and put away though and I mostly did that by myself in 2 days. Would've been a day task but my back couldn't handle it. Actually didn't take as long as I thought it would. Literally most of our clothes were sitting in a few giant piles in our room. But yeah.. got that folded and put away and.. just... AAAAAHHH so nice not having that on the floor anymore!
____

Met Zoe's 1st grade teacher yesterday. Just a quick, HI! type of thing. New teacher to the school and yep.. she seems really nice. Not as nice as her kindergarten teacher though. That woman was an angel. Seriously one of the sweetest people... or at least came across as one lol.

A lot of the same kids will be in her class. Ones she thought of as friends and the neighbor boy is going to be in her class as well. We don't really know our neighbors. I feel like I just want to write them an awkward not telling them HI and that I'm not an actual bitch or anything b/c I don't wave at them.. I'm just super awkward and social skills are lacking lol.
I hope they don't think we hate them though. We're just shy!
Anyway....
Really love her school. Education in this state is lacking.. seriously lacking, but her school seems to be one of the few good ones around.
Can't believe school is starting back up next week though. Man.. time just flew by!
I remember feeling like school was forever when I was younger and summer break was forever. Now though... school year flew by and the summer was over in the blink of an eye. You really do have to cherish these moments b/c damn are they flying by now.
____

Diet is still going strong! We'll be starting week 10 next week and I am feeling just as good and positive as when I first started.
II'm down to 204 which is a 20lb loss since when I started.
Hoping I'll be in those onderlands soon! Just so happy that something is finally working and that it's not difficult.. at all.
Yes, I still want all of the junk easy foods b/c they're delicious, but I want to be skinnier and healthier more. That junk will always be there. I only have a certain amount of time on this planet and I don't want to waste it away being miserable with my appearance. Already wasted too much time with that.
Anyway, even though there are still cravings, they're not strong cravings. Just a passing "Oh, some donuts/cake/etc sounds really good right now. Why can't those be healthy damnit!" and then that's about it lol.
Thankfully there are plenty of sweet options out there that are ok to have on this diet so it keeps you satisfied.

DH is still going strong too. He's lost almost 30lbs now. So proud of him and I know he's feeling so much better too. Just.. YAY!

If you're struggling, check out the keto diet. It seems intimidating at first, but like most things, it's really not. It's easy to follow. The first couple of weeks might be hard as you battle those cravings, but the reward is SO worth it.

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Mom FAIL

Yeah.... yesterday was good with no yelling, today? Not so much.
There is only so much mess and whining I can take and my limit was reached very early in the day.
Must. Do. Better

I already put EZ to bed and it's only 6pm. He didn't get a nap today and has been a little terror all day long. Mommy is done. DONE and he needs to go to sleep so I can have at least a few minutes alone. Some peace and fucking quiet!

But yeah.. total fail today. Need to do better though. Even if my patience is gone, I need to at least fake it.
____

Lol, was having a minor pity party for myself earlier.
Saw someone post that they had gone from a size 16/18 to a size 10 in just 2 months. That's it.
And here I am.... started at a size 18 and oh look.. still in an 18. Well.. probably 16 maybe now, but still.
And then other ladies posting their success in 2-3m of eating this way and their giant bellies disappearing.
Why can't that be me too??
I'm eating right. Haven't cheated at all... I wanna start seeing some results! You hear me body! Show me the weight loss!!