Wednesday, November 30, 2016

It never fails...

Never fails... never fails!!!
So Ezra's been waking up at night at around 1:30 sometimes 2. He'll just start moving around and making little sounds that wakes me up.
I'll keep trying to give him his paci in hopes that he'll go back to sleep until finally I just give in and get up and make him a bottle (put a bottle of milk in some warm water).
Every single time... by the time I give up.. he's finally fast asleep :\
Doesn't matter how long I've been getting up, over and over again... as soon as I give up and start warming up a bottle... he goes back to sleep.


Also... when I'm up feeding Ezra.... almost every time... DH gets in to that magical unicorn position where he doesn't snore. And then I'm done and trying to get back to sleep and he moves and starts rattling the house again.

Just... Why???

I have nothing else for today. It's still early and I'm still trying to wake up :\

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Hair everywhere!!

So post partum hair loss is in full swing. Frickin hair EVERYWHERE. Pulling hair off of bottles, off of my babies.... it's all over the place. Sigh....
Thankfully haven't found any in food.... yet.

Ezra did poop yesterday. Thought it would be a little more solid, but it was pure liquid.
He only went once so I gave him more prune juice today.
Also been giving him gas drops every time I remember to.
Seems to be helping with that discomfort I think.
He's still fighting sleep and did last night like crazy though. Think we're gonna have to start unswaddling him soon. I think that may be one of the reasons why he's resisting sleep so much at night.
The swaddling helps keep him asleep, but he doesn't like it.

So.. is anyone watching Westworld on HBO?
I think it's a great show, but speaking of poop..... I imagine the hosts must need to poop since they do eat. In the last episode, we see one of them peeing, so I imagine pooping would just be a bunch of undigested chewed up bits? Or do they have some kind of digestive juices in the hosts to create a more poop like substance?
Yes... these are the things that I wonder about when watching it rofl.
Poop.... poop all the time! lol

Also, just think about how much food and beverage is wasted in the park just from the hosts eating and drinking. Doesn't look like there really are that many guests that attend. Even at 40k a day... that doesn't seem like it would be enough to cover the cost of staff and the constant upkeep.

Oh well... I know I'm thinking too much about it rofl. Like I said though... it's a great show. Sucks that there's only one episode left. Booo :(

DH has his doctor appointment tomorrow. Hoping they'll refer him to a sleep clinic that will take him in ASAP. His snoring hasn't been as bad since we got over the colds, but it's still bad and I wake up all night long b/c of it (and other reasons).
It's not just about me though... he desperately needs that machine to help him breathe.
FX that it all happens quick.

Ezra also had his 4m appointment on Friday. Can't believe it's been 4 months already. End of the year goes by so damn quick. All the holidays and birthdays and whatnot make the weeks go by super fast.
Anyway... hope his weight is up to a better percentage than before. I'm sure now that we're supplementing with some formula, he'll start gaining a bit quicker.

I'm still going with the pumping. May try dropping down to 5x a day soon. My supply has just gotten back up after being sick, so I'd like to give it a few more days to stay there before trying out less pumps.

Started working on the frame for my secret santa. Barely gotten anything done and think I may have bitten off more than I can chew with the design of it.
The girl likes the cartoon Puffin Rock and while the design is pretty simple... making a plushie form out of it with all the different colors is turning out to be quite difficult. I'm trying though.
If what I've come up with doesn't work... I can do it an easier way. Hoping this way works though to give it a more plushie look instead of just felt stitched on top of one another. Nothing wrong with that look though if i can manage to sew it all pretty lol.
I'll take pics once it's a bit more complete :)

Monday, November 28, 2016

Baby crying hell!!

So we've been giving Ezra 1 bottle a day of formula and it is not doing anything to help with his constipation.
Poor baby boy has been gassy along w/ the constipation and it's been hurting his little tummy. Hurting to the point of him screaming and crying when we try to put him to sleep. We thought it was getting better.. that is until last night when he would not settle down.
Went out this morning and bought some prune/apple juice for him and some more gas drops.
Poor little guy must be so uncomfortable.
His crying just about drove DH and I crazy though.
Last night was not fun...
Hopefully the juice does its magic though and gets him to poop.

DH got more decorations up yesterday. I wanted to help, but Ez wasn't having any of it. We sat outside and watched DH put everything up though :)
I would like to put more out, but meh.. I think what we have is ok. It's not exactly the giant big Christmas thing going on, but it's still pretty :D

We got the kids their Christmas outfits! YAY!
Kinda went overboard with Zoe lol. It's DH's fault too. He kept showing me all of the pretty dresses and I kept saying yep :P Some of them can be worn whenever, but others are definitely Christmas lol.
We got Oren 2 outfits. DH wanted to get this cute little vest dress up one and I got this adorable one piece elf costume for him.
And we got one for Ezra. It's a one piece w/ a hood that has reindeer antlers on it :)
We haven't set a date when we're taking them to see Santa yet. Just hope the pic comes out nice :)

Speaking of pics... we FINALLY printed out some more photos. Seriously... we hadn't printed photos since Oren was a newborn. That's how long it has been.
We still didn't print out everything we could have either.
Slacker parents right here lol

I wonder what those parents that have those super popular toy channels on youtube get their kids for Christmas. They already get their kids EVERYTHING for their videos. Do they do a good deed and donate those toys? Get their kids just clothes?
I'm sure most of those channels are making a TON of money and getting a lot of those toys for free to promote on their vids and I'm sure those kids are happy as can be to have everything. BUt I dunno... is that Christmas magic there still for them?

I want to go up and visit SiL one of these weekends. Whenever DH has 4 days off or can take a 4 day weekend. Go up there with MiL and maybe FiL if he can go and go visit SiL.
I know SiL is homesick since she doesn't have friends or anything in the area yet and her hubs is in school a lot.
Just think it would be nice to go see her for at least a few days.
DH likes the idea too. We'll see what happens.

Trying to remember what else I had wanted to post, but can not remember. Oh well. Maybe I'll remember later. In the meantime..... gotta keep Oren from waking Ezra up continuously.... /grumble

Friday, November 25, 2016

Happy Black Friday!!

Hope you're all having a great Friday.
Yesterday was a pretty ok Thanksgiving. Food was good.. the company was nice and it was just a good day overall :)

Ezra definitely has stranger danger going on right now with the inlaws. It's so weird b/c he's been around them a lot more than he was my mom and he instantly connected with her.
Hopefully he grows out of it quick. We really didn't have this problem with the other 2.

The other 2 had fun though. Played all day and wore themselves out.
I left at around 4 so I could pump at home. Was just too awkward bringing all the pump stuff there.
I got back at 6 and Oren was ready for bed and only wanted me.
By the time we left (Zoe spent the night), Oren was actually crying to go to bed. That's how pooped he was.

Got a call early this morning from MiL saying that Zoe wanted to come home and they were gonna drop her off. That's pretty strange. Zoe usually doesn't want to come home. So FiL dropped her off. Oh well.

The pudding pie I made was a big hit. None left. Not all of the fudge was eaten, but oh well. There was a lot of food.

Really an uneventful day.

DH did manage to get the tree decorated and some of the outside lights put up :D YAY DH!
He made a rookie mistake though and left a lot of ornaments and candy canes within toddler reach.
As soon as Oren realized there were candy canes on the tree... he kept grabbing them and trying to eat them so I had to move them all up the tree.
And so far today, I've had to put back half a dozen ornaments.
Thanks DH :\

My milk supply has decreased. Not sure if it's b/c I'm sick, but... guessing so?
I am feeling better, but still a little stuffy and lots of sneezing. It wasn't a bad cold by any means, so I'm not sure if it is the cause for the decrease.

That night that I broke down b/c I couldn't get to sleep... I texted DH about his snoring/apnea. He's been sick so it's been HORRIBLE, but it's still bad even when not sick.

He FINALLY made an appointment to see a doc and will hopefully get a referral to a sleep clinic.
The one down the road from us is associated with a certain hospital and doesn't take our insurance. WTF?? It's not like we have some obscure insurance... it's Blue Cross Blue Shield federal. But nope... that hospital doesn't accept it any longer. Bastards.
Anyway... hopefully wherever he goes gets him in soon and gets him a cpap machine soon. He desperately needs one.
I know he thinks losing weight will help, and it has in the past, but he still snored when thinner and he's not going to get thin over night.
Anyway... I'm just glad he's finally getting it checked out.

UGH, Zoe is watching this youtube channel where the woman destroys every toy she gets. It's usually squishy toys that she'll cut open.
Frickin hate that channel. Gives kids the wrong idea, but I guess maybe also fufills their need to know what's inside something? Like why a toy is squishy.
But still... I hate how wasteful it all is.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

I tempted fate.... and lost

So.. I was running a bath for the kids. Gave Ezra a bath b/c little baby boy was smelling like a big ball of vinegar. He was laying in his bassinet and I was running water in the bath for the others.
Felt a fart brewing. I knew I shouldn't have... b/c I was bent over and it just didn't feel like it was going to go well.
I did it anyway... and paid dearly for it by needing my own shower before the kids.

So yeah.... if you want to be thankful for something tomorrow... be thankful you weren't me in that moment of shartness.



Sick baby= a whole lot of spit up all over you... ALL OVER. Sure... it's not really chunky, but it's still disgusting.
Been spit up on twice so far this morning and he's only been up for an hour and a half.
He's constipated too which isn't helping anything settle.

Forgot to mention that we're starting to give him formula. He's going through the pumped milk SUPER quick so we gotta get him used to drinking formula.
Thing is... DH opened up the wrong container of it. He opened up the Baby's Only one that will definitely constipate him if we keep giving it to him.

Was hoping we'd be able to save it and stick it in the freezer, but googling up that info... seems as though you're not supposed to. Oops.
Anyway... oh well... I'd rather waste $10 than having a poor constipated baby (from formula).

Oh.. we got the kids motorized car yesterday. The Fedex truck pulled up right when we got home from Walmart.
Great timing b/c the kids were already in the house and didn't see it.
Well... that's until DH was out in the garage cleaning and didn't cover the giant box good enough. Of course Zoe is going to notice a giant Batman symbol on the side of it and of course she's going to investigate :\
Hopefully she won't remember by the time Xmas rolls around b/c it's supposed to be the Santa gift.

I am not looking forward to going to this coworker's kids birthday party. Only reason I agreed to it was b/c when I was pregnant with Zoe, they gave us their old bassinet and a bunch of clothes for her.
I mean they seem like really nice people from the couple of times Ive met them, but damn.. I'm awkward. I don't wanna socialize!!
And I agreed b/c the birthday party is mid? Dec and I think maybe they'll have trouble finding more kids to come to the party... Their kids are older though so not sure what bringing my youngins will contribute lol. Oh well.. more presents for their kids though so meh.
I'll suck it up and adult as well as I can I guess.

My black ghost knife fish died :( Poor thing. It's all my fault too. I just can't keep up with cleaning the fish tanks like I used to. I would love to drain the tank it was in and really give it a good cleaning one of these days b/c it REALLY needs it. It's so gross in that tank. I'm surprised there are fish still alive in it.
I think one of these weekends.. I'm gonna clean it... really well. Take as much of the gunk out that I can and clean out the filter and everything. Give that tank the TLC that it needs so I can make it the big pretty fish tank that it used to be. And to make DH happy, maybe even transfer the fish from the 55gal in to it so we can take it down.
Hopefully that will happen soon... ish.
Have a lot of stuff that needs to get done in the little bit of free time that I have.

Ok... Ez is fighting a nap and I need to fix some food for myself and the kidlettes :)

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Quickie before bed

Not that kind perverts!! ;)

Just didn't want to leave my hormonal depressing one at the top for too long.

Dh stayed home from work. Wish I had known so I could be slept in, but he didn't decide to do it until after he had gotten ready to go.

We did go to Wal-Mart a little later though, so we could get out of the house and get some fresh Wal-Mart air lol.
Plus we needed other stuff and to infect everyone else :)
Bought a few more Christmas garlands and a couple other cheap decor. Bought some birthday presents for one of Dh's co-workers kids. And looked for some cute cheap Xmas clothes. Bought Zoe some cute Xmas leggings and Ezra some thicker warmer footie pjs, but that was it. They don't carry those cute little Santa or elf outfits anymore I guess :(

Want to go to once upon a child this weekend to see what they have. I'm sure they'll have something. Wish we had the money to spend on some cute ass Xmas costumes though.
Was thinking...
Dress Zoe as a Xmas tree, Oren as a snowman and Ez as a gingerbread man. How cute would those pics be if we could get them to stay still for a second?? Lol

Maybe one of these years :)
We had wanted to decorate the tree today, but Dh got caught up in straightening the garage up. Looks 100% better but it took him all afternoon. Guess he was feeling better then.

I had planned on getting all of the thanksgiving desserts done today, but I was stuck inside with the kids. Oh we tried letting Zoe and oren out, but Dh was not keeping an eye on them enough. Not saying he was totally neglecting to watch them, but I just wasn't comfortable with it. I'm just paranoid of Oren running in to the road or wandering off. Nevermind perverts. While we do live at the very back of the neighborhood, our road is pretty busy.
You just can't trust people.
So yeah..... I had to wait until at least Oren was in bed before I got any desserts fixed. Only did 2, but thankfully they were easy.

Saved the difficult one for tomorrow. Or well.... Slightly more difficult... More like more time consuming is all.

Also fixing our turkey tomorrow and I can't Frickin wait!!! Just hope it comes out well and tasty. We bought a nice new digi thermometer, so we're hoping that helps.

Anyway.... Still sick. Nose isn't as stuffed up... Even though I still can't really smell... But now I have a cough. Sigh....

Oh and pretty sure Ez is getting sick.
He threw up an entire bottle on me right after I fed him..... Awesome.....

Monday, November 21, 2016

F. U. Snoring!!!!

Should be asleep right now, but nope!! Dh had this cold too. His snoring was already bad. Add in a stuffed up nose and that equals a momma that can't Frickin get to sleep.
Getting a headache now too which is not helping matters and it's pissing me off even more.
Dh just needs to call a f-ing sleep clinic already and get his stubborn ass some help. He'll sleep better and so will I. I'm so tired of this shit.
I already have so much trouble falling asleep in a perfect setting. Uuuuuuuuuugh. I just want to sleep :(

Then I started crying about a poor 4yo girl who had cancer and recently died.
4 fucking years old. Four.....
She had to live however long going through painful treatment that did nothing but make her sick and she died.
I never want to know the pain that those parents are going through.
I just started thinking about Zoe and what if something like that ever happened and it just ripped my heart out of me...and that was just thinking about it. She's so innocent and has such a future ahead of her.
Same for Oren and Ezra. My empathy has just gone crazy for stories like this.
Can't remember if I mentioned it, but there is another where the baby... Who is 2mo I think has terminal cancer and probably won't live to see her first Xmas.
Just... Ugh.... :( my heart truly breaks for those innocent lives and for the families. Before having kids... I would've been sad, but after having my babies.... News like that just tears you up. Sigh....

I'm sorry this post is so depressing.
Not sure if it's lack of sleep, the cold, hormones or what.
About to record Dh so I can show him just how loud his snoring is.... Then take my ass out in to the living room to sleep if he doesn't stop.

And the heater comes on

Much to DH's dismay... the heater had to be turned on. It gets way too cold in Oren's room. To the point of it feeling like you're outside without the breeze.
With it getting down to 20's last night... going another day without the heater wasn't gonna happen unless we wanted an Orensicle.

Still got cold enough to snuggle under the blanket, but it wasn't unbearable :)

I did wake up with night sweats though. Thanks, ya stupid cold!
It's gotten slightly worse. Still not bad, just more annoying than anything else.
Zoe seems to be on the mend though so that's good. Hopefully my cold (and no DH's) will only last a few days like hers did.

My enthusiasm for Xmas decorations this year has totally rubbed off on to DH.
Zoe spent the night with aunt on Saturday and we picked her up Sunday at Home Depot. We decided to look at their decorations and ended up buying some more lights for outside. We also got some yard staples too for my DIY tomato cage lights that I'll be making :D
Anywho, while we were out in the garden section, DH points to these cute Santa, Snowman, Santa's Boot, and Polar Bear decorations. I said how cute they were and that was enough for him to get 2 of them lol. We got the Santa and Snowman :)
Put those out by the door and this cute wooden stake w/ painted on elves that we got for $4 from 5 and Under (where everything is $5 or under).
I want to get another stake just to have it even, but not a big deal if we don't get anything else.

So WOO! :D OH and we got our Christmas tree too! lol We decided to go look at HD selection and found a 7-8ft tree. Had to come home first so DH could take the truck to get it.
Then he calls me telling the truck won't start. I had just started pumping so had to stop and get all the kids back in the van etc etc lol.
He doesn't drive his truck that often, but it's only been.. maybe 2 months since he drove it. Not that long. And it needed a jump to get started.

Anyway... other than the decorations Zoe has put on the tree... we haven't decorated it yet. Not sure when that's gonna happen.

I have so much Thanksgiving prep to do. Need to cook some apples, dry brine the turkey... make and freeze some apple turnovers... make PB fudge, make a chocolate pudding pie... etc etc.
Nothing really complicated other than the apples really, but still a lot of work when I have a baby that won't even let me go poop without freaking out.

I plan on cooking our turkey Wednesday night. Hope it turns out well. We bought a digital thermometer for it. Our new oven cooks quicker so we needed something to keep an eye on temp.
I can't count how many things I've overbaked in that oven now lol. Even the stuff that I take a few minutes off of... still ends up overbaking. Grrr lol
Learning process, but a lot of potentially good food wasted.

Anyway.. trying to get Ez to nap and then go find something to eat. Or more like, cook something to eat. Have a pack of porkchops that need to be cooked up for some yummy lunches

Sunday, November 20, 2016

And I'm sick

Can't remember if I mentioned this or not, but Zoe has been sick for the last few days. Nothing major, just a small cold. She's mostly just been congested, sniffling and sneezing every once in a while.
Yeah well... here I am... with a cold now :\
The life of mom......

It was weird though. I felt totally fine most of Friday. Maybe a bit more tired, but that's the story of my life right now so I don't know if that was b/c I was getting sick.
We go out to dinner... get back home and put all my pump stuff on and start pumping.
And just.. all of a sudden, my nose gets stuffy and I can literally feel myself getting sicker by the second. It was very strange.
Thankfully it's not really bad. At least not yet or ever hopefully.
Just a stuffy/runny nose and some sneezing. Or well... I have woken up with minor headaches and my face hurting which is a bit weird. Not sure what that's about.

I think we're done Xmas shopping for Zoe.
We were looking through some of the stuff that we've gotten for her and... yeah.. she doesn't need anymore lol.
We want to get Oren a few smaller stocking stuffers, but yeah.... other than that, we're done for the kids.
Poor Ezra isn't getting anything, but pfft... he doesn't care :P lol

I have not cleaned like I wanted to. I do plan on getting the living room done today after I pump again though. The mess is starting to accumulate again and I need to nip that in the bud.
I did clean the sun room the other day. It's just so nice to look in to an area and not see toys and trash all over the place.
When I say trash, I mean like the leaves Zoe sneaks in to the house from outside that Oren then crumbles all over the floor. Or the coloring book pages that get torn out.. then get torn to shreds... etc etc. It's nothing gross.... usually :P lol

I feel the creative bug eating away at me and I don't know what to do about it.
Money is obviously always going to be a big issue when it comes to creativity lol, but I NEED to do something in this living room.
DH wants to take down the design thing that I put around the sunroom doors and so do I actually.
It was cool when I first did it, but now... I dunno... it just needs to come down. Helps that Oren has found it enjoyable to peel off the stuff that he can reach.
Thought I had a photo of it, but I can't find it. I'll post one before it gets taken down though.

Anyway... no idea what to do. Damn all of those HGTV shows!! Making me want to do stuff to the house, but not having the money or the design creativeness to do it! lol /shakes fist angrily

For now though... I'll focus on creating some more plushie frames :) Get the Xmas one done for my secret santa and then try out some of the designs I've drawn out to see if they'll work. Good thing about the frames is that the material is cheap. Bad thing is that it takes so much time to do each one since I have to sew by hand. Bleh!
I AM going to get this going though and I AM going to start selling them damnit! I think it's a great idea and I have a lot of confidence in it :)

Friday, November 18, 2016

Good grief... already??

How is it possible that Thanksgiving is less than a week away?? HOW????
We haven't even discussed what everyone is going to do/bring. Obviously it's going to be at MiL's home.
Her dad can't get around much and doesn't like going anywhere so I doubt they'll want to go anywhere else.
They always tell me to bring something... and then never eat it :\
They like Southern food, but they are particular about what they eat. They like what they like and don't like veering off that path :\
Like last year or the year before that. I wanted to try this corn pudding? recipe. Pudding is the wrong word for it. It was like a corn bread type of thing. Spoon bread maybe?
Anyway... it ended up being REALLY tasty and none of them ate any of it :\
Or I'll be told to make some desserts... and then come to find out... MiL made the same stuff (just her own versions) and those usually end up getting eaten over mine. :\
Just frustrating b/c it takes a lot of work to make some of these things that I try and then... no one eats it.
Whatever.. their loss I guess.

So.. we ordered the kids big Xmas present last night.
A motorized car.
The one we originally wanted doesn't seem to be in production any longer or something. Walmart doesn't have it anymore and it's not on Prime any longer AND it's now more expensive than it was.
So yeah... that sucks, but oh well.
The one that DH found should be just as loved. It's a little batmobile one that was over $100 less than the one we had wanted to get :D
It doesn't have the little bed in the back for them to put stuff in, but oh well. I'm sure we could rig some sort of wagon up that can be pulled along.


I was kinda hoping we could get the Disney princess carriage one that Walmart has lol. It's just SO pink and girly. Not that Oren cares, but it would limit how long they could play with it since it's a little enclosed.
It's just such a cool design though. I would want to repaint it though. Maybe make it look like a pumpkin carriage :)

But hey... cheaper car means more money for other presents if we want :)

Ezra is such a little baby chatter box. He's been doing this gurgly sound while 'talking' and it's so darn cute.
He just seems to be a lot more outgoing than Zoe and Oren were. They were both so solemn all the time if someone else had them. Ezra though.. once he warms up to you (which is quick), he's all smiles.

Napping though. Ugh... still a PITA and frustrating when he won't just go to sleep.

He's eating between 4-5oz and yeah... I don't think my boobs are physically capable of making more milk.
I'm a little sad and frustrated about it, but oh well. They make what they make and he'll get what I can give him. He'll be just fine with formula and breastmilk.
I would like to try to keep pumping for at least another month, but I do want to get down to 5... maybe even 4 pumps a day and still getting the same amount. We'll see. 6 pumps isn't so bad, but the less pumping I have to do, the better :D
I will say... it is sad seeing all the bottles on the drying rack now... and that I've had to put so many away bc they're not needed any longer. Sigh....

I was seriously thinking about calling up my doc and asking about one of those drugs that increase milk, but after looking in to it more. Nope! Side effects just seem too scary for something that may not work or work as well as I hope.
Possible depression... Nope! Or getting more tired than I already am? No thanks!

Anyway.. enough for now! :)
Hoping to get some cleaning done this weekend along with starting on a Christmas gift idea :)

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Pics... Just because

Need to get more of Oren. Has in that 'no pics for you!!' phase right now lol.

2 out of 3 slept in

Too bad the one that didn't was the one that needs me to be up so I couldn't sleep in with the others :(
I dunno why they slept in, but gosh.. I hope it keeps happening!
Ok so I know why Zoe did since she was up a lot last night. Maybe all the noise she made woke Oren up a few times.

Really wish I could have. It took me about 10 or so mins to get back to sleep last night after I posted and washed all the pump stuff. Not too bad. But then Ez started to make the bassinet make noise which kept waking me up and sigh.....
I said screw it and brought him in to bed with me. I don't like bed-sharing at all, but momma needs sleep.

I swear... just turn off some of the noise brain! Not every little noise means my babies are in danger!

Ok so gross TMI moment.
I've been taking the fiber pills we got for Oren too. I could use more in my diet and they've been helping me.
They've also been giving me gas like crazy. SO much gas!! And it seems I always get the most gas when I'm pumping, so I can't shift that well. Now if you're a woman.. you may be able to relate.
So with my butt firmly planted in the chair and needing to fart but not being able to shift much... the fart bubble travels frontwards instead of up the crack. Yeah......... and some of that fart bubble travels up the... ahem...
It's so gross, but 10yo me thinks it's a little funny too when a queef happens. lol

This is my life people... rofl

Still not sure what Zoe meant by her legs wiggling. Maybe restless leg syndrome? Doubt it, but never know.
She's perfectly fine today so far.

It's almost 1pm. Going to put Oren down for a nap soon and try to get one in myself. I did manage to nap off and on for about an hour and a half yesterday. It wasn't very restful though.

Anyway... cuttin this short. If I remember, I'll post some photos later :)

The ending sucked

The ending of this day. Started off...just ok, but by the time dh got home, I had been dealing with constant whining from oren, Ezra wouldn't go to sleep and Zoe was being loud and hyper.
I was fixing dinner... Made Zoe some hard boiled eggs. She brings back her plate and says she wants more. She looks like a giant mess, but I don't think much of it. That's until I sit down and actually look over to seen that she had taken out all the egg yolks and crmbled them all over where she had been sitting and all over the floor.
I was already at my breaking point and that pushed me over and I yelled. I did restrain some. I don't scream or anything... I'm not psycho, but I did raise my voice and sent her to her room.
So yeah.... Not happy that I didn't keep it together better, but it was better than I would be done before.
It was just a really frustrating end to the day.

And tonight, this morning...whatever you want to call it isn't any better.
Ez keeps moving in,his sleep which makes the bassinet squeak (is that spelled right?) which wakes me up.
My brain,will just not shut off and let me sleep through the noises.
It's just after 4a.m. now and I've been up since 2 bc of it. Said screw it and pumped and fed Ez.

Also Zoe has been getting up tonight and either starts crying bc she says her leg hurts and is wiggling or she tries to sneak in here too early... Sees that its too early and goes back and lays down.
No idea what the wiggly leg is. Maybe it fell asleep and she's trying to describe the feeling when it wakes back up. I dunno.

Anyway... Done pumping.... Need to wash all this mess.

Sorry 8f there are some weird spots in the post. My phone's autocorrect has a mind of its own sometimes.

Sunday, November 13, 2016

So far so good

The road to a less yelly mommy is going well so far.
I've caught myself a couple of times raising my voice, but I stop before it gets to yelling.
Yesterday was certainly a test of patience and keeping our cool. Oren woke up in a mood and was grumpy and whiny ALL day long. ALL. DAY. LONG.
You don't know how much whining annoys you until you have to hear it all day long. Ugh...
Anyway, we both kept it together and made it through without yelling or letting it stress us out.

Zoe is really testing my patience though. Her defiance is still getting worse and the girl is really testing us to see what she can get away with. She is good most of the time, but then she puts those defiant pants on and ignores, gets attitude, etc.
Sigh... oh well... we just gotta parent and teach her how to grow up to not be a shitty person lol.

Ezra has been good. His mostly normal self. Only bad thing is is that for the past 2 fridays. Dinner with the inlaws has been me holding him while he cries b/c he's tired. I'm pretty sure he doesn't have stranger danger going on yet and that it's just exhaustion. Every time anyone tried to hold him, he wailed and wouldn't calm down until I held him and rocked him a bit, which took forever. You know how difficult it is to try to eat and not spill anything on your baby? lol
Need to try to do something for this coming Friday. They all want to hold him, but hand him back when he starts to cry. Sigh....

We need to get Oren and Ezra Christmas outfits. Will probably just put Zoe back in the elf footy pjs that we got her last year. Not sure about the boys though. Maybe elf for Oren and get Ezra a little Santa suit :D I'll have to look around online. And I'm sure we'll take a trip to Walmart to see what they have. They usually have really cute Christmas stuff like that for babies.

Maybe also get them more dressy up stuff to get photos of the 3 in. We'll see what happens.
We've been spending too much recently. Buying Christmas gifts for charity and the kids. So yeah.. we just gotta cool it with the spending for right now.

Oh my goodness. We FINALLY sorted through the mountain of clean clothes in our room. I'd say 99% of the kids clothes were in our room. Seriously.
It's just that the kids take a shower with me, so all of their clothes get mixed in with ours.. and we're lazy and don't fold our clothes so everything just piles up.

DH and my clothes have been put away....
I just did Zoe's today which took a lot longer than I had anticipated lol. Girl has a TON of clothes.
Ended up just putting it all up, but I really need to go through it and take out things she's outgrown. Not worried about it though. Just wanted to get it in to her dresser and closet.

Still need to do Oren's and Ezra's clothes. Even though Oren doesn't have as many clothes, it will probably take just as long since I do need to go through and take out the things he's outgrown.
His head is massive and it would never fit in to his smaller clothes lol.
We really need to get him a few more things. Specially with his nasty poop problem. He leaks quite a bit so needs a lot of clean pants to wear.

Anyway, that's my life right now. It's not exciting, but it is what it is and I love it. Well... I might love it a bit more if I got more sleep, but ya take what you can get ;) lol                                                          

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Quick update

So today actually went really well.
Didn't yell once and kept my cool even during a couple of meltdowns from the kiddos.
I did have to threaten with a spanking once when Zoe was straight up refusing to listen to me and do what I asked her to do multiple times.
But that was it, just the once and IMO for a good reason.

I had to explain to her that just b/c I'm trying not to be mean or yell doesn't mean that she's not going to get punished and punishment (timeouts) doesn't mean I'm being mean.
She called me mean when I sent her to her room for a timeout when she was having a mini tantrum. She said it again but I can't remember why. I'm sure it was b/c I reprimanded her b/c of something she was doing (probably pushing or hitting Oren).

Proud of myself though for keeping my cool the entire day. It actually helped my stress levels during those meltdown moments. I was calmer throughout the day and actually talked to my kids instead of yelling at them.
They seemed to really respond to it too and played nice with each other for the most part and Zoe actually helped me clean up some.

I can do this! I know not all days will go this well, but I just need to stick to it until it's just how things are by nature. No more being mean mommy!

OO And I got the living room cleaned up :D Wanted to get a bit more done, but had to pause cleaning to take care of Ez a few times. Plus there was a lot more trash everywhere than I had realized. Bleh.
Need to tackle the sunroom and Zoe's room next. And hopefully start on the kitchen and butler's pantry this weekend. Those 2 things REALLY need to be decluttered.

Resolution... stop being so mean!

To my children that is. Starting today... I'm going to make it my mission to just stop being so mean to my kids.
I'm not abusing them or anything awful.... but I do yell at them. WAY too much. I try my best not to, but I was letting stress get to me and it was coming out as yelling at my kids.
I feel so damn guilty about it. I love them with all my heart and I just need to be a better mommy to them and that means.. not being so mean.
I'll still parent the way I see fit, but it will be more through calm assertiveness and less aggression.
I expect my children to not be little mean shits, then I need to show them how.
Not saying I won't spank, but it will not be my go to threat anymore.
And lemme make it clear, I don't spank all willy nilly. It's a very last resort and even then, it's usually just a swat or 2 on their hand.
But as I said.. I do use the threat of spanking WAY too much and I need to stop.
It's embarrassing  to admit to faults, but here it is.

Ok with that being said... I gotta bitch for a second again about politics.

I'm so tired of this "Not my president!" bullshit. People... get over yourselves already.
Do you live in the US? Then yes.... as crazy as it may seem.. Trump is your president!
And this violent protesting needs to fucking stop. Seriously.. that shit only makes you and whatever cause you have look dumb.
Oh, I get it... you don't like Trump and that is perfectly fine. It's also perfectly fine to PEACEFULLY protest. But stop saying stupid shit, stop being violent and stop being giant HYPOCRITES!
We all know damn well that those morons would be telling Trump supporters to "get over it" if Hillary had won and people were expressing their displeasure in it. How many of them would be sitting back and gloating (which I don't approve of b/c that shit is just as annoying) their victory and saying how great our voting system is and blahblahblah if their candidate had won.
Jut stop already! Speak your displeasure WITHOUT coming to violence or hypocrisy and then do your part.. whatever that may be.... to make sure that this country doesn't go to shit. Not even saying get involved with politics... just saying... stop being stupid shitty people and learn that we all have our opinions and you're not always going to get what you want.

The gloating from the Trump supporters really needs to stop too though. An inlaw (not one we usually go out to eat with)... keeps posting annoying ass gloat posts about Trump's win and UUUUUUUGH, it's so GD annoying. Sore losers suck, but so do sore winners.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Well... that was unexpected

Going to get a little political for a minute...
But damn... really? Trump?????
I figured Hillary would be president, but Trump??? Geezus.
Now don't get me wrong.... neither of them are worth a shit. 2 turds in a giant turd sandwich. But it still amazes me that Trump was even in the running to begin with. I can see why Hillary was. At least she was in politics before and everything was pointing towards her running for president. But Trump seemed to just say... Fuck it, why not? And welp.. here he is... America's next president. Just.. WTF???

These next 4 years are going to be.... interesting. That's for sure. At least this will give comedians worldwide a whole lot of material for the next 4 years... like when Bush jr was in office. :\

Good lord man... just don't put us in WW3 dude.

And remember folks... whatever your political views... just remember we all still have to live with one another. Play nice... even if you don't want to ;) lol

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

I love the cold!

It's been a while since I could actually feel cold and it's just so so nice. SO nice! I love cold weather b/c it means I can snuggle up in some blankets and get all warm and snuggly. Love it!
Kinda wish we had a wood burning fireplace.. although no fireplace would be best. Just put a couple logs in one night... toast some marshmallows with the kids and just sit in front of it and enjoy. Sigh.. sounds so nice.
Right now I have my old lady cardigan on. It's perfect. Lightweight but still thick enough to keep the cold off.
Need to go get a couple more cheap ones. I have a black one somewhere.... no idea where it is though.

Only thing bad about the cold is making sure the kids stay warm. They want to be naked so bad all the time for some reason (I don't remember being this way as a kid lol). So it's pretty cool in the house and here my monkeys are running around without a shirt on.... or Zoe will get it in to her head to go change in to a skirt :\
I'm sure we'll be dealing with a lot of colds this fall & winter.

Ezra is on the floor on his little play mat trying to talk to the toys hanging down. He's starting to get a little fussy but it's so darn cute!! Love it when babies start finding their voice (that isn't screaming and crying).

We really need to stop procrastinating and take Oren in to get some food allergy things done. Not sure what they would do, but something needs to happen. The fiber gummies seemed to help at first, but then he still gets gross poo too and it ends up irritating his butt and his poor balls.
Yes... his poor little berries.
He wasn't even sitting in his poop for that long since I make sure to check him often in the morning since he usually goes then. But it was long enough to irritate everything down there and he screams and cries and kicks during diaper changes. I feel so bad for him b/c I NEED to clean the poop off, but I know it hurts him so much. Next time, I'm just going to pop him in the shower to wash him off. Maybe the warm water will help to keep the pain down some.

Zoe's attitude just keeps growing and growing. Joy :\
Most of the time, she's perfectly fine, but then she gets it in to her head to pitch an attitude. Pfft.. mommy don't play that girl. She already got sent to her room today.. not even an hour after waking up.

DH joked about going primal this week when I asked him what he wanted for dinners (before we went grocery shopping). I said fine. He thought I was joking.
So far so good on the dinners, but my breakfast and lunches need some work.
I REALLY need to start eating better b/c the weight is really piling on right now. My body is in "Winter is coming. Pack on all the pounds!!" mode right now.
I really don't know if I'm going to have any pants and I can wear. So annoyed with myself, but it's also difficult eating non carby crap when you have to prepare everything. I have to take care of 3 kids... pump and then cook up some noncarb food? Pfft yeah right.
Sigh.. I do need to try though. While I'm hoping next year can be focused on getting healthy... I'd like to make it to next year not feeling like a whale.

I dunno what has happened, but I've been peeing a little randomly. It's only just a tiny amount, but it's enough that I NEED to wear panty liners now or else I'd be changing undies multiple times a day. WTH??
I guess it's time to start doing some kegels or something.
Seriously though.. it just started randomly about 2 weeks ago. I thought maybe it was vaginal discharge at first, but no.. it's pee. :\

My nipples are killing me right now. The increase in suction has been wreaking havoc on my poor nipples :( Hope they get used to it soon and I hope I see an increase in my milk supply too.
So far, it's been staying steady, which isn't enough to keep up with what Ez is eating. Still have enough milk stored up to only give him milk for maybe another week if my supply doesn't increase.
I'm cool with giving formula, but again.... I dunno.. it's been nice that I could provide enough that we didn't have to.

Ok, going to try to take a quick nap before Oren wakes up from his.

Monday, November 7, 2016

Why Day light savings time??? WHY????

Can we all agree that that crap is unnecessary now and get rid of it already? Screw tradition bullshit, JUST STOP!
Of course Oren's internal clock woke him up at his usual time, which was an hour early now. Same with Ez too for that matter. Sigh....

And today was just shitty. The kids were just... just bad. They didn't do anything horrific or anything, just in general, not listening and being little turds. My energy is drained.
And every single time I picked Ezra up... he spit up on me. Every. Single. Time.

Oren is in bed and Zoe will be following soon....... I just wanna watch TWD and go to bed right after. I'm done with today... bring on tomorrow and nothing but the election crap on FB :\

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Well that was slightly gross

Ok.. so when I was pregnant with Oren.. these moles popped up on my areolas. They were only as big as a montgomery glands so it's not like they were popping out like I was growing multiple nipples or anything. Just small moles that were darker than my areolas.
So anyway... I had one on my left one that was starting to.. I dunno... separate from it a bit b/c of the pumping.
Remember when I said that pumping caused the darker skin on my areola to essentially rub/flake off?
Well that has happened with some of the moles too.
It's just... weird. Had it happen last night and saw it stuck to the inside of the flange and I dunno.. got a little disgusted by it but also happy that it came off too rofl.
It's just weird that pumping is doing this to my nips. Is it the same for breastfeeding? Imagining that there isn't as much friction with an infant so they wouldn't cause something like this to happen lol.

So I know this is going to seem really insensitive since one of the dogs did just die yesterday, but we have been discussing about what our next dog is going to be for a while now.
I don't see it as replacing if/when we get another dog.. it's just adding another member to the family.

Anyway.... a part of me really wants to just adopt a dog, BUT... I also want pure bred dogs. One we're going to have to save for b/c pure breds are frickin expensive!

First... while I would love to get a pug... I also want a BIG dog. If there was a local breeder of them in our state.. I would want an Irish Wolfhound.
But since there isn't... I want a Bullmastiff.
But DH doesn't want one quite that big and the drool......
I'd be happy with a corgi too. Small but not... and those stubby legs would be awesome too lol.
I dunno.. we probably won't be getting another dog to add to the pack any time soon. Well if it was up to me, we'd already have another dog lol.
We'll see what happens. Just know that it's going to be a puppy.
I think it's great that people adopt adult dogs, but I need to raise the dog myself to be able to trust it.. especially if it's a large breed. With 3 small children.. whatever dog we get is going to have to get used to being around them.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Post before bed

Didn't really want to leave a depressing post up as the only one today. Well... It wasn't all depressing, but ya know.

Anyone else get creeped and weirded out by women that call their sexual partner 'daddy'?
Just fucking..... NO NO NO.
How gross is that?? I mean seriously think about that shit. Ew....
I don't think any woman would like it if men went around calling their sexual partner 'mommy'. YUCK
And it's just weird that any guy likes being refered to that as well. Just.... No.

Oo, sounds like Ez actually went to sleep pretty quick. Was posting while I waited for him to settle and he did fairly quick.
Think maybe starting next week, I'll put him in his bassinet for one of his naps during the day. We'll see though. I just feel so bad when he's trying to nap and some noise wakes him and he gets upset.
While he's used to some noise, he definitely hasn't gotten used to all of it.

Anyway, this ended up shorter than expected and sleep is calling :)

RIP Puppers

So our oldest dog finally went to doggy heaven today.
It's sad, but I'm more relieved than anything. She was going downhill really REALLY fast and we were going to take her to get put to sleep either today or tomorrow. She passed away just this morning.
I'm just glad that she's not suffering any longer though. Not even 3 or 4 months ago... she was lively and running around and barking it up with the other dogs and then just a shitty switch was turned on and her age started catching up with her. We thought it was just arthritis, but no... she was just preparing to die :(
Not sure how old she was. We got her when we were still living with DH's parents way way way back in the day. She was at least 15yo. Just a mutt.
MiL found 2 puppies on the side of the road. Brought them home, got them healthy and kept them both. The female dog along w/ a dog we had got out of the yard one day and her dog ended up getting pregnant.
Can't remember exactly how many puppies she had. They gave them all away, but one of the people couldn't keep the pup so gave it back and that's how DH and I ended up with her. Not by choice really, but oh well.
She was a super annoying doofy dog, but she lived a very long and hopefully great life.
RIP puppers.

In other not so depressing news...
We started giving Oren fiber gummies. The probiotics we gave him weren't doing anything.
The fiber gummies are helping some w/ his nasty poops. He had a nasty one this morning, but the ones before it seemed normal-ish. Looked like they were soft turds before getting smooshed.

Zoe keeps wanting to come lay down with us during the night. DH questioned if it was b/c she was scared or what... no.... the reason is b/c she's 4 and this is what some kids do lol.
And she is good at sneaking in to our room without my noticing. Like I've mentioned before, I wake up to every little sound the kids make, but she goes in to ninja mode.
I was just getting up to pump this morning and her monitor came on. Looked at it and noticed that she wasn't in bed. I had just put on all the pumping stuff and was going to check on her really quick. Opened the door to our room and there she was... just standing there all silhouetted and creepy looking. Made me jump lol.
And the night before... she had come in to the room while I was pumping. DH got up to put her back in bed. But 10mins later... I'm sitting there, still pumping and messing around on my phone. I look up and see her standing by the bassinet w/ her blanket over her. Just standing there all silent. I seriously had a few moments there when it crossed my mind if it was really Zoe or some evil demon spawn under the blanket.... ROFL.
She finally started to move, but very slowly towards the pet stairs at the end of our bed. She had to move slow b/c she couldn't see anything from under the blanket but knew the general direction she had to go. When she finally hit the stairs, she pushed the blanket out some so she could see them and as carefully as she could, tried to go up them without making a sound.
I couldn't help but start quietly cracking up. I should've taken her to bed again but didn't have the heart to. Not after all the effort she went to to try to keep quiet lol. Sigh....

I'm going to try to increase my milk supply. I do not want to add in more pumping sessions so I'll be pumping for longer a few times a day until hopefully my supply increases. So instead of the normal 30mins, I'll probably end up pumping for around 40-50min total.
Hope it works.
We're going through the milk we have faster than I thought. I think it's safe to say that Ezra needs to be bumped up to at least 4oz now and no less. Pretty sure the other 2 were on 4oz of formula by this point.. if not more.
Anywho.... FX that my poor nipples can handle it and FX that my boobs make more milk!
Nothing against formula at all, but it's been nice not having to supplement too.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Yay neighborhood!

So we took the kids to this shopping center thing last night. Select stores were passing out candy and HOLY SHIT... there were so many people!!! Great right? Yeah, no... the sidewalks weren't big enough for the amount of traffic and the stores were not prepared for the number of kids.
Supposedly, a lot of stores ran out of candy which is a load of bullshit. Felt like a lot of them either didn't give candy to begin with OR, their employee assigned to give the candy said F-it and gave it all out really quick so they could leave.

But yeah.. that was a big clusterf-. Kids seemed to have fun even though they didn't get much.

Oh but we got there early b/c Moe's has $5 burritos on mondays. Everyone else had the same idea AND that Moe's seemed to only have first day employees working. Seriously... DH stood in line for almost half an hour and there really weren't that many people in front of him.

Anyway, we hit up some of the stores, but just kinda hoofed it back to the car and went home to go trick or treating in the neighborhood.
First half of the neighborhood was dead. Almost no porch lights on.
But the back half came through. Still not a ton of lights, but a lot in a relatively small area. So we walked the kids around and they loved it and got a lot of candy from the neighbors :) Started off not so great, but ended well with Oren and Zoe getting lots of candy.
Only reason to have more than one kid... you get more candy on Halloween! :P rofl

No pics. It was dark, my phone was under Ez in the stroller and yeah... I already posted pics of them in their costumes lol.

Anyway, hoping next year we'll have coordinated costumes :D I want to dress up too damnit! I didn't this year, but next year I will :)
DH wants to participate in the trunk or treat at his church and I want to give out candy here. Or I'm hoping to. We'll see what happens.
SiL and her husband came over with niece and walked around with us this year. Maybe one of them could stay behind and give out candy.