Just go to SLEEP!!

It's a 50/50 chance. Zoe will either go down for a nap with no fuss, or will kick and scream her head off.
Recently it's been more of the screaming it seems. She's obviously tired. She does all of her I'm tired signs (rubbing her head, eyes. Scratching her nose, pulling on her ear, etc etc), and yet, as soon as she gets put down in to her crib, she starts tantruming and screams her head off.
Been having to do some crying it out.
The girl just doesn't know what she wants lol.

Still no walking on her own :\
I know in my gut that she can do it.... and yet she doesn't.

She's going to spend the night w/ her aunt tonight. Yikes.
DH's sis and her husband are coming in today and leaving on Saturday so I guess they figure get Zoe on New Years. *shrugs*
They're going to be in for a very long restless night. Zoe just isn't used to sleeping anywhere but her crib.
Hell, even in the car now... she will rarely fall asleep in her carseat. She's just very stubborn about where she sleeps and... I just don't see this turning out well. Sucks for them though and for poor Zoe. Hopefully she'll end up sleeping wherever though.
Not sure what DH and I are going to do. He's off tomorrow so *shrugs*
We bought some fireworks to shoot off tonight but other than that... no idea.
Sleep in is #1 on whatever happens LOL.

Xmas and stuff

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, or whatever holiday you celebrate :)

It was good here. We opened a couple of Zoe's presents on Christmas eve then the rest the next morning. She was so excited to get new stuff. She didn't know what to play with heh.
Thankfully she was back to her old self. No more teething crankiness.

We then headed over to the inlaws house and had breakfast. Zoe was of course being passed around all over the place lol.
Anyways, blahblahblah, she got a lot more stuff and loves all the toys. Especially this train thing that my brother and his family bought for her. It's a walker/riding train thing that has alphabet blocks that you can put in to a hole and it poops it out. It also makes noise, sings etc etc. She LOVES that thing.

Oh, AND she managed to walk a few steps on her own :D YAY!!! We knew she had it in her but it's all confidence issue. She's just so cautious and doesn't want to let go. DH's aunt was getting her to do it though, at least for a step or 2.

Already said that she can spend the night over there next week. BLEH!
DH's sister (the one that just had the m/c :( ) is coming in on New Years even and they asked if Zoe could spend the night. I guess. If they want to stay up the entire night with her... more power to them.

In lighter news

Well, slightly...

Zoe is SOOOOO fussy and is not eating like she normally does. Poor girl is just miserable right now.
She's never been this bad with her other teeth coming in. She is just not a happy camper though. Feel so bad for her. I can't imagine what that feels like.

____

And to talk about current events for a moment...

This whole Duck Dynasty shit....
Leave the man alone. I don't agree with his opinion at all, but his views aren't exactly original and new. I'm sure we ALL know plenty of people in our lives that think and believe just what he believes, but we don't go around calling them every damn curse word under the sun now do we. And I'm sure all of those people with the same beliefs aren't nasty hateful people either. They believe what they do and live their lives the way they want.
Hell, I'm sure most of us know people who are FAR FAR worse than him and we still don't call them even half the names that are being slung his way.

Are his views ignorant? IMO yes, but also IMO he wasn't being nasty about it. He wasn't using slurs like fag, dike, etc. From what I've read, he just doesn't "get it" and through his religious beliefs, he views homosexuality as a sin along with all of the crap he listed.

Anyway... with that being said, I do think A & E had a right to fire him as well if they saw fit. I don't think it was the right move on their part at all, but whatever.

Living in the bible belt and being surrounded by people w/ his views, I guess I just don't see what the HUGE deal is.
People who don't agree can shake our heads at those who do.... and vice versa.


As I saw mentioned in a comment about this..... too bad people can't be this outraged and up in arms over something that really matters.

No no no :(

DH talked to his mom yesterday and learned that his sister is having a miscarriage :(
I feel SO bad for her.
She had her first appointment Wed. I guess everything looked fine when they checked her. I'm not sure though.
She started spotting on Thursday. She started to freak as any woman would, went in and they told her that there was no heartbeat and that the baby had stopped growing.
I'm not sure how they could determine that if she had just went in on Wed and things looked ok (about the growing part I mean)? Again though, not sure what she was told then.
I just feel so devastated for her though. I know how excited she was. Heck, they told EVERYONE within that first week... and now this :(
UGH and then we sent her that Christmas ornament too. I thought we may want to wait, but it was so cute and we were so excited too.
Damnit.....
I hope she's ok. I know how she must be feeling. To have your hopes up so much. To FINALLY see that first ever BFP on a test.... and then your world crashes around you.

Sleep dangit!!

Poor Zoe... woke up SO much last night. I'm positive it's her teething. Forgot to give her some tylenol.
So sleepy this morning.

Nothing much going on but felt like posting anyway heh.

Still haven't wrapped the faux presents yet. We gotta get on that soon though so we can print out the photos. Wish we had a better camera though. NOthing technically wrong with the camera we have but... it just doesn't take the best photos.
Oh well... maybe next year we'll buy a better one when we have some money.

____

Geezus... yet another company that was hacked.
Seriously?????
If you've shopped at target recently.... you could be at risk whether if it was debit or credit card used.
 http://www.theverge.com/2013/12/18/5225252/target-reportedly-hacked-black-friday-millions-of-credit-cards-at-risk

Awesome :\

Go Amazon

So we're still waiting on a few things to come in from Amazon.
Unfortunately one of the packages says that it was delivered yesterday even though we got nothing. I went out early morning, but was home for the rest of the day and never saw anyone deliver anything.

SO I contacted Amazon to tell them this. Said I'd like replacements for everything...
Got an email today saying that they've sent replacements AND w/ one day shipping.

NICE

Now watch the original package show up lol
They did say that if it did, to print out a return mail slip thing and send it back which of course we will since we're not thieves.

I know it's not a huge deal, but it's still nice that we won't have to jump through hoops to get what we paid for.

So for that... WOOT! Go Amazon!

Stuff before she wakes

Poor Zoe has some teeth popping through and it's giving her a minor fever. Nothing too bad thankfully but she's still kinda miserable.
She slept SO much yesterday. Put her down for her first nap at 9:40, she didn't get up until after 12.
THEN she was acting really fussy like she does when she's tired so I put her in her crib at 1:40 and she went right to sleep and I had to wake her at 3:40.
She woke a few times during the night and had a 100 temp. Our poor baby. :(
She woke up at 8 this morning, but could tell she was still tired and yeah, I'm up now just waiting for her to wake.

I think she's def the last to walk on her own in my DD group. :\
We know she can do it, she just doesn't.  Walking with her holding on to our hand, we can offer no actual support, like her leaning and obviously favoring our hand as support, and she'll still walk (hope that made sense)... so yeah... it just seems to be a confidence issue with her not wanting to do it on her own.
We're walking her everywhere though now. We did it in Target the other day while we were Xmas shopping and she was LOVING it. Grabbing all the toys she could and wanting to play with them lol.
She'll get there, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little worried.
No, we haven't called her doctor yet to tell them that she's not walking on her own. I just don't think there's a reason to, but I dunno, we'll see I guess.

Cat is about the same. His front paws look a little better, but his back ones are still pretty swollen. Trying to force your cat to take meds SUCKS. We waste almost all of this liquid crap b/c she spits and drools it out unless we want to ram the syringe down his throat, which we don't.
DH looked it up and found that there's another med that we could use that comes in pill form and is MUCH cheaper. We go back to the vet on Thursday I think and he's gonna mention it then.

What else what else....
We WERE trying to be good with our diet, and that has been about 50% successful so far lol.
I've gained back everything I lost. I know it's just bloat though. I can feel it and it's gross.

I'm on cd40 with no end in sight! UGH!
I'm not even dreaming about positive pregnancy tests any longer. Nope. Had myself a dream last night that I got a positive OPK! lol
Whatever... I'm not spotting so I'm good.

And I think that's it for now. We still haven't taken Xmas photos of Zoe. We need to wrap some boxes up to make it look like we have a lot of presents under the tree lol.

Screw Nutella! Give me Cookie Butter!!!

Seriously, if you haven't had it yet, GET SOME!
They sell it at Trader Joe's.
We actually haven't had the kind they sell there. DH's friends that live in the Netherlands sent us a jar. It says Speculoos on it so guessing it's the same thing.
It's AMAZING!!! Holy crap it's awesome. Seriously.... get some and then give some to your friends and family to convert them to it too lol
It tastes like sugar cookies w/ the texture of peanut butter. *drooooools*
We haven't been to the TJ here since it's in a really bad (as in traffic) part of town but I want to go and get some jars for everyone for Xmas.
((just looked it up on Amazon. It does look like it's the same stuff they sent us. Just theirs has the European label (wherever they got it).... and that stuff is expensive!! PFFT screw buying some for everyone. We'll buy a few and let them fight over it lol))

Enough of that...

I finished that blanket a few days ago. YAY! :D Kinda difficult giving it up. It turned out pretty darn nice. May have to make one for us :D
$25 for yarn if I can get it for the same price.. then the time put in to it... yeah, doesn't sound that bad to me :)

Just started on the other blanket I want to give to SiL's girl. She wanted a hexagon shaped one like I made for other SiL's baby shower, but it bunched and didn't turn out right so I'm trying a round one. Hopefully it turns out ok and doesn't take me too long to do since Xmas is a little over a week away. Good lord, the last few months fly by!

Our Christmas shopping is almost done though. Just need to get a few more things in the mail, get some photos and yep, we're good :)
DH is off next week too so WOO! I'm so happy about that. He's had to work the last 2 Christmas's and it will be nice to actually have him home all day for it.
I don't mind that he has to work on Christmas. They do it in rotations, but it still sucked that his group were stuck having to do it twice in a row.

Anyway... we're going to be taking Zoe to see Santa next week. Hopefully get some good photos from that and we need to take some with her posing in front of the tree to give to everyone.
So yeah, still busy busy.

And yep, that's about it :)
Sorry I haven't been posting much. Just most of my free time is being used to make the blankets atm... something I need to get back to doing while Zoe is still napping :)

One more chance

According to DH, we need to have ourselves a 12/13/14 baby....
And can I have a nice big eye roll please?

*EYEROLL*

Of course he was just joking but still....
It would be nice to be one of those couples. Oh I want to have a baby in this particular month.. and ya know what, it's going to happen b/c I'm SUPER fertile and have nothing to worry about! MUAHAHAHAHA
*glares*

We're gonna have another baby when it happens *nodnod*
HOPEFULLY next year or early 2015.

Uhm, ok...

So, last week I was on this really big rice kick. I cooked it every day and ate heaping piles of it twice a day.
At the beginning of that week, I was at 210.something.
Today, I weighed in at 205.8.

Really?? I'm not complaining, but... really??
ALL that time I was eating good primal foods, keeping low carb, etc... and I lose weight during a week where I ate almost nothing BUT carbs??
WTF?

Anyway.... hopefully the 205 sticks around and will go down even more! Would be awesome to be under 200 by the new year. I doubt it will happen, but it would be nice.
Hell, maybe I should have more rice rice rice weeks.

____

Zoe is just so darn cute!!
We blow on her food if it's too hot. Common practice by anyone taking care of small kids.
Well yesterday or the day before, Zoe started doing it on her own. It's SO fracking adorable!!
We had a bit of a cheat for lunch today and got some Chick Fil A. Got her some tenders and I pulled one apart for her. It was still a little warm but ok for her to eat. Looked over and saw her holding a piece and blowing on it and waving it around to cool it down more. OMG too cute!!!
I still look at her and just can't believe she's mine.
And I still need her to be in my line of vision whenever we're out w/ family. It's not that I don't trust them, but I dunno... maybe it's instinct? Making sure that she's ok? *shrugs*

Damnit infertility!

Another DD group member just announced that they're TTC again.
It's really awesome and I'm happy for her.

She asked who else was TTC and... I couldn't even answer that question.

WTF are DH and I doing? Is it technially TTC if I'm not ovulating? Or is it just NTNP? Or hell.... just NP (not protecting).
I hate having to say 'yes we're TTC, BUT.....' there should be no Buts. It should just be... yes.
But no no... b/c of my body being the bitch that it is... there's always going to be that 'but'.


Sorry for the quick vent... just frustrated after seeing yet another BFN OPK.

Gloomy outside, LOUD inside

Man... Zoe is a shrieky little banshee these days.
Screams when she's upset, screams for the hell of it LOL. It is ear piercing too.
Thankfully, for now, she's still well behaved in public, but I know that's probably going to change not too far down the road.

SiL and brother brought over their little boy yesterday. YAY! First time I've seen him in weeks.
He's so tiny and floppy. Still in that baby blob mode lol. Slept most of the time they were here but I didn't care. He's so cute!
They say he has his nights and days mixed up. By the way he was sleeping, that seems about right. Yikes for them. Hopefully he'll sleep when he should soon.
Can't believe it's almost been a month since he was born! Geezus where does the time go?

Things are good here though. We didn't put any lights outside this year. Neither of us felt like doing it so we just sorta went MEH, and that was it lol. Just don't feel like setting it all up only to have to take it all back down. PITA even though it is fun.
Our Xmas tree will have to do :D It kinda sucks though. One of the points of getting a real tree is for the awesome smell, and our tree has NO SMELL! WTH?? There's some crystallized sap that has a smell if you break it off, but other than that.. NOTHING! Grrrrr
Maybe we should go chop off the tips of some of the branches and see if that helps.

The cat is ok. Boy does he hate getting his meds. I can't say I blame him. Having a giant syringe full of nasty meds shoved in to your mouth doesn't sound like fun. He's ok afterwards though and seems to forgive us so that's good at least heh.
He's using his litter box again thankfully. Only to pee in though which I'm fine with. He poops on the rug that's under his litter boxes. Whatever... it's not on the carpet so I'm good with it lol.
His back paw pads are still pretty swollen, his front feet seem to have gotten a little bit better. Hoping to see even more improvement next weekend.
If you're wondering how it feels and looks... imagine a giant fluid filled blister. The skin holding in the fluid feels very thin and squishy. That's how his paw pads feel. Very swollen, very thin, and VERY full of fluid.

Quick quick

Think Zoe is finally awake. It's almost 10am! She woke up earlier, but ended up going back to sleep. Hey.. whatever, I got to sleep in a little so I'm happy hehe.

Here are some photos and videos finally! :D
Stopped being lazy and finally uploaded them.

First up... the new clothes we bought for her.
I know it's boring, but I can't help it, baby/toddler clothes are adorable!

Boring shirts for next year. They were on sale and we needed $50 for free shipping lol.

An awesome sweater dress. It looks so much better in person than it did on the website. It's also 24m but I'm gonna put her in it anyway :P lol

And finally, her awesomely festive Christmas outfit!
Since we couldn't find a Santa or Elf costume in her size, we went with the next best thing and got something SUPER Christmasy but still cute heh.
Figured that we only have a couple more years before she starts rebelling against our clothing choices for her so have to have fun now while she has no say LOL

If I have time, going to try to make her a hat to go with it. :D


And here is the blanket I was working on for a friend's boy.
I tried doing the letters all nice and neat but it didn't work out. Still cute though :)

Here is a link to the patten if anyone is interested. Not sure if you have to sign up for the website but it's free so not a big deal if you do :)

This was taken when Zoe was sick. She managed to get in to potted plants we thought were blocked.

Dirty face but adorable :D
Can really see how much her hair has grown. We'll have a ponytail sooner or later.

Having fun with daddy. She looks so grown in this photo.

And finally.. some videos!!

Number 1 - Smiling for the camera near the end
Number 2 - Obviously taken at the same time as the other. Smiling at first w/ an MM and pretend eating thrown in :)

Holy credit card bill Batman!!

We were doing so well with our credit card bill. Paying it off every month and mostly only having the cable and phone bill on it.
Nothing like end of the year birthdays and Christmas to screw all that up!
DH has been on a HUGE spending spree and has wracked up over 2k on the credit card already! O_O
It's nice that he wants to buy stuff for his friends but... DAMN.
Ok so not all of it was gifts. Some of it is stuff we wanted/need. Like another baby gate. But that's only $89. And I know I haven't gotten anything. He may have bought himself a new knife, and we bought Zoe this cute Pooh plushie blanket for $10... but yeah.. that's still only a tiny fraction of frickin 2k!

He better not even bitch when I have to buy more OPKs! lol
____

UGH, I forgot to mention this mostly b/c I didn't want another bitchy post but.. well here it is.
So on Thanksgiving, DH's aunt kept bugging us about letting Zoe spend the night with her. Just by looking at us, it was obvious that we weren't comfortable with it. So we skirted around the subject.
Well she mentions that she wants Zoe to spend the night on Saturday so she can "show her off at church" on Sunday.
Neither DH or I agreed to it and it wasn't brought up again.

Come Saturday, DH gets a call while we're out looking for a Christmas tree from said aunt wondering when/where she can pick Zoe up. Uhm... what?
Well apparently in her mind, she thought we said yes to her plan and had been planning on getting Zoe.
No.... no.
DH explained to her very calmly that we had never said yes to that.
THAT's when the guilt trips from them (aunt and his mom) started.
How we never let them see her and how Zoe isn't going to know who they are.
Oh SHUT UP. Guilt trips might work on some people, but not us, especially when it comes to Zoe. It just pisses us off and def doesn't make us want Zoe over there.

They have it in their minds that we think that we're better than them and will intentionally keep Zoe away and raise her to hate them or something. Why? Because DH has a good paying job (nm that we still don't have a lot of money). They think we're swimming in money and drinking out of solid gold cups or something. I dunno.
____

On a lighter note... back to why we don't have a lot of money lol..
DH found this adorable Christmas ornament. He was looking at Amazon and found this Expectant mom ornament. It's a pregnant snow'mom' lol. She's holding a piece of paper that says Due Date that you can write on and then write up under her your name and stuff. It's so cute and he bought it for his sister. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Just melt my heart.

Poor kitty

I know I keep going on about how our cat is an asshole that is pooping and peeing on the carpet. Welp, it's b/c his paws are hurting him, or more like the litter we were using was hurting his paws.
He has Plasma cell pododermatitis aka Pillow foot.
We looked it up when we noticed his paw pads and the vet confirmed it after taking a sample of the fluid (which wasn't much surprisingly).
While walking on the carpet is ok, his litter was hurting his feet so that's most likely the reason why he's been going on the carpet.
Well crap... now I feel bad for being mad at him.
We've switched his litter to a very fine grain corn stuff. It's very soft. Also switched his other litter box to some wood shavings to see if he would like that.
And we have the area he's been using as his toilet gated off and have him locked in a certain area. He's been ok but does not like parts of the house being off limits.

Anyway, they don't know what causes it and we have to give him meds that MIGHT work.
Prednisolone. It's some kind of steroid and he has to get A LOT of it, in liquid form meaning we have to burrito him in a towel and squirt the stuff in to his mouth w/ a syringe. It's a ton of it too. It's almost the entire syringe worth of meds we have to get him to take... EVERY day for two weeks. He's going to hate us by the time this is all over. That's JUST at this dose too. Once we're done at this dose, we have to wean him off of the meds. And boy they are not cheap.
We have a 16? day supply and it cost us over $70. So yeah... lot of money for something that might not even work.
He was foaming, drooling and spitting it all out today. Can't blame him. I'd be spitting out meds too if someone was forcing me to drink it lol.

And of course the vet and tech had to mention his weight. They weighed him and he's almost 21lbs :P lol
They kept telling us not to overfeed and stories about owners feeding their fat cats table scraps.
We don't overfeed him. He gets 1/4 of a cup of Blu brand cat food twice a day. That's it. We very very rarely give him table scraps and when we do, it's maybe a very tiny piece of meat. I'm talking this may happen 2 or 3 times a YEAR.
So yeah... he's not fat b/c of anything we do or give him.

So yeah... poor kitty cat. He's a pain in our asses but we're willing to do this in hopes that he'll get better.

Stuff and junk

Quick post before I head to bed.

We bought our Christmas tree on Saturday! WOO! :D It doesn't smell though :( The sap on it smells awesome, but just sniffing it, it doesn't have that awesome douglas fur smell to it. Booooo
We haven't put any decor on it yet b/c the cat keeps pooping and pissing in the room that it's in. Damn cat. Dunno WTH his fat ass problem is. Frickin cat!

Anyway....
Finished one Christmas present tonight! WOO! Good lord that thing feels like it took forever, but it's pretty cute. I'll get photos and post them :)
Now.. I have 2 more presents to work on.... UGH lol

Oh and I have such a cute idea to start up my own etsy shop. It's the first time I've ever actually really considered selling anything I make and I THINK my idea would do well. I'll elaborate later down the road as it fleshes out a bit more.
____

Zoe is doing well. She coughs and sneezes every once in a while, but her cold is mostly gone.
Good lord.. she is a tornado on 2 feet, or well.. all 4's right now. She gets in to EVERYTHING and tears it up if possible!
Destruction and chaos never looked so cute :P lol

Boy is she getting in to that toddler phase though. She does NOT like being told "No". She'll start crying and whining and will flail her arms and hit. Thankfully it's not a forceful hit, I think it happens mostly b/c she's flailing her arms, but when she does it, we tell her "No hitting" and will sit her down or if she's on our lap, then we'll put her on the floor.
She'll get up and then will hit our leg and I'll repeat and sit her on the floor. She's def testing the boundaries, but she's gonna learn that mommy and daddy don't give in.

She's my mini-me though. Like when our dogs start barking, I'll usually yell "DOGS" at them to get them to hush.
Well, she's picked up that habit and will yell "OH" or "NO" at them lol.
Need to get some more photos of her and post them already! Stop saying it and just do it :P

Ok this post was longer than expected. It's after 11 and I'm TIRED!

Black Friday

So, I wasn't planning on going out today, but finding out who I have to get a present for, I had to to get the stuff.
It could've waited I guess, but since I have to make it, best to get it now rather than wait.

I have an aunt in law that no one really likes. On the surface, she's nice and sweet, but she'll make these snide little jabs here and there or just do certain things that just reminds you why everyone dislikes her.
Just an example of the type of person she is... when Ipads were new and all the rage, we had gone to Taco Bell w/ family. She whipped her sparkling new IPad out... AT the counter to order from her tablet instead of just ya know... looking up at the menu. :\
I think it's a conspiracy b/c she had my frickin name last year. I know they (MiL and her sister) did it on purpose b/c neither of them or SiL wanted to buy for her.
Whatever.
She may not be the most popular person in the world but she's gonna get a damn good crocheted blanket!!

I went to Joanns this morning for yarn. Spent frickin $50 ALL on yarn! lol It would've been 60 but thankfully I went early enough to use the 25% off your purchase order! MUAHAHAHA.

I then headed over to Home Depot. They had some steel shelving that we want for the kitchen.

And yeah, that was it. I went out at like 6:30. It wasn't busy at all so I could've gone to a few more places if I had wanted.
 Only reason I went out was b/c I woke up at frackin 4am and couldn't get back to sleep.
I was laying there trying to get back to sleep and started thinking about present ideas and yeah, one thing led to another.
Poor Zoe had to get woken up..... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA Now you know how WE feel!!! :P rofl
____

Oh and I forgot to mention it yesterday...
The night before last... I had a dream that I found out I was pregnant. For some reason in the dream, I went out and bought a bunch of FRERs and digital tests. I didn't think I was pregnant, but used ALL of them in one go. I started looking at them, and in the dream the tests had 3 lines (in the dream 2 lines was No, and 3 was yes.. ) I couldn't believe it until I saw the digital that said Pregnant.
Sigh, it was a great dream.
I only mention it now b/c found out later that day that SiL was pregnant :D
Not that I think I had some vision about it or anything, I just thought it was a neat coincidence :)

Great Thanksgiving :D

Just a really nice day that ended well.
Lots of good food with family.
Unfortunately, my brother and his wife used their baby as an excuse not to come but whatever, it's their loss. I know they just had a baby and while that would be a good legitimate excuse for most, I know them. Anyway.... enough about that...

I made a non-traditional pecan pie. The filling is just sugar, eggs and pecans. No corn syrup. It's SUPER SUPER sweet but delicious.
Also made a pecan praline pumpkin pie. It's awesome. I'll give the recipe if anyone is interested.
And I made a corn casserole. I added 2 teaspoons of sugar and that was it. Kept it the same and it was pretty tasty if you enjoy corny stuff. Oh and I cooked it for an hour instead of 45m like the recipe says.

Wish DH had let me buy another turkey so we could have our own again but whatever heh.

Zoe was loving all of the attention and had a great time too. It was so cute b/c her little cousin kept wanting to hug her. Unfortunately Zoe can't stand on her own yet so when she went to hug, Zoe kinda plopped and started crying and didn't want anymore after that heh.. oops.

Anyway, the big news of the night though was when MiL was talking on the phone with SiL (DH's older sister).... come to find out that SiL is PREGNANT!
YAY!
I am just so friggin excited for her. I think she's going to be 39 on her next birthday and she has really bad endo so this is really a miracle. Doesn't help that her and her husband are both in the navy so are very rarely at home at the same time. They finally took a late honeymoon to Hawaii and I guess that's where they got lucky :P lol
Anyway, so happy for her. I know she's been wanting this for a long time. Before she even got married years and years ago, she kept talking about going to a sperm bank, adopting etc etc. She's gonna be such a great mom.
So excited that Zoe is going to have another cousin close in age too :D Love that they're all going to grow up and hopefully be close to eachother. Well, that's if she moves back to the east coast. She's in California right now.
Thankfully with her being pregnant, she doesn't have to go on anymore ships though so yay for that at least heh. Although she'll miss out going to the various locations.
It's still super early though. She's due in July and gosh.... I really hope this is it for her.
____

And lemme tell ya, hearing that news just put my already baby fever in to hyper overdrive.
We've had our bad food fun. My cold is slowly but surely going away.
It's time to get BUSY!
We may have a slip up once in between now and Christmas since DH signed up for the cookie exchange at his job, but that should be it.
And I plan on starting exercising again on Monday. Going to work my ass off until the new year and beyond :)
Maybe I can get us a September baby hehe... that way we'll have consecutive babies... July, August, September, October, November :D
But yeah... just have to stay committed!!

On a more positive note :D

Don't want to end the day before Thanksgiving on such a sour note..

I just want to say I'm so thankful for my hubs and for Zoe and for all of you out there in internet land that bother to read my ramblings :)

I hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow!

Seriously???

Ok, I'm about to get harsh here and I apologize if I offend anyone.

My SiL is a DUMBASS. At least about this particular issue.
Not my brother's wife, but the one that made the rude comments to me when she was pregnant.

Anyway.
So apparently, my state is looking to make birth centers safer. How? By making them have a doctor on call at all times.
Here is a quote from a petition trying to prevent this law...

"a physician must be on call and available to provide medical assistance at the birthing center at all times that it is serving the public."

Doesn't sound unreasonable does it? If for whatever reason the midwives need some more advanced medical help, they can call up their doctor and there ya go.

They're not trying to close birth centers. Not trying to make CPMs become CNMs (although I wish they would).

But nope, you have people like my SiL thinking they're trying to take women's rights away by doing this. What???

I can't be the only one to think that this is a GOOD idea. It's not saying that the doctor MUST participate in all of the births at the center. It's not saying that the women MUST get medical interventions and MUST birth a certain way. No.. it's saying that there needs to be a doctor available there just in case.

I would think that having a doctor there that supports what the mother is doing would be even more reassuring too.
But apparently nitwit fantatic natural birthers are fucking FREAKING out over this shit b/c they think their rights are being violated.

Just.... UGH

Continuation...

....

So Zoe and I are still sick. We're both getting over the colds though. Zoe's nose is still pretty runny and she's still coughing some but she's sttn again for the most part and other than a snotty nose doesn't actually look sick. Myself, my nose is pretty stuffed up and I'm coughing a little, but otherwise I'm ok. I have very little sense of taste and absolutely no sense of smell. That comes in handy when changing poopy diapers lol.
DH is a little sick. It could turn out like my cold did. Not that bad at first and then it hits you one day.
Good thing he has A LOT of sick days built up.

What else what else...
I have been remembering to take OPKs every day and absolutely nothing is happening. Same old light lines on them that I usually get. I'm on cd18 so.. yeah.
It's not that surprising since I'm sick and stopped exercising. Really need to start back up with that again now that I'm not as sick and sleep isn't interrupted by a sick baby.
This week is shot for shit when it comes to diet though. DH and I both just said screw it and yeah. We'll pay for it when we pack on some weight and get all bloated and feel gross though.
Why does junk food have to taste so damn good!?

Have some video and photos to post from my phone. Just have to stop being lazy and do it already.

Holy crapola

Just browsing clothes for Zoe. Looking for possible Xmas outfits and GEEZUS.... do people really spent 30+ dollars on a baby outfit that they'll only wear once?? MAYBE twice?
We went overboard last year with her outfit, but that can be forgiven for a 1st Xmas outfit. Bigger than that though... no way.
MAN!

We went to Once Upon a Child yesterday to look for a Christmas dress, but they didn't have anything. Mostly Xmas PJs. We did find a couple of shirts and pants and one of her Christmas presents (that of course we've already given her but we'll put under the tree for photos heh).
It's an awesome shopping cart that came w/ a basket and some wooden food stuff. It's adorable and Zoe loves it :D

Oh speaking of which, she's doing the "I'm awake now come get me" call :P lol I'll post more later!

Bleh!

It's 1:30 and unfortunatly, I'm wide awake. Woke up with that awful stuck phlegm in the back of your throat feeling. My instinct is to keep trying to swallow it down and loosen it up but it just sticks there driving me crazy. So now I'm wide awake chugging down some water in hopes that the extra hydration helps to loosen it up some so I can eventually get back to sleep.

In better news... sounds like Zoe is getting better. She had a lot less snot today. Coughing more, but think it's from nasal drainage. She had a great 2nd nap and so far I haven't heard her wake up since going to bed. So YAY she's getting better while DH and I just get sicker lol.

I can't believe Thanksgiving (and Christmas) are almost on us. Geeze. I need to go ahead and start exercising. If things keep going this way, Zoe should be at least sleeping normally by Monday so I could start then. Hoping my sleep won't be too bad by then. Even if it is, I'll start anyway. I can't keep letting everything be my excuse for NOT doing it.

OOOO Christmas decor! I can't wait! :D We're getting a real tree this year and I'm so excited! Nothing against fake trees at all, I just hate the one we have. DH bought it on sale and it's one that already has lights on it. UGH I hate it. It's such a PITA b/c of the lights. Hoping to score another fake tree minus the lights this year.
It will be fun to show Zoe everything and get photos :) We still need to get her an Xmas outfit. Go to Once Upon a Child and get a 2nd hand one *nodnod*

Well, so much for that...

Got hit with a stuffy nose last night. Awesome.
And the phlegm has increased about 10x. Kept waking myself up w/ a plegmy snore.
Thankfully though, Zoe seemed to sleep a little better. Heard her wake up a couple of times, but she'd go right back to sleep.
She's awake right now coughing up a lung it seems.

We are def not going out with family tonight. Even if she was feeling better, DH's family is being attacked by a stomach bug going around. It started with my niece and slowly moved to everyone else. My brother caught it the day after their boy was born. Great timing there :P
Thankfully it looks like we've dodged getting it so far.
Hate stomach bugs... just knowing how they start is gross enough.

Kids are gross

Seriously... I can't even count how many times I've had Zoe sneeze and cough right in to my face... and she's only 15m old!!
I just hope my immune system is ready for this ride b/c... damn.

I already have a scratchy phlegmy throat right now. Thankfully that's the only thing wrong with me but with the way she keeps spraying me with her juices... BLEH!

Last night was unintentionally better for sleep. We turned down the volume on the monitor and I may have turned it down too much b/c I woke up at around 4 wondering why I hadn't gotten woken up sooner. Well, that's b/c I couldn't actually HEAR her on the monitor :P lol
Thankfully she's ok though. I think just letting her cry and get upset when she's woken is helping her cope a little better and get herself back to sleep quicker.

The snot though.... there's just so much of it!!! Every time she sneezes there is this giant glob of gooey grossness streaming down her face and I have to rush to her before she gets a hand to it. You do kinda become immune to the gross, but every once in a while that revulsion hits you again like a ton of snot and poo covered bricks.

Poor Zoe pt 2

Man, her cold is getting a little worse. Still no fever thank goodness, but her congestion is getting worse. It's so gross when she sneezes. That nasty glob of snot coming out of her nose and running down her face. BLEH! lol
My poor girl.

She could hardly sleep at all last night which of course kept us up as well. A few times, we had to just let her cry herself back to sleep. We would check on her but us checking on her made her want to stay up when she was beyond tired. I'm talking eyes half open (if that) and nodding off all over the place.
It was so sad to see.
Went out today and bought her some Vicks baby rub stuff and a saline spray. Put some of the rub on her chest and put her down for a nap. Haven't heard anything so taking that as a good sign that it's at least doing something to help her.

Poor Zoe, and us

Last night was rough. Zoe kept waking every hour and was just so miserable w/ her stuffy nose and most likely BLAH feeling.
She's having some serious leakage and booger bubbles happening today. Going to hve to keep some tissue and wipes close by so I can wipe away all of the snot. Also have to make sure she's getting enough fluids.
She's def not eating like she normally would and hadn't had enough to drink yesterday. Her diaper this morning was full, but had that yellow tint to it which it usually doesn't have.

She seems to be ok when she's awake, it's just sleeping we're having issues with.

It's gonna be a long night

About to head to bed.
Zoe has already woken up about a half a dozen times already. Poor girl.
Can tell that she's having to breath through her mouth so sucking a pacifier isn't going to work.
My poor baby girl. UUUUUGH please don't get worse and PLEASE sleep through the night!
Let it be a cold where she just wants to sleep or snuggle and then it goes away quickly.. :P lol

Oh and she puked tonight. BLEH! It wasn't from being sick though. DH was feeding her some eggs and she gagged on them and just harfed up everything. You just don't realize how much vomit stinks until you have to clean it up. lol
Thankfully it didn't seem to freak her out any and.. this is gonna be gross... she ALMOST ate some of the egg she barfed up before I got to her lol. She was picking some of it up that plopped on to her high chair tray and it was like a slow motion movie moment.
Me leaping out of my chair, arm and hand stretched out to her yelling "Nooooooooooooo"lol

Tomorrow is going to be... so fun.
For some reason DH thinks we have to do some top to bottom cleaning of the house.
Now the house does need some cleaning and while it's not my idea of fun, I do it, but the amount he wants to do? Uhm.. no thanks.
Some person is supposed to be coming on Tuesday. Not sure who, but it's someone that is NEVER coming here again sooo... yeah. I'm not saying we shouldn't clean some, but dang... cleaning this much for a stranger is crazy.
We do really need to wash and fold clothes. We have a mountain of both. Dirty in our bathroom, clean in our bedroom lol. UUUUGH I hate folding! I don't mind washing at all, but needing to fold... BLEH!

Quick

Quick post so I can go watch some more American Pickers :D

Spotting has finally stopped. WOO! Dh was ready to DTD so good timing heh.
Started OPKs last night and they're surprisingly dark. Not anywhere to being +, but hopefully they will get there :) That would be a most excellent Christmas present *nodnod*

Zoe seems to be coming down with her very first cold. This is going to be her first sickness. It's only a very minor phlegmy sounding cough right now. Nothing major, and she's a little more grumpy than usual, but other than that she's ok. Hopefully it doesn't get worse than that.

Well...

I spoke too soon.
Last night had a little more bleeding, but it seems to have kinda stopped now. Hopefully it's gone completely and I won't have another surprise later :\

So SiL and baby are now home. Fixed them some food.
It's this egg noodle cheesy chicken recipe that we got from one of DH's friends.

Pack of egg noodles (i use extra wide)
2 cans of condensed cream of mushroom soup
3 or so boneless skinless chicken breasts cut in to small chunks
milk
1 pack of sharp or mild shredded cheddar

 -Preheat oven to 350
-In a pan, season the chicken w/ salt, paprika, garlic powder, onion powder. Cook until done, add to a baking dish.
-At the same time, cook the egg noodle and add to the baking dish.
- Add both cans of cream of mushroom soup, cheese.
- Pour milk in to the empty cans of soup and pour over noodle mixture. (do this one or 2 times)
- Mix it all well.
- Cover the top in foil
- Heat in the oven for 30-40mins

It's pretty tasty :)

Anyway, kinda pissed when we went over there though. They've let their dogs take over the loveseat we gave them. It doesn't even look like they've sat in it b/c there was torn up foam and dog hair ALL over it.
AND their house is still F-ing filthy and wreaked of fresh cig smoke. Seriously???
And I know SiL is already smoking again b/c she had a pack of cigs AND an ashtray on her computer desk.
I mean damn..... you have a new F-ing baby... the least you could do was clean the f-ing house and take your asses outside to smoke! I feel so sorry for the baby :(
Just sick to my stomach thinking of the health problems he's going to have b/c they're too lazy to go outside and smoke.
They're not bad people, but boy are they STUPID.
____

Anyway....
DH finally got Zoe to hug yesterday. Well, we both kind of did. We'd hug her and say hug, but I guess she never really got it until yesterday. It's so cute and I am loving me some hugs from my munchkin! :D
It's so crazy how BIG she is. Now that there is a comparison to her new little cousin, it's insane how big Zoe has gotten.
DH and I think we're probably going to have to call her doc and tell her that Zoe still isn't walking on her own in a few weeks. She does so well walking w/ help, but she just does not want to let go. As soon as she lets go of something she goes straight to the floor w/ no hesitation.
Not sure what we could even do to encourage her more.

Ask and ye shall recieve!!

Well, at least about my period anyway. It's pretty much gone gone gone now :D WOOO!
It's still making me question if I ovulated and damnit, I hate hope that I could have!
Ordered more OPKs and I'll start testing soon :)
I know my hormones are back to doing their PCOS BS though b/c my hair is starting to fall out like it used to.
Hate taking a shampooing my hair b/c my hands ALWAYS come back w/ strands of hair that have come out.
Thanks body for making me feel even less attractive :\
____

After visiting w/ SiL and their new baby.... my baby fever is off the charts. It's going crazy and I want another NOWS!!! lol
I was so out of it those first few weeks with Zoe that I really couldn't enjoy the newborn phase so it's so cute and almost new holding my lil nephew :)

I keep looking for Big Sister toddler shirts for Zoe. Most of them say Little Sister though. I want to buy one so bad, but who knows when we'll actually have another, ya know.

Need to start exercising again. Took this week off since I was visiting with them at the hospital and didn't feel like doing anything when I got home. Next week will be a good start up though :) Gotta kick some ass and LOSE some of this ass :D

Ok... time to stop

Say 6 of this period and... yeah, it can go ahead and stop now. I dunno, I'm on the fence on if I ovulated. Grrrr, stupid body!
____
Oh crap, I forgot to post yesterday!

So SiL had her boy on 11/12/13. I didn't even realize what the date was until she mentioned it LOL.
He is SO damn cute! Little smooshed face. He was 7lbs 9oz!!!! At 37w!!!!!! He probably would have been 9 pounds if they had let her go on longer.
Everything looked good though. He has a head full of hair, and is just so darn cute. His hair is dark brown but not like Zoe's or his sister (the 7yo). Can't really tell who he looks like yet. Not with his smooshed little face :D

Went to visit SiL and them this morning. Couldn't frickin find a dang parking spot anywhere near the front entrance and had to park WAY over by the obgyn office/parking garage. It's seriously a mile+ walk to where they were. Got my exercise in for the day :P LOL

He is just so darn adorable!! GAAAAAAAAH It's so easy to forget just how tiny these little babies start out :D Oh my gosh, I want another so bad! hehe
Poor SiL though is getting NO rest. With the nurses coming in every couple of hours, the baby making noise, and my brother.
My brother is such a giant DICK. He's like SiL's 4th child. He will not let her sleep. At least he didn't when I was there. Not sure WTF his problem is. I hope SiL smacks the shit out of him if he keeps it up. He's the definition of Manchild.

Anywho, been taking them some food when I went up. Not sure if I'm gonna go tomorrow. I'm sure they're probably sick of me by now lol.

Zoe seems to kinda enjoy going up there. She was baby flirting like crazy with this male student nurse yesterday. He would come in with the main nurse and Zoe would look at him and just start smiling and laughing and baby talking to him REALLY loudly lol. It was adorable and hilarious :D

She wasn't sure what to make of the baby. She didn't try to hit him or anything thank goodness. I think she understood that she had to be gentle. And she can kinda say his name which is really cute :D It's not exactly like it of course, but when you say it to her to repeat, it's obvious what she's trying to say... if that makes sense heh.

Speaking of my little bug.... she's so cute :D
Forgot to update about her appointment too.
She had it on Monday. She's only gained like 4 oz since her 12m appointment, but the doctor didn't seem worried or anything.
She was feeling the back of her head. Zoe's always had that flat spot and apparently it is a bit indented. Doc didn't say if it's something to worry about but did keep feeling it. I honestly never really noticed it. I was just so used to it being kinda flat so never paid much attention to it, ya know? She didn't say we had to worry so I'm not going to.
What else...
She had us walk Zoe some while holding her hand. She just wants to make sure Zoe is progressing with her walking. She told us that if she's not walking on her own in a month to call and we'd get set up with a physical therapist. She said it's nothing to worry about, just a precaution.
Also said if the burt's bees lotion we switched to isn't working on Zoe's skin problem to call and she'd refer us to a dermatologist.
So yeah... of course as soon as she said not to worry..... I worried lol
I know some kids take a while to walk and will get there on their own but... I think Zoe may be the last or one of the last to walk in my DD group. It does worry me a lot but watching her walk w/ her walker, we can see that she does a good job with that.
Hopefully she'll do it on her own soon.

Maybe I did?

MAN, I wish I could just remember to take OPKs every day! lol
I hate not knowing if I did or didn't ovulate.
This period is... I dunno. I want to say it's too heavy to be an anov one, but it's def not my usual either.

Maybe after seeing my new nephew tomorrow I'll have SUPER ULTRA BABY FEVER and will remember to do everything heh.
Oh and SiL is having her baby tomorrow :P lol
I'm so excited! She's having it at 10 and I'll probably try to be up there around then. Can't wait!
I do not envy my brother or their girls though. SiL was already super emotional when pregnant, is when not..... after pregnancy hormones... they better watch out! lol

It's already sending my jealousy and want in to overdrive though and I know seeing his cute little face is going to make it go crazy!

I'm kinda sad though. I'm excited for them, but it makes me remember how I was when other SiL was pregnant and... I dunno.. I feel pretty shitty for not being this excited for her. Yes, she was a huge bitch and said some crap things, and we were still struggling and going through multiple losses (doesn't help that we had the same DD.. UGH :( ).... but still. Makes me feel guilty.

Anyway, that's about it. Will post some photos of him tomorrow! MUAHAHAHA lol
It should be ok... most newborns look the same anyway. All wrinkled and adorable :P heh

Coincidence?

Is it a coincidence that I get my period after I started exercising? Who knows but I'm going to take it as a good sign.
It's not a normal heavy period, but it's def something more than just spotting.
Plus last cycle was a 28 day cycle which is considered to be normal. Well, normal length anyway.
I'll take it though! Now to continue exercising and hoping it helps my body to ovulate :D May have to buy more OPKs and actually remembering to take at least one every day.

I'm really not expecting to lose a lot of weight these last 2 months. There are just too many birthdays and then the 2 major holidays. It's going to be difficult not gaining anything lol.
But still.. w/ the continued exercising, I'm just hoping it helps to start regulating my hormones a bit more. :)
____

Totally forgot that Zoe has a walker even though it's right there in the living room. DER.
Just one of those things you get so used to seeing that you end up overlooking it.
Anyway, made Zoe grab it the other day and she was off! lol
She loves that thing now that she knows she can walk with it. She doesn't know how to turn so will often run in to something that stops her and she'll start whining heh.
She's doing really well with it though. She still doesn't have that confidence to walk on her own yet, but she'll get there.
She has her 15m checkup on Monday. Can't wait to see how much she has grown. She's outgrown most of her 12m stuff now and her 18m stuff fits her well. I think she's going to be growing out of the 18m stuff soon though.... unless growth starts slowing WAY down soon.

We went to Old Navy today since they have a 30% off sale. Saw a cute shirt I wanted to get her. We ended up getting her a few larger size shirts on clearance. Nerdy Star Wars stuff heh.
Love buying her clothes :D Hate it for myself, but for her? Yes please!

She is such a goofy silly child. I'm sure a lot of toddlers are like this since they're really starting to come in to their own.
If she hears people laughing, she'll laugh. It's SO cute. Like if I watch a comedian on Netflix and she's watching it with me, she'll laugh if she hears the audience laughing :D How cute is that?
Also I would say "Good good" when feeding her food and she's been saying that now too. Usually when it's something she loves like yogurt. She'll eat it and then she'll say (w/ yogurt still in her mouth) "Good good". SQUEEEEEE
She's so cute I just want to eat her! Ok not really but you know what I mean. :D

Ok then... o_O

So the spotting has continued and last night apparently it got a little heavier b/c I leaked some this morning. WTH?
Probably going to be a long drawn out anov period or something.
This is cd 29 of this cycle so.. maybe.
I haven't been taking OPKs every day. Just forgot to some days, but all the other days that I did... not even close to being +.
Whatever though... if my body wants a new cycle, then bring it! If I don't have to take provera again, awesome!
____

SiL might be delivering her boy on Tuesday!! :D I'm so excited to see what he's going to look like!
I'm SO worried about their house though. My dumbass of a brother still smokes inside and their house just totally wreaks of smoke and stank.
I offered to come over and help clean, but I think SiL is too embarassed or something.
I asked her if she wanted people to visit in the hospital or wait until they're home and she said she didn't want anyone to come inside their house.
Well maybe you wouldn't be embarassed by it if you ya know.. did that thing called CLEAN every once in a while.
I hate cleaning, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do and I don't want my nephew to go home to a shitty environment that's not good for him or any of them for that matter.
Going to try one more time to see if they want some help cleaning. They really don't have to be embarassed about their mess with me. I used to live with DH's parents.. I know what mess looks like. And as a teen, I wasn't exactly a neat freak or anything either.

Anyway...
Worried and excited for them. Going to bitch out my brother if he continues to smoke inside.
____

 Read an article someone wrote on secondary infertility. It really hit home and it sucked to see that so many couples suffer it.
I'm grateful eternally that we have our little Zoe though. I want her to have siblings. If we never have another bio child, then I think I really would like to adopt.
So many out there that need a loving family to call their own and yeah... our household would be that :)
Even if we do have another bio child... I think I still would like to adopt.
We'll see though. I'm not out of this reproductive race yet.

Day 3 and stuff

Fixed deer last night. Just pan fried it like a steak. Tasted just like beef :P lol
Was expecting some weird flavor but nope. It was good though and it felt good that it wasn't some hormone pumped factory farmed animal.
Although it does kinda make you feel bad when you think about it running free, being a free animal and then BLAMMO... head shot....
Guess it's just best not to think about that o_O

Had some spotting today. UGH. AND my face is breaking out some. Double UGH UGH!
My body never fails to remind me how screwed it is.

Exercise today was still just some light stuff. Still warming this ball of fat up so hopefully I won't get all sore and stop when I start something harder.

____

Enough about me though.

Zoe is doing well :)
Most of her vocab is still baby babble, but it sounds like complete sentence baby babble.. if that makes any sense.
She's so cute :)
She is still refusing to walk though. I know she will eventually and she's doing SO well when we hold just one of her hands (it forces her to walk on her own a bit more w/ little support from us)... but she still won't stand on her own so therefore won't walk either.
I know I shouldn't worry but I do as I'm sure most parents do.

We're trying some new lotion and body wash on her. Hoping that it helps w/ her skin problem. It's not even eczema. It's those damn bumpy pimple looking things. The ones on her arms have almost gone away (for some reason), but now her legs are terrible. SO bumpy and terrible feeling. Thankfully still, they don't seem to bother her. We've started to lotion her a lot more during the day. A quick rub down w/ every other diaper change.

Also, it looks like she's going to inherit her daddy's teeth. DH isn't very happy with that.
There really isn't anything wrong with his teeth. His front 2 are very very slightly crooked. I mean it's barely noticeable, but of course DH notices it and hates it and with the way Zoe's teeth are coming in it resembles DH's.
Like the teeth right beside the front 2 are slightly behind them.. that's how Zoe's are.

Anyway, if she does have some dental issues, we have insurance that will at least cover a little of it. We'd make sure we could afford to get her braces and whatnot so she won't have image issues like DH did. Sigh, seriously.... there is nothing wrong with his teeth.
 

Green Eyed Monster

Yep, it's rearing it's ugly head.
Another BFP in my DD group and while I am very happy for her and all of the others before... it still sucks that we haven't even had a real chance yet.
So yeah... jealousy is bubbling up inside of me and making me feel a bit hopeless atm :(
Just wish I were one of the lucky ones that HAD to use protection instead of meh... no protection needed b/c there's no ovulation going on here!... sigh
It's my own fault and that's what pisses me off the most.
I procrastinated for SO damn long about losing weight that now.. here I am, desperately wanting to be pregnant again and not even having a chance at it b/c I let laziness win.

This is a time when better late than never doesn't work b/c of my age.
Waiting too long means our chances are going to be even less.

Sigh, ok enough moping around. Going to go play some Just Dance and get my sweat on while trying to have some fun.
Wish it had more songs that I actually liked but.. meh. Work with what you have.

Day 1

Of exercising that is.
Well I did do some last week, but I'm not going to count it since it was so little.

I'll keep at it for say... 30 days. It's just an arbitrary number so I'll actually have some sort of goal to look forward to.
I'm also going to try to stay away from the scale.

This first week is going to mostly be focused on easy slow exercises to warm my body up.
I've done the whole, jump right in and get sore as hell for a week after thing and yeah, that crap doesn't work. I get sore and don't want to do anything after it goes away. So this time.. I'm starting it off slow so my body gets used to things and will amp it up a bit more next week.
Sounds like a good plan so hopefully it will actually turn out to be one heh.

Also going to put the scale up. It's my enemy at this point. I'll bring it back out.. maybe weekly but will try for maybe every other week. I know weight can go up and down so much and weighing daily really will drive you crazy.

Okedoke, baby girl is awake and fussing. Damn this time change BS. Of course now that w/ Fall back, she wants to nap an hour earlier and wake an hour earlier. BOOOOO

Hmmm

May have to rethink having a 3rd child.
I really would like 3, but never thought about how old I would be by the time we would have a 3rd.
Ok so, I get pregnant next year, I'm going to be 35 when that child is born. If I get pregnant not too long after having the 2nd... it means I'd be 36, but more than likely, I'd be 37 before having a 3rd. I know women are having children later and later in life, but still. Wow.
I'm def not some spring chicken any longer and really have to look in to all of this before making a decision.
I guess we'll see when we get there. Hell, we still have to have a 2nd first before even thinking about a 3rd lol.

These next 2 months are going to be hell on eating well. Thanksgiving and then Christmas. Have to make sure every other day is spot on and I have to continue exercising.
This week started off slow, but I'm feeling the pressure and the motivation to keep going (finally).

Determined.... pregnant or down a good amount of weight by April. I mean obviously if not pregnant, then we'll keep trying, but April only b/c that's when my annual is for.

Zoe is up and fussing. Gotta go snuggle my little fussy butt :D

Homeschooling

I can't remember if I've posted about this before or not. If I have... oops, then I'll be repeating myself. Wouldn't be the first time heh.

Anyway... I know there's still a few years to think about this, but I'm seriously considering homeschooling Zoe. I just really don't have faith in our school systems any longer and think myself and family would do a better job teaching her.
BUT I worry about the social aspect of it for Zoe.
Now we do plan on putting Zoe in to some activities, dance, and probably some form of martial arts so she would meet kids there, but I dunno if that would be enough, ya know?
DH mentioned that there were homeschooling get togethers or something. I think one of his friends mentioned it to him.
I want her to get the best education possible, but I also want her to have friends and have that whole kid experience w/ friends she meets etc. I'll have to look in to it more.

YAY :)

Tonight was fun.
SiL was a bit of a buzzkill, but oh well... sucks for her.

Some photos first...
Zoe w/ DH.

Looking adorable!

With her cousins

And earlier in the day waking up from a nap. She just looked too cute w/ her hair messy :D
And gosh, I love that dimple!

We mostly strolled around with Zoe and walked my nieces around our neighborhood. A lot more kids this year, but unfortunatly not that many homes were giving out candy. Lots of walking to get to a house that was giving out any. But thankfully b/c of that, the people are usually pretty generous and give more than just one so my nieces got a lot of stuff.
Def not like the good ole days when you would haul in like a trash bag full of candy lol.
Oh well.

My brother and SiL stayed at our place and handed out candy. I bagged all the candy since it just seemed easier than giving out a few at a time and they ran out just as I was walking back w/ my oldest niece.
DH and my other niece along w/ Zoe had gone back to the house ahead of us b/c my youngest niece was done for the night.

Ok so.. my nieces are what... 9 and 7? And they are in TERRIBLE shape. Seriously, DH and I could've walked the entire neighborhood. DH is in good shape, but I am not, but we weren't walking fast or anything so we were both ok to walk it all. Anyway, we weren't even half way done when both girls started complaining about their legs being sore. And then the 7yo didn't even want to continue trick or treating and just wanted to go back. WTF???
9 and 7!!!!!! That just aint right. Man, I remember when I was that young. I had energy and then some and could go around my entire neighborhood and still have oodles of energy to do more stuff. Now I know you can't do that shit nowadays b/c people suck, but still....
That is just sad when a 9 and 7 yo are in that terrible of shape. And it's not like they're super overweight or something. They're slightly pudgy, the 7yo a bit more than the 9, but not enough that you would look at them and say they have a problem or that they're unhealthy in any way, ya know.
I dunno.. I just felt bad for them. Kids that age should be super active and able to outlast us lazy adults no problem.

Ok so..... back to SiL and my brother.... they've only purchased 7 diapers.... that's it!! WTF?? I guess maybe they're going to wait and see if they like cloth diapering? That's the only thing I can think of. It just ticked me off a little when I asked them if they needed inserts and she looks at me and says they don't have any (other than what came w/ the diapers they bought). UGH. So I had to give them some of Zoe's. She still has plenty. Thank goodness Kawaii diapers come with 2 inserts and not just one.
I'm sure they won't stick with it though. When they heard how often they had to wash the diapers, they just sort of gave a look and laughed. So yeah... I will be shocked if they stick with it for more than a week or 2. Well, they may stick it out more than that even if they don't want to since they don't have an income atm.

And SiL... ugh. Now, I know she's really uncomfortable right now and a bit miserable, but at least fake a damn smile for your kids. She's done this almost every Halloween they've come over here. They're kids and they're gonna be SUPER damn hyper and ready to go out. It can get annoying but you zone them out.
You would think she would learn how to have done that but no.. she just yells at them and just really brings down the happy time that this should be. And tonight was no different.
SiL was just in a really stank nasty mood and... yeah, just glad I didn't have to hear her shit all night.


I know I complain about them a lot. It's just that there's nowhere else for me to do it. And they must come off as terrible people, but they're really not. They have their flaws just like we all do. I'm sure if someone were to complain about me, I would sound just as terrible or worse.

Happy Halloween!!

Good lordy, I can't believe we only have 2 more months to go before 2014. SHEESH, where has the time gone??

So news news....
SiL isn't feeling good. Pregnancy is not agreeing with her in these final weeks and she's nauseated (actual throwing up), has lost her appetite and just an overall blah feeling. She said she's lost 17lbs in 2 weeks. Baby looks ok, but she's hoping they'll deliver him at 37w. I'm sure it's just b/c she feels so bad. And I'm sure her not eating a lot isn't good for him either.

She has an appointment today so we'll see what happens. :D
So excited to see my little nephew. Must say, while I am so happy for them and so happy to have a little nephew... I am SO damn jealous too.

Anyway.... they're supposed to be coming over tonight to trick or treat in our neighborhood. Which reminds me, I really need to make candy bags to give out.

We're going to walk/stroll Zoe around a little bit. Of course I'll get photos and post them :)

I'm very slowly starting to exercise again. Didn't do as much as I was wnting to this week.
Zoe sapped all of my energy yesterday. One of those almost non-stop whining screaming crying days that sucks the life right out of you. Also doesn't help that when she wasn't crying, she was trying her best to eat the potting soil... which also reminds me that I need to move them until we figure out how to keep her out of them.

I'm still experiencing some dizziness. Still not sure what's going on with that. We really need to find ourselves a family doctor so we can take our asses. DH really needs to go. He is healthy, but he hasn't been to an actual doctor in.. man, I don't even know.
He's a typical guy basically.

Oh, I bought snaps to convert the newborn diapers. Snaps are F-ing EXPENSIVE. UGH I don't want to say how much I've spent on them. I had to go out and buy more! And of course what do I see.... nice diaper velcro right underneath that I could've gotten if I had just looked. UGH!
Whatever. Hopefully I'm not ruining these things.. b/c if so... man, what a waste of money!


And finally... if you're ever bored and need something to do go to awkwardmessages.com . It's funny but will make you lose your faith in humanity :P

Loaning stuff out

So... SiL was in the hospital apparently b/c she was in a lot of pain.
We didn't hear about this until DH's frickin mom told us about it.... nevermind that it's MY brother's wife or anything so you would think my brother would've at least called. Hell, even my MOM who my SiL does not get along with (most of the time) knew. WTH??
Anyway, she and the baby are fine... or well, baby is fine, but SiL is still in some pain.
She said they think she bruised some ribs somehow. Probably the baby doing something in there.

Anyway, since my brother lost his job and they don't have an income any longer... told them we'd lend them a few things. Like the bottles and infant carrier carseat.
I normally wouldn't encourage anyone to take a used carseat, but we never got in to an accident w/ it and it's still perfectly fine to use until... I think 2016 so yeah. Also letting them use the stroller thing I bought for it.
Few less things they have to worry about.
Is it bad though that we'll probably never see any of the items again? Not that I want the carrier back, but the stroller yes, and the bottles, yes. Those bottles weren't cheap and I would like to use them again when we have another.. same with the stroller.
I don't mind loaning them things, BUT.... they really don't take care of their shit soooo.. yeah. Plus it's going to come back smelling like smoke and just UGH.....
They're just the kind of people you 2nd guess and lending things too b/c you're just not sure if you're gonna get it back in 1 piece.
Like with our vacuum. We splurged and bought one of those expensive ass dyson vacuums a while ago b/c cheaper ones were breaking really quick.
They wanted to borrow it for a few days... we got it back with F-ing dog chew marks/puncture holes on one of the hoses and we STILL haven't gotten the replacement for it from them like they said they ordered (uh huh.. :\)
And lending them books is GROSS b/c we get them back completely wreaking of cig smoke and that smell can not be gotten out of books.

Oh well....

So dizziness is still here. Tiny little bit of spotting after DTD, but haven't noticed anything else.
I'm thinking since I am spotting it's something to do with hormones along w/ my insulin problem. I'm going to start exercising tomorrow no matter what. If I wait for the dizziness to stop then it could be quite a while before I start and I've already put it off for too long.

OPK is still negative and I did take another HPT and BFN not that I expected anything else. Took it just to be totally sure though.

Not sure what's going on

... with my body.
This dizziness will not go away. It's not as bad as it first was but it's still here.
Don't have an ear infection, at least nothing I can feel.
Haven't felt like I was having any sort of blood pressure issues either so I doubt it's that.
Only other thing is maybe blood sugar issues? Gosh I hope not. Our eating hasn't been the best, but it hasn't been terrible either... *shrugs*
Will clean it up a bit more though and hope for the best.

Also... just about had a damn heart attack. I know dizziness can occur with pregnancy BUT I'm only cd 16 of this cycle.
I just wiped away a tiny little bit of tinge on the tp. Was using an opk so decided to use a pregnancy test as well.
Messed on the computer a bit, looked over (it had been maybe 3-4 mins), and saw a clear as day line on the HPT. Cue the heart attack. Thankfully though it was just a weird dye line making its way across the test.
I say thankfully b/c... at cd 16 and with that period I just had and now this spotting... yeah... it would make me very scared if I got a positive HPT. Afraid that something was wrong :(
There was something on that HPT though. I'm sure it was just the usual bad quality shadowy negative test line showing though b/c the OPK was very very very light.

Anyway, my body is just so F-ing out of whack right now :( My hair is really starting to come out too. At least that's what it seems like whenever I take a shower and pull out a dozen or so when I'm shampooing.


In other news... we bought Zoe new earrings :D She lost one of her gold ones. Can't find it anywhere so we're trying hoops. We were at Petsmart and there's a jewelry store right beside it so we decided to look. They had some really cute little ones that is exactly what we were looking for and got them. I'll get some photos of her w/ them. :)

Same old

Just wanted to come and update.
Really nothing much going on.

Woke up w/ the room spinning today. Not sure WTH is going on but I've been getting dizzy all day if I bend over. I'm not dehydrated and it doesn't feel like I'm getting sick so... *shrugs*

Started OPKs. Can only hope my body decides to work this cycle. If not.. thankfully my doc gave me 3 more provera refills so I'm set for that just in case.

Zoe is good. She's becoming more independent and more needy every day. It's weird. One min she'll be happy playing by herself... then the next, all she wants to do is be in my face and the center of attention heh. Guess I have to get used to this. At least until she's a teen w/ raging hormones and wants nothing but her privacy :P lol

Really not much going on.. as I already said heh. Days are getting shorter and cooler (WOO!), this year is almost over... and yeah.... just life stuff happening :)

Blogging for my sanity!!

Zoe is having a fit in her room right now b/c she's tired but is refusing to take a damn nap!!!
I hate hearing her fussy screams. Breaks my heart but is also SUPER damn frustrating.
Just GO TO SLEEP and you'll be happy when you wake up!

Anyway, on cuter news lol....
 Her new words are "Go Away" LOL. She doesn't know what it means but she says it crystal clear. Not even like a babyfied version of it.
She'll start to babble and if she says something that sounds like something, I'll repeat it as whatever it sounds like. She said something and it sounded like "Go Away" so I repeated it back to her and man, she clung on to it and loves saying it heh.

She also enjoys saying No, and Stop along with a pointed finger hand gesture with both lol. Not really sure she knows what they mean though. Or if she does know, she doesn't care :P heh

Her skin problems are still there. It wasn't dairy. We started giving her milk again and other than some gas, her skin problem hasn't gotten worse and no flare ups.
It did flare up at the fair though after giving her some elephant ear. We thought maybe it was the wheat or gluten, but she's had both before and I don't THINK there was a problem after. Will have to keep an eye on it though when she has those things again.
Oh and the gross poo problem did clear up after stopping the almond milk.

We've just been lotioning her and hoping that helps.
____

SiL's baby shower tomorrow. Good lord we bought a lot of baby clothes for her LOL.
I wish we had more money. Would like to buy them more stuff. I hate shopping... except for baby shopping. Baby stuff is just so dang fun to get!!

Lets see.... we got them a diaper bag (it was actually free from Babies R Us since we spent $50?).
Lots of clothes
10pk Wash cloth
Boppy Pillow
This other cute wash cloth set
Aaaand I think that's it.
Then I made a mobile, blanket, and a cute hat.

The mobile was fun to make.... I just hope they actually hang it up. They'll have to hang it from the ceiling and.. yeah.. them being them.. I would not be surprised if we went over there and it's been pushed in to the corner covered in dog crap and pee. Hope not.

Anyway, would've loved to have gotten them more since not a lot of people are coming, but oh well.
We got them what we could.
____

AF is FINALLY on her way out. Still spotting just a little, but hopefully it will be completely gone by tomorrow or Sunday.
I'm still feeling some aches in the right O area. I hope it's not some HUGE cyst that's going to cause problems.
Also... my boobs are a bit sensitive. They're not super painful or anything like that, but they're sore if grabbed..... something that DH and I both learned last night when he was copping a feel lol.
Just not used to my boobs have any amount of soreness to them.
Gosh I hope it means my body will work this cycle.
Would be nice to get pregnant, but I'd settle just for ovulation and a normal period on my own.

Ok, enough already

Could this period start lightening up already?? Damn man...
What other creature on earth can bleed this damn much for this long and still be alive? Seriously... this is getting ridiculous.
Making me think those other "periods" weren't real ovulatory ones. *shrugs*

This is day 4 of heavy bleeding. It's not AS heavy but still heavy. Surprised I'm not walking around as pale as a ghost and ready to pass out. Geeze.
Ok AF, time to start packing your bags!

I had the saddest and gross dream last night.
I dreamt I passed this HUGE sac. Realized in the dream that it was an amniotic sac and that I miscarried. I started to tear open the sac looking for the baby to try to save it :(
____

No almond milk for Zoe yesterday. She didn't poop again after her giant nasty one first thing in the morning.
She had some poop before her nap today. Still kinda juicy but not nearly the amount of the last nasty one. Hoping when she poops again it's going to be a normal turd.
____

There's really not too much to report on. The weather is clouded over but nice and cool. We have a bunch of windows open and I think I'm actually going to have to close a couple b/c it's getting a little chilly.
Can't believe this year is almost over.
____

Oh and as for weight loss. It's pretty much stalled. Thankfully it hasn't gone back UP like it was doing. I know it was just water weight, but it still sucked to see.
I think it would be fair to say that we probably won't have a real chance at trying until next year if I don't kick myself in the ass already and start exercising to help w/ the weight loss.
I have to do something. Plan on it after this period from heaven/hell stops or at least lightens up some!

Cute!

Just a quick post before bed...

Trying on Zoe's Halloween costume. Almost forgot we had it.
One of DH's coworkers gave it to us as a baby shower gift. Where she got it was sold out on smaller sizes so she had to get the larger one. Good thing for us though b/c now we don't have to buy anything lol.

I only got a smile out of her b/c I was going CRAZY b/c of how cute she was hehe.
Surprised the photo came out and wasn't all blurry from me jumping up and down squeeeeing.

Good grief

I guess some provera was just what my body needed to flush itself out b/c... damn.
This is day 3 of super F-ing heavy flow.
I said ' screw it' last night and wore one of my left over post-pregnancy gigantic pads to bed LOL.
Wanted to actually roll over and sleep in whatever position I wanted without fear of leaking all over the damn place. It worked too and I slept pretty darn well :D

I def think I have a cyst going on on the right O. It's not super painful or anything, just an ache every once in a while. Hopefully it resolves itself soon. Makes me wonder if I was going to ovulate and I screwed it up by taking the provera. I highly doubt it, but it makes me wonder still.

____

Another gross poo from Zoe this morning. YUCK YUCK YUCK. We haven't had to use the diaper sprayer for a while now since her poops have been solid enough to just plop in to the toilet. BUt it's been getting a workout these past couple of days. BLAAAAH
Will try her off of the almond milk to see if it helps.

Her skin issues... I dunno. The bumps on her face are still there, but don't seem to get all red and flare up like they used to. Just wish they would go away completely.
Her arms and legs...
She used to have a patches of the bumps on her forearms and on her shoulders. The patches seem to have gotten smaller, but she now has small bumps spread out over the entire arm.
Also her legs used to be clear. She's get a small patch of eczema every once in a while, but those would go away quickly. But now, those same little bumps are spread all over her legs.
So damn frustrating :(
None of the areas seem to bother her thankfully, but still wish we knew what was causing it. Really thinking about taking her to a dermatologist or something.
Her ped always just says to keep her lotioned. Well we keep her lotioned and it doesn't do shit.

Before Bed

Was thinking earlier that maybe Zoe's poops have been bad b/c of teething? She's getting A LOT of her top back teeth. Felt in there yesterday or the day before and she has a couple poking through and I could feel a lot more wanting to. *shrugs*
Or it could be diet related. We'll see. Someone (thanks btw :) ) sent me a message saying that it could be the almond milk. *shrugs* It could be. If she has nasty poop again tomorrow, I'll just try her on plain water for a couple of days to see if her poops go back to normal nasty :P

____

DH's birthday is on Tuesday :D We're going to the fair. Should be fun! We always look forward to it... yes almost entirely for the food :P lol.
I'm sure I'll gain about 10lbs but it will be worth it!

Bought him some survival stuff. We've kinda sorta started getting in to that.
We've started to buy extra food and water for a just in case emergency situation.
I bought him a nice knife, small axe and a survival guide book heh. Doesn't hurt to have the stuff and doesn't hurt to be prepared *nodnod*
It's nothing major. We bought some cheap gallon jugs of water, a few cans of chicken (bleh) and a few boxes of ramen noodles so far heh. I'll probably get a few more things tomorrow when I go shopping. Canned fruit and whatnot.

It's not that we think something is going to happen or anything. And we're not getting all weird about it... like digging ourselves an underground bunker..... although..... ;) lol

Weird

Is it weird that I'm glad to feel some aching and cramping with this AF?? lol
It's just that the few AFs that I got on my own before Zoe were pretty achy and I dunno... it's just comforting to feel it. Uncomfortable, but comforting.
I think I may have a cyst or something on my right ovary. I actually started feeling something soon after starting provera, and now.. when I lay on my stomach, that side starts to ache.
____

Zoe has had the NASTIEST poops. There was one yesterday and then again this morning. Just... BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Disgusting!!!!
I dunno how someone so little and cute could produce something so vile!

Speaking of little..... her cousin... SiL's little girl who just turned 2 is only 22lbs! Good lord.
She was a tiny baby b/c SiL had that hyperwhatever during pregnancy (constant bad morning sickness). So her baby was only.. something like 5lbs 6oz at 39w.
THEN... her girl doesn't want to eat anything so she's really not gaining weight like she should.
*shrugs* She's a healthy little girl though and seems to be pretty darn smart too heh.
It's so cute watching her and Zoe interact.
It's going to be fun watching them grow and play together :)

Screamy McScreamsALot

Good lord... when Zoe is in a bad mood... she lets you and the rest of the neighborhood know it! lol
I think she just didn't get in a good first nap so she was cranky, but still... SHEESH. It was like her small little world was crumbling around her lol.

So what's been up....
Took the last provera today. FINALLY. I'm already spotting a little so AF will be here tomorrow or Saturday. Looking forward to a new cycle that will have NO spotting and will have a nice ovulation. FX!

My weight loss is non-existant. Thankfully I'm not gaining weight, BUT I'm not losing any either. Seems as though I'll go down some, then gain it all back. It's most likely water weight, but why... why the hell does my body think it needs to hold on to 5+ pounds of water??

Oh my gosh, Kohls has a FANTASTIC sale going on on their clearance stuff. An extra 20? % off the clearance price. We went and bought Zoe a bunch of summer stuff for next year... spent $13.
We then headed to Once Upon a Child (a few stores over) and bought her some footie PJs for when it gets colder. Can't wait to put her in some. She's gonna look so cute heh.

Still no walking. Same ole same ole in that department. Doesn't look like she has any interest in walking unassisted.

SiL's baby shower is next Saturday and I have NO idea what the heck I'm going to cook for it.
Going to get ranty here...
SiL is really pissing me off with her gestational diabetes. I'm SO worried she's doing damage to her unborn son.
While she's not gobbling down a cake, she's still not eating properly so her sugar levels have been WAY too high still, even on insulin. She still thinks she can have potatoes whenever she wants, and bread and pasta and all that shit. It's SO fucking frustrating because she KNOWS she can't... she thinks that the insulin is going to do all the work for her so she can just have whatever.
I just want to shake some damn sense in to her.
Can only hope that she isn't doing damage to her boy.
OH AND, my brother lost his damn job.... AGAIN. SiL tried to say it wasn't his fault (this time), but I know better than that shit.
Why did he lose his job... I bet I can guess.
She still doesn't have her damn license, so he had to constantly take off of work to take her to her doc appointments.... and there were A LOT b/c of the uncontrolled GD.
So I guess no, it wasn't JUST his fault.. it was both of theirs.
Seriously, there is absolutely no reason why she can't go get her damn license and drive herself around other than pure laziness.
Just UGH!
Sorry for the rant but I'm sure we all know relatives just like this. The ones you love but can't fucking stand sometimes b/c of the stupid shit they do.