Need to check myself....

Been stressing out lately which has been making me yell more again. Need to catch it before it happens.
I know yelling will happen sometimes... I've just been doing it too much again. Need to step back and take a breather or 2. Yelling doesn't do anything except for stress me out which blows the situation up more and ugh.. I don't want my kids growing up and remembering me for yelling at them all the time.

Do wish kids would just listen and do what I say the first time though. That would make it a lot easier :P lol If only....
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In other news.. woke up with absolutely no boob pain. That is until I started thinking about pumping and got that let down feeling. Only managed to pump about 2oz this morning too. Probably could've pumped more, but ultimate goal is to stop so.... yeah. Plus I had already been pumping long enough and my nipples are starting to split again which sucks.
But mission "Dry these bewbs up!" is coming along.
Still sad about it, but not as bad now.
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And just b/c... pics!!
The one with Oren could've been so much cuter if my phone didn't suck :(

Well..that sucks

Weigh in today was... 219. So it went back up 2lbs. I kind of expected it b/c I've been a little bloated, but it still sucked to see.
I haven't been cheating or anything like that. I mean.. my cheats on Friday were a bit more so maybe that's what caused the bloating? /shrugs
Was hoping for at least the same 217 I saw last week. But hey... 219 is still less than my starting weight so there's that :)

I'm going to try harder to get in at least a little bit of exercise. It's supposed to be nice out tomorrow and Wednesday. Going to try to clear the garden space and get all of that done for my light exercise.

This is going to be a long journey, but I at least want to get it going and not stall out lol. I can at least attempt to not be so lazy :P
Diet is ok.. just gotta get this booty moving!!
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Going to have to do CIO with Ezra I think which I hate.
Me feeding him while I pumped has gotten him in to the habit of it and now we gotta break him of it :(
Now that I won't be pumping at night anymore.. sigh.. he's just gonna have to get used to it and hopefully start sleeping through.
And woo boy... my milk supply is dropping fast. My boobs are in a constant state of feeling like they need to be pumped and like this burning sensation, but it's not quite at that painful engorged feeling. Sometimes some parts of my boobs get sore from what I'm guessing is a very full part w/ milk, but I try to massage those parts when I am pumping to loosen it up and release which seems to help.
Manual pumping of course isn't draining my breasts so I'm not getting a ton. Last night before bed, I only got just over 2oz.. the night before, just before bed, I got over 4... so yeah... supply is going quickly.
Like I said though, if I can pump him a bottle a day for now, that will make me happy. If it goes less then that's fine too since it just means my boobs are drying up quick.
I just really want to avoid those few days of painful engorgement that happens when you quit cold turkey. Horrible awful days of boob pain that you cant really do anything about.
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Super stinky poop!

Good grief. Ezra has the funkiest poop ever. Oren and Zoe have nothing on Ezra. How can something so little and cute produce that stench?
Imagine sewage... that someone lit on fire, threw some garbage on, and then shit on. It's so bad.
Oren's is bad too.. well.. ok it's poop. It's not supposed to smell good... but still... BLEH! lol
Hoping we can get Oren potty trained sooner than Zoe did, but we'll see.
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To make up for the stanky poop.... Ezra was being extra cute today.
I was holding him, and he'd rest his head on me, then sit up.... then rest his head on me.. then sit up.. rinse repeat. It was SO sweet and I loved every minute of it.
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Zoe had herself the first real meltdown in a store today... and of course that store was Walmart.
I was letting her pick out some flower seeds. She picked hers... and then I saw the same flower seeds, but for a dollar cheaper. So I get that and tell her we're going to go put the other one up. Cue the beginning of the freak out.
Of course she didn't want the cheaper one, she wanted the other one. NOPE... we're getting the cheaper one... NOPE...she starts freaking out more and acting like a spoiled brat and that was it. I just put her seeds away and told her she wasn't getting anything.
That's when the very loud crying started and all the looks from everyone. I didn't care though. Sure I noticed, but I DGaF now. Have your meltdown child b/c this momma is not rewarding shitty behavior.
She carried on through the entire store. She wanted to look at the Valentine's Day stuff, but NOPE.... act like a brat, you're not getting what you want (which is what I told her).

Sure, I could've just gotten the more expensive seeds to begin with, but it's the way she refused the cheaper one and then kinda stomped like that was going to get her what she wanted.
I dunno who she thinks she's trying to manipulate with that mess.
Maybe MiL and aunt fall for that... I dunno.

On a better note though, MiL said that she really enjoyed the circus. MiL ended up buying her a stupidly expensive little white tiger plushie for $25. I mean the thing looks super cheap and ugly and is probably worth... maybe $5. She also bought Oren this really ugly clown plushie. REALLY ugly... but oh well... at least it's not creepy lol.
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DH did the taxes yesterday and we'll be getting a decent amount back. Yay :)
2k of it is going to credit card though. Damn you Christmas!! lol
But the rest can be used to start some home projects that we've been wanting. Like DH's shed..... the back porch/patio... and whatever else. Nothing stupid though.
NO stupidly expensive summer trip this year.
Yes that road trip was fun and it was quite an experience, but something like that can wait again.
Maybe we'll do a weekend trip to somewhere.. or just take day trips to wherever. The local state park, the zoo, etc.

Anyway... hoping that the amount we're getting back will help to pay for the home improvement projects. Would LOVE to finally get that back porch. Spend some days out there with the kids. Relaxing and getting some sun, while they go dodge the dog poo piles in the yard :P lol

I would like to get them a swing set for Christmas. Was looking at some expensive ones online (saw one in Sam's Club and looked at the brand online.. Backyard Discoveries? I think that's what it's called.).... anyway.. they have some really cute stuff, but a lot of it is HUGE and just too big for our yard. The thing we saw at Sam's was a little wooden play house with a built in bench, a spot for flower pots at the windows etc etc. SUPER cute, but also expensive at $300. That's cheaper than what the site and amazon lists it for though. Think on Amazon it's either 500 or 600.

But yeah.. would love to give the kids some kind of play set, swings, slide, play house.. whatever in the back yard. Give them lots to do in a safe area... hopefully free of poop.
We'll see though. We'll see how much everything is going to be and how much we'll have left and if it's enough and we agree on what to get the kids... maybe :)

No electric pumping

So, I got up to pump last night like I usually do and.... only pumped for about 10mins before stopping. Pretty much how long Ez took to drink his bottle.
I wanted to go longer... I wanted to keep pumping how I normally do, but no. I said I was going to stop and I need to.
It's bumming me out more than I thought it would though :( Actually get tears in my eyes at the thought of stopping now that that moment is here. Sigh...
This morning when I woke up... I used the manual pump and only did it just enough to relieve some of the pain from my boobs (which really wasn't a lot).
Just got done manually pumping again, but did it for a little longer and managed to pump 4oz. So I think I'll do that. Manually pumping is a little annoying with the horrible design of the Medela one...
(this one)

But... hey.. it worked good enough and really wasn't too bad to use and is going to allow me to dry up slower and hopefully with less pain :)
I would still be using the electric pump and probably dropping down to 3 pumps a day (which I may do), but Oren has an appointment this coming Wednesday for his finger at the hospital that we rent the pump from so want DH to take it in then (so I don't have to later lol)

Kind of debating with myself right now. If I can manually pump out a bottle a day for him... that would be great and I wouldn't mind continuing that for however long. I know my supply will drop dramatically, but depending on how much... we'll see.

I remember feeling so guilty when I stopped pumping with the other 2, but this time.. it's 10x worse. I just don't want to give it completely up..... just yet.
I do want to get rid of the middle of the night pump though.... that can go right on back to no sleep hell where it belongs! :P lol
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Zoe's going to the circus today. Wasn't planning on it, but her cousin is going and MiL wants to take her. Whatever... last chance to see Ringling Brothers I guess so why not. I'm sure she'll love it and hopefully will be a great memory she'll hold on to for a long time :)
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Oren's finger is doing fine. Looks a little gooey, but to me.. it doesn't look infected or anything. Still difficult trying to keep him from getting it too dirty or wet, but that just comes with the territory when dealing with toddlers.
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Doubting I'll be cleaning the carpets today. I just don't feel up to it right now. I may paint part of the wall (where the bar counter top is) with the chalkboard paint that we bought. Was thinking about only doing part of it, but will probably just be easier to do that entire area since I'm sure none of the kids will stay inside of it. They're going to love it. Get to write on the wall and we let them? Heck yeah! lol
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That's it for now.... I'm sure there was something else, but brain is malfunctioning

Is it Friday yet?

Oh yeah... doesn't matter if it is or not... can't stop being a parent just b/c it's the weekend..... sigh. Maybe I'll be able to sleep in though. Doubt it, but I can hope....

I'm SO tired lately. Not really sure why. My sleep hasn't been great, but I've gotten less sleep before and been more awake than this.
When I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping good, but I am still waking up a lot which sucks. Would be nice to actually stay asleep until it's time to pump, but nope.. I wake up and midnight, then at 1 or 2.
Ezra doesn't help b/c he starts to move his head which moves the bassinet which causes it to creak.
I'm just tired.... so tired :(
It's only 12:30 and I've been nodding off for the last 2 hours now. Sigh...
Maybe it's a carb coma. It is Friday and I'm eating what I want. Already had 2 packs of fire noodles and 2 slices of toast. Like I said before, we don't have junk food in the house... but do still have a few carby things lol.

Only one pack of fire noodles left. Leaving that for DH since he hasn't eaten them yet. Might get more one day, but not right now. While Friday is FFA... I just can't control myself with ramen. I love ramen... LOOOOOVE it!!
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So my conditioner is still working great. I used that different oil last night and my hair today feels SOOOOOO baby soft.
This one...

I really focus on putting a lot of the oil on my ends in hopes that it helps the way it looks, but nope. Sigh. It feels soft.. a little dry, but softer than if I hadn't used it.
The rest of my hair feels so darn good though!
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Oh my goodness..... ready for some old pics?

Look how tiny they are... dawwwww... my sweet babies..
Guess they're really not that old, seems like not that long ago, but also like a million years too.
They really do grow up so fast.
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Ok.. time to put Oren down for a nap... and maybe get in a quick nap for myself before I need to pump again....
I'm going back and forth on pumping right now.
Part of me wants to stop, part of me wants to keep going even if I'm not getting as much. Think I'm stopping b/c it's just not worth it money-wise to keep renting the pump when I'm not pumping that much. Yeah... definitely stopping. It's just hard to give it up. Even though it sucks and my nipples start hurting again for no reason etc etc.. It's still hard to stop.

So.... that's it then...

Going to turn in the pump before the 10th of next month which means... I'm going to pump as usual until probably Saturday, and then next week will be dedicated to reducing my supply until it dries up... at least that's the plan.
Really really hoping to avoid the pain and engorgement when I finally stop pumping.

Sigh... mixed feelings about it. Glad to not be stuck to a pump and being able to just throw away all the pump parts and being done with that part of raising a baby, but also sad that... it's not going to be my body providing for Ezra anymore.
If I pumped a normal amount to where he was still mostly getting breastmilk, I would do it for as long as possible, but... since that's not the case and he's getting more formula now than milk... it's time to stop.
I did what I could and it's time to finish up that small chapter in his and my life.
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Diet is still going pretty well. Not craving junk too badly. There are moments when I REALLY want something bad, but it passes and then I'm fine.
I am looking forward to tomorrow though lol. Eating some bad carbs and not worrying about it too much.
We really don't have a lot of bad food in the house. We have some small candy canes left which don't tempt me at all... 3 packs of the fire noodles... which always call my name lol... and some baking ingredients I could use to make something delicious lol. But really nothing else. So at least there's that to keep the cheating from going overboard.

I have been cheating a bit with weighing myself. Hard to break a bad habit. I haven't been doing it as much as I normally would, but I have weighed myself here and there.
Like yesterday... I know I was bloated b/c I was gassy like crazy (I am today too.... I know you wanted to know that!)... so got curious and weighed myself. It's a continuing battle though to keep myself from stepping on the scale all the time. Just another work in progress :)















There's someone in Oren's mommy group that is losing weight too. She's lost about 13lbs in less than a month which is awesome for her. But... not sure how she's doing it.
Someone asked her, but then she responded to them with that she'll message them about it.
Why? You want to make it public that you're losing weight... but then don't want to publicly say how? Makes me think she's using some fad-y weight loss supplement or something that she can recommend to people.. they use her name to get a discount and blahblah scam.
Well... not really scam scam, but just another way for the diet industry to prey on the desperate.
But hey.. whatever she's doing... keep at it.. just hope it's safe!
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UUUUUUUUUUUUGH, it's probably going to be another GD week or longer before DH gets his CPAP machine.
He was supposed to get it yesterday, but apparently all of those papers he filled out were fucking pointless b/c the office didn't have it and has to get it from some other place and needs to get permission? to get it and insurance and blahblah bullshit.
You know... shit they should've had dealt with prior to his appointment b/c he filled out all of the GD paperwork!! Why even ask him where he wants to get his machine from (he said them......) if they're not going to bother looking at what he wrote???
Just so frickin pissed off about that crap.
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Oren is doing good with his finger. I changed it yesterday and not even 10mins later.. I had to change it again b/c once again.. he was playing in the toilet. He doesn't have access to the bathrooms unless someone forgets to close the door or gate.. and of course Zoe forgot.. or more like.. she herself was busy playing with the sink and left the door open for him /grumble
Thankfully this time it wasn't pee water, but still gross.
Other than that though, he's been really good at not picking at the bandaging and trying to get it off.
Oh and for his trip to the hospital... they gave him a cute little teddy bear dressed as a monkey stuffed animal :D Of course have to keep Zoe from stealing it, but how cute is that?

Zoe is doing well too... well.. minus all of the GD whining.
I can't help but laugh at myself. Thinking back to when she was a newborn and just feeling this infinite amount of patience with her.... lol.. yeah... no. I have no patience any longer... especially with whining. Good lord.... is there anyone that can deal with whining?? SO MUCH.... WHINING!! Even if it's just to ask for me to fill up their water..... it's whining. I keep trying to tell her to stop whining, but she does it anyway. Good lord I hope she grows out of it.
She's a good kid though. She's been mostly keeping up with cleaning up and earning her quarters. Well.. not for the past couple of days. Will have to straighten up in the living room and Oren's room b/c they're getting a bit on the messy side and the floors NEED to be cleaned this weekend.

Beginning of the end

Dropped to just 4 pumps yesterday and already my supply dropped with it. Only got about 15oz yesterday which is good, but not when baby boy is eating about 6oz 6x a day.

His digestive system has definitely adjusted to the formula and he's pooping like crazy again b/c of it and the baby food. He had a blow out twice yesterday... that's not including the 2 normal poops he had. Yeah... gross.

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Wanna see some more destruction from the kids? lol
Some of their "art" on the walls....

See all of the 'Zoe' on the walls? She actually tried to blame Oren for doing that. Sigh... He did do some of the lower stuff, like the photo below though. He's not totally innocent lol.

Oren's closet. DH took the door off of it. I would've been fine leaving it on, but he's paranoid about it for obvious reasons. They like playing in it (notice the toys and sleeping bags on the floor), so just to be safe, he took the door off.

And little Oren... he's saying cheese now when you take photos :D It's so darn cute!!
He's doing fine. His nail came off yesterday (BLARGH!) and we had to change his bandages 3 times b/c 1.... he took it off.
2... he played in the dog water and he's not supposed to be getting it wet.
3... he followed Zoe in to the bathroom. She was done, but didn't flush, so DH walked in on him playing in the toilet... in her pee water. Yuck....

That's the challenge though.. just keeping him from doing something nasty with it lol. Did have to redress it some this morning b/c his finger slipped out. Not a huge deal and thankfully his finger isn't bleeding anymore. Looks gross and I'm sure it's probably all sensitive and gross feeling for him still. He freaks out a bit when you have to mess with it, but overall he's handling it really well. :)

Little trooper

DH and Oren came home at 9 last night. Oren wasn't too happy b/c DH took his coat off. Oh toddlers lol.
He was fine other than that and had his hand wrapped up.
Supposed to keep it from getting wet and need to keep it on until Wednesday. Gonna be interesting trying to reapply bandaging and whatnot. Not looking forward to that.

Just so glad he's ok otherwise though. I'm sure this is one of many trips to the hospital. Gotta get used to it, especially if we put him in gymnastics. Can only imagine the injuries a kid can get doing that. Yikes...
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So in other news... I did weigh in yesterday and it was 219 even. Decided to just go ahead and weigh myself this morning and ... 217 even. Wha??
Pfft, I'll take it!
I know it's not all fat being lost but hey.. it's still something :D
Too bad losing weight can't always be like this. I'd be at my goal in no time and back to eating more bad stuff :P
It actually hasn't been that bad... yet. It is a pain wanting something quick and sweet. Sure there's fruit, but fruit doesn't always hit the spot.

So yep... 1 week down... a bunch more to go! :D
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My milk is definitely drying up. Slowly but surely. Other than my diet, nothing else has changed.
Other than diet, dunno what else could be causing it to drop like this. Maybe something hormonal? /shrugs
He's used to the formula now so.. I guess it's good timing.
Think I'm gonna drop a pump soon. Maybe the noon one.. or even the middle of the night one.
That would be nice... not having to get up in the middle of the night to pump. Plus it means we could move Ez to his room. Not looking forward to that, b/c it means having to get up to go check on him when he fusses and letting him cry it out. Sigh.... gotta happen though.

Yesterday... I had some blocked ducts in my left breast. That sucked. Not sure why it happened. I pumped after we were dropped off by DH and holy crap my boob was killing me. Thankfully with a lot of painful massaging, the milk finally released and it feels totally normal today.

and yep.. that's about it for now :)

FX that Oren's finger heals up quick.

Update on Oren

No fractures! WOO!
All we have to do is make sure his nail bed doesn't dry out, which is going to be a challenge b/c well.. he's a toddler....
But the doc said that his nail may grow in wonky looking at first, but should be normal eventually.
But yay for not being anything serious!

Taking Oren to the ER

So, DH took Oren to the ER.
I'll back it up a bit. I was sitting here pumping after waking up.
Zoe and Oren head to his closet b/c that's where they like to go to pretend they're having a sleepover or camping.
I don't think anything of it.
I hear the door close and right after hear Oren start crying. I think either she locked him out or bonked him with the door.
He keeps crying though so I get up after about a minute to check what's going on.
I open the door and she's just sitting there and he's standing there crying. Still don't think anything is wrong so I come back to finish pumping.
Oren is following me and still crying. So I sit and he comes over for some snuggles. I hug on him and when he pulls away, that's when I see some blood on his chin.
Of course I freak out and wonder where the heck it's coming from. And that's when I see his finger.
Apparently his finger was smooshed in the closet door accidentally.
And it's gross.....
Imagine a rounded surface.. like a ball... and you place something flat on it.. like a plate. That's how his nail looked. The part that should've been under the skin was out and it was all bloody.

It's not bleeding a lot thankfully. I grab the nearest tissue and head to the bathroom while applying pressure to his finger.
Call DH b/c I'm freaking out and not sure what to do. He tells me to call his doc. I put a band-aid on his finger and call up his doc office.
They only have a 2:50 appointment at the earliest (I'm calling them at around 9 or so in the morning).... I make the appointment and hang up. DUH....
Forgot to ask them what to do in the meantime. So I call them back and the nurse tells me to just bandage it as best I can and try to do it in a way that prevents him from really using that hand.
So I grab one of my nursing pads, wrap that around his hand and use some medical tape to secure it.
It worked though b/c he really didn't use the hand very much.
I also gave him some tylenol too which helped tremendously.
Once that kicked in, he was acting like his normal self.. just with one hand.

So DH comes home early and we take him to his doc.
Well this doc (not his usual one) says that it looks like the door closed on it right behind the nail bed which caused it all to pop out and that the laceration looks a bit deep and where it is... he wants to call a pediatric orthopedist to see what they suggest.
We're hoping they'll tell us it's all fine and just send us home with some ointment, but nope...
Get told that we should take him to the ER so they can take a better look at his finger to make sure that nothing is worse than it looks.
So yeah.... DH dropped me and the other 2 kids off and took Oren to the ER. He's probably just getting there now.
They called the ER for us to tell them he was on his way, so hoping that will make the wait a little less. We'll see though.
Just hope that his finger is ok. Some nurse in the pediatric office really needs to check that connection between her brain and mouth.
While we were waiting on them to come back with some ointment for his finger, she comes in and tells us that the ER should see us sooner rather than later since they'll want the flesh to be fresh and still viable just in case they have to cut the tip of his finger off.
Seriously woman?? That's what you're going to say right now?? We just thought it was going to be a simple... ew gross, his nail is going to call off but everything should be fine... injury.. not a frickin... he'll need the tip of his finger amputated :(

So yeah... haven't heard back from DH yet obviously, but hoping it will be good news. Poor Oren :( I feel so awful. I know accidents are going to happen and this was just a freak one, but... damn... still feel so bad that I couldnt do anything about it.

Yum yum

Food pics..... Yeah... I'm becoming one of those annoying people... actually, I'm just taking pics of everything. I'm a visual person and I'm here all day.. so why not take photos of everything I talk about. Especially since I'm not a good writer... at all.... so some visuals would help :P lol

First up... I'm in love with these 2 sauces. Got them from the Korean store and was hoping for something different than what they are, but still happy with the flavor. Same company that makes sriracha and yep.. tastes like it too. I don't think these are as spicy... but the flavor is still there. SO good. I could eat this stuff on everything and damnit.. I'm gonna try!
The flavors of these 2 are pretty similar. Just one has a slightly more garlic flavor to it than the other, but basically exactly the same. Oh well..

We got our Star Wars clock yesterday! WOO! It's so neat. It's a design carved from a record. So it's not very big, but still very cool :D Think it was $20something with free shipping. Did ship from China, but still came a little sooner than expected. There are a TON of designs (on Amazon), that you can pick from. Star Wars, Batman, Beauty & the Beast, Nightmare Before Christmas, etc etc. Really recommend giving these things a look (you could probably look up vinyl record clock and it will bring up everything) if you need a clock and want something pretty darn awesome. The only negative is that the clock face w/ the numbers and that design in the middle is just a sticker lol. Not a huge deal really considering the fairly low price though.

DH put up some more photos yesterday :D We had SO many frames needing to be put up.. like from when Zoe was a baby lol. He's such a procrastinator, but hey.. at least he's putting them up now :)
We're actually going to need more frames now. :D

And just b/c.... my little cutie keeping me company (and fighting sleep gums and nails) while the other 3 are at church.

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Diet is coming along. Dinner friday was a bit more bad than I thought it would be lol. We didn't go out with family so.... we got pizza :P Delicious pizza. Lots of leftovers for the kids though :D
I also fixed some homemade caramel popcorn. Thankfully for my diet... it didn't turn out well lol. Flavor was fine, but I'm still not entirely used to the stove yet so I cooked the caramel a little too long on too high of a temp so it got more candied than it should've gotten.
Instead of being gooey and chewy, it was chewier but hard... like the type of candy that pulls out your fillings.
I couldn't eat a lot of it b/c I hated it getting all in my teeth and not being able to chew it and just.. nope. Not for me.
Oh well.... my mess up was a blessing in disguise lol.

Welp.... today's the day

Come on.. be truthful.
10 years ago, if you told people that Donald Trump was going to be POTUS... they would've laughed at you right in your face and called you crazy.
Feels like the Twilight Zone right now lol.
I'm not gonna hate though. Sure, he really needs to stop tweeting and saying stupid shit every time someone criticizes him, but I hope he does a good job. I hope people on both sides stop bickering with one another like a bunch of immature twats and actually do something positive... even if it's little... to help our world on to a better path.
And damnit... I want the governments of the world to just admit that aliens are real and here already!!
Yes.. I took it there... caught ya off guard didn't I? :P lol
But dang.. how cool would that be? Sure... people would be pissed that a secret like that was withheld, but damn.. we can't even get along with eachother... ask folks to get along with an alien race? Pfft....
Still though.... I wanna see aliens and have confirmation that we're not alone in this giant universe we're floating in.
/nodnod

Aliens damnit.... ALIENS!!!!!!!!!
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With that weirdness aside...

DH said that the scale is already down 4lbs for him. YAY :) SO happy for him :) It's pretty crazy how bloated junk food makes you. Even if it's stuff you make from scratch.. it's just not good for your body. Good for those taste buds though...... sigh... lol
Wonder what my weight will be at weigh in on Monday. Was thinking about doing it every other week, but I'm kinda impatient. Maybe it will be that sometimes, but right now... weekly will do hehe.


 I'm actually not craving anything too badly. Did see an article that had some good popcorn recipes on there and it made me want some caramel popcorn.... sigh.. I still want some.....
But really.. other than that.. I'm not craving sweets too much.
I am hungry a lot though which always happens the first week or so when we start eating better.
Fixed fruit smoothies last night which was awesome, but not really filling in the long run so I snacked on some salami slices.
Fruit smoothie contained a little bit of milk, some frozen mixed berries.. strawberries, black berries, blueberries. And also some frozen fruit.... pineapple, mango, peaches... and 2 bananas.
Zoe really likes it. Forgot all about the flax meal in the fridge. Next time I'll be adding that to it for an extra healthy kick :)

 

I have been craving more fire noodles and today.. I had some more. YUM!!

My lips are currently burning, but it's not a horrible burn and is quickly easing up.

Been thinking about these noodles since the first time I ate them. They're SO damn tasty and good if you like spicy. 85g of carbs in a pack though. Yikes.

But I'm keeping fridays as a free day so.. whatever. I'll try to make up for it a little at dinner depending on where we go ;)

Seriously, if you like ramen and spice... I recommend giving these a try... even just to say you did try it. The flavor is yummy!
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Hair update.... I think that deep conditioning stuff was ok. My ends still feel dry, but I think that's just not going to get any better b/c of the damage bleaching did to it.
The rest of my hair felt soft and smooth though.
That Mane n Tail shampoo... I'm on the fence about though. Used it again yesterday and... it left an unclean feeling on my hair after using it. It's deep moisturizing and I think whatever is in it that's supposed to do that is what is causing that feeling. Do not like. My hair feels fine though... it's just right after shampooing when it felt all... gross.

And after using the curl conditioner on Zoe a few more times.. I think it does bring out the few curls she has. The detangling spray... still not sure about, but it doesn't leave any kind of film on her hair so... meh. I'll keep using it until it's gone. Not sure I'll buy it again though.
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Think there was something else but... oh well :)

Hope everyone has a great day :D
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Oh I forgot... my milk supply just keeps decreasing for no reason. No idea what's going on, but I guess my body is just saying a big ole NOPE to making milk. At least that will make it easier to quit.
Poor Ez... he's getting used to formula, but you can tell just by how eagerly he drinks the milk that he likes it better.. and I know it doesn't matter in the long run, but dangit.. that makes me happy that I could provide that for him.. at least for a little while.

Come on body.. get with the program!

So I didn't exercise yesterday and doubt I will today.
I feel a little bad about it, but with how out of shape I am and how I'm in this for the long haul... I'm ok with it too. This isn't going to be an overnight change... although I wish it was.
Still going to exercise, but going to take it slow so I don't burn out like I have before.
Right now b/c I'm so out of shape and because my sleep is so shit right now... I need some extra time to recover and to just take it easy to begin with. Exercise will pick up and eventually, I'll be kicking some butt 4-5 days out of the week. Maybe more if I find something I really enjoy doing :)

Right now.. my calf muscles are still sore.. and now.. so is my left side ribs. WTH? That didn't hurt yesterday, but suddenly like right before bed.. it started aching. I didn't do anything to it. Didn't tweak it weird.. didn't sleep on it weird... nada.
I couldn't sleep on that side or stretch certain ways last night in bed b/c it would make the area ache more.
/shrugs

Diet is coming along pretty ok. Being strict but not SO strict is going great.
I made homemade fried chicken breasts last night.. and YUM! Even with the breading and the banana I had.. I'm sure my carbs still didn't go over 100g yesterday.
Sweet tooth is pretty calm right now too. I'm still craving sweets, which eating a banana or apple or some sugar free jello has been helping, but other than that.. I haven't really been jonesing for it as much as I thought I would. WOO! :D
Same with carbs. I'll come back to that in another week or 2 and see how that's going :P lol I'm sure I'll be wishing for some real pasta instead of zoodles :P lol

But yeah... slow achy start, but I'm good so far :)
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Now I don't want to knock religion... although I'm sure what I'm about to say will sound like it.
I just don't like the way it's taught. It sounds SO cultish and brainwashy to me.
Zoe goes to Awana on Wednesdays. It's some church club thing. I had to do her lesson for the week with her. It's just reading her a story and then getting her to memorize a verse.
Just the way it kept saying to "OBEY... OBEY... OBEY!!!!" just totally rubs me the wrong way.
Obey Jesus!! Jesus is your everything! You're all sinners and must OBEY Jesus! JESUS JESUS JESUS!!!
Now.. people can worship whatever they want, but... there isn't a better way to do it?? Spread the love and support of a religion, but how about toning down the cult-like part of it some huh?
This is why I'll never be a religious person... I just can't with that.
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Alrighty.... Oren and Ez are napping and Zoe is watching her tablet. Time for this momma to try to get a few snoozes in before the needy ones wake up :P lol

So far? Meh.. ok

F- me.... I had a nice long post typed out and with a misclick of some buttons... all gone. GDI!!!!

Anyway... paraphrasing....
Diet is going pretty well. Not super strict which I'm happy about. DH and I both have A LOT of weight to lose and I think not going so strict is going to help with longevity. We won't feel so deprived of the junk that we love lol.

I'm also not going to be setting up specific goals with a set time. I mean there's the reward for when we both lose 50lbs, but we're not giving a time limit on that.
Like before, I would say... 50lbs by Christmas! And when that rolls around and I still haven't lost anything.. I'd get discouraged.
So no more specific goals. My goal now is just to lose weight and get healthy... however long that takes. Of course I'm hoping the weight comes off quick though ;) lol
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Just changed Ez's diaper. Didn't realize he was still in the process of pooping. Nothing like having to catch the poop as it's coming out. YUCK. Thankfully it wasn't watery and thankfully I had at least a thin baby wipe barrier lol.
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Not sure about exercise today. My calf muscles are so sore and my soreness tends to get worse as the day goes on. May try a dance workout if I find a good low impact one. Or I may just rest today.
I did sleep better last night, but with my sleep not being so great, I may need extra time for my body to really recover.
But I think I'm gonna aim for doing something low impact and hopefully fun :)
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And finally a rant. Had a longer one typed out, but oh well...
I'm done with my brother. Just done. He's an asshole, loser, pathological liar that thinks everyone is a moron. He thinks he's smarter than everyone else, but everyone can see right past his bullshit. I think that's why he never wants to be around anyone, especially me, b/c he knows I don't buy any of the crap that comes out of his mouth.
I think SiL knows just how much of a loser he is but maybe is in denial about the extent of it or maybe she's just accepted it and feels trapped or... who knows.
She needs to leave him though and he needs to just fucking disappear. Not saying die.. lol, I'm not a psycho... but he needs to just go away and fuck right off and either change his ways or die a lonely and pathetic old man.
With the way he's going... he's going to lose his family. With the way he is and what he's done... he should.
He's losing me.... he's hell bent on fucking up his relationship with our mom... and with our dad... who knows.
I love my brother, but there comes a point when love just isn't enough anymore and you have to see the person for what they really are and my brother is not a good person.
He used to be...or at least... not as shitty and then... I dunno WTF happened to him. I don't know why he is the way he is. Maybe b/c of our dad. I know my dad is pretty much the same way. Thinks he's smarter than everyone else, but again.. everyone can see past the bullshit and lies.
A part of me hopes that SiL leaves him and takes the kids. I think inlaws have a house that they could stay at if need be. Or hell, just kick him out of that house. Maybe that would make him clean up his act, but I doubt it b/c..... he's a loser. He'd try lying to get them back.
Just... ugh.
I'm not saying anything to either of them though. I want to... lord do I want to..... but it's not my place. All I can do is rant about it here and if SiL reaches out.. I'll be here to listen.

I don't want to, but said i would

Really don't wanna do this, especially after actually seeing the photos lol.

Yikes man... yikes. I looked like this at the end of my pregnancy! I shouldn't still look like this, but here I am in all of my glory.
And thanks to my sports bra and nipple pads... my boobs look wonky too. Awesome.
Think that's the least of my worries though.

Hopefully this will be the last time I look like this. No.. not hopefully. This WILL be the last time I look like this. This WILL be the last time I'm this big.

Also didn't end up exercising until just a little bit ago (7:30pm). My mom stopped by earlier and that along with pumping and the kids... I just didn't feel like it.
I was coming up with my excuse as to why I didn't exercise, but thought about what I said.... no more lame excuses.
Yes.... I am still exhausted... which is why I took it easy on the elliptical once again, but not as easy as yesterday.
Time to get some new healthy habits for once and stop making excuses to be lazy.
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And finally...

So... I let the kids out in to the backyard. With only 2 small dogs... there shouldn't be too much poop back there. Yeah I know.. still gross.
But they managed to not get any on them and they were playing pretty well... that is until they were quiet. Too quiet.
So I get up and see Zoe dumping a small bucket of stuff all over Oren's head as he's running away.
Uuuuuuuuuugh.
It was a mixture of ash from the grill, dirt from the yard, and potting mix. Awesome.
These pictures are actually after I tried to brush off a lot of it. These pics just don't do this justice.
He had a layer on him and it took multiple shampoos to get all the dirt and grime out of his hair.

Geeze.....

Hair and getting started

Couldn't think of a clever title....so there ya go lol.
Bought some new hair products.

 First up, I bought some Hask deep conditioner. Was looking to get another little bottle of oil and saw this pack for a dollar and decided to get it. Just used it and it smells so nice. Like a citrus Fraser fur scent to it which I just love.

Using it.... it was very thick. I ended up using the whole packet for my hair. It may have been a little too much, but only just a little. You're supposed to leave it on clean wet hair for 10min and then rinse which I did. It surprisingly rinsed out really quickly. You know how some conditioners feel like they never want to rinse out of your hair and leaves everything slick. Not this stuff. It actually felt like I rinsed my hair too much lol.

Oh and I bought some Mane n' Tail at Walmart.

Thought I was buying shampoo and conditioner. Sigh... I really need to pay more attention :P

I used the Deep Moisturizing one first. The scent was really like and clean smelling. Seemed like a decent enough shampoo. Nothing special really as far as I could tell. It didn't strip my color anymore than the shampoo I had been using so that's good.

Oh And I also bought a different type of oil. This one says it's more for shine or whatnot. Not sure when I'll use it.
And I was wrong. They don't have giant bottles of oil. What I thought was giant bottles was actually just shampoo and conditioner lol. I may try those out one day :)

Also bought this stuff to use on Zoe's hair. Smells great... not so sure on how well it works. Used some last night on her hair and don't really think it helped getting out the tangles. Maybe it prevents the hair from tangling instead of getting out tangles that are already there?

The Batmobile walker came yesterday!! YAY!
Ezra of course isn't old enough to know he can move in it yet lol. But he seemed to enjoy the little activities on it. (squeaky horn you press on.. think dog toy squeaker. 4 lights that play a different sound each. A yellow button that plays some song... not the Batman theme which is disappointing lol. And a couple other things. Nothing spectacular.)

Of course the other 2 thought it was great and Zoe was pushing him around everywhere. While I was prepping dinner, DH comes in to the kitchen and tells me that she actually pushed EZ all the way in to her room and that they were having a sleep over lol. Aww.
Of course she had to go run and put her Robin costume on too ;)

And Oren just being crazy. I dunno what is with this child, but he likes sliding his way in to the basket that hangs under the stroller. All you hear is a ton of giggles as he's sneaking his way in to it lol. Crazy child.

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So we finally started our healthy diet last night.
We went grocery shopping and spent a ton of meat and healthy stuff. But a lot of that meat should last for more than just this week. At least we hope so lol.
We figured out that some things are cheaper to buy at Sam's Club than the grocery store. I mean, that seems pretty obvious, but we never really compared before. Think we'll be buying our apples and a few other things from there from now on.

I did end up exercising later in the afternoon. I didn't want to, but I was determined to do it.
It was only about 25mins on the elliptical and I didn't do it too hard.
I'm WAY out of shape and didn't want to push myself to the point of being super sore the next day or anything.
My thighs did actually get sore yesterday afterwards. That's how out of shape I am. Not even pushing it hard and I still got sore.

I really don't want to do anything today. At least not right now. All I want to do is sleep.
Think Ez had gas last night and started fussing at around midnight and DID NOT STOP until I finally fed him at 3am. That entire time I was constantly getting up to put his paci back in his mouth b/c he'd spit it out and start fussing.
So frustrating.
And it didn't stop there... every time there was a lull in between fusses... Oren would fuss or DH's snoring would get particularly bad... so I couldn't even snooze.
So I feed him.... finish pumping.. put him back to bed blahblah. Get back to bed at 4. I think I fell asleep just before or just after 5am... and then he started fussing again at 6.
Are you F-ing kidding me????
At around 6:30... he actually woke up and started babbling in his bassinet. I just brought him to bed with me. Snuggled him up close and fell asleep. Thankfully he did too.... and then Oren woke up at 7:20. Ez was still sleeping and so was Zoe.
I finally got up at 7:40. Put Ez back in his bassinet and got Oren. He had poop and looked to have probably did it during the night (maybe when I heard him fussing on of those times over the monitor). So his butt was all red and sore from sitting in it for too long so he was super cranky and whiny... poor baby :(

So yeah.... I'm just running on empty here right now. Caffeine isn't touching this exhaustion at all.
I'm gonna try out one of those dance workouts today, but it may only be for a few minutes before I say fuck it. Going to at least try though... just haven't figured out when. Maybe when Oren is down for a nap.

I'll see about getting a before shot today.
Forgot to weigh yesterday, so did it this morning.
Starting weight is 222.0. A few pounds less than I thought it would be so i guess that's a good thing lol.

Korean fire noodles

Eaten and..... Delicious!!
The flavor is really good.
Yes it is spicy, but definitely not as spicy as YouTube videos make it out to be.
I guess if you're not used to spice or don't like spice, it will be bad, but for myself... It really wasn't that bad.
Wish I could compare it to something.
Havent really had a habenero on its own, but my guess is that it might be about that heat. A little more than a jalapeno.
The burning linger doesn't last that long either. Got done about 10min ago and it's like a lingering feeling but no spice to it if that makes sense.

Nothing new, just wanted to post

Just wanted to post some more since I cut the other one short.
Oh I don't remember what else I wanted to post about, but here I am anyway lol.
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I did end up going to Walmart after DH got home from church. I needed my soda fix, plus I wanted to pick up some fried chicken for dinner.
Welp... got the soda... but that walmart's deli section was completely closed :\
There's a Publix on the way home and I love their chicken so I stopped there and grabbed an 8 piece. A little pricey, but tasty as heck. If it didn't cost so much (7.99), I would've gotten another one.
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It's starting to get messy again. Slowly this time, but surely. Zoe will pick up, but always seems to overlook something so those overlooked spots just keep multiplying.
Will need to fix that.
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Since DH is off tomorrow, think I may hop on the elliptical. Maybe watch some anime on Netflix. See if I can get in to anything again.
I used to like anime and like what I've seen, it's just... I dunno... nothing appeals to me when I see all of them listed. I'm sure I'll enjoy whatever I watch. Just needs to be dubbed.
Yes yes I know... anime enthusiasts don't like dubbed, but I don't want to have to worry about reading while trying to exercise.
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So... we went to the Korean store Saturday. Bought mostly good stuff, but did buy a 4 pack of those Korean fire noodle challenge. THink I'm going to try it tonight lol. Will come back later and give an update on how it was :P I like spicy, but not too spicy which I'm sure that stuff is.

Noooo... I needs it!

Sitting here with Ez and getting a caffeine withdrawal headache. Sigh...
DH is off Monday so we decided to just wait until then to go grocery shopping. Welp.. I ran out of my diet dr pepper on Friday. Normally that isn't a problem since we go grocery shopping Saturday.
Sigh.. today is going to suck :(

And I dunno if we're all sick with something or if it's just the dry air in the house causing some issues or what, but 4 out of 5 of us have a cough.
For myself, it's a damn annoying ass tickle in the back of my throat that makes me cough. I feel fine. Don't feel like I have a cold or anything.
Oren did have a cough, but he seems to be over it. And Zoe got it next and seems to be getting over it, so hopefully I will too. DH coughs every once in a while. Not as bad as I'm needing to.
I'm not hacking up a lung or anything, it's just when that tickle starts up... I'm clearing my throat and coughing trying to relieve the feeling.
And of course it happens mostly when I'm trying to get to sleep... :\
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No CPAP for DH yet, damnit!
Of course his doctor has to milk it for all it's worth and have him come in a bazillion times. Just give him his machine and THEN you can do a follow-up appointment to see how things are going. But no.. he had his sleep study, now he has to go back...to I guess get his machine then... then again for another follow up....
DH described the whole process to me. Sounds like his settings are pretty high. No more stomach sleeping for him, but at least he gets to sleep on his back again.
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So we started feeling a bit bad that we didn't get Ez anything for Christmas. And he always looks longingly at his siblings when they run off and play.... so we splurged a bit and bought him a walker.... a batmobile walker that was too much but damn cute lol. Will hopefully get it Tuesday.
It's so cute! Just hope the other kids don't break it trying to get in to it themselves.
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Gotta cut this short.... Ez woke up in a fussy mood. Gotta go Mom :D

Free? Yes please!

Ok, so looking at the beachbody streaming thing more.... yeah.. that's gonna have to be a no from me.
I don't think it's that expensive, BUT I thought you had access to all of their videos, but that's not the case.
You do have access to a lot, but not all of them. And of course the one that I was eyeballing (the new dance one called Cize).... isn't available unless you pay for it first or something.
So nope nope nope :(

BUT looking around youtube, I quickly found POPSUGAR Fitness videos. All free and seems to be really well made and lots of variety WITH beginner videos! WOO! :D
Already put a few of the dance videos on a playlist. Totally out of my fitness and dance range, but I'm gonna give them a try.. eventually :D Would really like dance workouts. I can't dance for shit, but they look fun and it looks like something I won't get bored with quickly like regular ones. And b/c I cn't dance, maybe it will help motivate me to keep doing it so I get better at dancing.
YAY free!!

Dressing up

So... Zoe's been dressing up Oren for a while now. Yesterday was particularly hilarious though. She first put him in her teal colored Wonder Woman nightgown, then decided that wasn't enough, so put a Minnie Mouse dress over it.
I took the minnie mouse dress off him b/c it got a bit warm and he felt like he was sweating, but I kept the nightgown on him and he was put in bed with it on lol.
And today.... Zoe has put him in one of her little Frozen nightgowns lol.

Hey, he doesn't mind and I think it's adorable :) They're playing together and not fighting? Dress however you want kid.
She's put him in her Frozen costumes too.
Don't have sisters? No problem for Zoe :P lol
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DH had his 2nd sleep study. They better give him his dang cpap already. I know they were fitting him with it last night. I guess to see if it would help him or not. Hopefully it did and hopefully that means he got one. No idea.

I was SO GD tired though. With Ez waking up constantly during the night and then waking up at 7 in the morning. It's been tiring. I know it could be worse though. Really just hope DH lets me sleep in this weekend.  Or better yet.. I hope the kids let us both sleep in.

____

Oren was soaked with pee this morning. That was gross.
He pointed to his diaper and said poo, but no poo thankfully.. just a diaper overflowing with pee.
That's never happened. I dunno how much he drank the night before but... damn.

Also... Zoe got it in to her head yesterday that she was going to take Oren's diaper off when he had poo. She came in here with a grin on her face saying something about him having poo.
Then here he comes... butt nekkid, looking a bit lost and confused lol.
Thankfully it was just a turd and it looked like she put the diaper straight in to the trash. Still though.... BLEH. I made her wash her hands and of course scolded her a bit so she wouldn't do it again.
It would still be bad, but not as bad if he had turds all the time, but with his disgusting poops... doing stuff like that is not good.
I imagine we're going to have a pootastrophy one of these days that's going to require a lot of deep cleaning.
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My attempts to not be as mean and yell at my kids has been hit or miss. Sometimes I'll do well and sometimes I lose my shit. It is getting better though. My go to isn't automatically yelling anymore. Oh it still happens, but not every time. Just have to keep working on it and being more aware and in control.
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Zoe's cleaning has been a reason for some yelling. Oh it starts off with me calm and collected and ends up with me yelling and wanting to rip my hair out.
She'll sometimes do a great job and picking up after herself and her brother, but most of the time, she'll pick up one thing.. then will go back to playing. Then I'll have to remind her to keep cleaning... wash rinse repeat with the volume of my voice going up up and up.
She has earned herself either 75 cents or a dollar though so she's getting there lol.

We tried teaching her the value of coins. Yeah.. she didn't get it lol. DH was joking with her and asked her which one she wanted... a penny or a quarter... this was after we repeatedly told her that the quarter was worth more.... and of course she picked the penny b/c it was nice and shiny and coppery :P So he gave her 25 pennies to put in her bank.

Making her earn something by cleaning works sometimes too. I've been letting them play with these little flashlights. They've been pretending to have a camp out and sleep over in Oren's closet. She wanted the flashlight today so I told her she needed to pick up the toys in the living room and she'd get it. Seemed to work. Had to remind her a few times to keep cleaning b/c she got distracted, but she eventually picked everything up.
Can't tell now b/c toys have been thrown around again... but it was nice for that minute it lasted lol.
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Think I'm going to convince DH to sign up for that beachbody thing this weekend. I just don't see myself being able to workout on the machines we have. I don't see myself using videos too much either to be honest, but I NEED to make myself do it. No more making excuses.
Unless it's an injury or one of the kids is sick or something.... I'm not going to let myself make excuses to not just do it.
You better believe my lazy ass will fight it tooth and nail with every excuse in the book, but even if I can only manage 10mins (before the kids need something)... then I'm gonna do something.. anything.
I can't delay this journey to a healthier me any longer.
I'm up to around 224lbs now. Yikes. I haven't been this big in years and I am not happy that I've gotten this big again.

Also think I'm going to go ahead and post progress photos too. Keep myself accountable and hopefully have visual evidence that what I'm doing is working.

Lets get this weight loss going!
Going to head over to beachbody right now and see what videos they have. I know most of them I think, but there are a few that I think I want to start off with if they look to cater more towards the truly unfit... such as myself lol.

Bc i got bored cooking....

For some reason I can't lower the top 2 images. Those are pics of our messy ass cluttered butler's pantry. Just full of junk that we just throw in there and forget about. Figured I'd go ahead and take a photo and post it b/c if I waited until I cleaned it... it wouldn't get done lol.
Seriously though... hoping to get it clean this weekend.
That wine rack is going to waste since we don't drink wine. We tried a few years ago. Went to a wine place where the owner tried to help us pick out some good beginner ones. Nope! Well, the super sweet white wine was pretty good, but the red wine we tried was disgusting. He told us how to drink them, etc etc but that red wine was just gross.

Gotta keep recommending Bar Keeper's Friend some more. That stuff is legit. I always see those cleaning 'hacks' of using baking soda and blahblahblah to clean stuff. No... just use this stuff. You don't have to wait to scrub the stuff off. You just wet it a little, sprinkle some of this stuff on and then scrub it off.
Obviously the bottom of the pot isn't spotless lol. I get impatient after about 2 minutes of scrubbing and half ass it. Plus my scrubber doesn't get in to all the little grooves so it's not gonna be perfect, but it sure is better than what it was before.
The blue is what I use to wash dishes. It's literally just the scrubby part that regular sponges have on the other side. Like the yellow and green ones... it's the green part. You do use more soap since there's no sponge to soak it up, BUT they last much longer b/c they don't hold in that moisture like a sponge does and ends up getting all funky and gross.
Not sure about everyone else, but I never remembered to squeeze out the sponge every time after use so it would eventually get funky.

Ok... not sure what's going on and why I can't space the photos apart. Grr.... Like the title says.. I got bored while I was cooking dinner. I fixed beef veggie stew last night. Forgot to keep taking photos after this part lol.
But yeah... I think it's yummy if I do say so myself :)
Here's my recipe if anyone cares to try it...

2lbs pounds of beef stew meat (imo Sam's club has awesome stew meat. Always tender and not that gross weird powdery texture. Get stuff that is a little fatty)
1-2 tablespoons of beef bouillon (picture above is what I like)
Can of beef broth
About 1tbs of rosemary
1tsp garlic powder or 1-2tsp of minced garlic
1tsp of onion powder

I don't usually brown my meat so... yeah...
Put stew meat in to pot. Add in everything above and mix. Bring to a boil, then drop the heat down to simmer.
Cover and simmer for 1 hour.

Now you can use fresh ingredients if you want. I'm fine with canned stuff b/c all that prep work can kiss my butt lol.

2 cans of corn
2 cans of diced tomato
2 cans of whole potatoes, drained
2 cans of sliced carrots
2 cans of green beans, drained

Turn heat back up a little and start adding in your ingredients. Depending on how big your pot is, you may be able to add in the juice from both cans of corn and carrots, but if not, just drain the liquid out. I can usually get in the liquid of 1 can of each for my size pot. You do need the liquid from at least 2 of them though.

Mix everything up well. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat, cover and simmer for 1 hour.
Taste it before serving and add salt and pepper to suit your taste :)

Also, if you don't want it so watery and want it thickened to go over rice or something, mix up some cornstarch with a little bit of water and add that to the stew and mix. I'd go about 1 tablespoon or cornstarch at a time until it's the consistency that you want.
I'm sure throwing it all in to a crockpot would be equally as good too :D



DH and Ezra being adorable. Ez hasn't done this with me yet and only just started to do it with DH last night. GRabbing and feeling DH's face. It was so cute.