Resisting

Really trying to keep from using all of my wondfos. I don't have that many left. 20 is a lot but not when you're using them up like there's no tomorrow. lol

Thankfully I have no desire to use another expensive test though. Well no, there's some there, but not enough that I will.
Keeping the boxes of tests on my desk helps. Having them in the bathroom just gets too tempting. (can't remember if I already said that before).

Still feeling wet down there. Makes me keep checking to see if I've started spotting.
Feeling bloated, but pretty sure that is just from the pizza we had last night and for leftovers. It's been making us all super gassy.
Bewbs have actually become tender again. It's not as bad I don't think and feels more deep check tissue than actual breasts. Hard to tell when it's just me pressing on them lol.
____

OH and do people just not read?
I've been googling, trying to hold on to some hope that I'm not out.
Looking for people that lost ALL symptoms at 9 or so dpo. (this was earlier this morning)

Looks like a lot of women want the same information too, and what kind of replies do they get?
Something along the lines of
"Oh I lost all of my symptoms too... except for *insert a few symptoms here*"
Uh then you didn't lose all of your symptoms like the OP asked about now did ya??


Prime example here...
I just googled up BFP no symptoms..
On one of the links, this was an answer given....

 I just got my bfp yesterday and I didn't have any symptoms. I just missed a period. I am having random af cramps and have been have them since last week. Good luck to you!

Really....... really......

I'm not knocking these people for wanting to be supportive, buuuut... yeah... having AF type of cramps for a week before your BFP... that was a symptom lady.

There was another one on there that went something like

"I didn't have any symptoms before my BFP except increased sense of smell."

Sigh...........


I'm sorry for being so bitchy. (hey maybe that's a symptom ;) ) I just had to sit here listening to Zoe scream her head off once again b/c she was put down for a nap. Just frazzles your nerves.

Oh FB...how you annoy me

Or more like the people on FB.

Have a cousin that is a backyard breeder. While not as bad as ones that don't give a crap about the pets they breed, they're still not doing it to better the breed in any way. They do it purely for the profit.
And this same cousin also makes children dresses and CONSTANTLY posts every single one of them. I get it, you want to sell your stuff and that's fine... but how about you make a separate account and post it all there. Or ya know, put it on etsy or ebay like a normal person does instead of spamming everyone with your shit?

Then, SIL is such a frickin FB attention whore. She is not even a year younger than me and acts like a damn teenager on FB.

Posting those stupid phishing for sympathy/attention comments that are vague in hopes of getting people to ask her what's wrong, what happened, etc etc.
THEN she even changed her profile photo to plain black. That's it. B/c ya know, she's just so deep and depressed (no she's not) and blahblah horse crap.
UUUUUUUUUUUUUGH I just can't stand that crap. If you have something to say, JUST SAY IT.
If someone is pissing you off, PM them or if you want to make it public, then call them out for it. Don't do that vague BS!

Just so F-ing annoying.

BFN 9dpo

No point in posting photos. It's BFN.
Still have some line eye going on but it's def just a BFN.

9dpo today which means if it's like my other cycles, AF will make a full force arrival on Sunday. May start spotting today or tomorrow.

Yeah, I'm not feeling very hopeful unfortunately.
My right O aches have disappeared which makes me believe the corpus luteum cyst has gone.
Bewbs aren't as painful either.
Just feeling out.

I know 9dpo is early, but with only a 10 day LP... something NEEDS to happen early for there to be any chance.

Maybe there's an eggbert in there getting comfortable. Gosh I hope so.
Looking st the BFP chart with Z.... I had a temp dip at 5dpo, got a BFP 3 days after that.
I still totally believe that the vibrations from that concert helped the egg move down faster lol.

Anywho.... we'll see what happens I guess.

Wow...

Do any of you read Scary Mommy Confessions?
Love it!
But DAMN... there are a lot of very unhappy women out there. Makes you really appreciate how good your life is even when it's bad.

So many cheating women, women that want to leave, women that hate their kids, women that regret ever having kids.

Geeeeeeeeze

I don't really care for those posts.... I just like reading the weird habits ones mostly heh. Makes me feel normal since a lot of people do what I do.

What has 2 thumbs and is totally pathetic with no willpower??

This girl right here.

I..... used my last FRER w/ 2MU. Sigh....... Pathetic doesn't even begin to describe me when it comes to my willpower.

I'd like to scream out that it showed a BFP! BUt nope...
My line eyes still see something but they always do no matter what.

So I went out and bought another pack of 3 FRER and a pack of 2 Answer brand.
Hoping the Answer ones are better now and don't have those HUGE ass indents they did before.

But yeah, NO MORE EXPENSIVE TESTS!!! At least not until tomorrow morning ;) lol

I dunno... thinking about it, my heart sinks and I think AF will be showing, or worse yet, that I didn't even ovulate.
I know 8dpo is still so early, but with a short LP.. things have to happen early or else there's no chance :\
Just have to hope that there's an eggbert in there getting comfy and will make its presence known within another day or so.
____

Went down memory lane and looked up the cycle when we conceived Z.
I was so sure I was out and that the first wondfo was faulty on 8dpo. Sigh.
The good ole days :P heh
That really was a total shocker seeing that faint pink line on the FRER. I had so hoped this morning would be a repeat of that.

Looking at the symptoms I posted... looks like I was having a... meh.. decent amount? Nothing major though. Looked like aching in the uterus area and some aches on the O areas were the main ones.

Come on body... don't let me down!

Here comes the crazy train

Took 3 hpts this morning.
2 wondfos and a FRER.
I'm going to say BFN, BUT I do see some really faint shadowy lines on the wondfos (which is why I took 2).
First wondfo there was a shadowy something on it

Non-tweaked photo. I know it's hard to see so if you don't see anything that's fine b/c I barely do heh.

Also used an FRER b/c apparently I just love peeing all over money :P
Top photo is not tweaked and taken in kitchen, bottom is tweaked w/ contrast and was taken in computer room.

I have total line eye w/ the first photo and looking at the test I sometimes have line eye and sometimes nada. So I'm going to vote BFN.

Here's the 2nd wondfo I took after seeing the shadowy something on the first one.

It's a damn miracle I tells ya!

Put Z down for a 2nd nap. She cried for less than a minute and now she's playing in her crib. Probably playing in the old clothes bin next to her crib but I don't care. Peace and quiet for just a little bit!!

So glad I stuck to my guns and don't give in to her tantrums.
I know the tantrums will return again, but hopefully will be few and far between.
Haven't been exercising this week b/c listening to her scream like that just drains me. Ya know, motherhood in general isn't that hard per se, but moments like that, those frustrating, helpless feeling moments just completely drain you physically and emotionally.

I've been SO irritable and those tantrums were not helping either of us out.
Girl can definitely scream though. YEESH.
____

Holy crap I need to get video of Zoe's dance moves. They are HILARIOUS and adorable.
She does this thing where her arm is bent and she lifts her elbow in to the air and kind of shrugs that side. I swear it looks like she can't really control it so just goes with it. It's too damn funny and cracks me up every time. She has fun with it though and that's all that matters :)
My crazy little dancer... and singer for that matter.
She absolutely adores music. Every kind of music that comes on, she's dancing and trying to sing along with it.
Wouldn't mind getting her dance lessons along w/ the martial arts. She'd kick butt gracefully heh.
____

Ok time for me to obsess some more.

Been feeling some quick dull aches in the uterus area. Only just started maybe an hour or so ago. They're very very dull and come and go.

Feeling wet down below, but haven't actually noticed increased cm like on tp when I use the bathroom. Weird.
I've felt actual small gushy feelings and keep thinking I'm going to see blood whenever I go to the bathroom.

Took the FRER out of the case finally and, no visible indent. There IS something there but it is super duper faint and pretty positive it's not positive. Must just be seeing a darker (or maybe lighter) than normal antibody strip.

Took an OPK and another wondfo hpt earlier this afternoon and negative on both of them. Wasn't expecting much but I tested again anyway b/c I'm pathetic :P

Photo & random

Here's the photo of the test.

Big ole negative. I'm cool with that for now ;)
Knew I shouldn't have tested. I ALMOST talked myself out of it but I just couldn't resist it. The pee sticks were calling to me lol.
And the ring is to help the camera focus. How cool is that? Saw women posting their tests w/ their rings and wondered WTH they were doing.. showing off? lol But then someone explains and it made sense :P heh

Wish I could say I knew for certain that I was or wasn't. Having a feeling about it. I'd like to say, YES! And in my gut I want to believe it, but I think it's just my excitement at actually having this chance that is getting my hopes up.
I would not be surprised if AF ended up coming. Disappointed of course but not surprised.
I just hope that I did actually ovulate and it wasn't some weird fluke LH surge w/ no ovulation.
Don't think it was since I've been having consistent right O pains since then, but you never know.

Will also be interesting to see if my LP is still only 10 days long. Have a feeling it will be so should have some answers in just a few days.
____

MIRACLE.... put Zoe down for a nap. She cried for maybe a minute and hushed up. *gasps* Is she going back to the way she was??? PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS!!!
____

Our camera has disappeared. ONly reason I used my phone to take the photo. NO idea where it is. It's not where it usually is. DH must have moved it somewhere. Not that it's much better than my phone though. We really need to get a new one one of these days.... after we've gotten gutters, back porch, shed, etc etc.

Thank goodness we're putting money in to savings now. We would just blow through it all (on nothing it seems) and have nothing saved. Now that a little bit of money every pay check goes in to that, we have to actually budget ourselves a bit more. We still spend too much but it's not near as bad as what we used to do.
We have money for much needed home improvements though. Like getting gutters and after that hopefully getting the back porch started. Then DH will probably want his shed and then, not sure what else after that. Maybe the tile for the kitchen.
He's dead set on getting us a new car in a year? Maybe longer? I know he'd like to get a new one before another baby arrives (whenever that may be). So I'm sure the savings would go in to that too.
Anyway.. yeah, it's nice to have the savings so we're not having to struggle to pay for all of that.

I have no willpower

... when it comes to testing that is.
I used one of the frers. I'm only 7dpo for crying out loud. SIGH!

Having total line eye and saw something on the wondfo so decided to use the FRER and having total line eye with it too. It's total BFN though as to be expected even though my eyes want to see something there :\

I took photos. I'll post when my phone recharges.

I do still see something but I think it's a very light indent. We'll see when it dries. It's def not anything pink and promising though... just to be clear.


As for symptoms. Kind of same old same old so far. I have been snappish, but that just could be the stress from a non-napping shrieking Z.

Symptom spotting & line eye

Apparently a lot of women suffer from line eye. So glad I'm not the only one lol. ;)

BFN on today's test... not that I was expecting anything different.
6dpo and still obsessing. Nothing new with that either ;)

I do so wish our bodies gave clearer signs of everything. Pregnant? Then your nipples turn blue! Ovulate? Then you get a giant spot on your forehead. lol

____

Cat clawed or bit Zoe's head earlier. Zoe does terrorize the cat quite a bit so it was bound to happen (again), but damn... I would've kicked the hell out of the cat if he hadn't been in the box. Hurting my baby like that :(
Zoe's fine though. Seems head wounds bleed a whole hellava lot though. It was dripping off of her.
Nobody makes Z bleed her own blood... nobody! /end geek

She is still resisting the naps and waking up SUPER frackin early. I need like another 30mins to an hour. If she would just play quietly in her crib until then, that would be great lol.

Going to seem really ungrateful...

Dh's sister is going to be visiting at the end of June. That's all good and well, but his family is going to the beach then. I dunno why since she lives in California and is very close to the beach there, but whatever.
DH's wants me to go without him. Uhm... no.
Now I love his family and all, but I don't want to be stuck with them alone. It's bad enough when I have to go out to dinner without him.
He knows this but still got all upset at me when I just gave him a look.
I wanted to go to the beach with HIM, not all of them and certainly not without him.

I'll probably end up giving in and going b/c I don't want Z to experience the beach without me and I know they'll want her to spend the night with them and all that BS.

AND I don't think DH thought through, who is going to take care of our dogs? B/c I know he nor I trust my brother and his wife to do it.

Just going to have to bite the bullet and suck it up I guess. Won't be happy about it though.

Maybe I'll be pregnant by then and suffering from morning sickness so I'll have an excuse why I can't go. :P lol
Then when DH goes to the beach (I think I'd have to be there a day or 2 without him whch isn't bad but I still don't want to do it).... he can take Z with him. I wouldn't mind it if I wasn't there but he was. I just want her first experience at the beach to be with one of us.
____

Speaking of pregnancy... or well, TWW....
I am driving myself crazy. Thankfully Zoe is such a handful that it keeps my mind off of it for a good portion of the day but I still find myself obsessing a lot too.

Been feeling a lot of aches coming from the right O area.
Also felt not that long ago this weird pulling sensation on the right uterus area. It was strange. Radiated from where O probably is down to my crotch. It was a very subtle feeling but there. I know I didn't imagine it lol.

Breasts are still tender. Of course every time Z climbed in to my lap she would grab them and then smoosh them. OUCH OUCH OUCH! lol

She's so cute though. She's started to say "Sowwy" now. AWWWWWWWW. She was hitting herself in the head w/ one of her books (it was soft) and kept saying, "Sowwy, sowwy, sowwy.." after every time. Heh. Silly girl.

My toddler is keeping me a silent prisoner...

She is still not wanting to nap and I have to sit here almost completely silent or it will start up the screaming, shrieking fits again.
Bad thing is, my computer chair makes this cracking sound whenever I get in or out of it and that sets her off so I try not to drink anything so I won't have to get up and pee lol.

I feel so pathetic that I have to remain so quiet so she'll sleep LOL. Being controlled by someone that doesn't even weigh 30lbs. YEESH ;)
____

5dpo today! WOO! And yep, I caved and took a test. Obviously BFN, but it helped satisfy the urge.

Saw on TWW that someone has the same lot # of hpts and hers are faulty. She's been getting lines and positives on digitals and other tests but her wondfos are only showing really super faint lines.
Reminds me of when testing w/ Zoe. My wondfos were still very light while FRERs were getting darker.

Hope maybe her little batch were faulty and not all of them. That would suck.

Sleep.... SLEEEEEEP

I wish I had the powers of the evil guys from the movie Dark City. Make Zoe sleep w/ just a wave of my hand. Oh how wonderful that would be.
She's been screaming for about 40mins in her crib now despite the fact that she's tired.
Awesome :\

Should record it and give it to schools around the world to show the kids. Best pregnancy prevention EVER lol ;)
It is a lie saying that you wouldn't trade it for anything. I would trade it for a Zoe that goes back to sleeping well! :P

She's my screaming screech monkey though and damnit, I still love her even when she makes me want to rip my hair out.

She's in a climbing phase now too. It's taken her a while to finally figure it out and now that she has... NOOOOOOOOOOOO
____

A LOT of gas lately. So lady-like I know. Only reason I mention it is b/c I'm in the tww. It's this weird gurgly type of gas. Very strange feeling.

Boobs are still tender and been feeling aching coming from my left O side. That could definitely just be intestinal though.

Other than that... nada which is to be expected.

I want to test!!!

I'm obsessing so bad and it's making time go by so dang slooooooow.

3 dpo today and I want to test!!
Maybe if I ovulated regularly, I'd be one of those women who can actually wait until their AF is due, but since I'm not... PFFFFFFFT.

I'm going to try to hold off until Thursday, maybe even Friday (7-8dpo). But... I could give in by Wednesday. We'll see lol. Need to do something to keep myself busy.
I've been in a crafty mood lately. Just want to create something but I havent figured out what yet.
I should start planning out the felt books I want to do. Hmm, yeah, think I will do that. Must do some research for the themes first though :D
____

Good lord Zoe is such a stubborn girl.
She ignores us, disobeys, tells us no (sometimes yells it at us), and runs away.
I know she's just in a phase where she's testing her limits but dang.... it's tiring as hell. I don't want to have to chase her down b/c I told her to 'Come here'. Or have to scold her b/c she's disobeying us when we tell her not to do something (like mess w/ something we've told her to stop messing with).

And then with her unwillingness to nap even though she's clearly tired, it makes her SUPER grumpy stubborn Zoe. Momma would need some wine if momma liked wine :P lol

We took her to the pool today. It just opened up and we wanted to go. It was a bit cooler than expected and clouded over so the pool was pretty cold. Poor Zoe started shivering and her little chin/mouth would chatter. We took her in to the kiddie pool which is usually a lot warmer b/c of all the pee...... ha j/k.... sorta... it's b/c it's shallow so less water to warm.
She was having a blast in that. She's still not used to getting her head wet though. I'm sure she'll be a little water rat like every other kid soon enough.
We plan on buying her a kiddie pool. Maybe tomorrow.

Sleep child!!!

The past 2 nights have been ok bedtimes, naps are still screaming fits of rage from Zoe.
She's obviously tired and cranky but she acts like we're torturing her by making her take a nap.
If kids only knew how lucky they are that they get a nap. Man, what I would give to have daily naps lol.

Girl needs to go to sleep though. She has been SO darn frustrating today.

I'm going to relax by reading some TWW by dpo symptoms lol. Totally obsessing but I really need to wind down right now. W/ the way Zoe has been acting up today... I really need some me time.

Oh and my breasts are tender today. Not normal for me so I think it's a good sign for ovulation :D Can't wait to start testing!!

OH and one more thing, I've felt this a couple of times so far today. I know it's way too early for any kind of implantation to be occurring.
I've been feeling some pinching sharpish cramps in my uterus. It's really quick and not that painful, but it's noticeable when it happens. *shrugs* Hopefully it's my body getting ready for a little eggy to implant.

Holy Shinikies!

So once the weather gets warmer her, we'll get quick harsh thunderstorms that usually only last maybe 10 minutes or so.
They'll come in w/ force and then quickly leave.
Well, had one come last night that I've never experienced before.
Seriously thought a tornado was going to rip through the house.

It started off normal. It got dark, thunder and lightning, heavy rain. Then it started to hail. Just little pea sized hail, not a big deal.
Then it got bigger. Hmm, that's not normal.... then it got even bigger.

These were a few of the bigger chunks, keeping in mind that these were gotten after the storm had passed so they had time to melt down a little.
Thankfully my car's windows held up but there are dents and dings all over it.
And the house siding also has cracks and a really large hole through one of them.
Also, my poor garden looks like someone was using it for target practice.

We've had hail before, and it usually only comes down for a minute or so, but this lasted for a good 10-15mins, maybe even longer. At one point, you could barely even see a few feet in front of you b/c the rain and hail were coming down so hard along w/ lots and lots of strong wind. That's when I thought it was a tornado.

Scary as hell going through it, but kind of neat after the fact.

90% sure

I'm about that sure that I ovulated yesterday. :D
Think those pinching aches I felt was ovulation. So excited!!! *happy dance*
Of course I'll be disappointed if AF shows, but to even ovulate is such a huge huge deal.
Going to try to keep from testing w/ wondfos until at least Wednesday. I'll only be 6dpo then lol. I think that's long enough ;) heh
I'll try to save the FRERs until 8 or 9 depending on what I'm seeing on the wondfos. Come on possible eggy.... give Zoe a sibling!
____

Zoe went down without a peep last night! WOO! Can't say the same for her naps, or the nap this morning though. Lots of screaming and she even tried to do the flop to the floor tantrum to keep from being dragged off to her room. I couldn't help but laugh :P
I thought it was funny and adorable.
While some of the toddler behavior is frustrating, I can't help but laugh when Zoe start to fake cry or tantrum. I just think it's so ridiculously adorable when she does it.
I don't encourage it by any means and I certainly don't give in to her at all but when she starts, I can't help but burst out laughing.
Would probably look like the meanest mom ever.

Not a + today

So I've taken 2 opks so far today, and while they're still darker than normal, they're definitely not positive.

Really hoping yesterday's were actual real BFPs. I felt some very significant pinching aches on my right O area this morning so hoping that means I'm ovulating or going to.
We BD'd last night, the night before and this morning so if an egg pops out, it's going to have to travel through an ocean of sperm :P lol

I really needed this though. My weight is STILL up even with the increase in activity and while still motivated, I was frustrated. This shows me that something was working and I need to keep going.

If no BFP this cycle, then hopefully the femara next will give me a nice strong ovulation w/ a big fat healthy egg.

We already went out and bought some FRERs ;) hehe I'm ready!!
Speaking of HPTs... I'm only down to 20 wondfos. Oops. Thought I had more but I guess I've been going through them quicker than I thought.
Now that I actually have a REAL reason to use them, I need to save them for when that time comes :D

I'll just say I'm going to ovulate today b/c of the pinching. Which means... I need to hold off on testing until at least next thursday or friday. I can do that hopefully lol.
Just really hope I don't start spotting. I'm really worried about my luteal phase length and just hope it doesn't cause any problems.
____

Zoe finally just quieted down. Hopefully for a nap. I know any little sound is going to set her back off in to a screaming fit though. She's still not used to going to sleep without a paci.
Wish she would just get used to it already though. Hate hearing her cry like this (she started up again).
Makes me feel like, she thinks we're punishing her and she doesn't understand why. My poor baby :(

Good lord, if we are lucky enough to have another, I'm going to try everything I can to keep them from needing a pacifier. Do NOT want to go through this again.

Holy crapola!!

Today was fun.. for the most part.

I woke up at 4 and couldn't get back to sleep, that sucked...
Then we had to take the car in to get serviced and new tires. That took 2 hours. Keeping a toddler entertained for that long is rough. Thankfully there was a really nice older couple also there that Zoe couldn't get enough of.
We then headed to the zoo after :D YAY! Super busy even for a weekday. Sheesh!

Zoe loved the gorillas and giraffe and a sea turtle. She was already pretty tired though so really didn't want to look at much after the giraffe.

1) Loving the sea turtle 2) Patiently waiting to feed the giraffe 3) posing w/ daddy in front of the elephants

We only spent a couple of hours there. It was getting hot, we were all tired and hungry.

We eventually got home and I took an OPK along w/ a HPT
And this is what I saw...
OPK was almost positive!! WOO

Since I don't get to see that that often and I had to make sure it wasn't a fluke b/c the urine was SUPER dark b/c I hadn't had anything to drink since early morning.... I took multiple OPKs.... this is the latest one and it is most def a positive this time :D
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Last time I saw this was the cycle we conceived Zoe. Lets keep that trend going and hope this is the cycle we conceive Zoe's sibling :D

So fracking excited though. Wasn't expecting this at all. I had the EWCM yesterday (and we did BD), but I certainly wasn't expecting to see this today. I thought it was just going to be another light negative OPK.
Oh my gosh, I'm so excited and getting my hopes up so much.
Pls pls pls let this be it, or at the very least, the start of regular ovulatory cycles.

I really think the starting of exercising and the increase in metformin is what is helping.

EWCM?

Yep, I'm getting EWCM.
I've been feeling a bit more wet down there all day long and thought I may have seem some cm earlier, but I definitely saw it just now after using the bathroom.

My OPKs are still showing what they normally do so this will probably amount to nothing, but if there's even a little chance, then we're taking it!

And... even though I'm just torturing myself, I've been taking HPTs too. I just have so many of them and... yeah... it really is just torture. My eyes (and heart) desperately want to see a 2nd line and of course them being cheapy internet tests, some of them show a super faint nothing line.
OH well... doesn't hurt to hope for the best I guess heh.

I have to admit that I am tempted to buy some FRERs. I totally would too if DH wasn't home lol. So pathetic :P
____

Day 3 of no pacifier did not go well either.
No naps in her crib.
She did end up falling asleep in my lap for about 20mins, which was actually kind of sweet, but I'd much prefer her to sleep in her crib and get restful sleep.
She is so incredibly grumpy when she doesn't get enough sleep.
She's still crying up a storm before bedtime too. Took her about 30mins of crying before she finally went to sleep. My poor little Z :(
I feel so terrible about it and have found myself wanting to cave in but... I know this is going to be for the best. She's still little enough that we can control it and that it hasn't done any permanent damage to her teeth.

She's growing up so much though. When we got her the table, we gave her the crayons we bought a while ago along w/ a sketch book. She put the sketch book on the floor and laid on her stomach to scribble in it w/ her little legs bent at the knee . She looked so grown then. It was cute but also broke my heart a little. She's always going to be my 'baby', but she's not a baby anymore :(

Not good, but not terrible

So, Zoe with no pacifier is going better than expected, but also just as expected.
Lots of screaming and crying and refusing to nap.

Her 2nd nap yesterday, she cried for a bit then quietly played in her crib. She never went to sleep.
Bed time, she cried for about 5min and then fell asleep. She woke up once during the night but went to sleep not even a minute later.
First nap today was another disaster, 2nd nap, almost a disaster but she's quieted down so hopefully that means she's asleep.

We went out and bought her a used kiddy table w/ 2 chairs. Paid $12 for it. Meh, wish it had been a little cheaper but Zoe really likes it.

They had this really cute wooden play kitchen for $70.
This one actually
http://kidsdecorgalore.com/pro1003418.html
But it was on hold for someone. Zoe spotted it and LOVED messing with it. Will have to keep an eye out for another one.
Wish I had the tools, I would totally try to make something for her myself. May convince DH to do it :D Seems like it would be a fun project.
____

Haven't noticed any spotting for 2 days now. Woot :D
Hoping that's a good sign. Or it could be like last cycle and I'll start spotting again tomorrow with AF arriving in a few days.

Took an opk and a hpt for the hell of it. OPK looks like how they usually do. Not that super faint line that I was getting before.
Is it sad that I'm hoping for a miracle and something popping up on the hpt? lol

IF that bleeding was from ovulation and the POP I felt was actually ovulation... I'd only be like... 4 or 5 dpo right now if that. We did DTD the AM before the spotting started so... if there's a chance that I did ovulate, there could be a chance.
Pfft, we'll see I guess. Not holding my breath... much ;)

Hmm, maybe good?

I don't think I've ever seen my OPKs so totally negative before.
There is usually a very distinct test line on all of my opks no matter where I'm at in the cycle.
But now, the line is very very very faint. Almost not there.
Not sure what to make of it. I guess it's good? At least I'm hoping so. Not sure what it would mean but it's something at least.

The spotting has lightened up but hasn't gone away. I only notice it here and there throughout the day when I use the bathroom.
____

Bruised my ass yesterday pulling weeds in the front yard.
I spent 3.5hours pulling weeds and still only managed to do half of the front yard.
Yeah, that's how bad it is. Our front yard looks TERRIBLE. We were hoping the grass would grow in, but with all of the weeds it's not happening so we have to do it manually :\
Sat my ass down and started pulling yesterday. Still, 3 and a half hours and I only did half the yard.. and our yard is not that dang big. Geeze....
 ____

We're going pacifier free today. First nap was already a disaster. She spent it screaming in her crib until it was time to get her up so DH could take her to church :\
Am NOT looking forward to this but it has to be done so it doesn't do anything permanent to her teeth.

Whole lot of nothing

Well, good news, the spotting seems to have stopped for now.
Bad news... OPKs haven't shown anything promising. Usually I'll get some kind of darkening here and there that teasingly gets me hopes up, but not this time. The lines have stayed super faint.
I wonder if I am one of those PCOSers that OPKs aren't good for. Weird.

Can't wait to start the femara. I just hope that my period starts like it has been the last 2 cycles. They didn't order me a new provera prescription so I'd have to call that in and then do 10 days of it which would just be more waiting and.. bleh. So yeah, come on body!

Ordered some magnesium citrate. Keep reading how a lot of people are deficient in it and that it could help me sleep better. We'll see. Going to take one before bed and hope for the best.

Z is spending the night with her granny tonight. We're going to the movie tomorrow to see Godzilla. I only wanted her to watch her a few hours, but spending the night works too. Zoe sure enjoys it. She gets stuffed full of junk food and gets to stay up late :P lol Nevermind all of those toys.

Must say, it will be nice to sleep in tomorrow. So so nice.

POP

So I'm still spotting. It hasn't gotten heavier.
Last night I woke up (after the bazillionth time), laid on my right side and felt a POP in the ovary area. It was a sharp pain that only lasted for a quick second.
I went to sleep and thought I had dreamt it, but I'm feeling some mild aches in that region. I'm also feeling some very mild aches on the left O area too.
WTF is going on with my body? Geeze.
I'm not too worried about it but still... damn.

Again??

So, I was using the bathroom, wiped and.... spotting.
Seriously..... seriously.....
Why am I even surprised though. With how wonky my body can get, I shouldn't get surprised by anything other than normal by now.

____

Slept better last night thank goodness. I still woke up all throughout the night, but at least this time I could actually get back to sleep right away instead of just laying there.
I'm still feeling tired today though.
I exercised anyway.
Found a Walk away the pounds vid on youtube that I tried out. It was pretty boring b/c it was the same thing over and over again but it was effective. I may try it again down the road if I don't have anything else I want to do heh.

Sleep, NEED SLEEEEEEEP

I'm not sure WTH is going on but I've slept like total crap the last 2 nights and it is wearing on me :(
I'm tired, but I wake up and can't get back in to that deep sleep again.
Woke up at 4 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep.
Thought maybe some sex would help so waited until DH got up for work to pounce on him rofl.
It helped a little. Finally got back to sleep at around 6:30 but then got woken up by Z at 7 :\

I don't know what's wrong and it's frustrating as hell. Not having problems staying awake during the day but my energy levels are soooooo low.
I barely exercised today. Did bare minimum b/c I just don't have the energy to do it. It's a miracle I did anything actually.
Really hope it's better tonight.

Oh AND, my weight is up. WTF?? Isn't exercise supposed to ya know... make you LOSE weight. WTF body??
I'm sure it's only temporary but still frustrating.
Guess this is why I took measurements. Won't retake those until next week I think.

Wish we could go to the beach but nooooooo, someone had to burn part of our house. Zoe would've loved it I think.
She's having a ball playing in the little sand pit thing we got for her. She's discovered that getting it ALL over herself is loads of fun (ugh) lol.

Tiny rant

SiL posted another stupid ass phishing for comments post on facebook of

"You just don't want to know"

And no one posted.... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA... yes, no one knows or cares bitch so stop!

Not this time!

Didn't want to exercise today.
I didn't sleep well last night and I'm feeling drained, but I did it anyway.
I've let myself slack off before and it ALWAYS spirals back to laziness.
Won't allow that to happen again. I won't fail.

Took a before photo today. I've got a LONG way to go lol, but I'm going to get there. Probably at a snail's pace, but I'm going to get there.

Just called in for the femara and provera prescrip.
Told DH I was going to do it when we were going out on Saturday and he asked me why and why don't I just wait to see what exercising does.
I know he didn't mean it in a hurtful way AT ALL (he just doesn't want to go back to doing injections again), but him saying that really hurt me.
Like I said, he didn't say it in a mean way or anything, but it still felt like he was saying that I was going to stop exercising and go back to doing nothing again. He definitely knew that he said something 'wrong' though b/c a few mins later said to go ahead and do what I wanted and he would support me lol.
If he did actually mean that, I can't say I really blame him for thinking it though b/c that's what I did before.
 But like I said, not this time. I have a fire under my butt and it's not going out any time soon.
____

Zoe is doing great. It's crazy how well she can mimic words now. She still doesn't actually say too much, or well, more like say things we understand lol, but if we say a word to her, she tries her best to say it back.
Thankfully she hasn't said any curse words.... yet.

She's quite the social butterfly too. Every time we go out now she waves, smiles, and says hi to people.
She'll clam up if they say anything to her, but she comes around and will do her little toddler flirts. It's adorable and I really hope she keeps this attitude. Being shy sucks.

Happy Mother's Day!!

To all of you mommas out there, Happy Mother's Day!! I hope your significant others aren't pissing you off too much today ;)
And for all of you hopeful moms, I hope you're having an amazing day :)

DH took Z to church and I'm home all by myself and loving it. Relaxing and doing whatever I want.
Which is getting on the net and using the bathroom in peace ROFL.
I would've liked to have slept in this morning but DH conveniently 'forgot' to close our bedroom door to get Z up. She came in to the room and SHRIEKED.
Scared the ever living shit out of me b/c I was asleep :P lol
Oh well... I'll sleep in another day.

Just enjoying some alone time right now.

Did I mention that DH bought me a new betta fish? I wanted an expensive pretty male, but ended up getting a 99cent blue female betta. I always feel so bad for the females b/c they're not all flashy like the males are, so I picked out a tiny little female fishy. Now she has a 5gal tank all to herself.
I think DH got me the tank for mother's day. Maybe when I was still pregnant? I can't remember.

Anyway, hoping that next year I'll be celebrating this day as a mother of 2, or 1 with another on the way :)

Well that sucked...

Went out tonight for Mother's day. HUGE mistake inviting the inlaws to come with us b/c they had my nieces with them too.
My nieces (brother's kids)..... ugh..... just ugh.
The youngest one is ok for now, but the oldest one is the most annoying child I've ever encountered. She's tolerable maybe 20% of the time, the rest of it, she's lying through her teeth and WHINES like it's going out of style. I mean just the kind of whine that you want to ram a toothpick in to your ear just so you don't have to hear it any longer.
Yeah, they were there too and in ultra-annoying kid mode.
THEN the place was super F-ing busy and noisy and just... yeah, it wasn't a good mother's day dinner.
Oh well.

And apparently they also told their kids about the fire at our house which jus made me pissed off at them all over again b/c they're STILL not taking any responsibility for it. I guess they think wood milch can just go up in flames for no reason. Hell, we should sue and become gazillionares! :\
And not even an offer to help pay for the damages they caused, or even help pay.
Oh but I'm sure they're still planning on their trip to Comicon later in the year.... a trip they don't have the money for IF they were responsible people that bothered paying back money they owe.
UUUUUUUUUUUUGH, just the kind of people that make you want to rip your hair out.

Ranting...

I don't understand.....

Someone please explain to me WHY do couples that don't want any more children, who know they are fertile as shit still have unprotected sex?? And then get upset/shocked when they get pregnant again??
Please, someone explain that shit to me.
Hell, even tracking the woman's cycle to not have sex on her fertile days at the very least would work, but nope.... they go ahead and have sex and then to their shock and horror end up pregnant once again and get all frickin upset over it.

Excuse me while I try to hold back my urge to punch you in the face.

Wondering...

Zoe is FINALLY down for a nap.
Good lord she was in full on tantrum screaming mode for a while.
Changed her diaper (b/c she had pooped, I did check it before and nada).... and put her back down. Thankfully she was ready to take a nap then.
But still, I hate hearing her cry like that. Makes me feel so bad, but I know it's for the best so just have to tough it out.

Anywho, did 10 mins exercise today. It was a core type of workout and man... you watch the video and think, Oh that doesn't look too hard. Then you do it and WOO, that is rough.
It's really not difficult, but you start doing it and you can def feel it.
I'm so out of shape it's not even funny.
But I'm hoping that next week I'll be able to do a full 30mins of exercising. I'm going to give it my best shot :D

DH seems to be really happy that I'm FINALLY starting to exercise again. We both knew that me exercising would help my health so much and he was always so supportive in trying to get me motivated before. He's just happy to see me finally motivated.
He just needs to get himself motivated again. His butt area has been hurting him a bit though. Think he's waiting for that to feel better.

Took my measurements today. Only did upper arms, waist, and the bulge right above my waist.
Thighs hips... meh... that will all come down if the other parts do.

So ready for this though. Ready for another baby and ready to finally have a body that I'm not ashamed of.

Tired, Fire, and Mosh Pits

We got back around midnight last night and boy are we POOPED.

The concert was fun for the most part though.
We learned the first day that we needed something to cover our noses up with. Dust along with being constantly bombarded with cig and weed smoke. We were blowing black boogers for a while and our sinuses felt like someone took sandpaper to them.
Thankfully there was a Walmart close to our hotel (which was really nice), and we picked up a couple of bandanas for a dollar a piece :D
We got to get up close for one band which was fun.
And sort of close for another band we really wanted to see.
That.... was an experience. First, we had to stand there for 2 hours. Yeah... 2 hours in a tiny little space, hot ass sun beating down on you, and a bunch of sweaty bodies crowding around.
That shit... ugh.
THEN, people started getting bored and the titties started to come out :P lol
It was pretty funny, there were 3 stages in total. There was a band playing on a different stage, but the camera views would keep popping back to our area b/c of all of the boobs. rofl
THEN, crowd surfing. UUUUUUUUUUGH
That crap is so F-ing dangerous for the surfers and the people down below. Thankfully there were taller guys around me, but I got pushed around quite a bit by them trying to get the surfers over... and good lord there was a TON of them.
And this was all before the band even came out. It got worse when they finally did come out. We were crushed b/c a mosh pit formed so everyone not wanting to be in it backed up and w/ a railing in the way, there was nowhere to go. And when I say there was no room, there was NO ROOM. Just imagine someone laying on top of you, now picture that but you're all standing up and there are people all around you. That's how smooshed we were.
Couldn't see shit, almost lost my hat and glasses a few times, got elbowed in the face, had my toes stepped on too many times to count.
It was an experience... kind of fun, but damn, we're too old for that shit lol.
I showed my bitch face though. People were trying to get in front of us, but I cut that shit off. I grabbed some kid next to me and said NOPE. We got there early, WE were going to be up front, not some late comer looking to push their way forward.

And another bad thing... the entire place was filled with rocks... and I was wearing little flimsy flip flops. I felt each and every rock I stepped on. That shit was HELL on my poor feet. They feel so bruised right now. Hoping they'll feel better tomorrow.


But that's not the big news.. the big news is that my brother and SiL are lying idiots.
They watched our pets for us. They've done it before, NP.
They smoke, so go out front to do it. Well, I get a text on Sunday telling us that there was a fire... in the front area near the garage. There's wood mulch all in the area so, if there's a fire, it's all going to burn.
SiL says that my brother put it out and DH asks if the house has been damaged. She says NO AND that they have NO idea how it got started.
BULL FUCKING SHIT.
I'm fairly confident I know what happened.
SiL & my brother usually share a cig. She'll come in before it's completely finished. It's what they've always done b/c she doesn't like sitting outside.
I bet you that my brother put the cig out in the area. Probably smashed it in to the patio or something b/c that's what he's done before and the still burning embers blew in to the mulch catching it on fire.
No fucking idea how it started my ASS.
There is NOTHING in that area that would cause a fire to start. Absolutely nothing.
What pisses me off is that they're fucking lying about not knowing how it started. They know damn well how it started, but don't want to own up to their mistake.
That's all it fucking is... just an accident. That shit happens, but the kind of people they are, they'll NEVER fucking own up to it and pfft, good luck to us if we think they're going to pay for anything to be replaced.
AND there is actually very noticeable damage to the house. It's not the main part but these wooden pillar things on the porch. There is very very very noticeable damage to them w/ scorch marks, bubbled up paint and warped from the fire material (it's not pure wood, maybe a composite?).
So yeah, they almost burned our house down.
From the looks of the mulch, it was inches away from being right by the house. We would've come home to part of our house gone.
So yeah... SO fucking pissed off at them. For the fire sure, but mostly for lying and thinking we're just a couple of fucking idiots.
So now we're having to debate if we should call our insurance about it. If we do, that means we would have to say we've had a house fire even though it's very minimal damage to not even the main part.
Just UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH

Tease

My body is just messin with me now.
Period lightened up a considerable amount last night. Thought for sure I'd only be spotting today so I only wore panty liners for most of the day, that is until GUSH.
Sigh.... it got heavier again. It's still not super heavy or anything but still, booooo lol.
It's more of a flow now than is has been though. Still not normal, but oh well.
It's something at least.
Will be interesting to see if I get my period again and when.
____

Good lord it's like someone flipped a switch with Z. One min she's struggling to pick up words... now, she's repeating EVERYTHING.
Ok almost everything. Thankfully no curse words.
We weren't being too careful before but we def have to be now or else she's going to be dropping F-bombs on everyone lol.
It does get funny trying to be creative with your non-swearing.
I've already gotten used to saying S.O.B. instead of actually saying the words.
Or motherhumper :P Son of a biscuit, son of a turkey butter (I dunno but I've said it....), etc etc.