News and other stuff...

So I got a call from SiL (brother's wife) yesterday telling me she is pregnant.
SHOCK! lol
Well, kind of a shock but also, not really.
Not really because.... when she loses weight, which she has been, she gets pregnant. And TADA, she got pregnant. Shock b/c well... her kids are 9 and almost 7 and she really didn't want another.
Which is kinda dumb since she knows she gets pregnant when she loses weight (that's how her other 2 were conceived) AND they weren't using protection. DER... I wonder what's gonna happen??

Anyway, other than that, I'm happy for them.
Yes, I am a little jealous, not going to lie, but it's not that all consuming hopeless jealousy that I would've had before having Zoe. I'm so glad it's not like that.

After we had Zoe, my brother REALLY wanted to have another baby and welp, he got his wish heh. It will be great that Zoe gets another cousin close to her age :D
And hopefully, I'll be pregnant later this year so that will add in another one to grow up with the rest. Good times *nodnod*
So yeah, there's that.
____

Diet has gone to hell this weekend! lol
With Easter, and multiple family get togethers. Yeah, there is no point in even pretending that sticking to a diet is going to happen this weekend. I'm fine with that so long as I don't gain back weight. We'll see though.
____

We went strawberry picking today! YAY!
It's still early in the season and there was a cold front that screwed up ripening, but we still got 2 gallons of strawberries.

Here are some photos

I would've been the one to carry Zoe, but I had a bad back and welp, after we were done, so did DH :D hehe

What was that?

The title has nothing to do with what I'm gonna post. It's just a random nothing that popped in to my head :P

Anywho...
The good thing about going primal... is that eventually, when you get in to that fat burning mode, or your body starts getting used to the little carb thing... you don't feel as hungry throughout the day.

At first for me, when I first start, I get REALLY hungry as my body adjusts. BUt after that... it's all good.
That's led to a few days of barely getting 1000 calories and I feel totally fine and satisfied with whatever I ate that day.
It's pretty amazing.
Today was not one of those days though.
So yeah..... hopefully this means the weight will just keep disappearing.
____

UGH tonight is going to be bad. Zoe is fussing right now and just... uuuuugh. I hope she goes back to sleep soon!
She's been waking up around 3am these last few days wanting to eat. Think it was 4am last night.
If she does that again at 4am, I'm just feeding her. No need to prolong the suffering :P lol

She is SO darn squirmy now. I pick her up and put her on my lap and she lunging at things and not wanting to stay still. I should've cuddled with her more when she was content to just sit there. Sigh.
They grow up so darn fast.

Water Weight

So, today is 1 week since I seriously started dieting again.
And I weighed myself.....
*drumroll*

I'm down 6 lbs!! What???
Yep, 6lbs from when I started.
Yes, I'm sure 5lbs of that is water weight, but 1 lb weight loss.. I will take!!

Too bad weight loss can't be like this every week. Hell, I'd be at my goal in no time!! Maybe if people lost weight like this, there would be more with a success to share instead of them failing yet another diet. :(

Sigh.... losing weight sucks.
It's so easy to gain weight. All of those deliciously terrible foods that pack on the pounds. Damn you tasty food!!!!
____

We have termites again! :\
Our home is on a concrete slab and well... these termites are coming up from cracks in the foundation. Awesome.
Had termite guy over today to look at it all and then spray. Hopefully we caught it just in time before any more damage is done.
I'm sure this will be a contiuous battle.
____

Zoe is doing well. She woke up at 3am last night. UGH! Finally got her to go back to sleep just before 4am. She wanted that formula though and woke back up just after 5. She went back to sleep after getting a bottle so whatever.
Just hope she doesn't wake up tonight! Sleep girl! lol

Grr, stop rolling over!!

Yes, that title is for Zoe!!
She rolls over in her crib and for whatever reason 'forgets' how to roll back over! I dunno if she doesn't want to b/c she doesn't want to bonk her head or if she does actually forget.
It's frustrating though b/c she'll sometimes fall asleep on her tummy but will then wake up totally upset that she's on her stomach. SIGH!
She did that tonight unfortunatly, and 10min ago, just went back to sleep.
Thankfully I was up posting my food and dicking around on the web though so not like I was trying to sleep.
She better sleep nice and long tomorrow!
____

I'm retaining water again. WTF?? Is it b/c of the 2 cheat weekend? Is it b/c I didn't exercise? Maybe something to do w/ how tired I was today?
Who the hell knows, but I'm back up THREE pounds.
Ok, I need to stop using up the juice in the already dying battery.
Weigh in once a week, every other week or just do it monthly. Monthly would probably be the best option since weight does fluctuate a lot. Think it's time to hide the scale in the closet. *nodnod*

Not the best but meh

Family= Fat... that's just a fact.
Whenever you get together with family, you're always going to eat crap.

They came over Saturday to use our tax return thing and then we went out for Mexican... AND we went and got ice cream after :P lol

Oh well, it was delicious and can't take it back now.
The next couple of weeks are going to be like this.
This Sunday, we're going to church for Easter and I'm sure will either have lunch and/or dinner w/ them.
And then next week, we have a wedding to go to.
So it's going to be at least 2 cheats each week.

Not sure when it is, but we also have a 1yo birthday party to go to. I think that might be in May though so at least there's some spacing out hehe.

I don't think I'm exercising today though.
I actually did get pretty decent sleep, but for some reason just woke up feeling like I hadn't slept at all. I hate that. Going to get back to it tomorrow and kick some booty!!


Oh we did go to Target to see what kind of weights they had. Meh... I might as well just use DH's weights. They're clunky and annoying but we already have them so don't have to spend extra $$ on anything.
____

I swear, every other week Zoe has a butt rash lol. As soon as I saw it getting red, I started putting oil on it again, but I guess that wasn't enough to prevent it from spreading. Poor girl just has really sensitive skin.
The eczema on her arms and legs is terrible.
It's in these small patches and they will not frickin go away!! We bought a different type of lotion that a coworker recommended. I hate the stuff. It leaves this nasty feeling film on my hands after I put it on her and it has this gross synthetic plastic smell, but if it helps then of course we'll do it.

She's good though. She is developing quite the free spirited attitude. Wants to get in to EVERYTHING as I'm sure all babies her age do lol. OMG I anticipate a lot of headaches when she starts crawling, which thankfully she hasn't figured out yet LOL.

Geeze...

How much water can a body retain??
I started low carbing it seriously on Wed... today, I'm down 5 pounds already!!
I know probably all of that is water weight, but it still boggles the mind.
Where the hell was my body storing 5 POUNDS of water? Geeze...

Anywho...
Diet is going well although I wish to stop eating so many eggs. First couple of days, the eggs weren't bothering me, but history tells me that the eggs are going to cause problems very soon.
I just can't tolerate them for a long period of time I guess and well.... eggs mixed with metformin becomes an... ahem... explosive situation.

DH wants us to make some beef jerky. We made some before, a HUGE hunk of meat only made a little bit of jerky and we ate it all in like, a day and a half lol. And that meat is not frickin cheap either!
We'll see.

I've been planning on going to the store since Wed, but pfft, laziness is getting the better of me. It's nothing that can't wait to be bought anyway so really in no hurry. I just don't feel like getting dressed and going out.
Still need to get that popsicle mold.
OOO the strawberry farm is open, or well, kinda open. They won't be this weekend due to weather, so yeah. Can't wait and then go get some fresh strawberries to add in to whatever kind of popsicles we make.
OOOOOO we could even make pudding pops too!! Sugar free of course, but still, how awesome would that be??
____

Zoe keeps waking up around 4-5am. It's technically sttn still, but wish she would stop! LOL.
I've just said screw it and been giving her a bottle. She chugs it down so she is obviously hungry and she goes right back to sleep usually and sleeps in until 8 now. WOO! So ya know what.... SUCK IT doctor!! I am feeding her so I can get back to sleep after and sleep in until 8!
Feeding her then does pose a problem though. She pees like crazy and has been leaking through her diaper.
Small price to pay I say :P lol

Ouch my shoulders!!

With all of that flinging around I do playing that game, my shoulders are getting sore as crap right now!
Hopefully I'm not pulling anything and actually working something out rofl.
I do work up a good sweat playing and my thighs and calf muscles start to get that burn sensation when I actually remember to move around :P rofl

Tomorrow I'll be doing some strength stuff. Think I need to buy some heavier weights. Right now, I only have tiny little 3lb ones hehe. I have the kettlebells still, and DH has his big clunky weights, but I'd prefer to get my own. Was going to go to Target this morning but w/ the rough start I had... may go tomorrow and see what they have along with picking up a popsicle mold.

Saw a great idea on The Doctors, where they mixed together a bunch of fruit w/ some yogurt and then froze it to make popsicles. I may need to do something else since yogurt has an ass load of frickin carbs in it. Nevermind adding in fruit to it too. SIGH! Just can't frickin win! lol
At least I can't do it right now, not while my body is HOPEFULLY transitioning to burning fat. Grrr, it better be!

I'm so tired of looking like I'm 6m pregnant!!! It's embarassing as hell :( Of course my stomach is the first place the fat goes and the last place it comes off... damnit.
____

Good lord, Zoe is going through outfits today like no ones business. She keeps leaking all over the place!! Peeing a ton and then pooping. The poop blocks any pee after it from absorbing so it does the only thing it can and comes out! BLEH! Every diaper change so far has been a leak.
I guess this is where disposable diaper moms come in and point and laugh at me hehe. Or at least I like to imagine there are some that would :D

Rough start :(

I dunno what the hell my problem was last night but I could not get to sleep for anything.
I went and laid down at 9:40. Zoe started fussing at 10:40, by 11 she was asleep. Then, my dog had an upset stomach and kept wanting to go out, so I let him out at midnight.
I tossed and turned and the last time I looked at the clock, it was almost 1 frickin AM!
THEN! At 3, I wake up, the same dog is wanting out again so of course not wanting to have to get poo out of carpet, I got up and let him out.
THEN, Zoe wakes up at 4. UUUUUUUGH
I said screw it after 20mins and gave her a bottle. I think she was already falling asleep by the time I did so probably should've waited, but I was miserable by then and just wanting my body to fall asleep already.
She went to sleep right after downing her bottle and I FINALLY got to sleep. THEN I woke up when DH's alarm went off got up a couple of times to pee.
And now I'm up at 8:30. Thankfully Zoe slept in a little so I could at least get some sleep.
As I said, I do not know WTF was wrong last night. Just pure sucky insomnia.

And then just a few mins ago while changing Zoe, she kicked up and scratched the heck out of my arm with one of her toenails! LOL She actually almost drew blood too. It wasn't even a long toenail, but guess it was enough. I clipped that sucker so hopefully she can't kill me next time :P

Decent day...

Getting myself pumped up to lose weight and so far so good.
I'm a big hungry, but I know that feeling will pass in a few days. It's always like this at first. Think I read it's your body going in to fat burning mode. It was using carbs before and now that I'm low carbing it properly... it has to use the fat for energy so yep... just gotta wait for my body to adjust.

I played Just Dance 3 some today. That game is really fun but thank goodness I can do it alone... and Zoe is too young to laugh at me :P lol
I feel like such a spaz playing that game. The music so far is pretty fun to dance to. Sure it's a little old, but meh... I really don't keep up too much with music though... hell, not even the kind I like.

For now, I'm mostly working on my arms with the arm. Flinging them around and such. I'm just SO not coordinated.

Pretty sure joining sparkpeople is what got me so motivated suddenly. When I put in all of my stats, it said I could potentially reach my goal in November!! For some reason that just blew me away that I could possibly be at my goal weight by the end of the year. Sure that is a lot of months but really not that long to lose the amount that I want.
It just gave me hope that it COULD possibly happen.

So yeah.... going to focus right now on losing this weight. Get my body to start getting regular cycles, and then hopefully, maybe by the end of summer or in the fall, we'll be ttc #2 or actually pregnant with #2. I'm kinda debating with myself if I should focus on losing weight first.
I knw that losing weight will have huge benefits whenever I get pregnant with #2, but of course the infertile part of me just wants it to happen ASAP b/c I'm afraid of it not happening at all or taking a long time again.

Anywho, enough about all that..
____

Zoe has been doing this weird thing in her jumperoo. She'll bring up her legs and will put her arms in the air. It's frickin HILARIOUS b/c some of the poses she goes in to makes her look like a little Superman :P lol

Thankfully I got a shot of it! hehe It looks more like she's about to bust out some martial arts though :D

I was trying to get a photo of her pulling her bib over her face b/c she was getting sleepy, but she hams it up for the camera heh.

And yesterday, she once again fell asleep in her high chair. Poor girl was pooped!

She woke up right after though ehehe

It still amazes me that we had her. Was changing her and just had that overwhelming AWE feeling. :)

Restrictions

First up...
Zoe woke up at 12:30 last night and didn't go back to sleep until almost 2!! UUUUUUGH
I was more than willing to allow her to cry until she fell asleep, but DH broke down and gave her a bottle.
I'm fine with that, hell, I would've given her one a lot sooner if it was only up to me.
What pisses me off is that, I had gotten up to soothe her. While I'm putting her back in her crib, DH comes in and gives her the bottle. That's fine, but THEN, he turns around and leaves.
I'm like WTF??
He says what.. and I say, you better fucking stay up until she's done.
I mean seriously?? Did he expect her to crawl out of her crib to put her bottle away by herself or something?? No... He just expected ME to F-ing stay up with her while she finished.
Good lord that pissed me off so much.

Anyway, she went to sleep right after. The only reason I was willing to let her cry longer was because DH is the one that wanted to do CC. Now CC does work, but it's not going to work quickly every damn time which I guess DH thought it would. So yeah, next time he even makes a peep about me 'giving in' and just giving her a bottle, I'm gonna shove last night ALL up in his face :P lol
____

I hate starting a new diet.
While this one isn't new, it's still restrictive and damnit if that doesn't always make you hungrier!!

Can't have a lot of carbs? Of course you start craving like crazy for some!!!

While I'm really not craving carbs, I am REALLY f-ing hungry. I made myself some egg drop soup this morning which was DELICIOUS. Hoping that the eggs don't bother my stomach.
Not sure what I'll have for lunch. Don't think we actually have anything other than... more eggs :\
Going to have to take a trip to the store and find something easy for lunches.

Debating how carb restrictive I want to be. I know I need to be pretty low, but how low to kick start weight loss I'm not sure.
Def will be skipping on the rice I'm fixing tonight. Just go for an extra large salad or something.

New Page

After FINALLY figuring out how to do it (yes I'm slow), I added in a new page for my weight loss specific boring stuff. (to the right) ----------------->
I'll probably add more to it once I think of more to actually add heh.

No juicy juicy

Reading up a little on juicing and no.... It's not gonna happen.
The idea is good, but seriously, I love my food too much and drinking everything, having to buy a TON of veggies and fruits and not to mention an expensive juicer.
Just no.
It would be nice to have a lose weight quick thing, but yeah, it's just not gonna happen.

Gonna have to do things the old fashioned way. Stick to healthy eating and exercise. Actually work up a sweat exercise.
It is SO incredibly easy to use Zoe as an excuse not to do it, but I need to stop.
If for nothing else.. I need to lose weight so I'll be around to watch her grow up. I don't want her telling her HS friends how her mom died from a heart attack when she was younger.

The task at hand is so daunting though. It was so easy to lose weight before and now... it feels like the most difficult thing in the world.

Suckity sucks!!!

I gotta stop making excuses and just do it.

Square 1

Ok, so I think the bleeding is over. Can't remember if it was yesterday or the day before. Only had like one incident of wiping away blood and that was it. It could still pick back up but so far, it looks to be over.

Have a feeling it was what I said... an anovulatory AF. My body didn't produce the lining it would have if I had ovulated, but it still had an AF with whatever was in there.
So yeah, I'm gonna count this as a new cycle and hope for the best :)
____

I've been seriously considering trying juicing. Not right this instant or anything since we don't even own a juicer lol, but in the future, it may be something I'll try out.
I dunno if I'd be able to do it for all 3 meals, but we'll see how I feel about all of this later.

One of DH's friends did a juice diet and lost A LOT of weight really quick and still does a juice fast every once in a while. It's actually supposed to be good for you, but ugh, just thinking about not having food upsets me! rofl

Stupid F-ing DOG!!!

It's storming outside, so what does that mean?
It means our oldest dog is pacing around our damn room panting as loud as possible!!!
I would be asleep right now, but oh no, Miss Almost Deaf dog just HAD to see the lightening and then freak out.
Don't feel sorry for her b/c we've been dealing with this now for over 10 YEARS.
I can deal with it during the day. Just ignore her and turn the tv up, but when I'm trying to sleep... I want to throw her old ass out!
Obviously I didn't do that or I'd be in bed right now happily dreaming about whatever weird shit my brain comes up with and not typing all of this out.
____

Saw a post on FB from someone mentioning how much they hate the word moist.
I think moist and vagina are probably the 2 more hated English words.

I don't have a problem with moist... but vagina? Yeah.... that word is just... I dunno... ugly. Just not a pretty word at all.
____

Alrighty, enough..... time to go see if I can zonk out finally... panting loud ass dog and all. *grumble*

Bleh!

Threw up this afternoon.
All of a sudden, I just started feeling shitty. Nauseated feeling just kept getting worse until I finally had to just throw up.
Think it was just what I ate. Ate some left over ribs and I guess they didn't agree with me.

Of course DH joked and asked if I was pregnant. Pffft, yeah... I wish. Or well... kinda wish.
While I do want to have another one, I really do want to lose some weight first. At least get back down to my pre-preg weight.
I don't think my body is ready to have another yet anyway. Not with all of this weird bleeding and no ovulation etc.
This might be AF, but it is certainly not a normal one. Probably an anovulation one.

Did a little bit of exercise today. Not as much as I should have though.
____

Zoe seems to have gotten her appetite back.

She's also been falling asleep on her tummy now :D
Last night she started fussing so I got up to check, and she was sleeping on her stomach.
And this afternoon... checked on her while she was napping and again, on her stomach sleeping.
She is growing up so fast.

Heavenly!

After the rough day I had yesterday, I just woke up at almost 9am!! AWESOME!!!
I did have to get up with her at 5:30. Gave her some formula in hopes that she would go back to sleep after (which she did for the most part)... and woot! Slept in until 9! OMG YES!

Yesterday was F-ing TERRIBLE though.
I think I was having caffeine withdrawal. I've been craving Dr. Pepper like crazy so I've been buying it (diet of course). And well, it's not decaff.
Yesterday was the 2nd day I hadn't had any and lemme tell ya... the headache I had was terrible.
It was mild at first, then turned in to this just overall shit feeling.
Then at around 8pm, it started getting really bad. I took some tylenol, then eventually some ibuprofin. I don't get migranes and this wasn't, but bad headaches usually make me nauseated. Add in metformin I take right before bed and I almost threw up quite a few times.

Was terrible yesterday, but I feel better today. Suspringly, I'm still tired right now though. WTF?
____

OMG it was so cute and so sad yesterday.
We haven't gotten Zoe on the new day light schedule so she's wanting to nap at 4pm which is too close to her bedtime.
Well, she was going to nap whether if we liked it or not!!
She does this thing when she's trying to sleep where she'll pull her blanket over her head.

YEsterday at 4, when we were trying to keep her awake. She was in her jumperoo. She started to pull her bib over her face b/c she was tired and was trying to go to sleep.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
She actually did fall asleep once. Poor girl. I finally stopped laughing and awwing, and let her nap for 30mins in her Rock N Play. I had to wake her up though or else she would've slept until 6.

Normal? What's that?

Welp... I THOUGHT it was AF, it might still be, but it's not a normal one.
Almost stopped completely yesterday. Didn't have anything but a tiny little bit of brown smudge all day long.
And today it has slightly picked back up w/ fresh stuff.

Oh well. Too good to be true I guess.

Going to start exercising again tomorrow.
Was actually thinking about possibly going on a juice type of diet to lose weight quickly, but pfft, I do not have the will power and I would rather EAT that food than drink it.
I'll just stick with primal and add in the exercise *nodnod*
____

Zoe is definitely teething and it is not being kind to her. Poor girl.
We've been having to give her infant tylenol often to help w/ the pain.

She's been making these funny faces too I think to try to relieve some of the feeling she's getting in her gums. It will look like she's giving you a weird smile lol.

Anywho, here are a few photos. Some of these are a few weeks old. Have some on my phone that I need to get off.



And look who could still wear her ADORABLE Minnie Mouse outfit! SQUEEEEE
Totally worth the $10 spent on it *nodnod*

It's AF!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Picked up last night and yep, it's def AF now!!! *happy dance*

I thought it would be worse than this since this is my first PPAF. Thought I would be super achy and heavy flow and all that, but nope. It's actually pretty mild right now. No pain at all and the flow is on the lighter side of heavy. It could still pick up though as it has been for the last couple of days so we'll see what happens.
Maybe it will stay like this and just last a little longer?

I think this is it!!!

This might actually be AF!!!
It's still not really a flow yet, but it seems to be slowly getting there! Come on already damnit!!
While I want AF to start, I sure as hell don't want it to drag on either! I know I'm being all picky :P
____

Awwww, I think Zoe isn't liking hats any longer :( She's figured out how to pull them off now. Boooooo!!
She's adorable without hats on, but damnit, she is super cute with them on too and sometimes, they just make an outfit! (when I actually dress her that is).

I had her dressed all up in purple today. A cute little purple onesie, matched w/ a purple tutu, purple bib, purple socks and a purple hat to go with it. But nooooooo she was not happy with that dang hat on! Did manage to keep it on for a little while and get a photo of her in it (while she slept), so at least I have that heh.
I swear, I'll get some photos posted soon!!

Any day now

It's not AF, but it is slowly getting heavier so it might be pre-AF. Not sure but it's so frustrating! lol
Other than wanting to start a new fertility treatment cycle, I don't think I've ever wanted AF more.
Just turn to a proper flow already!!! Grrrr

____

Man, Zoe has been resisting naps ALL day today. I just don't understand that about babies. Why do they resist going to sleep??

"Oh I'm so tired!!! Let me cry and scream about it instead of actually going to sleep!!"

o_O

Of course they don't have that reasoning but still :P heh
____

Rant moment.

My brother and his wife are really ticking me off.
They REALLY need to stop f-ing smoking already or at the very least stop smoking around their kids.
Totally get how hard it is to stop, but they are totally selfish with it. They ALWAYS smoke around their 2 girls, and b/c of that, I swear, I don't remember a time when their 2 daughters weren't coughing all the time. Their house and cars stink to high heaven b/c of the smoking. Whenever they come over to visit. After they leave, Zoe smells like she's been rolling around an ashtray. And that's just from them holding her!

Anywho... what brought on this rant... I guess their oldest girl was showing other signs of being sick, so they took her to the doctor, and her mom totally lied to the doctor and said she only had a cough for about a month.
Uhm... WHAT???
I'm not sure if it's just total denial or if she was too ashamed/embarassed to admit that her daughter coughs ALL THE DAMN TIME for years now.
And the bad thing is, I'm sure the doctor could clearly smell the smoke on them both.

I'm seriously shocked that neither niece has asthma. Oh their mom does (she uses her inhaler as she puffs on her cigs) though.

UUUUUUUUUUUUGH it's just so aggrivating. They're not bad people, but this...

DH's sis smokes too, but she at least has enough sense not to do it inside the home and not to do it while driving w/ LO in the car.

Impatiently waiting

... for something to happen with this spotting.
It sure feels like it could be AF wanting to start. Bloated feeling down below along w/ an ache as I felt w/ my last few periods, but the bleeding still hasn't really picked up.
It either needs to stop or pick up!!
____

Bad night for sleep last night. Zoe kept half waking and fussing.
Then she woke up at 5 this morning, wide awake wanting to eat. Of course me being a wuss, I wanted to feed her, but DH didn't want to. He was right but it sucked.
When she wasn't settling herself back to sleep, he went in and checked on her, changed her diaper and held her for a while until she calmed down. Moments like that just make the sleepless nights worth it. Seeing him holding her, and her (every once in a while) resting her head on her daddy's shoulder. Makes me tear up just thinking about it.

She did quiet back down until 6 when she woke again. DH was in the shower so I said screw it and gave her a bottle lol.
She sucked it right down though and went right back to sleep after.
Not exactly sure when she woke up, but she talked to herself in her crib for a while so I got in some much needed sleep. She started fussing a little around 8:30, so I got up, but by the time I got to her room, which was a few mins, she had gone back to sleep and slept for another 30-40 minutes.
So yeah, not a terrible morning at all :)

Oh well, that is until I decided to give her a teeny tiny smashed up piece of apple. Seriously, it was a little itty bitty piece of nothing. She took it in to her mouth gagged for a second, and then HARFED all over herself and the blanket she was playing on. BLEH! I can't believe that much was even IN her.
Poor girl. She didn't seem fazed by it at all thankfully.

Just put her in her crib for a nap. She's getting too big for her rock n play. She'll nap on the floor every once in a while, but I'd rather her nap in her crib most of the time. While our dogs wouldn't harm her intentionally, I'm always afraid that they'll step on her and they've woken her up multiple times before making noise.

and yep..... think that's about it. I still need to upload photos of her and whatnot.

Okedoke....

Still spotting. Actually turned to light spotting today, but it's not regular at all and still mostly just there when I use the bathroom. It's a bit more than what it was though.
No idea if this is going to turn in to AF, but damnit, I hope so!

I started on 1500metformin yesterday. So far so good. Was going to wait, but taking 1000 hasn't been making me nauseous so decided to go ahead and up the dose.
It's causing some diarrhea issues, but that's normal for metformin lol... bleh. No nausea though so at least there is that.

Also weighed myself for the hell of it.... down 4lbs from the highest I was at. Obviously this is just water weight coming off, but seeing the weight lower makes me happy none the less lol.
____

Zoe finally went back to sleep last night at 11pm. She didn't have any formula before bed so I think she may have been thirsty. I ended up giving her a little bit of formula and she went right to sleep after that.

She hasn't wanted solids though. We thought at first maybe it was peas that she just didn't want since she did eat some apple sauce last night, but tonight, I gave her carrots, something she loved before, and she gagged on them too.
She did end up eating most of it, but gagged before finishing it all.
She also hasn't been wanting formula that much. She usually gets 6oz every 3 or so hours and would drink it all.
Now, she may drink 4-5oz...if that.
I'm not too worried about the solids, but not drinking enough is worrying me.
I gave her some watered down prune juice earlier just to get her to drink a little more.
Thinking it may be something to do with teething, but not sure. Hopefully it's not her getting sick.

What now...

I'm spotting just a little. Actually no, not even spotting, just light smudges of blood when I've used the bathroom.

What that means, I have no F-ing idea. Maybe the increase in met is helping regulate things. Who knows.
Just hope it's not spotting that's going to stick around for forever.
____

My back still aches some. Most of the time is ok, but I've been avoiding picking up anything heavy. Of course I pick Zoe up, but not as much as I want to. Just don't want it to get worse again.
Slept like total crap last night b/c of the back pain too. Could not get in to a comfortable position.
____

Zoe has been weird today. She didn't want to eat. Could've been b/c I mixed some peas in with carrots and she didn't like the taste? She did eat some apple sauce though but still not as enthusiastically as she was before.

She actually woke up about 20mins ago. Heard her talking to herself in the other room. Went in there and saw a big smile and her happy excited kicks lol. She better go back to sleep b/c I'm about to! :P

Maybe it's teething? No idea...
____

Uh, feels like there was something else but I can't remember.

Took photos and video today. Will try to get those posted soon :)

Stiff

My back feels somewhat better, but still pretty stiff and it starts to ache something fierce if I sit without back support (like on the floor with Zoe).

Hopefully tomorrow this will be just a memory. We'll see though. I haven't been able to stand straight up for 2 days now. Feel like an old 80yo woman hunched over.
____

Zoe is doing well... I think.
She's not sick, but yesterday, she actually threw up. Not spit up, but actual vomit.

Not sure when exactly it happened. Just know that she got it all over herself and DH.

She has been spitting up a little more lately too. It's not too often, but more often than it has been in a while.

As I said though, she's not acting like she is sick at all *shrugs* She coughs sometimes too. Thinking maybe she is experiencing reflux.

Bumps on her face are still there. Maybe has something to do with her stomach issues?
____

Metformin is going well. It still makes me nauseous soon after taking it, but that eventually goes away.
Poo issues are a bit... come and go with it. May take another week on the 1000 before upping the dose. Depends how things go I guess.
____

And yep... that's about it :)

Can't believe Zoe is already 7m old!! Man.... where has the time gone?
Been slacking on the photos. Will have to get her dressed up in something other than her pjs and take some photos! lol

Ouch!!! I'm old!

Zoe woke up... gave her a bottle while she was still in her crib as I've been doing for a week or so.
When she was done, picked her up and burped her and put her back to bed.
I went and laid back down. She happily babbled and whatnot in her crib for about 30mins.
I took that time to lay back down and hopefully catch a few more snoozes.
So when she started fussing, I got up and went to get her and HOLY CRAP... I've done something to my lower back!!!
I can't move a certain wait and picking up Zoe is PAINFUL :(
I dunno WTF I've done to it. I didn't twist in a weird way or anything in those 30mins to have caused this. It just happened for no frickin reason other than probably me just getting older! How shitty is that.

It still frickin hurts and BLEEEEEEEH! Stupid body!
____

1000mg yesterday went well. The 2nd pill did make me a nauseated a few mins after taking it, but not bad that I felt like I was going to throw up.
Did wake up at 2pm needing to go #2 though which was probably the metformin.

Took my first pill a little earlier today so hopefully spacing it out a bit there won't be any problems when I take the 2nd one tonight.

Just saw that my new met prescrip doesnt have refills on it. SIGH. I guess she just wants to see me first at my annual. Fucking sucks being a woman sometimes. OOO a guy has o have his balls grabbed.. and OOOO he gets a finger shoved up his butt when he's older.
At least that shit isn't yearly!!! Get their boobs poked, their vag's swabbed under those bright frickin lights. Good lord I Hate it!!!
Anyway.... it hit me after seeing that there wasn't a refill that... holy crap, April is next month!! I dunno, that just blew my mind b/c for some strange reason I was thinking it was a couple months away LOL.
Anyway, so yeah.... FINALLY realizing that bit of info... there is no way I'll be back down to pre-preg weight by then unless I do some kind of drastic diet change. Like juicing or something.
Pffft, I'd rather EAT those veggies and fruits than drink them thank you very much.

I did weigh myself this morning. Battery still has some juice in it still after whacking the scale a few times to get it to come on lol.
3lbs down from what I was at the last time I weighed which was... hell, I can't even remember.
Most likely just water weight, but damnit, I will take it!!
So I'm going to try my best, once my back feels better to at least be back down below 200 again by the time my appointment rolls around. That will be kinda close to my pre-preg weight though so may be a bit too much for such a short amount of time. We'll see what happens.

Overwhelming

Was riding in the car with DH, Zoe in the back as usual.
She started babbling to herself and I just got such an overwhelming tingly feeling of wanting another baby.
Just that kind of fills you up feeling.
I want to give Zoe a sibling so much. I want to see what they look like. I want to compare baby photos. I want Zoe to be a big sister. I want to tell everyone by getting Zoe a "Big Sister" onesie.
I want tha amazing feeling of finding out what the gender is. That feeling of the baby moving and kicking.
Going in to the hospital with that excitement of finally meeting the newest family member.
Oh man..... I want to have another baby so much! Our family is not done yet and I so hope we'll be able to have another soon.
I'll forever be grateful if we do only ever have just our one precious miracle, but it would be nice to add in a couple more miracles :)
____

She is doing great. Olive oil really does work VERY well on her little butt and haven't had any problems with using it w/ cloth diapers. Only time we have leaks is when she poops a lot or we haven't changed her enough so the diaper is full of pee.
The poop leaks are annoying but oh well. The poo ends up covering the fabric so the peepee doesn't absorb in. Never saw that mentioned on any cloth diapering thing... so yeah, keep that in mind if you're thinking about doing it!

She is still too small for her larger cloth diapers. That's ok. They'll be getting a lot of use when she is older.
____

Working on a special crochet project!! Don't want to give anything away. I'll post photos when I'm done.
Kinda having some problems with it so I keep having to unravel it all, but that's the nature of crocheting, knitting etc. A lot of trial and error.
____

Started 1000mg metformin today. Hopefully don't have any stomach issues, but I'm sure I will.

Ok then...

So I called up my doc office and the nurse? Receptionist? Whoever it was that I talked to basically said that there shouldn't be any problem with the doc OKing a new metformin prescription.
She said she was going to call back, but this place is always super frickin busy. Still a bit frustrated that I didn't get a call back though. Oh well.
Going to call pharmacy tomorrow to see if they have it in and then pick it up.
I don't like that I'm going back on it, mostly b/c I don't want to deal with the stomach issues, but I can't do this on my own. I am kinda excited to be on it again b/c I know it helped me before and looking forward to it hopefully doing that again.

Gotta get my ass exercising again too.
I have my annual exam in April and damnit, I want to be down these extra pounds and hopefully more.

Should've just called this crap in sooner but oh no, gotta be all stubborn :\
____

Zoe's poops have been SOOOOOOO gross and runny lately. They haven't been this way in a long time.

It's gotta be the pear we've been giving her. It's just the funkiest crap that does NOT want to wash off when sprayed. I can totally see why some tribes and cultures used poo as glue to make homes and stuff b/c well.. it works. BLEH!

She's also getting these bump/pimples on her face.
Not sure what that is about.
Was thinking maybe it has to do with teething and drool, but she's been drooly for a while now and has never had a reaction like this.
Could also be the solids too I guess *shrugs* Maybe a reaction to the pears. Need to make a note to wipe her face off really well after she has eaten them.

She is good though. Her butt is starting to get a bit red and it's looking like we might be dealing with thrush yet again. SIGH.
We've been slathering her butt with oil though so hopefully it helps. FXFXFX

Quick

About to grab Zoe and head out this morning.

So Zoe did have some gross poop last night. Loose and just BLEH. Not too bad though.

DH was pretty mad, but got over it. Not sure what he'll say when he sees his family though :P I'm sure he'll mention it, but we'll see.

Zoe gave me a baby kiss this morning when I picked her up to burp her. DAWWWWW. She threw in a bonus and burped as she was doing it so I got a nose full of formula burp lol.
It was still amazing though!

Forgot to mention that she was giving her great great aunt kisses at the restaraunt yesterday too. All of a sudden you hear aunt exclaim "OMG she's giving me baby kisses!!" And then you see Zoe leaning in and planting a big open mouth one on her nose lol.
MiL got so envious and was all like "Awww, I want baby kisses too, hand her over!" rofl
Of course when MiL got her, Zoe was over it and just wanted to look at everything.

Some women in my DD group have baby's that are giving little hugs now too. OOOO I can't wait!! Hugs and kisses from my precious girl? Yes please!!! I'll take that every morning :)

Haven't called doc's office yet. Will when I get home. Would call now but don't want them to call back while I'm out. Annoying having to call back to leave yet another message and blahblah.
I'll update later with whatever happens.

Pretty lucky

I know I complain A LOT, but must say that I know we've been pretty lucky with Zoe.
Sure she isn't the best sleeper out there, but she sleeps pretty darn well.
And now that she's mostly sttn again... that is 12 hours of sleep at night!!! I'm sure a lot of moms out there would frickin LOVE that.
Even when she did have her sleep regression, it still wasn't awful compared to so many others.
And I know we're so lucky to even have Zoe in our lives.
There are so many still struggling to have 1 and I do think about that every day.
It's that 'former' infertile guilt coming up. Although right now I'm pretty infertile again but whtever...

Anyway, no real point to all of this other than saying.
I complain a WHOLE LOT, but I do realize just how lucky we are with everything. Even if she slept like crap, screamed all the time, etc.... I would still be so grateful that we even had her.
____

Zoe had some pureed pear yesterday and of course loved it. It made her have some gross stinky loose poo though. BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH
You do kinda get used to the poo, but sometimes it just... bleh... it gets to you. Especially since we have to spray out her bad poo diapers and the poo water gets everywhere. It's so gross.....
____

Man, I see so many people selling crochet baby hats online and charging frickin OUTRAGEOUS prices for them.
I am so glad I finally figured out how to do it.

It's SO easy. Seriously, if you want to learn, look up youtube tutorials. That's how I learned and am still learning.
Cheaper to make your own stuff than buying it off of someone else *nodnod*

Here are some things I've made so far :D

Puppy hat I made for my niece. Looks kinda like a bunny but oh well

Unfinished My Little Pony

Horned hat for DH... need to make myself one and make our dwarf beards :D

Hats for Zoe. First one is the newest I made. Had to remove the top white part b/c it made it too tight on her head. I'll do it again though and do it a bit looser
2nd is a bunny hat for Easter. And the third is kind of a flapper style cap.

Zoe modelling a Hat/scarf/glovepockets hat I made for my niece. Doctor Who Tardis kind of look to it

Fun fun!!!
____

Just got back from nieces birthday lunch. First time going out with Zoe alone without DH to a family get together.
His family went freakin CRAZY with the food. I swear...
Now I don't feel so guilty about my mom giving her a taste of a lifesaver.

I really didn't mind too much. I know it's not going to hurt her, but I know they only did it b/c DH wasn't there. He would've made them stop :P

Lets see, they let her taste a roll, ranch dressing & mashed potato.
She did NOT like mashed potato. She started gagging and threw up ALL over SiL! ROFL
Sigh.... I guess when it's not THEIR kid eating the stuff, they don't care :P They're not gonna have to deal with gross poop or anything.
I know DH is gonna be mad at me for letting them, but whatever. It's over and done with now.

Bust!

This week has been a total bust when it comes to exercising! BOOO
I keep getting distracted on my cardio days and end up not doing anything. Doesn't help that DH is working the weekends so is off during the week and I will not exercise in front of him lol.

That's not to say I'm giving up though!

I was going to give this a month and if nothing by the end, call up my doctor, but I'm going to call on Monday.
I have to nip this weight gaining in the bud and I don't think it's going to be possible without metformin :(
1 cheat meal a week is pushing it, 2 a week, and I'm GAINING weight just from that. That is NOT normal even in the slightest.
And before anyone thinks it, I don't overeat.
I may have more than 1 serving of say.. salad dressing, or meat, but it's probably just 1 extra serving and that's it. I do not overeat... even on the healthy shit.

Anyway, I'm gonna ask to be put back on metformin (even though I've been taking 500 at night). Hoping to go on an extended release... if not though, I'll manage with the regular.
Figure that since DH is working all the weekends this month, he'll have days off during the week, I'll hopefully be able to schedule an appointment for one of those days if they need to see me so I won't have to find anyone to watch Zoe.
So, yep, that's the plan.

I really want to start trying again soon, but I MUST lose this weight or trying isn't even going to be an option. So my goal will be to lose this weight and hopefully start trying again by fall.

____

Oh, I think Zoe gave me deliberate baby kisses this morning!!! Melt my heart!
If you've never had a baby kiss before... it's a nice big open mouth thing with lots of wetness/drool lol.
I picked her up to burp her after she ate and was rocking with her in the glider.
All of a sudden she comes in mouth open and plants one right on my nose.
I thought maybe she just did it by accident, but I started kissing her squishy cheeks, and she opened her little mouth and planted a slobbery baby kiss right on the side of my mouth. It was definetly deliberate and ADORABLE!!! Made my morning :)