The birth of Zoe... or at least what I remember of it

Woke up at around 4am on Tuesday morning and got ready to go to the hospital.
We arrived there at a little after 5:30am and were taken right back to a room where I undressed and got in to my ripped hospital gown. Yep... it was ripped... awesome.

Sat in there for about 20mins and waited for the nurse to come back. She asked a bunch of stuff, put in my IV and started me on a bag of IV fluids.
The pitocin was started about an hour? later. Honestly, I was not keeping track of anything so my times are probably WAY off lol.
Was feeling decent, and then started to have aching in my lower back. Very similiar to what I've experienced my last few periods w/ crampiness.
Everyone made sure to tell me that if I wanted an epidural, ask for it and I could get it whenever I wanted.
Once the back aches started and knowing it could be a while before I would actually get the epi, I went ahead and asked for it maybe hmm.. 30min-1hr after the pit was started.
Epidural was a strange sensation. The only thing that hurt was the numbing shots before the epi was placed. When the epi was placed and they pumped in the meds... that was frickin weird. It felt exactly like they said... cool/cold water being poured down my back.
I could still move my legs pretty well, it's just that they had that 'gone to sleep' feeling. From my calf down, they were extremely tingly... from my waist to the knee... it was tingly and numb.

Everything was going so slow. My cervix was very very very slowly dilating and effacing. I was reassured that things were still looking good even if it was slow. The doctor came in when I was finally at 4 or 5cm and broke my water. Just felt like heavy flow period gushes to me.

Fast forward to around I have no idea lol. Maybe late night Tuesday, maybe early early AM Wed. I had started to feel that crampiness in my back again along with pressure in my butt whenever I had a contraction. They were looking for that feeling, but when it's continuous and not just w/ a contraction.
Fast forward a bit more and was told that the pit was being turned off because baby wasn't handling it well. Not dangerous, but just not well.
So was off the pit for a bit and my contractions spaced out a lot. Baby's heartrate came back up so pit was started again but on a much lower dose to see how baby would react.
Again not well and I was not progressing at all without the pitocin.
I was 8cm dilated and 90% effaced and stuck there.
So it was suggested that a c-section was needed and by the 24hr mark, I agreed. I didn't want it, but knew it was for the best to make sure Zoe was ok.
They explained what was going to happen, had me sign some stuff and then wheeled me off to the OR.

They switched my epi med to whatever the hell they use and I was pretty much numb from my chest down. I had an instant reaction to the stuff though. I immediatly got nauseous, told them and just about threw up all over the place, but a nurse got there just in time for me to throw up in a bag.
The meds they gave me also gave me really bad shakes. I wasn't cold, but was shaking like I was. Very weird.
Anyway, DH came in and they started. I kept my eyes closed for most of it. Not b/c I was scared but mostly b/c I was exhausted from almost no sleep and having the whole experience turn towards something I was hoping wouldn't happen.

I felt absolutely nothing though. I know I've read some women feel pressure. I didn't even feel that. I felt some tugging when they were pulling her out, but that was it.
I started crying when I knew they were getting her out though and of course cried some more when they showed her to me briefly over the curtain.
DH was crying too and hearing her cry was.... amazing.
It was such a sense of relief that she was finally with us.
After they did they checked her out they gave her to DH and he tried showing her to me. I couldn't really move but man... what I did see was amazing heh.
She was born at 7:35? am, weighed in at 7lbs 5oz, and was 19.something inches long. No idea what her apgar scores were. 8-9 for the first one I think and I'm sure the same or better for the 2nd.

DH goes off to the nursery with her while the docs fix me all up. That took a while but whatever. They put me over in to a diff bed, pulled out my epi and wheeled me off to the recovery area.

Now this is where it REALLY sucked. The epi started to wear off and they took FOREVER to give me any pain meds. They had a reason, but I can't remember why exactly. I just knew I started to ache and it was getting damn painful.
Then, the nurse had to do the abdominal massages to make sure that my uterus was contracting and doing what it should.
Holy mother of god.... that was the most painful damn thing ever. I don't know how to explain what it felt like.... Hell on Earth? Yeah, that sounds about right.

I eventually get some pain meds, they eventually kick in after being tortured some more lol, and DH comes in and shows me photos he took of Zoe in the nursery.
They finally have our room ready, DH goes and gets our things from the labor room and I'm moved in to the couplet care room.

I can't really remember the sequence of what happened after that. DH comes in with the stuff, they bring in Zoe for me to meet finally and she was adorable, beautiful and perfect.

Everything after is a bit of a blur.
When they tell you to rest.... laugh in their faces because it is IMPOSSIBLE to rest in the damn hospital.
Maybe with vaginal birth it's not that bad, but c-sec? They bother you every damn hour, or if it's not a nurse coming in to take vitals or check on you, it's a machine beeping and going off that you have to call in.
Our time in the hospital was... exhausting. The care I recieved was beyond fantastic, don't get me wrong... but DH & myself got almost no sleep the entire time.
That is a feeling I never want to have again. Just pure and utter exhaustion.

What am I leaving out.... oh... I did breastfeed in the hospital. BFing is VERY difficult. I wish Zoe was one that knew how to do it well, but yeah, her inexperience along with my own... it's been very hard.
Plus, my mom, MiL, and DH's aunt, oh and my mom's husband have all now seen my boobs along with every nurse and tech that came in lol. I just did not care which is so unlike me.
I care NOW though, but in the hospital, I didn't give a crap who saw my boobs.

Thursday, they told us tha Zoe was borderline jaundice. We could stay until Saturday or, go home Friday and then take her in to the ped's office to get checked out.
We wanted to go home, so we were discharged on Friday and left that afternoon.

Finally being home was surreal to say the least. That feeling along with the extreme exhaustion left DH and I both feeling like we were dreaming.
I know I keep mentioning it, but I just can not put in to words how worn out and tired we were.
I'm surprised DH could even function b/c I could do absolutely nothing while in the hospital except for laying in the bed and holding Zoe every once in a while. He did everything for us and got even less sleep than I did.

Seriously, DH has been... beyond amazing. He's done anything and everything for Zoe and myself. It makes me feel bad that I can't really help out as much, but I know that's not my fault. Still makes me feel terrible though that he has to do so much. It is giving him a lot of time with Zoe though and he's totally wrapped around her little fingers.

Zoe hasn't exactly been the perfect calm little baby lol, but we're just so totally smitten by her that we don't care.
She's our little miracle and it's crazy that she's all ours heh.

That's all for now.... I know I left out a bunch of stuff, but I'm still pretty damn exhausted so it's really difficult for me to think straight. It's not exactly a feeling I enjoy having, but when I think about why I feel this way, it's not so bad anymore.

I'll try to add in details here and there that I've forgotten later.

Oh and Zoe had a follow-up appointment today and her jaundice is already getting a lot better :)


And finally..... Congrats Jen on your little girl!!! Can't believe we had our girls on the same day!