This and that

Losing weight is such a slow damn process. It's totally understandable that so many people quit. We're all so used to instant gratification that when we don't see results ASAP, we get discouraged or don't think it's working.
I'm SO damn glad that my mentality on that has changed now.
No more of that bullshit thinking. Yes, I would still like instant gratification lol, but I know now that that's just not reality. Weight loss is normally slow and frustrating. But it does come off and with the right diet can come off relatively fast compared to how long it took to gain.
Like.. would you rather go on for the rest of your life unhappy and unhealthy? Or would you rather diet and possibly exercise for a year or 2 (depending on how much and how fast you lose) to get to your goal? 1 or 2 years isn't even that long in the grand scheme of your life. How often do we always comment that "OMG this year flew by!!" Now just imagine taking that year to diet right. Think about how proud of yourself you'll feel when you say that AND are checking out your new healthier self in the mirror.
No.. dieting isn't always easy and you might fall off the wagon, but just get right back to it. Don't think of it as starting over. Think of it as continuing on your journey.
STOP MAKING EXCUSES.
Oh I could NEVER give up soandso. Maybe not, but there is a diet out there that WILL work for you if you commit to doing it. Stop making excuses to stay fat.
Hell, even now, I still have that little voice in me. "Oh.. what harm would come if you just had a little bite?? You'd be fine if you just cheated a little. Just a little. You're already planning on cheating, go ahead and start a day before or continue an extra day. It's not going to hurt anything."
Yes... yes it will. I know myself. I know my triggers and I am finally in the right state of mind to tell that little voice to shut the hell up!
Those were all excuses I'd tell myself that would always, ALWAYS spiral me back to eating terrible again.
Not gonna happen again.

I'm at 183.6lbs this morning and gawd damnit, I'm going to be at or really damn close to my goal for my 40th birthday.
That's 40lbs lost so far and I still have 60 give or take to go. So about 10 months to lose that much weight which might be impossible for my body to do, but I'm going to give it my best shot.

I do still need to exercise though. That's going to be one of my main goals for the new year. Start exercising. I hate it so GD much, but I know it's going to help build muscle and tone which should help some with saggy loose skin that I know I'll have.
Plus I want to keep my butt which will require squats and lunges and all that good stuff. I want to be a hot momma!! I don't care if anyone else thinks it, I want to.
I'm going to start it off with really simple things like elliptical and seated weight lifting with light weights and then take it from there. I am in extremely terrible shape so I need to start it slow. I can't go in all gungho and burn myself out the first week b/c I'm too sore to move lol.

Another goal is to reduce my stress... by... A LOT. Toddlers man.... Ezra and Oren have stressed me out so damn much recently b/c they are both going through toddlerhood together. AND they're boys that do boy things and uuuuuuuugh stressful.
I need to chill the hell out. I can't continue on with how it's been going b/c the stress is going to do worse things than the fat did to my health.

And a few other agendas for the new year. It's gonna be a good year I think :)
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Christmas shopping is all done. ALL DONE. The kids are gonna have some good presents :D
We decided at the last minute on black friday to get the kids bikes. Well.. just Oren and Zoe. She's been asking for one and Walmart had good deals on some so we bit the bullet. Oren and Ezra were with us though. Ezra is fine, but Oren still remembers and brings it up every once in a while that he has a new bike and what color it is and what color Zoe's is lol. Thankfully Zoe hasn't caught on to what he's actually saying since his speech isn't great so she think he's talking about the little tricycle things they already have lol.
Santa is bringing the family family games like Hungry Hungry Hippo, Operation and that magnetic fishing one along with just a few other toys and mommy and daddy are getting credit for everything else. MUAHAHAA lol
Anyway....
It's hard to believe that Christmas is less than 2 weeks away now. Man.. these last few months really fly by.

Ramblings

Thanksgiving went well.
I ate everything!!! I wanted to eat more, but we got home late so I didn't get a chance to finish off the delicious sweet potato casserole that I made. It was SO good and so sweet. I gained 4lbs and it's taken a week and a half to get back to where I was lol.
I expected it, but was hoping my body would surprise me and not do this again.
Oh well. It was worth it.
I won't be cheating for Christmas though. I have a new years goal in mind and would very much like to reach it. If I cheated, I wouldn't.
We already bought a rib roast for Christmas and there should be salad and whatnot too. The only thing that will be hard to pass up are fresh baked rolls. Had those on Thanksgiving and holy shit were they good. SO damn good.
Anyway...
Diet is still going strong though. I just jumped right back to keto the next day. I did have to combat that little voice in my head telling me to just cheat a little more. What's one more day? But no. That's a slippery slope to bad habits again and that's not going to happen.
I just have to rant for a second though.
I'm so sick of people ragging on the keto diet. Is it a bit fad-y right now? Absolutely. But lets not pretend that low carb is something new. And seriously.. what's so wrong with it? If you're strict, you're eating whole foods. How is that bad?
So tired of people saying it's not sustainable. Yeah sure, if you have no willpower to stay away from carbs and sugar. But that's why it's not for everyone. Not every diet works for everyone.
Hell... that's why there are names for people who do keto differently.
Lazy for those that only bother to count carbs but nothing else.
Dirty for those that will eat whatever so long as it fits their macros.
And Strict for those that only eat clean whole foods and track what they eat.
There is no one diet for everyone. Keto doesn't work for everyone b/c not everyone can do super strict diets. Just like being vegan isn't for everyone b/c folks don't want to give up meat.
Damn... why is that so difficult for people to understand??
Just b/c YOU don't like a diet or that it didn't work for YOU doesn't mean it's a shit diet.

ANYWAY...
I'm down to 189 this morning. i was 187 yesterday but I ate something that is causing me some bloat. Not sure what, but  hope it passes soon.
I would loooooove to be at 180 by the end of the year, but with how erratic my weight loss can be at times and slow going... I'll just be happy with any loss :)
I'm ready to kick 2019's ass though.... at least with losing weight. And by this time next year, I hope to be at my ultimate goal or damn close to it.
I still have 60 more pounds I would like to lose and I WILL get there!!!

Oh and I started off at an 18 and I'm pretty sure I could fit in to 12's now. I'm currently in 14's but they're starting to become loose in the waist. My pooch is still pretty big though which is why I haven't gotten a smaller size just yet.
____

Kids are good. Driving me batshit, but they're good.

Ezra is still a tiny tornado. Total destruction wherever he goes lol.

Oren is also good. I'm working harder on getting him potty trained. Yep.. still not potty trained. He is stubborn as hell and it's my fault too for not being more consistent. I'm doing better with it though.

Zoe is doing great. Little miss attitude lol. She's awesome though. So smart. Also stubborn, but also really sweet and has so much imagination.

I have been SUPER stressed recently though so my yelling has been too much. Doesn't help that I'm doing it alone right now since DH is out of state for work and I haven't been sleeping well.
I still need to check myself though before I go off like I have been. I don't want their memories of me yelling at them all the dang time. I need to do so much better.

DH is doing well too. He's lost 50lbs and looks fantastic. So proud of him.
He's actually had way more cheats than me on this diet. Mostly b/c of his work, but b/c he's a guy, he's lost more. Grrr :P lol
He was so miserable before and it's just so nice seeing him happy in his body again. He's not done yet, but he's well on his way there :)
____

Christmas is fast approaching and we definitely overspent on presents again this year. We're never going to learn rofl.
Oh well.... Just means it's time to donate more of their old shit to make room for the new... shit.
____

Oh and SiL is pregnant again. DH's younger sister. The annoying one.
Seems like this one is a sticky bean too, but she also has that hypersomethingsomething condition again. The one where she has morning sickness constantly.
Sounds like there is a pump for the anti-nausea med now though that she has so I hope it's helping her out.
She also said she's getting that early genetic testing thing done since she's considered advanced maternal age. So everyone should know what she's having soon :)
She's annoying as shit though.
SO fucking dramatic. Like... damn woman. Yeah, morning sickness sucks, but it doesn't give you the right to be a total bitch to everyone, especially your husband. And it doesn't give you the right to pawn off your child to your mother for over a week b/c boohoo, you're sick and you need your husband to focus all of the attention on to you.
UGH she's so.... exhausting to be around. It's like one second, she's a cool person. Funny and witty but then you hang around longer and learn just the kind of person she is when she's not those things.
Overly dramatic. NEEDS all attention on her. I know women joke about their husband's getting the "man flu" or acting like they're going to die when they're sick.... That's HER.

But anyway... I am happy for them and I know the inlaws are thrilled to be getting another grandbaby :)
I just really hope DH's older sister can get and stay pregnant. Sounds like she has no problem getting pregnant, but she keeps miscarrying :( She's a great momma and I know she desperately wants another. She's over 40 though so... not much time to make things happen.
____

Anway, I've written enough for now. Maybe I'll get another post in before the end of the year. Maybe not.
If not... I hope everyone kicks some ass for the rest of 2018 :)

Happy Early Thanksgiving!!

I know it's not until next week, but this is for just in case I forget to post like I've been doing lately.

Lets see, what has been going on.
It finally got cold here. YAY! And I think losing weight has made me more susceptible to the cold now b/c I was fricking freezing this morning. Sure it was like 30something degrees, but compared to last year, I can definitely tell that there's a difference. Guess that's what happens when you're not carrying around 37 extra pounds.

Yep... down 37lbs in 5 months so far. I wish it was faster, but I'm still happy with how it has been going too. I'm still going very strong too. Never had a moment of wanting to give up and I do not plan on it.
Oh... I'm cheating and eating my weight on Thanksgiving and probably Christmas too, but jumping right back on the diet after. This time next year, I will be at my goal or really damn close. No more looking back and wishing I had stuck with it. I'm going to look back and be proud of what I did and happy with what I see.

With that being said though, I really need to de-stress. Raising 2 toddlers is ROUGH. Good lord I've been so damn stressed b/c well... they're toddlers. I have very little patience and just... I don't like being this way and need to figure out something to get this stress out instead of blowing up at the kids. Hoping that taking up some of the crafting I want to do will help. If not, then I guess I'll try exercise even though I hate it still lol.

Kids are good.
Oren is constantly fighting with Ezra. Hitting and pushing and uuuuuugh. He's good though and still likes to snuggle, but he's quickly losing that little baby/toddler look in favor of a little boy /cry

Ezra is good. Talking so much and slowly coming out of his shell. He's still pretty shy around strangers but so were the other 2. Zoe is about 90% not shy anymore and Oren is about 50/50 depending on his mood.
He is going through a phase of sticking his fingers down his diaper when he has poop. Had to clean up so many poop smeared walls and tables. YUCK.

Zoe is doing well. Great in school for the most part and just a spunky child. Wish she wasn't so picky with her food, but I'm trying to get her out of that... or at least feed her more of the good things that she does like.. like spinach and broccoli.
She's a bit re-obsessed with Robin right now (Batman's sidekick). This age is just fun though. I love and will miss having babies, but having a child that can do things for herself is SO damn nice! rofl

DH and I are good too. I think he's pretty close to his intial weight loss goal. Not sure how much more he'd like to lose once he does reach it. Or if he just wants to get a little more fit.
I still have about 60 more pounds I want to lose. My stomach is stubbornly trying to stick around, but it will eventually go as more weight comes off.

What else... really nothing much going on. Just every day life stuff :)

Oh geeze!

I didn't realize it had been so long since I posted last!

Lets see.... I did have a cheat day finally. DH's friend came down to visit for the week and we spontaneously decided to go to the state fair... so I cheated. I didn't even cheat that bad. I got right back on the diet the next day though. :)
I did gain 3lbs and it has taken my body weeks to get those back off. But meh. I'm good :)
I also plan on cheating on Thanksgiving b/c pfft, I'm not passing up all that good food. And then it will be right back to keto after.
Same for Christmas too.
I've said it before, but I am in this for the long run and life happens sometimes. Sure these cheats may put me back a couple of weeks, but I'm good. They're not going to derail me.

My starting weight was 224 when I started all of this and I'm down to 192 today. It's coming off slow, but it's coming off!
I started off a starting to get tight 18 pants and I'm in 14's... some of those 14's are starting to get loose too. Not loose enough to get smaller size yet but it will get there :)

It's not all rainbows and puppies though. I wish my stomach would flipping disappear already. I still look like I'm pregnant and my stomach still sticks out more than my boobs. So damn frustrating.
I can see a difference in my legs though. Lots of loose skin, but I've lost a lot of weight in them. The size 14 pants I bought recently are skinny fits and they are loose on my thighs. I'm totally an apple shape right now.

DH is also doing great on the diet. He was in the 260's when we started and now he's in the low 220's. So proud of him :)
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Kids are doing well for the most part.
Zoe had her annual doc appointment yesterday and screamed bloody murder when she had to get a flu shot. Had to get another nurse to come in to hold her down.
Girl is tiny but STRONG when she's in flight mode. Good lord.... that was terrible though.
Then of course a couple hours after, she's like "Oh it didn't even hurt. It wasn't a big deal." Seriously??? B/c I can still hear you shrieking like you were being murdered. Sigh...

Oren is doing well. STILL not potty trained though. My fault b/c I'm not consistent at all. I need to get it together and get him out of pull ups. Maybe I should get Zoe to help me out. He looks up to her SO much. I think if she were to suggest it to him, he may start doing it more willingly.
He's growing up so darn fast though and getting his own little attitude. And he does NOT like sharing with Ezra. I hope they grow out of it and realize that they enjoy playing together.

Ezra is going through his terrible 2's phase and holy shit is it awful. He is a little asshole. Yeah, I said it. He's a little 2yo terrorist. Defiant, tantruming terrorist.
One min he's so loving and cuddly, the next he's screaming and crying b/c we stopped him from playing with his poop again.
Yeah.. he's on that kick now too. He'll poop and then stick his hand down his diaper and smear it all over the wall. SO fricking gross.

Overall though the kids are well. Gross little crying gremlins, but they're good :)

HB to me!

Well.. not my birthday yet, but it's tomorrow, so close enough.

I've lost about 24lbs so far and I'm still going strong with the diet. Week 14 and still feeling good. Just never looking back unless it's to see where I've come from and where I never want to go back to again.
I'm kind of in the onederlands right now. 198.6 this morning. But my weight has been going up and down a lot so not sure how long it will last lol.
But I know it will get back down again and then some so long as I stick with it.
Wanted to start exercising too, but that's going to have to wait because aunt flo showed up and I had some really painful bloating at the beginning.
Things are good though.
DH has lost 30something pounds and I can tell he's feeling great about it :)

Kids are doing great too. Boys are in super destructive mode right now which drives me crazy b/c the house is never clean. No wait.. it's clean for like a minute and then they just throw toys everywhere and go crazy.
I wish I had some of that energy.

Zoe is doing well in school. She lied to me today though about getting in trouble. Oh hells no child. She's lucky she didn't get spanked for that. Not tolerating her misbehaving in school and damn sure not going to tolerate her lying to me about it.
Just ugh.. still pissed that she thought she could get away with telling a lie like that. So disappointed.

What else..... Zoe was invited to a birthday party that we went to. Got to talk with the mom a good bit. Big nerds which is cool b/c I'm nerdy as shit too. But they're more modern nerdy while I'm more... "I used to be nerdy and still am but in an awkward way." lol
Like they're really in to anime. Rambling off all the super popular ones while I USED to be in to anime back in the 90's... and not even the super duper popular ones like Cowboy Bebop. I watched ones like... Ranma 1/2 and Slayers and ones like that. I had to pick and choose what I could watch b/c the only way to watch them back then was to buy them. So I had to ya know.. be really choosy.
She's also really in to art and drawing and stuff too. Awesome... again... I USED to do that too, but my brain just can't translate what I want to do on to paper most of the time now.
I felt like such a poser. Like.. oh you like that? Yeah... I uhm.... used to and still kind of do but not like that...............
Just ugh... I felt so awkward.
She was nice though and the kids had a ton of fun.

And yeah... can't say much else has been going on.
That hurricane really didn't do much of anything to us in our area. We just had rain for 2 days. Some wind, but nothing dramatic really. Thankful for that. Thankful that the hurricane weakened as much as it did before it hit the coast. If it had stayed a cat3... there would've been so much more damage and death and we'd probably still be sitting here with no power or it just having been cut back on.

Weight loss

So.. as of today I'm down about 23lbs.
Sitting at 201.4 this morning and it's SO damn frustrating!!! I did see 200.4 the other day and just UGH! Get under 200 already!!! lol

Yesterday I had a new appointment with a new doc. Need a family doc so found something close. Made the appointment like 4 or 5 months ago though.
I don't really like the practice. Extremely busy and sloooooooooooooow. I mean when you go, you expect some waiting, but I sat in the exam room by myself for about 45min total by myself. First time was about 30min waiting to see the doctor.
She came in finally and asked some questions.
I've been having some dull achy chest pains (nothing else associated with it to indicate a heart attack or anything).
She said it was common to get with stress which makes sense for me, but she wanted to do an EKG just to be sure.
So I get undressed and sit there... waiting..... and waiting some more... and 15min or so later, finally here comes the nurse or whatever title she carries with the machine.
Just ugh....
I'm not expecting much, but damn.. at least act friendly? Act like you're not completely burnt out? Something??? And how about have more doctors on hand so wait times aren't so damn long?
Maybe it was just a bad day for them overall. Even though this is a very highly populated area, there are limited doctors here that take our insurance, so I'll stick to this one.

The positives though...
Doctor was totally fine with my diet. I've seen a lot of people rant about their doctor not approving of keto so it was nice to know that this one was ok with it.

Also I weighed 201 on their scale with my clothes on so woot! lol

EKG was totally normal. Showed nothing abnormal going on with my heart and whatnot, so yay for that :)

My blood pressure for a while has been in the 140's over 90's and sometimes even higher for both. Always got "Is it usually this high?" all the damn time at my dentist office and at the medcare place when I've gone.
Yesterday though... it was 122/84!! WOOT!!
Don't anyone try to ever tell me this way of eating is unhealthy because just that right there proves them wrong in my eyes!

I have to go back Friday morning to get blood tests done. I'll report back whenever I get those results.
Hopefully they'll be ok. I know some keto folk see their cholesterol go up for a little while and then it drops back down to healthy levels. Hopefully that won't be my case and it's already at healthy levels lol.
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Ezra had a little stomach bug yesterday. Throwing up as soon as he got up. He did throw up some time during the night too.
Thankfully by mid day he was over it though and acting normal. A bit more tired, but normal :)
And so far neither of the other 2 have gotten it.

Oren is in destructive mode right now. The boy wants to destroy EVERYTHING he touches and it's so damn tiring. Just caught him ripping pages out of one of Zoe's books. sigh..............

Zoe is little miss attitude right now. Ask her to do something more than once, she'll let out a sigh, roll her eyes and say ok in the most annoyed voice ever lol. It's actually pretty funny, but of course we can't encourage that behavior lol. She turned 6... not 16... where is this attitude coming from?

Ezra and Oren fight a lot now too. Nothing violent or anything, just leaning on one while the other gently tries to push them away. It's the most dramatic, but subtle and gentle fighting ever rofl. With how much Ezra screams and cries though you would think Oren was actually trying to kill him lol.

DH is doing well too. He's lost about 34lbs or so so far. So proud of him :)
I know he wants to start exercising eventually. He just has to find the time to do it and get that motivation to start.

I started today. Said I was going to start after my doc appointment and that's what I'm doing. Starting off about 3x a week and keeping it easy b/c I am totally out of shape. Don't want my body to freak out on me and then me not sticking with it.
Have a feeling that adding in exercise is really going to start helping the belly fat disappear.

I hate being the bad guy

It comes with being a parent, but damn do I hate being the bad guy sometimes. I hate having to nag nag nag to get them to clean up or do what I've asked/told them to do.
I hate having to punish them b/c it makes me feel so horrible and guilty after. I'm their momma though so... gotta do it.
It sucks though.... it sucks. I'm definitely not a chill parent... at all. I'm not super strict, but I am strict with some things.

Anywho

Zoe's 2nd week of school and she's doing well. Her reading has already improved a lot.
We also transferred her in to the 6yo and up beginner gymnastics class. She had her first class on Monday and she was the smallest one and with the least experience.
The girl has inherited my flexibility.. meaning she's about as flexible as a wooden board. I'm gonna try to work with her at home, but she is VERY resistant to doing it b/c ya know... stretching is uncomfortable. Gotta do it though if she does want to continue with gymnastics. It's just gonna take some time.
Doesn't help that the boys crawl all over us and distract her and uuuugh. Pain in the ass!!!

They're sticking with it though. Do not want them to be like me or DH for that matter and be unhealthy when they grow up. Don't want them to deal with the same health issues that we have.
____

And yeah... things are good. I have a new doc appointment next week and getting a physical. Not looking forward to it, but need a regular doc for all of the non-ob related crap going on.

She had a great first day

Zoe started school on Wednesday and yep. She's happy so far. So glad she likes school. I hated it b/c I was shy and had no friends and bleh. I'm glad that's not the case for her.
She is shy, but opens up quick and thinks of everyone as her friend. She has her little attitude, but she's such a sweet person and it's really amazing watching her grow and just come in to herself even more. So proud of her :)

What I'm not happy about is waking up so  GD early now for the next 9 or however months. Grrr lol. UGH I hate waking early and I am feeling it right now.
I need to go to bed at like 9, but then I'd lose precious adulting time. Such a dilemma :(

Oren has started getting out of his room. Took the child safety thing off a while ago and he's been coming in to our room sometimes. We have a king bed, but it's still crowded with 2 little ones up on it so I sleep with my head at the bottom of the bed and kind of wrap around their feet. It's comfortable enough, but I'd still rather just he stay in his room. Wish Zoe would sleep in her bed already too.
I don't really mind her coming in to our bed, but with the other 2 growing, they're going to want to do it too probably and there just isn't room.
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I think the neighbor guy hates me lol. He's a big muscular military guy and he probably sees me as some far left liberal that hates military and our country and blahblahblah b/c honestly.. I have the look. I know the stereotypical look that that side has. The funky colored hair. Chubby most of the time etc. I look the part even though that's not what I believe.
SIGH
I only hav myself to blame though. I'm just super awkward and SHY. In my head too damn much and by the time I remember to be friendly.. the moment has passed.
Doesn't help that their child is in the same class as Zoe this year so..just ugh.
Just want to put up a sign with.... I don't hate any of you neighbors! I'm just SHY!!!
____

So.. if I could lose 20lbs every 3 months.. I could potentially be at my goal weight by the time Zoe is out of school. But with how weight is lost so inconsistently most of the time.. pfft. Nope. BUT I'm gonna try my fucking hardest to get there!
Gosh I wish I had been this motivated and whatnot earlier. SO many years wasted. I so regret that, but ya know.. what can you do?
No more time wasted though. I'm doing this now and sticking with it.
Only a few more days in to week 10.... TEN!!! If I can do it for this long, I can go longer and I will get this unhealthy weight gone for good!

Dieting and life and other junk

Welp.. things are going pretty good here.
Had to clean up the house b/c termite inspection. You just never really realize how dirty and cluttered your house is until you have guests over. Holy moly this house was filthy. Got it mostly cleaned up and just waiting for the kids to destroy it all again lol.

One big obstacle was getting our clean laundry mountain folded and put away though and I mostly did that by myself in 2 days. Would've been a day task but my back couldn't handle it. Actually didn't take as long as I thought it would. Literally most of our clothes were sitting in a few giant piles in our room. But yeah.. got that folded and put away and.. just... AAAAAHHH so nice not having that on the floor anymore!
____

Met Zoe's 1st grade teacher yesterday. Just a quick, HI! type of thing. New teacher to the school and yep.. she seems really nice. Not as nice as her kindergarten teacher though. That woman was an angel. Seriously one of the sweetest people... or at least came across as one lol.

A lot of the same kids will be in her class. Ones she thought of as friends and the neighbor boy is going to be in her class as well. We don't really know our neighbors. I feel like I just want to write them an awkward not telling them HI and that I'm not an actual bitch or anything b/c I don't wave at them.. I'm just super awkward and social skills are lacking lol.
I hope they don't think we hate them though. We're just shy!
Anyway....
Really love her school. Education in this state is lacking.. seriously lacking, but her school seems to be one of the few good ones around.
Can't believe school is starting back up next week though. Man.. time just flew by!
I remember feeling like school was forever when I was younger and summer break was forever. Now though... school year flew by and the summer was over in the blink of an eye. You really do have to cherish these moments b/c damn are they flying by now.
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Diet is still going strong! We'll be starting week 10 next week and I am feeling just as good and positive as when I first started.
II'm down to 204 which is a 20lb loss since when I started.
Hoping I'll be in those onderlands soon! Just so happy that something is finally working and that it's not difficult.. at all.
Yes, I still want all of the junk easy foods b/c they're delicious, but I want to be skinnier and healthier more. That junk will always be there. I only have a certain amount of time on this planet and I don't want to waste it away being miserable with my appearance. Already wasted too much time with that.
Anyway, even though there are still cravings, they're not strong cravings. Just a passing "Oh, some donuts/cake/etc sounds really good right now. Why can't those be healthy damnit!" and then that's about it lol.
Thankfully there are plenty of sweet options out there that are ok to have on this diet so it keeps you satisfied.

DH is still going strong too. He's lost almost 30lbs now. So proud of him and I know he's feeling so much better too. Just.. YAY!

If you're struggling, check out the keto diet. It seems intimidating at first, but like most things, it's really not. It's easy to follow. The first couple of weeks might be hard as you battle those cravings, but the reward is SO worth it.

Mom FAIL

Yeah.... yesterday was good with no yelling, today? Not so much.
There is only so much mess and whining I can take and my limit was reached very early in the day.
Must. Do. Better

I already put EZ to bed and it's only 6pm. He didn't get a nap today and has been a little terror all day long. Mommy is done. DONE and he needs to go to sleep so I can have at least a few minutes alone. Some peace and fucking quiet!

But yeah.. total fail today. Need to do better though. Even if my patience is gone, I need to at least fake it.
____

Lol, was having a minor pity party for myself earlier.
Saw someone post that they had gone from a size 16/18 to a size 10 in just 2 months. That's it.
And here I am.... started at a size 18 and oh look.. still in an 18. Well.. probably 16 maybe now, but still.
And then other ladies posting their success in 2-3m of eating this way and their giant bellies disappearing.
Why can't that be me too??
I'm eating right. Haven't cheated at all... I wanna start seeing some results! You hear me body! Show me the weight loss!!

I need to calm my tits

I've been very yelly lately and I really need to calm my shit down already.
I hate yelling at my kids.. even if they're doing something wrong... I don't want that to be my go to response.
Something else I need to work on and really try to stick with.
____

We're done buying presents for the kids. Damn... buying for a 2yo is hard. You wouldn't think so, but it is. He loves balls, but he already has plenty. We already got him a tablet so there's that at least, but we wanted to get him something else too.
Got him this magnetic fishing thing that I think he'll like... if his siblings don't lose the pieces.

Zoe was SUPER easy to shop for bc she's at that age where she wants everything. I basically just let her pick her own stuff off amazon. Think most of it has come in already. We're not having a party or anything and I think we're just getting them some cupcakes to keep DH and I from cheating.

Anywho... can't believe one is turning 6 and my youngest is going to be 2. Damn... sometimes it feels like time is going by slow, but then you blink and your babies aren't babies any longer.
____

Doing well here.
16lbs down and DH is officially 25lbs down.
WOO us!

He definitely looks like he's lost weight. Me? Not so much. I can sort of tell sometimes, but overall, I still pretty much look the same.
Still have my giant belly, still sporting my giant flabby arms.
It's just kind of sobering to see that even with 16lbs gone... you can't even really tell b/c I have a ton more to lose. Maybe these 16lbs are gone from around my organs and whatnot and what's coming next will be the stuff I can see. I hope so at least :)

Have a physical at the beginning of Sept and would love to be in the onderlands by then. I have about 9-10 more pounds to lose until then. That's a good bit of weight to lose in a month and with how my body likes to lose then gain then lose then gain the same weight over and over.. I dunno if it will happen, but I sure hope so. I may do another egg fast if my weight isn't dropping how I want.

Was thinking about just telling the doctor I'm doing a low carb diet, but I think just being more truthful and saying I'm doing keto would be better. If she's not in to it.. that's her problem and I can find someone else that is more familiar with it and supportive.
____

We're forbidding the kids from spending the night with aunt anymore, but can't tell her why b/c it would only cause problems.
Had to break Oren's heart this past weekend b/c we wouldnt let him spend the night and when asked, DH made up some lame excuse.

It's always been on my mind before, but now.. I have to put my foot down and forbid it.
Aunt has someone in her life that has a sketchy past and I won't risk my kids going over there any longer.
I feel guilty as hell for even letting them over there as much as we did up to this point, but I trusted aunt to protect them. I don't think anything has ever happened, but I just can't put my kids at risk any longer.
I don't want them to come to me down the road and tell me something did happen and ask why I didn't protect them when I knew.
We're going to look like giant assholes when the truth does come out as to why we won't let them over there, but I don't care. My kids come first.. not Aunt's feelings/wants. She chose that person in her life knowing full well their past.... (and she never bothered sharing this info with anyone other than MiL)... she better learn to live with her decision.

Losing my shit!

Just about lost my shit totally today b/c of all these GD toys on the floor.
It WAS clean in here yesterday b/c I went through the toys to donate or throw away a lot of shit and put things up.
And oh look.. toys all over the floor once again and kids not picking them up once again.
Lost my shit and told them that if they didn't pick up, say byebye to all the toys on the floor and toys they love.
Zoe decided to test me and said "Bye bye toys! As she continued sitting there." Oh hells no child. Hell, to the no. Rage grabbing and sweeping up toys and yep.. going bye bye now. Don't appreciate what you got? Then you don't deserve it.
About to go through Zoe's room next and going to be getting rid of a ton of shit once again.
I just can't stand this clutter any longer. It has got to go.
They're getting more shit for their birthdays and then Christmas.... they don't need old shit that they've forgotten about.

I hate... I really truly hate yelling at them, but gawd fucking damn... it seems like that's all they hear sometimes and it's frustrating as all hell. I don't want to be the crazy ass mom so frickin listen the first time I ask you to do something when I'm still calm.
I would love to be the mom that is all smiles and rarely ever raises her voice, but the hell if that's happening.

I'm part of the problem though. I buy them little toys here and there b/c I just like getting them shit and it all builds up. Their grandma is the worst of the bunch though. SO much bullshit she gives them and I hate it. Every single damn time "Oh I got something for you!" and it's bullshit from some thrift store she went to.
Like these naked little anatomically correct babies that Zoe I'm sure she said she wanted in the moment, but could care less about now. Or some tiny plastic toilet that either held candy or a blind bag toy in it.... just the toilet.. nothing else with it. WTF?? Stop wasting your money on shit. STOP making OUR house a horders dream b/c you want to buy them bullshit. They love you... you don't have to buy them anything.

I say all this while wanting to go shopping for hers and Ezra's birthdays. Sigh... again... I'm part of the problem. But we're getting rid of this crap. I've already filled up half a dozen diaper boxes with their crap in it.

Is it... Is it regular?

When I started this diet.. I got my period on week 2. It's week 6 now and my period started yesterday. Are my cycles regular?? Should I expect it again on week... 10? We'll see I guess.
It's kinda nice having an idea of when it will show up if it does stay regular. But also sucks that it is regular and still lasts a week. lol
Oh well.
The struggles of womanhood I guess.
____

House is a damn mess. Want DH to call his mom to see if she'll take the kids this weekend. Mostly we need to go shopping for birthday presents but I also want to clean house of most of their toys. They play with less than half of them, so I would REALLY like to get rid of that much. Go give it to a thrift store or something. I don't care. Just get rid of it all!
____

Political for a second.
I'd consider myself to be in the middle. Not sure what the right term for that is... but I don't think I'm conservative or liberal. I agree with some things on one side and some things on the other.
But I am sick to death of the left side wanting tolerance and all of this mess while being completely intolerant of conservatives.
NOT saying they're all like that obviously, but I see it so often everywhere. Be tolerant.. BE TOLERANT...... you're conservative?? RACIST! NAZI! You're not white? Oh... well then... NAZI _SYMPATHIZER! SELL OUT! BIGOT!!!
WTH?
Yelling that shit to people isn't going to get anyone on your side. Calling people, especially people of color that are conservative sell outs or how they must hate their own race or some bullshit doesn't help your cause. It only pushes those people away even further b/c who the hell would want to get on a side that condones that shit?
Not saying the idiots on the right are any better sometimes too. Like the whole "snowflakes" bullshit and then they lose their shit over small crap that happens to their "side".
And yes.. obviously there are racists on the right, but there are A LOT on the left too.
I mean it's so GD obvious that the powers that be are LOVING this separation of everyone.
We're so fucking focused on this petty bullshit that we ignore all of the major crap happening under our noses and don't actually progress in getting anything done.
Just sick of all that shit. Them vs us.
How about... "Hey.. I don't agree with you and that's ok, but we can still come together to try to find a common ground." But nope... lets argue over whether or not a business can refuse service b/c of your political view, or argue over what fucking pronouns you want to use and getting offended b/c you can't FORCE people to use what you want. Or building a stupid fucking expensive ass wall that won't keep shit out. Petty BULLSHIT.
People can scream about WHITE MALE PRIVILEGE all they want while just soaking up and basking in that sweet sweet American privilege they yell about hating.

You're not supposed to compare! Buuuut you do...

I keep telling myself over and over. Do not compare myself to any of the other people losing weight. Don't do it b/c you're always going to say shit like "Why can't I lose weight like that. Or lose weight there first."
I do it all the time even though I know I shouldn't.
Like.. I see all of these other women with very similar body shapes. Lot of belly fat. Then they post their progress pic of only being one month in to the diet and their bellies have flattened! I mean... frickin awesome for them, but damn! I'm still looking like I'm about to give birth any minute now lol.
Just wish my body would let it go!
Let it gooo... let it goooooo... Don't hold this fat anymoooooore.
(bonus points if you sang it in your head like Elsa)

Done with the egg fast. It really wasn't that bad, but damn was I needing variety.
I'm down to 209.8 which is a 3lb loss in 3 days while doing it.
So yeah.. I'd say that's a success :)
It's common to gain a little bit of it back though, but I'm really not worried about it.
I'll do it again if my weight loss comes to a stall and I'm not losing any inches or anything.
I'm sure I'll be able to stick to it better when I actually feel like I NEED to do it rather than just being curious about it lol.

So close to the onederlands though. SO CLOSE! Only 10 more pounds and I could see a 1 in front of my weight! It's been so long... SO LONG.
It would also be great if I could start seeing some improvements though in the mirror. Maybe my next progress pics will show some but damn.. I just don't see it right now.
Again... someone else loses 10lbs at my height.. looks like they've lost 30..... me? Nope... still rockin the pooch and granny arms. Sigh...
One day.... one day.
Staying strong though and I'm not giving up :)
Already found a lot of really great Thanksgiving recipes for when that time rolls around. I thought I would cheat, and I might depending on where I'm at with my weight, but  even if I am doing well.. I still may skip all the bad shit and make keto versions :)

Egg Fast

So I'm on day 2 of an egg fast.
I know not losing weight in only a week isn't a huge deal, but I got sick of not seeing the bitch of a scale not move so decided to give this a try.
It's really not too bad. Boring, but not bad and you have to really love eggs, cheese, and some kind of fat.
The "rules" of it are basically..

Eat at least 6 eggs a day, but a lot of places will say to only have 6 eggs a day
Have 1tbs of a good fat per egg. Fat can come from mayo, butter, coconut oil or some other healthy fat.
You can have 1oz of real cheese per egg.

And that's it. You're supposed to do it 3-5 days. I only want to do it 3. I don't think I could go longer than that lol.
We bought too much good food and it's tempting me! Now that our fridge is fixed, we bought so much stuff and I want to tear in to all of it! I especially want a big giant salad covered in caesar dressing. Or eggroll in a bowl sounds awesome too. Just.. variety... I need some variety right now! lol
Only have one more day of it though and I can do it!

Before starting, I made some keto donuts. They weren't too bad. All keto baked goods have this weird spongy texture to them and these had that too, but the flavor wasn't bad and it would've been good with some keto ice cream or whipped cream.

Feeling tired today, but overall I feel pretty good. Need to take vitamins again and this stupid cold needs to hurry up and leave already. Annoying ass tickle in my throat at night is keeping me awake until I finally get to sleep through exhaustion......and then get woken up with a coughing fit. Nice...

And yeah. Really nothing more to report on. Potty training sucks. Youngest crying and calling out Mommy! When he gets put down for a nap or for the night sucks... and a messy house that will never be clean again... eh.. it's tolerable ;) lol

Well...

SiL is miscarrying. Not a viable pregnancy. Confirmed by a 2nd doctor and she was given a pill for it.
Feel really bad for her b/c I know how excited she was.
But with that being said... she's a giant fucking bitch.
Most of the time.. she's fine, but since getting the bad news.. she's pretty much been emotionally abusing her husband and anyone else who puts up with her shit.
Like on Saturday... telling her husband that she's going to the post office, store, etc and never coming back. Or calling him ugly names. Or always ALWAYS threatening to leave him for absolutely no fucking reason other than she's a giant manipulative bitch.
Oh... I know she's hurting b/c of the pregnancy, but that is no GD reason to hurt the ones around you. And it's not like this is the only time she's done this. She's done it before... for no reason other than to be an attention whore.
I don't like her husband in the least, but damn... he doesn't deserve all of that shit and I'm shocked that he hasn't left.
She really is kind of a classic abuser. On the outside (like on facebook).. she praises him and calls him the best husband ever. But then around people she's comfy with and in private.. nothing but verbal abuse.
____

But anyway... other SiL got a negative on her blood work. And now she has to wait another month before trying again. But it actually sounds like she's going to a good doctor that is taking her case seriously. I really hope she gets her 2nd child. She's such a good mommy and by golly her and her husband have made a cute ass little daughter that needs a cute ass little sibling! lol
Seriously.. her little girl is just the cutest little gem. Red hair with pretty curls on the ends of her hair. Big chunky cheeks and just the most adorable little smile. She's so adorable!
They're heading back home today.
____

Diet is still going strong.
Today makes 4 weeks of being on a keto diet.
I lost about 11lbs so far. THose 11 were lost in the first week too. This 4th week, I didn't lose shit.
But hey... I'm not crapping on 11lbs lost. That's awesome!
Just have about 14 more to go to get to the onederlands again! I haven't been in the onederlands in almost 6 years now. Last time I was there was right after Zoe was born.
Plan on doing an egg fast this week.
You're basically eating at lest 6 eggs a day. Depending on who you ask, there's really no limit on how many, but you don't want to eat until you're stuffed.
So at least 6 eggs a day and with each egg, you're supposed to have a tbs of some form of good fat (butter, coconut oil, mayo), and then some cheese. I think it's something like only 4oz of cheese a day but maybe a little more. I'll have to read up on that bit a little more.
I don't think it will be too bad. Boring, but not too hard to do. I love me some eggs.
I'm hoping that it will kickstart this very short stall that I'm having b/c I'm getting rid of these last 14lbs and I WILL see that one in front of my weight!
I've been taking progress photos too and there is absolutely no change. Looking at my body in the photos... There is no wonder why I have so many back pains. I carry SO much in my belly. Sure, my arms are fat too, but my belly just has it all. I hate it and can not wait until that moment where I finally do start seeing a difference.
That's going to be an amazing day :)

New tooth

Have I mentioned that I finally got my new tooth implant? B/c I did :D
It only took maybe a day for my mouth to get used to something being there and not noticing the feeling of it with my tongue. It did have a sharp edge on it that kept scraping my cheek though.
Got it smoothed down some yesterday so hopefully that won't be a problem.
I haven't really been chewing on that side though. It's been SO long since I had to stop so now I just automatically always chew on my right side. I have to consciously try to chew on that side and it's weird.
If I don't go slow, I bite the hell out of my cheek. I have to slowly and with a lot of thought chew my food on that side.
Need to do it more often, but that's not really on my mind when I'm eating, ya know?
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What else has been going on...
Kids are well.
Ezra had a horrifically terrible poop this morning. He came over to me and the funk just bitch slapped me in the face.
So I go change him and a flippin turd has somehow come out of his diaper and left a trail going all down his leg to his foot /barf
Nevermind the disaster inside of the diaper.
So after I cleaned him up, in to the shower his stanky little butt went.
Motherhood is so beautiful........
He's lucky he's cute lol

____

Oren is good... except for his hair.
 This is him a few weeks ago at gymnastics. He was starting to get a cold

And the other day.. while I was doing some water changes in my fish tank.... this is what Zoe did to his hair...

UUUUUGH...
And this is after DH cut his hair off. He's still adorable, but dang lol.
Zoe cut it so short that there really wasn't any other way to cut it. Well.. I'm sure a professional would've been able to do something, but oh well. It will grow back and his little big head is soft now lol.

____


Zoe is good too.
Starting to work a bit more on her reading so she's a bit better at it when she starts school. Man.. these few months off really go by fast!
She's really excited to start back.
Her cousin though doesn't want to go back b/c she was getting bullied in her school. WTH right? Frickin bully problem in kindergarten! I feel so bad for her :( I hope she has a better year in school.
____

DH and I are good. I don't think it looks like I've lost anything, but I'm still down about 11lbs so far.
DH has lost about 16 and I can definitely tell he's lost. He doesn't see it.
I'll be taking some progress pics this Sunday so I'll be able to compare then and show him that yes.. he has actually visually lost weight lol.
So proud of us both :)

Things are good

Things are pretty good here right now.
Zoe's hand foot and mouth cleared up fairly quick. She never showed signs of being sick other than the visible few spots on her tongue and hands and feet.
I don't think anyone else caught it or if they did, it was so mild that it didn't show.

We were going to wait until his birthday, but we went ahead and bought and gave Ezra his own tablet. He's like the other 2. He'll watch it and play on it, but he also spends his days running around with his disaster squad. lol
I don't understand why some parents are SO against technology, but hey.. you do you and don't stick your nose up at other parents' choices.

Fridge is FINALLY frickin fixed.
We had to wait for a part that was backordered to come in. That took like.. an extra 2 or 3 weeks. Then the repairman installed everything... and it still wasn't working.
So we had to wait another week for someone to come out and another repairman finally did last night. He got here at about 5:30 and didn't leave until 9:30. But whatever he did seems to have worked.
He said that other than some little dent in some small piece part, there wasn't anything else wrong with the fridge. He checked for leaks, took the fridge apart and didn't see anything else.
Not sure what he did about the small dent he saw, but whatever he did do worked b/c the fridge is working now.
FINALLY! FINALLY FINALLY!!!
Holy crap have we been missing our 2nd fridge. Our other fridge is so damn small. Great for a small family but we're a fam of 5 and need as much space!
Just waiting for   the repair guy to come back for his sensor things before we start moving stuff back in!
Oh it's gonna be so nice not having to play food tetris any longer! Having room to buy extra meat to freeze... having room to buy salad stuff that won't freeze and get ruined in the other fridge.... SO SO nice!
____

And finally diet is going great!
We're on our 4th week of the keto diet and doing great on it. I've lost about 11lbs so far. Not sure    about DH, but it looks like he's lost which I'm super jealous about lol.
I'm only 5'3" so 11lbs.. you would think would be noticeable. Pffft, NOPE!
I still look the same. I even took some before photos too to compare and there is absolutely no difference... YET.
Just texted DH and he said he's lost 16lbs. 16 frickin pounds in less than a month!!!! How fucking cool is that?
And you know what else is awesome... I don't feel insatiably hungry anymore.
I NEVER thought that would happen. I could eat and eat and eat some more and then still eat a dessert and want even more.
But this way of eating lives up to what it says it will do which is keep you full and satisfied for longer. Like... I still have to fight the urge to eat at certain times even when I'm not hungry b/c that's when I used to eat before, but it's gotten so much easier over this short amount of time.
Take last night for instance. I didn't want to cook anything with the repairman in the kitchen. I hadn't really eaten anything since around noon.... and I was fine. I probably could've gone the entire night and most of this morning feeling absolutely fine. I did end up eating some pickles and beef jerky sticks just to have something, but I really didn't need it.
NO damn way I would've ever have been able to do that before. I would've been grumpy as shit b/c I would've been starving and in a horrible mood b/c of it.
I'm telling ya.... this way of eating is the shit.
If you're wanting to lose weight or eat better for health reasons... DO THIS. And also..join a really good keto group with supportive people in it. I got lucky and joined a really good one right from the start and it sounds like some of the others out there can be a bit too strict and stupid with rules.
Anyway... give it a try. You don't have to be strict with organic this and grassfed that. Buy what you can that is keto friendly (low low low carb) and keep your meals simple.
The first week is going to be rough bc your body is going to crave those carbs and junky foods, but don't give in b/c it does get easier! IT GETS EASIER.
And then you'll start looking in to alternatives to your favs and see that there are a lot of options out there. Like pizza crust. There's one called fathead dough that consists of mozzarella cheese, cream cheese, almond flour and eggs. Nw the texture is just a little different, but you put your pizza toppings on it and it satisfies your craving.
Hell... if that's too much trouble, you can just make a fried cheese pizza. Nonstick pan. Sprinkle on a good helping of mozzarella in the bottom. Let it melt and when it starts to bubble, add your sauce/toppings then let it fry until the bottom of the cheese turns almost black. It will look burned but it's not. It holds together like a thin crust pizza, but it's all just toppings and it's delicious!
Was supposed to make it last night but will be doing that one tonight :)

Don't get me wrong... I do miss some foods still and look longingly at them lol, but your craving for them slowly goes away. Sure.... you would love to eat them still, but the benefits of sticking to eating this way is so much more rewarding that those 2 minutes of eating a cheat.

I am SO encouraged and motivated this time. The group I'm in and the results so far have just been... inspiring. I don't think my weight loss will be this awesome every month, but ya know... I'm learning that that's ok b/c I am in this and I'm not giving up. I feel so SO positive about it and I don't think I've ever been like that on a diet before.
Even when we did primal.. I couldn't wait to cheat. I counted down the days of our strict 30days on it lol.
Anyway.. enough of my cheesy ass....

Gotta get some chores done :)

HFM again??

So... Zoe complained about having a white spot on her tongue. I didn't think much of it and didn't even look at it that day b/c I thought it was one of those annoying bumps you get when you eat too much tart/sour things.
Looked the next day though and definitely not that. Little white patches on the tip of her tongue.
Not sure what it is, but get her to stop eating sugar just to see if it helps.
Nope.. plus she has pimple pustules in the back of her mouth.
Took her to med care last night and sure enough... It's frickin Hand Foot & Mouth again.
Didn't even notice that she now has spots on her feet and hands too. WTH?
Thought it was just a one and done type of thing, but I guess not. Doctor did say that it usually goes quicker if you've had it before but.. sheesh man.
Dunno where she could've picked it up from, but at least it's nothing too serious and will clear up on its own.
DH just groaned. He suffered bad when he got it the last time and could barely walk b/c the sores on the bottom of his feet hurt so much when he walked. Hopefully neither of us get it and the boys don't either.
We'll see though!
____

Diet has been going well. Have been dealing with hunger issues though. Some of it is b/c I don't drink enough water, but I think a lot of it has to be bc of my overeating. Just not used to having to keep under a certain number of calories now and it suuuuuuuuucks lol.
But now that we have room in our fridge, can buy more keto friendly low cal/carb snacks.

So I'm trying not to weigh myself so much since I tend to get a bit too obsessed with it. I have weighed myself a couple of times and hey.. it's showing a loss.
5lbs so far :)
I know it's probably all water weight, but I'll take it! That's 5lbs my body doesn't need to be holding on to :)
____

DH is going to be off for 2 weeks. I think we're planning on going to the local-ish theme park one of those days when his sister comes down to visit. Don't think keto will hold up but i'm gonna try my best.
Just need to figure out something else we can do for his vacation. Nothing expensive, but still something vacationy.

Keto Diet starts tomorrow!!

And I'm super excited to get it started!!
Didn't get everything purchased since DH has a work party he had to buy stuff for. So that's taking up half of our fridge space right now. Anyone with a french door fridge (side by side) knows just how little space you have to work with.
Had to play real world tetris to fit everything.
But that's on Wednesday so it won't be like that for too long at least.
Got the majority of our meals though so we should be ok.

Not sure if we're going to inlaws place today for Father's day. Either way, I have to make something for DH for his lunch. We'll see what happens.

Anyway... just really excited to start eating better and hopefully feeling better and losing weight. Looks like so many people have success and not always with the scale. What I mean is that.. someone could be down 10lbs, but a before and after photo looks like they've lost a ton more. That seems to be pretty common on keto diet. The scale might not move or move much, but the inches come off.
Took our before photos to have on hand so while we're doing this, we won't get discouraged if the scale doesn't move.

We have a lot of possible cheat days coming up though. Well..cheats if we want to. Zoe's and Ezra's birthdays. My birthday, DH's, Halloween, thanksgiving, etc. It's gonna be difficult, but I'm sure once we start seeing results, it won't be so hard to stay on track or get back on track if we do cheat.

There's also a wedding coming up in August. DH's cousin is getting married. Not sure if I'm going since I may have to stay home to watch the boys, but if they get a sitter to watch kids, I'm gonna need a dress to wear! Told DH that I'm waiting to get anything b/c oh... I plan on being a smaller size by then!
I may post update photos here if I'm feeling brave enough.
____

And in other news.. SiL (the one with the BiL that I don't like) is pregnant! Her doctor put her on metformin for some reason (she said why but I can't remember). Metformin ended up helping her lose a lot of weight and well apparently helped them get pregnant too.
They always came off like they didn't want another one, but I guess they changed their minds.
I may not like BiL and SiL gets on my nerves too, but I'm happy for them nonetheless. So excited for the kids to have another little cousin :) FX that everything is ok and that SiL doesn't have that horrible constant morning sickness again. I know what it's called.. I just can't spell it lol.
AND hopefully other SiL gets pregnant too. From what MiL has said, she's had a few more early miscarriages :( I really hope she gets another one bc she's such a great momma and person.

It's only Wednesday!

It's only the middle of the week and the kids are already driving me crazy! But it's not Zoe, it's Ezra.
The child is a whining machine.
He's in a phase that he thinks he can just scream-cry to get his way and it's just soul draining.
Not proud to admit it, but I've done a lot of yelling these last couple of days. Need to reign it back though b/c it certainly doesn't help anything.

Oh And today we were supposed to get our fridge fixed. Our 2yo fridge that stopped working.... POS.
But nope.... can't get it fixed b/c a part they need is on back order and they have no fucking clue when it's going to be available. Awesome.

We were hoping it would be fixed so we wouldn't have to worry about room when we started our new diet, but nope.
I'm gonna go through the other fridge and do a massive declutter. We put most of the opened pickle jars in there, but I think I can make some room.

We're doing the keto diet... which is just the primal diet with a sparkly new fad name lol.
I'm gonna miss carbs and sugar, but it needs to happen starting next week. NEEDS to happen.

Oh but first... we need to finish off this bag of Dole Whip mix! MUAHAHAHAH.
If you've ever been to disney and had a dole whip... you know how delicious they are!
You can buy a big 4lb bag off amazon for 20something dollars. It's supposed to be a for a big ice cream maker so you use the entire bag of it, but people figured out the measurements for home use.
I bought an old fashioned ice cream maker as well and we had it for the first time the other day and it was delicious! Just need to get more ice so we can have it again :D
May use the ice cream maker to make sure keto friendly ice cream too.

What else what else...
Potty training Oren.
It's going about as good as it can. Lots of peeing and pooping in the undies and pullups but he does pee in the potty too and he pooped in it yesterday for the first time. Yay :)
He did poop in his undies though. So gross having to clean him up after and trying not to smear it down his leg when taking the undies off. B/c oh no... he can't have normal turds when he goes in his undies. Nope.. it's gotta be super mushy!
 Being a bit lazy today and just have him in a pullup. Still getting him to sit on the potty, but at least I won't have to worry about a soggy urine filled underpants... or poo filled one.

Lemme rant for a second.
I'm so sick of the double standard and idiot men. I don't say that as some kind of "woo feminism!" crap. No...
I say it b/c of morons who cheer on teenage boys for sleeping with their female teachers.
Like.. no.. that's fucking disgusting.
Oh I get that teens are hormones on 2 legs.. boys and girls, but that still doesn't make it ok.
These same jackasses with comments like "Where were these teachers when I was in school" (seriously.. that exact comment is ALWAYS said).... would be flippin their shit if it was a teen girl and male teacher.. or hell.. a teen boy with a male teacher.
Adults having sex with teens IS GROSS and anyone trying to excuse it is just as fucking gross and I really hope never have children of their own.

Major Mom Fail!

So... I thought today and tomorrow were half days. NOPE!
Yesterday and today are.. with today being Zoe's last day of school.
Yeah.... she got out of school at 11:30 yesterday. At just after noon, I get a call from her school. I see caller ID and think to myself as I'm reaching for the phone "Is she sick again?"
NOPE!
Get a Hi... it was a half day of school today and Zoe is still here.
Me... OH SHITE!
Felt sooooooooooo bad and still feel sooooooooo guilty about it.
She as the lat child still there /sob
And later in the day, Zoe got this serious look and looked at me and said 'Ok mommy. Remember. Half day tomorrow. Don't forget in your head!" lol

Had myself a breakdown

I don't know why it happened, but it did.
Zoe had an end of the school year party. I hadn't planned on going to it, but decided to go. Kids loved it and it was all great. Near the end, the boys were acting fussy b/c they didn't want to go, but meh. NOthing major.
Then we got home and the whining started and continued... and continued some more and it just kept building on me and I could feel it making me physically sick. I could feel my blood pressure rising and it wouldn't come down.
DH got home and it just escalated and I couldn't shake it and he certainly didn't help b/c he started getting annoyed at the kids for whining so much and.... yeah. I managed to keep it together until after dinner and then I just had to go lay down and cry and cry and cry.
Sigh... I went to bed early too b/c I just didn't feel well and I needed to. I needed to be alone.. to be left alone. I needed some peace.
Thankfully I feel normal this morning.
Just surprised to be honest b/c the kids whining isn't anything new, but it all just piled on to me yesterday and for some reason I couldn't just shake it all off and it broke me.

Sigh....... sometimes you just need to be alone for a moment to catch your breath or cry your eyes out.. ya know?

Last week!

Zoe's last week of kindergarten. Wow. Seemed like when I was in school, it went by sooooooo slooooooow and hers just went by so quick. And not sure if times have changed, but it sure did seem like she had days off all the damn time too.
I'm sure that probably has changed. Less money now so they have to take more time off to save money b/c this country doesn't put education first.
I seriously think they don't b/c it's not beneficial to them to have a smart population. They're hoping to keep the majority stupid and ignorant b/c they're easier to manipulate and control.
Just a damn shame.
Anyway...
They have a party tomorrow that I'm not going to b/c I'm not dragging the boys to it. It was slightly easy before when Ezra was happy to sit in his stroller, but now? Pfft, NOPE. I already told Zoe that we wouldn't be going.

Anywho... just looking forward to sleeping in! Even if it's just for 30 more minutes. It's going to be awesome!
And not having to change clothes every day! Yes, my lazy ass is looking forward to being a giant dirty bum in my dirty ass clothes with my little dirty children and not as much laundry to do!
Sweet, dirty bliss.

And yep, I had something else I wanted to mention but it flew away to never be remembered again.

Sick kids

Uuuuuuuugh. Could my kids stop catching colds and stomach bugs? A house that's not covered in puke would be great!
Thankfully they're better now, but last week was gross.
Zoe's school called to say she was in the nurse's office. I went and picked her up and glad I did. She slept for the rest of the day and woke up the next day with an ear infection.
She's ok now and back in school AND... I forgot to send her with her backpack and doctor's excuse. Sigh. Mom fail right there.
Oh well.. she's in kindergarten and doesn't have homework anymore so pfft.. I don't care.... but I do :P
I'm sure I'm not the first mom to forget.

Also..our not even 2yo fridge decided to crap out on us.
The freezer started to make a noise and warming up. I think the fridge part too was warming up. Noise stopped after I unplugged it, but it's not cooling like it should. Awesome.
Have someone coming in on Thursday to hopefully get it fixed. Having 2 fridges and all that space spoiled me! I need it back! lol

Back to Zoe.
She only has 2 more weeks of school left.
I can't believe it's already over with. Seems like it just started.
I can't wait though. I know they're going to drive me flippin crazy, but I can't wait to sleep in! Even if it's just another 30min... I want to sleep in!!! I know the kids will love it too. Especially Oren and Zoe.
I plan on actually exercising then too and starting Oren's potty training. Won't have any excuses not to do it and I think he's ready for it. He's just being stubborn.

What else...
DH wants to go on vacation this summer. Talked about going up north to a beach in Virginia so we could vacation with his friend.
Dude.. we spent a TON of money going to Disney. No. We don't need to be spending even more going to the beach up north.
I understand that he wants a week off to go wherever. I would love to go to the beach too, but we need to save up for the back porch that has been put off for years.
Plus his car needs to be fixed and who knows if our fridge can be fixed and how much that will cost.
NM anything else that might come up.
Vacations are important... but we don't need to be spending more than we should going somewhere we don't need to go.
Just b/c his friend moved closer doesn't mean we MUST see them every summer or some shit. They'll understand if we can't go.
I'm tempted to just tell DH to go alone and I'll stay home with the kids. I'll be driven crazy, which isn't anything different, but at least he'll have some time away to unwind and relax.

Sorry my thoughts are a bit everywhere right now...
So dieting. I think I'm going to try cutting calories. I know low carb works, which I'm still doing, but I do think I need to cut calories too. Downloaded an app to help me keep track. Just need to remember that I'm doing this. I hate doing it though b/c just knowing I can't eat as much makes me want to go eat. I know I'm not hungry, but it's like a survival instinct..... like my body and mind feels panicked b/c it thinks it's going to go hungry.
I just gotta muster up as much willpower as I can and stick to it though.
I NEED to lose weight. I have the body of a very unhealthy 80yo woman and I plan on sticking around to get some grandbabies! lol

Ranting about my brother part 2

I couldn't hold back anymore. So I let him have it through messenger. Not all of it, but some. And of course he had to come back with "Waaaah, poor me. You just don't understand! It was everyone else!" HORSESHIT.
I told him off again and blocked him. There were a lot of fucks I used and I just don't have anymore to spend on him.
He can try to bullshit people that don't know him, but not me. I blocked him on facebook. I just don't want a back and forth with him anymore b/c it's just pissing me off and he's toxic. I am tired of it.
Just...... Ugh No more.
They wanted to break contact with everyone..... then wish granted. Block you and you and you. Go live your selfish fucking lives and pretend the rest of us don't exist anymore b/c you got your wittle ego and feewings hurt.

Ranting about my brother

I frickin swear. I don't know why my brother is the way he is, but I really hope his kids are ok.
I only get info about him from my mom. Not my choice, but she needs someone to rant to about him so I listen.
I called her for mother's day and she of course had to start talking about him and how he's been calling her husband for money. He doesn't even call our mom anymore b/c he knows he'll get an ear full from her. Nope.. he calls someone he thinks he can take advantage of.
His car got taken away b/c they weren't paying on it and this fucker has the nerve to message me on FB to ask if I would take him to work.
Dude... FUCK OFF.
Maybe (and that's a big fucking maybe), I would do it if they lived close and his job wasn't far, but no... I only know the general area of where he lives and it's a good 30min drive in a really awful traffic area. And where does he work? Beats me.
I didn't even bother to answer him.
I am beyond tired of his trifling mooching leech ass and so is everyone else.
Stop being a GD loser. Stop quitting or getting fired from these great jobs you've gotten. Stop being a giant fucking piece of shit and take care of your family your own GD self.

Younger me totally idolized him. He had all the friends, he could skateboard and he got to move out on his own etc etc. He has such a goofy personality... or I should say HAD b/c over the years he's become this bitter, negative, racist piece of shit.

The only reason I don't tell him to fuck off is b/c even though he's basically done it, I don't want to lose contact b/c of his kids. I'm so GD worried about my nieces and nephew. They deserve better.

This is going to sound awful, but I hope his wife leaves him and takes the kids. I think DH's family would help if she asked them for it if she did leave. She WAS a good person too, but I dunno if she's just had her mind poisoned by my brother's lies.
Just lies upon lies upon lies. And maybe she feels trapped b/c of the kids and b/c of her appearance. I'M not ragging on her appearance. I think she looks fine, but I know she was really self conscious about her teeth b/c they were literally rotting out of her head. No idea why. He HAD a job that gave them great dental care, but of course he lost that job and I dunno.. like the next time I saw them a few months later, her teeth were really messed up.

Anyway.... I guess I do still have some hope for her... but my brother is just a total lost cause. I don't know where his mind just got so fucked up to become the way he is.

Passively aggressive

You know the type. Everyone knows someone like that.
They'll say a comment. Not even in a condescending/angry or anything tone, but it's what they say. And they don't even realize they're doing it.
DH and I went to pick up the kids from the inlaws at the grocery store and some family friends of theirs were outside doing a little fundraiser.
DH stopped to chitchat b/c his grandfather was out there with them too and the woman friend that was out there just kept going on and on about how short Oren is and how her grandson (who is a couple months younger than Oren) is so much taller and blahblah. Like she would not shut up about it. And she wasn't saying it to be mean, but it was still something that just rubs you the wrong way too.
We just stood there and just kept going uh huh when she kept going on and on.


Anyway... we know he's short which is why we put him in gymnastics (and b/c it was the cheapest option lol). If he sticks with it, he's gonna be hella strong too and hopefully full of confidence :)
That whole family is a bit.. meh. I mean they're not bad people or anything, they just have their moments like everyone else.
____

DH took Ezra to his first gymnastics class last week. I stayed home with the kids, but I was hoping to at least see some pics or something, but nope! Well DH did take a short video, but that was it. Sounded like Ezra really enjoyed it though :)

Speaking of Ezra. That boy tests my patience. Well.. they all do, but with his little hissy fits and throwing and hitting. UGH. He also bit Oren yesterday. It wasn't done out of anger. Looked like curiosity to see what would happen. Oren freaked out which made Ezra freak out. He also got 2 pops on his butt for it too.

And Zoe this week. I dunno what has gotten in to her but she has been little miss disrespectful all week long. She better not be bad in school again today. Again, she never gets in to trouble for something terrible. It's mostly just not listening when she should, but still... she's gotta be disciplined for it. Just sick of her little 5yo 'tude too. Can't even imagine what she's gonna be like when she's a teen. Lord help me!!

Peace and quiet... for 30 seconds...

Ezra is napping and Oren has locked himself in his room which is fine with me.
Have a few moments of peace so decided to post.

Lets see... what has been going on.

Zoe keeps getting in trouble at school. Nothing major thankfully. Just little moments of not listening to her teachers or doing what she should be. Again... it's nothing major, but she still has to learn that there are consequences.
I really hate being mean to my kids. Mean isn't the right word to use, but it sure feels that way when I have to discipline.
I wish I could be a fun happy go lucky parent that never tells my kids no and all that shit, but nope.... just nope.

Oren is doing well. He had his 3y checkup yesterday finally and he's growing on his own curve. Still a little shorty but that's ok. It's why we signed him up for gymnastics lol.
We had to switch his and Zoe's classes from Thursday to Mondays. There weren't any 3yo classes on Thursdays and Zoe will eventually be moving to the 6yo class. We also signed up Ezra for the baby classes on Thursday. He's going to love it.
He ALWAYS wants to go in to the room whenever the other 2 go in to their classes. I'm just glad he'll get to experience it now.
No idea how he'll do though b/c he is stubborn as all shit.
Back to Oren though....
He's getting better at controlling his crying. Before he would cry and cry and cry, but now... he realizes that he doesn't have to carry on that much to get his feelings across.
Still haven't started potty training him. Just keep asking him if he wants to use the potty and it's always.. No..... lol He'll get there eventually.
Oh he did love his new gymnastics class though. It's his first one where he gets to go in alone instead of with DH. Looked like there were 2 other small kids his age in the class and they were SO darn cute going in to the big gym area together with their little train and then happily jumping on the trampoline.
His instructor said that once he's older, that we could sign him up for the boy's class which is 2 days a week. I dunno if we can afford it all though. Gotta see what the kids want first, but for now, they love it.

Ezra is doing well. He's a hitter and thrower/swiper though. SO frickin annoying.
I know I didn't help the situation when it first started, but I am definitely trying my best to get him to stop doing it now. Doesn't help that the other 2 hit back when he hits them. I guess it teaches him that they're not going to take it though.
He is very independent. He like being held, but definitely not a snuggler like Oren is.
Can't believe he's going to be 2 in just a few more months. Insane how fast time flies.

DH and I are doing ok. We moved the elliptical machine in to the living room and neither of us have used it yet lol. I will.. I'm just being super lazy.
DH's grandfather isn't doing well at all. Doctors told him he only has a few months left to live.
I think everyone was expecting it and they're not really acting totally different, but they're all going to be devastated when it happens.
Honestly.... now this is going to sound terrible.....
I'm kind of relieved for MiL.
Since he had a stroke, she's been his main caregiver. 2 siblings live on the same land, yet she is the main one that has to take care of him bc well.. they live in the same house and she doesn't work.
She WAS watching Zoe's cousin too until she started school.
That doesn't sound bad, until you add in the emotional/verbal abuse. We always have to hear from her about how he just constantly belittles her and does not appreciate anything she does for him.
MiL has her flaws.. like we all do, but she has the biggest heart and does her best for him and IMO once he is gone... she's finally going to be able to relax again. Finally able to go and do what she wants instead of being stuck home b/c she has to look after him all the time or afraid to leave the house for too long b/c he might fall or something. And the asshole abusive comments will be gone forever.

I get that DH's grandfather is depressed. He has been ever since he had his stroke, but him taking it out on her is really messed up and not fair to her.

Anyway... need to go check on Oren and I'm sure Ezra will be waking up soon.

So annoyed

SO damn annoyed at DH.
He has a major attitude/patience problem and it's getting on my nerves.
Doesn't help that I'm on my period too and yes, I'm moody as shit so it's doubly annoying.
He has a short temper when it comes to the kids. I mean.. they're at an annoying age TBH lol. Anyone that says toddlers are super awesome all the time are frickin liars.... and we have 2 of them along with a 5yo with the 'tude of a teen.

So anyway.... just earlier today he half jokes that he needs to stop playing this game/app. It's a Star Wars game that we both play and off and on it when we get the chance. He says that since he started playing, he's been slacking in other areas and today... boy today really showed it.
So a little while after he said all of that... we're all in the living room and I tell the kids to pick up the toys they have all over the floor.
Again and again and again until I'm yelling at them.... what is DH doing? Just sitting over in his spot getting a more and more annoyed look on his face while I'm the only one trying to fucking parent our kids.
Like.. if you HELPED me with our offspring that we both made.. maybe... just maybe you and I both wouldn't be getting so annoyed when the kids don't listen.
And he's bad at holding in his annoyance and it coming out at everyone. Like if he encountered bad traffic on the way home... he has a tendancy to bring his frustration and annoyance at the traffic home with him. Like dude.... you can tell me you're frustrated, but do NOT get a fucking attitude with me or the kids over it.
Anyway... so nope... he just sat there on his phone, huffing and puffing until I'm getting a headache b/c I'm pissed at the kids not listening to me and pissed off at him for not fucking helping.
Fast forward a little bit and he's getting short with the kids b/c he's STILL pissed at them not listening. Like dude..... no.
Every single time he starts getting on to the kids for not listening, I'm right there to back him up and to get the kids to do whatever he's telling them to do. With me though? Silence.. or the huffing and puffing.
I'm just tired of his lack of patience and lack of help.
Don't get me wrong, he's a great dad most of the time, it's just shit like this he needs to work on.
I do too for that matter. Not even trying to paint myself in to some perfect picture b/c I totally am not. I lose my temper a lot b/c well... toddlers are assholes sometimes.
But anyway... just..... just HELP ME and let shit go dude. And of course if I bring anything up he's gonna get pissed and just ugh..... I just want to go to sleep.
____

Oh and it happened finally.
We were grocery shopping yesterday and some old ladies mentioned how we had our hands full. They said something weird about only having 2 handfuls and DH took it to mean that Ezra wasn't a handful yet, so he said something weird that made them think I was pregnant so one of them asked me when I was due.
I didn't hear her at first, so I thought she asked how old Ezra was, but then she patted her belly and had a questioning look.
I said Oh.. and then laughed and said it was just fat.
Oh she got so embarrassed. Surprisingly, I didn't though. I knew it was going to happen. I know what I look like and I'm very aware that I look like I'm 7m pregnant lol.
I kept telling her that it was ok when she kept trying to apologize. Now THAT started to embarrass me a little. Just that she wouldn't just drop it. It was totally cool though. I didn't take offense to it at all and it certainly didn't hurt my feelings or anything.
Maybe if this had happened before kids, it would've. But now? Pffft... nope.
Also helped that Oren and Zoe were acting like little rabid raccoons so my attention couldn't be kept on that and I had to wrangle them up.
But man... I'm just glad that it doesn't bother me.
I certainly don't like looking this way, but asking if I'm pregnant... meh. Honest mistake ya know?

Lady business (TMI incoming)

I don't want to jinx myself, but it seems like my period has been really regular lately. I think the last 3? or so times it has started... it was probably a 30 or so day cycle. I mean.. I've never tracked it really outside of TTC b/c there was never a need to do it since they were always irregular.
AND my periods are still a little weird. This last one was a bit more normal, but a lot of discharge doesn't make it to the pad. It mostly comes out when I use the bathroom.
I've also noticed a LOT of EWCM too before my period starts.
Ya know what... it frickin figures. All that trouble we had b/c my body refused to work properly and here we are... never to ttc again and my body decides it wants to start working right. ;\
SIGH!

Diet is going well. Other than Friday night dinner (and sometimes dessert after)... I've been sticking to it. It hasn't been too difficult, but I do have a lot of sweet cravings and just the want of something quick to eat.
Snacking sucks. It's SO limited.
"Oh but just eat as much veggies as you want!"
Yeah b/c that's the same thing as a bag of chips or something sweet! :\
We've been getting oranges and I've been snacking on nuts and lunchmeat and... it's just not the same damnit! :(
Hoping the cravings at least subside some more.
Thank goodness for sugar free jello. It's no carb and helps. You get tired of the texture, but it does help.

Ok... cutting this short b/c the house is a GD disaster area and it's gotten on my last nerve.

At it again

Ok, so Ezra did finally go to sleep last night after crying for over an hour. Felt SO bad and wanted to go in there to comfort him, but this had to be done.
Thankfully he just went down for a nap with no problem. THANK GOODNESS.
My sanity and blood pressure couldn't have handled another day of screaming/crying kids.

IN other news... we started back with healthy eating this week. Ya know... I'm cool. I'm still getting over that want/urge to have something sweet after dinner, but overall, I'm good. It sucks not having a variety of snacks I can pick from, but I know the snacky stage will pass soon too.
My weight has gotten to around 225 give or take, but I feel the fattest I've ever been. Like all this weight gained has gone right to my stomach, arms and double chin.  I have the body of a very unhealthy 70yo woman right now and I am not happy about it.
Only have myself to blame though. I should've stuck with it when we started back up again before, but I let holiday stuff get me off track. I made excuses and then didn't bother getting back to better eating again.
My downfall is that... I just love junk food. I love the food that isn't good for me. I love the food that makes me gain weight like no ones business. And I LOOOOOOOOVE to eat it! Oh and I'm lazy as shit too. SO.... LAZY.... and I enjoy being lazy. I enjoy not getting up and doing. I enjoy lounging around. I don't have the spare energy to exercise or go out for a walk b/c pfft.. NOPE... that's why.
I should do it though. I know the kids would enjoy walking around the neighborhood.
Sigh......
So off on this weight loss journey I go again. I still have that feeling of this being different some how. Like.... I mean... I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I've kind of accepted myself. I'm not happy with my weight, but I'm good overall. Does that make sense?
I'm also not obsessing over my weight. At least not right now. I've weighed myself maybe 3 times in the last month.... and before, I would've completely stripped off my clothes and weighed myself lol, but now.... pfft. Aint no one got time for that lol. Helps that I have kids to distract me, but I just haven't had the urge to weigh myself like I have before.

Anyway..... as it was before.... plan is to eat low carb. Friday dinner will be a cheat and yep... we'll take it from there. I think right now we need to be strict other than Friday dinner.
Get back in to it and then once we're used to it again and are losing weight, maybe introduce one carby meal every other week. Like something with fries, rice, noodles/pasta whatever.

Someone send margaritas!!

GD daylight saving time!!!
Ezra has been screaming his head off at bedtime since DLST b/c we're trying to keep their normal bedtimes at the new time and it's just not working b/c it's still fucking daylight outside when it was getting dark.
This sucks.
Plus today... he decided he wants to scream and carry on instead of nap, so yeah.. he's extra fussy and this SUCKS.
I want to go comfort him, but I know it's only going to prolong this hell.

Zoe also hasn't been wanting to go to bed at her usual time obviously. So she's SUPER frickin whiny in the morning when it's time to get up for school.
I don't want to get up either baby girl... me either. BOOO DLST.
Frickin politicians need to pick a fucking time and STICK WITH IT. Stop this spring forward and fall back bullshit. 99% of the population hates it!!!

Please Ezra.... go ... to.... SLEEP.

Sigh.....

Oren and Ezra are both on a destructive streak right now too. Both of them are wanting to mess with my fish tank and that's not cool. No the fish does not want to try scrambled eggs, or a catalog, or crayons, or stuffing from the dog toy. Please stop.
And whenever Oren is done eating, he starts playing with his food which means if it's something soupy, he pours it out and splashes in it, or if it's not, he pours it out and smooshes it.

Thankfully other than the whiny bit in the morning, Zoe has been ok.

This momma is exhausted, has no patience left, done with it. I just want it to be the weekend so we can all sleep in and DH can be here to help. I don't wanna sound like a lush, but damn... a good mixed drink would be nice right now.

Disney trip... the good and the bad

So we got back from our Disney trip Thursday afternoon. Took the weekend to just unwind from it all b/c boy was it a very tiring and hectic trip.

We left Saturday early morning. Around 2am.
Foggy and we saw deer grazing on the side of the roads so it made it a bit scary at times. Nothing like the threat of a deer running out in front of you to keep you awake lol.

I can't remember exactly what time we got to the Disney resort we were staying in. It was the Disney All Stars Movie resort. The outside was nice enough. Had giant decorations. Our section had the army men from Toy story on the building and in the middle of them giant Woody and Buzz Lightyear.
That was pretty cool.

We got to the resort early though. Before everyone else even though they had all left earlier than us. And our room wasn't going to be done until 3pm at least AND other than Zoe's ticket... the rest of our tickets were bought by SiL (for her military discount) so we had to wait for her to get in to any of the parks... so yeah.. we were stuck in the lobby waiting on everyone.
SiL eventually shows up at around 10 or so..... aaaaand we're stuck waiting again.
We wasted half the day just sitting around the frickin hotel lobby b/c apparently FiL and MiL can't follow directions to save their lives and ended up getting lost.
It was SO GD frustrating b/c DH and I had wanted to get to the parks early to ride all of the busy rides... but nope.
We ended up buying Zoe and Oren some hats in the store while we waited.

We eventually got to Magic Kingdom and holy shit were they busy.
We had to once again stand in line for some reason b/c of the tickets. That was another hour of wasted time.
When we FINALLY got in to the park.... we took the kids to ride on the carousel and walked around. I think we had fast passes for something else, but I can't remember what. Maybe some toy story ride? We had wasted so much of the day on bullshit that we were all just defeated and wanted to go back to the hotel.
Oh and if you want to go to Disney.. make sure to add name tags ALL over your stroller. Twice... TWICE our stroller was almost stolen.
One was from a woman that said that it looked just like her stroller. DH caught her plopping her drink cups right in to it and trying to walk off.
The next time.. we were coming off of some ride (can't remember which one) and once again... caught some guy pulling our stroller along with another one. When DH went and grabbed it out of his hands, the guy made a BIG show about how it looked just like his stroller (oh look.. the same excuse!).... nevermind that our kids sippy cups were in the cup holders and there was no other stroller in that area that looked like ours. But the guy made a BIG show to everyone around the area about how he thought it was his stroller and oh Ha ha... bullshit.
SO yeah..... put your name on EVERYTHING if you have to have a stroller in the park. You have to park your stroller in designated areas if you want to go on rides with your kids.
Also, if you have kids that are too small to ride, you can get a fast pass for the adult that has to wait their turn. That way when the other parent or whoever finishes their ride, the other adult can just use the fast pass to get on quicker and I think most of those are good for 3 people too.

Anyway... we left Magic Kingdom too early that first day b/c we were beat. Hotel room was finally done and... boy was it small. We got one with 2 beds and it was supposed to have a pack n play for Ezra, but that was forgotten.
The AC sucked too and only went to 68 and barely cooled the room when it got hot out. Also.. the rooms desperately needed updating. No outlets in convenient places to plug up chargers. The least they could've done was put in a newer alarm clock that has plugins on it or something.
B/c of that, we had to pull the nightstand out a little to plug up my charger... which either got stolen by the cleaner or was thrown away on purpose. The front desk tried to claim that it was probably an accident, but I had my charger plugged up in that spot for multiple days and it wasn't touched, but on the last day we were there... it was suddenly accidentally thrown away? Uh huh.. bullshit. Also whoever cleaned our room did a shitty job that day too b/c there were still crumbs (kids had chicken strips and got the breading on the floor) all over the damn floor.
Oh and also... since we were staying at a Disney resort.. we got to use their buses to go to the parks. THat was nice. Saved us from needing to drive the entire time we were there.

And yeah.. we went to Hollywood studios the next day. Not as busy, but also, not as much to do there. SiL (the younger one) was being a complete bitch. For some reason, she and her stupid husband didn't realize they had to get their tickets from whoever had them. They didn't realize this until they were on the bus to the park. SiL starts bitching out her husband on a bus full of other people. I didn't hear all of it, but heard this gem "I don't like you... no.. I HATE you right now." Yeah.. that bitch said that shit to her husband on a bus full of people b/c she's a giant fucking drama queen.
Then when we got off the bus, she bitches him out some more and stomps off.
We then hear a screech and oh yep... that was SiL and her dumbass.
DH and I weren't having any of it and left all that shit and took our kids in to the park b/c ya know what...fuck her and their dumbasses. Trip wasn't about them and we weren't going to wait around for them to get their shit together.
Oh no no... we road the toy story thing at this park. It was the ride everyone was going for.
Much better day other than the stupid SiL drama.

And blahblah... we did all the parks and had a good time for the most part. It was HOT though. Too hot and Ezra had quite a few SCREAMING fits b/c he was hot and tired and ugh, those sucked.

One thing though. A lot of the rides were too damn short. You stand in line for over an hour sometimes and the ride is like literally not even 2min long. There was some little rollar coaster that I rode with Zoe and it was seriously like only a minute long. And the dumbo/magic carpet/spaceships are all SUPER short too. Just not worth the wait other than to say you've gone on them.
Also, a lot of the rides I thought were too dim. Haunted Mansion, erm... some other ones I can't remember. Really really dim. You couldn't even make out what the hell you were supposed to be looking at most of the time.
And in Magic Kingdom... don't waste your time waiting in line for that test track ride. The one with the little go karts basically. If you have a 7+ yo... they might think it's worth it, but if you have to end up steering... it's just driving... that's it. There's nothing special about it and it's just not worth waiting to ride IMO.

Anyway... here are some more photos while I think of other shit to say...

 Just yeah.... I mean.. I'm glad we went, but it was SO damn busy at every place we went that it made it borderline unfun. Magic Kingdom and Animal Kingdom were the worst when it came to crowds and obviously times to ride everything. The main ride in Animal Kingdom is some Avatar Banshee simulator thing. We got there when it opened and the wait to ride it was still about an hour and a half. It was a cool "ride", but I wouldn't do it again if I had to stand in that line again. I'd definitely try to get a fast pass for it whenever we go again.
the wait time for everything interesting was ridiculous. The prices were even worse. We knew things were going to be expensive... but holy shit. See the Minnie Mouse ears Zoe is wearing? $25. Frickin $25!!!
And I really wish Zoe had gotten to meet Darth Vader. They had a little show with him and Kylo and there were kids participating. We didn't learn that you had to sign the kids up at the front of the park until later. Wish we had known that sooner.

Yadda yadda.... We would like to eventually go back.... YEARS down the road when all of the kids are big enough to ride everything and when they open up that luxury Star Wars hotel experience thing.

Oh but good thing if you want to try to save some money... you can bring your own drinks and food in to the parks. We brought in water and the kids sippy cups and bags of chips and whatnot for snacks. All of that usually got eaten up by noon though so we'd still end up having to buy drinks and food lol.