Wide awake

It's almost 11pm and I'm wide awake. UGH.
Had a pretty good nap today and some sweet sweet magical caffeine for dinner lol
I'm sure that's why I'm not tired just yet.
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Was thinking as I laid in bed....
I really want to focus on losing weight once baby is here and we're past the exhausting newborn stage.
Sure we'll be in exhausting infant stage still lol, but maybe by then I'll have some energy to exercise.
It's going to be so difficult w/ 3 kids.. trying to find the time to do anything other than take care of them and rest, but I really feel like I NEED to put in the effort now.
My baby making days are over and I want to be here as long as possible for my family. AND I want to be a good role model for them.

Started thinking about it b/c I have a bit of an embarrassing situation going on under my belly flubber.
I've been using Monkey Butt powder under my fleshy fanny pack b/c it's been itching something fierce b/c of sweating (I think).
But I put it on after I take a shower so I'm not completely dry when I do apply it and I'm sure there's sweat too later on so it creates a paste.
Well that paste has adhered itself to me to create this layer that is stuck to me and peels off like a scab or like a bad sunburn. I can scrub some of it away in the shower, but still have a good bit left on me.
Actually got DH to help me some tonight to peel off some of this... stuff. So humiliating :(

I'm just sick of having the flubber there along with my giant flappy arms. And I just hate being fat. Sigh... I'd much rather have loose skin after losing weight than being fat still.. ya know?
Just hate that I'm so self conscious about it and let it get to me.
Plus I want to do this for DH too. If I'm eating bad... so is he and I know he's so unhappy with how much weight he's gained.

Anyway... it's going to take A LOT of willpower to lose weight and to stay away from bad food.
Thinking I do want to set a time limit goal.. like next Christmas or something, but I also kind of don't want to bc I don't want to disappoint myself if I don't reach it. I'll have to come up with something. Maybe not a time goal, but just a weight loss goal. We'll see....
I just need to do this finally.
After we're finally in the groove of having 3 kids.... I'm going to really focus on getting healthy. It's not gonna be perfect all the time and I'm sure we'll have set backs here and there, but I think if we both put our minds to it, we'll eventually reach our goals :)
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I still haven't come up with panda & bamboo designs. Such a slacker.
Might do it tomorrow, but the main focus for tomorrow is going to be cleaning this pig pen up. It's SO gross in the living room right now. I can't stand it anymore.
I'm cleaning these dang carpets!!
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I'm not a big drinker by any means, but holy hell.. I want some alcohol!!!
Was feeling so jealous of everyone at the party yesterday b/c they got to have margaritas lol.
I just want a couple of super girly drinks and I'd be happy. Ok.. maybe a few shots too. And even a beer or 2.. and I hate beer.
Not sure to call this a craving, but that's what it feels like sometimes.
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I'm going to have to rip out all of the cucumber plants and restart them. SIGH!
At first I thought MiL and FiL just weren't watering them enough while we were gone, but no.. I think it's just this heat that is killing them.
It's SO damn hot out that it's just frying the poor plants. I moved the tomatoes that I could to the porch in hopes of that helping some. The porch sits in shade for most of the day and gets only a few hours of sun. Just hope it's enough sun.... should be I think.
Still though... BOO :( Was so hoping for some fresh tomatoes and cucumbers. We got 1 edible cucumber and are just now starting to get a couple of tomatoes :\
Oh well.... live and learn.
I would definitely try container gardening again, but just need to take the heat in to account next time lol.
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Alrighty.. it's 12:30. I'm still not really tired enough to sleep, but I need to try or else, I'll be up all night and zombie mom.