Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Jealousy man... it's an ugly thing.

Finding myself becoming jealous towards my SiL (brother's wife). She just posted that she's down 3 pant sizes and in a large size shirt.
Now I am very happy for her. She's been struggling with her weight for a while now, BUT I know she isn't actually doing anything to lose it too. It's the metformin doing the work for her.

But still... can't help but feel jealous at whatever success she has. Maybe jealous isn't the right word... maybe more envious than jealous? She first lost 20lbs, got pregnant instantly, and now.... is losing weight with no effort while I sit here eating right (not exercising yet but it's gonna happen) and fucking nothing!

Sigh, just pisses me off. No not pissed off at her, just pissed off at my own situation.
Oh well, I'll get over it. I just need to vent.
I really am happy for her though.
She seems to be getting more self confidence and hopefully healthier (ignore the smoking though.. :\)

I'm also feeling envious towards DD buddies and TTC buddies. They're all such amazing women and all so damn fertile it seems lol.
I KNOW our time will come again and we'll be blessed with another little miracle, but there are a lot of obstacles I have to get over that this shitty body has put in to place.

Oh this shitty body gave us Zoe and I love that little monster with every ounce of my soul... but I just don't feel finished yet when it comes to our family.

There's still time and I just need to get up off my ass and work at this.
I'll take time to feel sorry for myself every once in a while, but I can't just wallow in self pity.

TY for reading.... I'm done now :P hehe

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